Well this goes down as one of the lamer Premiers. Only one hour didn’t help. With the standard two hours I generally have everyone’s name by the end of the Premier, but for this one I needed to go to the CBS site to remind me of a few. Everyone knew the four returnees before they even stepped onto the boat, yet Jiffy still felt the need to feed the embellishment and waste the little time we had with sappy recaps about the four everyone knew already.

JOE – Picked up where he left off—kicking butt in challenges. Well done! Started fire—even better. It’s great other castaways want to keep him around as a meat shield...that’s one way to temper the sad and dastardly Anti-Darwin Syndrome. Dude needs to lose the stache. I’m aging myself, but I feel like I was watching the Oakland A’s from the 1970’s.

GAVIN – While most of the cast were acting like obnoxious giddy groupies, Gavin seemed to be the one most grounded to the game with his eye on the prize. Two seasons in a row with a Huck Finn character as the Sole Survivor may be a bit much, but after the first hour he’s on track.

WENDY – Either she’s a great poker player or she knew she was getting votes her way because she remained emotionless when her names were being read. If the latter, it was smart of her to vote Reem. Aqua hair and Tourettes—not a great combination for advancement...Oh, but that's right...she's “Asian.” LOL

AUBREY – Like her approach to stay low as a returning player and strike like a snake in the grass later on. I’m hoping there’s a later on for her because Aubrey is one of those castaways who actually looks better on Day 30 than during the Premier.

DAVID – Aubrey without boobies in episode one...stay low for now and become a “dominant force” that Jeff preluded to later on. Looks like he put on some pounds since Millen vs. Gen X, but still qualifies as Concentration Camp material.

RON – Gotta show some love to the old guy in the game. Could use the advantage early on to offset the greatest divide in Reality Show history. Allowing him to choose an Advantage from an al a carte menu should provide a better shot of a successfully played Advantage. Afterall, the guy is an “Educator.”

JULIE – A shout-out to the older lady. She’ll go poo-poo getting her first look at the new Manu tribe and noticing (older lady) Reem voted off. She’ll just need to find another bush like the one she used in Central Park.

LAUREEN – My early eye-candy for the season. Already orgasming over Kelly and Joe.

ERIC – Hangin’ with Gavin. That’s enough to put him in my top half.

CHRIS – Potential to be a challenge stud. *sniff* *sniff* I’m smelling Anti-Darwin Syndrome.

VICTORIA – Another Superfan...another dime a dozen.

RICK – An Anchorman who’s starving to be this season’s narrator. He’ll probably get on my nerves more sooner than later.

AURORA – A lesbian who’s digging Joe. What a lucky guy...I’m already jealous.

JULIA – Had no relevance in the Premier.

KELLY – Her approach was the polar opposite of David and Aubrey. Didn’t need anymore attention, but sure went the extra mile to get it. She’ll need to put her proactivity in play and find a couple more idols.

DAN – AKA “Wardog” Anyone who is over the age of 25 and feels the need to go by a nickname is a monumental LOSER in my book. Comes across as one of those immature idiots who paints his face for a sporting event.

KEITH – Wormy little critter with loose lips. I guess he hasn’t learned about Doctor/Patient confidentiality yet from his Duke Med School studies.

BOOTED

REEM – “Age discrimination” Like DUHHH...you think? LMAO. Has she watched any Reality TV the last two decades?? So, I guess the Ponderosa won’t be taking in any boarders this season with the Edge of Extinction? We also have the making for the bitterest of all Bitter Betty Jurys at FTC with anyone who chooses not to cry home to Mommie sticking around ‘til the end.