Howdy, Doody.It’s Howdy Doody time, and I don’t mean my regular morning movement, but a greeting to the new day. I will be saying Howdy to the regular morning Doody too, but that’s a tale for another day. Suffice to say, the sun is shining, the Macaws are making Macaw sounds, the Howler monkeys are howling, and the Iguanas continue to stare wordlessly without ever blinking. They. Never. Blink.
You might think from the above that sometimes I just start putting words down aimlessly, with no direction home. But you’d be wrong, these are very carefully researched and scientifically derived soliloquys. Shakespearean with a dash of Hawking, if you will.
Last week I inadvertently revealed the secret to the success of some of my spoilers. I meant to keep it a secret upon pain of ingrown toenail (better now, thank you), but it slipped out that The Buzzard Island Barry Spoilers are not limited by space or by time. Of course that makes it very easy to rip off another weeks’ worth of super spoilers for your edification and pleasure. I do not do this for prurient purposes, but if you feel the need to thump one off, I can’t stop you. Just keep it your little secret, I don’t want to know.
I have my band of super sleuthy supple sly nubile girl reporters, but sometimes what I do is just reach into the future a few days and jerk some spoilers out. I really meant to keep this as my little secret. Sometimes it seems to the illiterate and plodding time constrained readers that I spoil a past event. It only looks that way, that’s because I can use Reverse Spoilers if I want. You see, the curvature of space time allows me to go so far into the future that in reality I’m actually circling back catching up to the present. Time is circular, and shame on anyone who forgets that. May their Doody be forever stuck in time.
So, here are this week’s Spoilers coming down the chute.
Past or Future Spoiler? #1; Spoiler alert, The word Extinction has something to do with Mr. Blah, the invisible man’s immediate future. However, the producers fail to chip the guy, and he is lost on the Island never to be seen again.
Past or Future Spoiler? #2; Ron claims the role of puppet master for himself. Which should relieve the rest of the survivors. Usually those are words of doom for the speaker. The puppet master should go next, only Warthog can beat him to Extinction because, well, he is Warthog after all and warthog is always in the lead in that race.
Past or Future Spoiler? #3; So Lauren will faint. Who didn’t see this coming? Not eating lowers blood glucose levels, and during an activity that requires endurance, sooner or later fainting becomes inevitable. If you’re not going to east, at least be a fat person.
Past or Future Spoiler? #4; Lauren goes to prove that a Zombie can have an advantage in these challenges. The undead actually can actually comeback to life. The theory in these parts is that she had something to do with Wendy and Keith’s mysterious disappearance and no one knowing where their remains are located.
Past or Future Spoiler? #5; Ron might aspire to Puppet master, but he’d be better off concentrating on his math. His plan was doomed anyway because of defections, but even so, of 12 voters total, he counts 7 members in his alliance and five in the opposing alliance. His idea is to split the 7 votes to in case one of them had an HI. Forgetting to make sure that only one vote is split from the 7. Even if there weren’t any defections, splitting 2 votes would mean a tie.
It didn’t help his cause any that he wasn’t much of a puppet master either, that members of his alliance would be thinking for themselves. So, in conclusion, the puppet master should dress less like Geppetto (all he needs is an alpine hat) and more like someone who knows what the heck he is doing (shuck the vest and tie, TC isn’t a board meeting or a sales call).
Past or Future Spoiler? #6; Kudos to Warthog for making an incoherent argument that Julia somehow got the gist of, and was persuaded by. Whatever works, right?
Past or Future Spoiler? #7; Kudos to Wentworth for being an evil genius. I think she has problems to solve, but she’s looking more and more like a winner.
Buzzard Island Basher Barry
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