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PLEASE NOTE: The Reality TV World Message Boards are filled with desperate
attention-seekers pretending to be one big happy PG/PG13-rated family. Don't
be fooled. Trying to get everyone to agree with you is like herding cats,
but intolerance for other viewpoints is NOT welcome and respect for other
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As entertainment critic Roger
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with me, correct me--but don't tell me to shut up. That's not the American way."
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"LoserLagoon: Finale Extravaganza (a gala in 3 acts)"
tribephyl 12393 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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12-24-06, 06:03 AM (EST)
 
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"LoserLagoon: Finale Extravaganza (a gala in 3 acts)" |
*Hut Cam longshot zooms down on a gathering crowd (of paparazzi) around the entrance to the "Crabbie's Eatery". (The closest and cheapest place to hold a party of this size and without cashing in any favors.)*
* Hut Cam slow pan right and center in on Petey (of Pets.com fame).
 Hello and Welcome to the Loser Lagoon Finale Results and Superlative Lodge Awards Gala.
Commonly referred to as the slaggies, this time honored tradition of making a big deal about handing out useless prizes has become the spot to see and be seen by losers. I'll be your host for the pre-gala TealCarpet extravaganza of Glittered-Loseratti. (T'is my second gig. This will go on my resume'.)
For those at home...I'm coming to you live from the press area of the carpet. The arrival area for most of our loser celebrities.
Even though I'm here 2 hours before the Gala starts, I managed to miss 3 loser entrances. Or so I hear. I'm not quite sure who they were but I'll be asking around.
At the moment no one except for the press seems to be here so why don't we just turn our attention to the curb and see whose limo pulls up first.
*wait for limos to start pulling up* *stare at curb*
*wait* *try to remember if I snuffed that doobie before leaving the house* *mind wanders to thoughts of house burning down* *screaming burning things* *chastise self for going down that road* *decide to make list of items of importance and amass them together in one box by the front door. In case of a fire.* *think how stupid that idea is considering by doing such a thing would almost seem to be inviting a thief to come and take all the important things without searching the entire house* *decide to take all important things to different rooms and hide them* *wanders back to thoughts of the lack of limos and arrivals*
Soooo...*taps toes* Slow start...this season?
Hut Cam Man: Seems like it. But buzz amongst the chauffers is that most losers are waiting for MistressEmydom to enter first.
Oh. That explains things. By the way. Do any of them know of a good ambulance service? Whence emy arrives, bodies get battered. Wouldn't hurt to call ahead.
Hut Cam Man: Shall do.
Thanks. Hmmmm...so I gather this means that 1)MistressEmydom has either not arrived yet or 2)has arrived early but know one knows about it.
I'm partial to number 1 because theres no chalk outlines or police tape...yet. But ya' never know. While we're waiting for some action, let me just read the list of presenters, awards and nominees... Starting the night and "hosting" the whole shebang, will be tribe.
Frankly, I'm happy to see this happen as it just adds more familiarity to the proceedings. (Much like JeffProbst taking over the Survivor reunion show, versus say Rosie O'Donnell.)
He'll also be performing the opening number and introducing each of the CelebritySLAGPresenters.
Of which include CutsyTootsy ~ Jazzyjax ~ Guppy ~ mjewel ~ vince ~ CattyChat ~ bystander ~ and maybe a suprise guest.
The Big Nominees of the evening are... of course... perenial favorite Vixen with 5 nominations then Mr.ByDangles and qwerty both with 4 nominations each.
Those are big time results. Now the questions we have to ask are...
1. Will Kermit sweep the awards like she's done in seasons past? Or will she taste defeat doled out by darkhorse qwertypie?
2. Will both bydangles get double rewards? Or will it turn out to be another Guppy situation, whereby having so many noms end up cancelling each other out, leaving Byoffer SLAGless.
3. It's somewhat of a tradition so...Will anyone get killed/maimed/tortured this time around?
4. Will KO's AfterParty break yet another law?
5. Will the Wookie show up? Okay, I'm running out of questions...still no arrivals...
Geez!? How long does it take for these losers to show up?
Shitzu! Adding the time I've wasted so far, in dog years, my life is ... neeeeaaaarrrrly oooooover. How much longer do I have to wait?! C'mon losers. *grits teeth* Grrrr....
*big sigh* Dalmation, this is taking a forever. Could one of these FreckledBasenji losers show up already?
Carp. Now I gotta "post a pee-mail". I'll be right back. *5 seconds lapse, or moreso just as Petey rounds the backside of the eatery ... A PinkLimo pulls up and stops at the arrival curb. Chauffer opens the curbside door and a couple of long legs on high heels float over the back seat and out of the limo.
Hut Cam Man (to self): &*^@$! where'd that little mutt go. It figures that right when a beautiful celebrity loser shows up the dog goes missing.
*Gasp* Who in the heck is that?!?!?! Hubba-hubba! I'd like to make her london bridges go down. Rowr. Nice Boobys too. Who is that beauty? I think I'm in lvoe?
Ohp. *sniff* There she goes. *waves* Goodbye Godess. I'll always love you! I'll be here after the show though, if you wanna get a drink or something. Hmmmm...Mmmmmm... * HutCam does a pan around to find location of missing/pissing PreGala host. Sure enough. Just in time to catch Fetcher as he pees on his own foot.
Hut Cam Man: Yo Dawg! You're missing the whole shebang! CelebrityLosers are arriving! Oh for Pekingese Sake. I'll be right there. Give a guy a moment to apply some lipstick.
Hut Cam Man: Yo Dawg? Now? You really gotta do that now?
Wha? *shakes head and continues licking scrotum* Ahhhh. Much better now. Hey, HutCam Man, turn that camera back on and let's get to work. When drama doesn't come to us, it's up to us to create the drama.
Hut Cam Man: Um Dawg? I never turned HutCam off. Soory buddy. Oh Borzoi! I'm such roadkill. If I don't get fired for this, it'll be a miracle.
Ya' know what? I should just quit. Before they can fire me and before I *%*&@$ something else up.
I need to think.
Let's go to commercial! *HutCam turns off* Ad#1: *Cue "Milkshake" by Kelis.
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
And their like it's better than ours
Damn right it's better than yours
I could teach you but I have to charge
Jiggle on down to BOOBYS.
Home of the "HandPulled-MilkShake" and TossedSalad Bar.
Sponser of the famous BiggestBoobys contest.
C'mon down and don't forget to take a bite out of BOOBYS best Double-D-Burger. With a double dose of the secret sauce. Nothing better then enjoying an overly large piece of hot and juicy meat between 2 of BOOBYS famous BlushingBuns. (The pink color comes from extra kneading done before the rise.)
Parking in the back is free. Ad #2: Coming this spring...3 "sisters" find that adoption can sometimes be troublesome as they adjust to life with 2 dead girls.
Full House.
Turning the whole Good vs. Evil scenario on it's ear.
Ad#3: Tonights presentation of the hairiest lodger award, Brought to you by AAA WildAnimal Rentals.
Do you find yourself planning the Republican Convention and you need a flying elephant?
How about when your daughter, VerucaSalt, demanded she had to have a GoldenEggLaying Goose (or was that a nut-sorting squirrel?). We're your source.
Where do you think Dr.Dolittle rented the GiantSnail from? ACME? Nope. We're your source.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
More to follow soon...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Molaholic 9015 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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12-24-06, 05:00 PM (EST)
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1. "RE: LoserLagoon: Finale Extravaganza (a gala in 3 acts)" |
<giddy> I can't wait </giddy>
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tribephyl 12393 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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12-24-06, 06:46 PM (EST)
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2. "(Part 2)" |
*HutCam On*
SegmentProducer:In 5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ... ...
We're back and since we last left you, tons of loser sightings have been made.
Just before we came back we saw MistressEmydom and her minions. Quite a site.
Got a shot of it here.
Darn Flash didn't go off. Oh well. I promise. It was the Mistress.Oh here comes molaholic right now!
Hey molaholic! Over here!
So...Hows it feel to be famous for being a loser?
Great! I love the lodge and try to find ways to get kicked out of every other game just to get in there early.
Can't say as it was the best LL ever, as being stranded on a deserted island is a little daunting. But I still managed to have fun and get lots of boobys!
Speaking of Boobys. Can't say that you have the biggest ones anymore, can we?
Huh? Oh...No I guess you can't. ... Wow. That was a weird question to ask a mole?
Just givin' you props on your weight loss.
Yeah, I get it. Um... thanks for noticing?
Can't help it, cause as your siggie says, "You make losing look cool".
How right you are. Hopefully that doesn't extend to the slaggies. I would really like to add another award to my collection.
Well, I'm rooting for you. Get it, "rooting"?
Wow. I guess you can't teach old dogs new tricks.
Huh?!
Nevermind. ... Yo petey, you allowed inside this season?
Nope.
Still not potty-trained?
Why I oughtta!!!
Moley. Outta here! That little buzzard. Anyways, he left just in time because here comes Dakota! Hello little lady!
Hello little puppet dog.
You sure are a sight for sore eyes.
Why thanks Petey. That was uncharacteristically nice of you.
Yea. I'm turning over a new leash.
Ha. Your punny.
Thanks. So? Who are you wearing?
It's a Chloe Dao. You likey?
I'd like to see it on the floor next to my bed.
Oh, you bad little puppy!
Yup. That's me.
So. I hear you're up for a couple of awards tonight?
Yes. The Largest Heart award and the Easy as Pie award.
Oh didn't they tell you? They changed the awards around.
What do you mean?
I mean that your catergories are now ... Lodge Lover and Lodge Cookie.
Wha? Well good. I was afraid my reputation might be tarnished by being known as easy.
Well, you are. Easy on the eyes that is. Anyways, Good Luck in there! So....another lull. And nothing back from the limo cadre about the early arrivals yet. So.... Seeing as how, I've received a list of the scores from Jury Duty, I might as well read them off...
Juror Questions:
1. Brad will vote for Yul (7)
2. Rebecca will vote for Ozzy (7)
3. Jenny will vote for Ozzy (7)
4. Nathan will vote for Ozzy (7)
5. Candice will vote for Yul (7)
6. Jonathan will vote for Yul (7)
7. Parvati will vote for Ozzy (7)
8. Adam (7) will vote for Yul (7)
9. Sundra (7) will vote for Yul (7)
Bonus 1:
List the Final 3:
Becky ~ Ozzy ~ Yul (23)
Bonus 2:
Winner:
Yul (50) With that in mind, I guess it wouldn't hurt to tell you all who won this seasons LoserLagoon!
The LeaderBoard
Molaholic ~ 58 (108) = 166
alaholly ~ 37 (148) = 185
Scarlett ~ 0 (201) = 201
qwertypie ~ 35 (167) = 202
Guppy ~ 65 (140) = 205
JohnMC ~ 78 (127) = 205
seahorse ~ 93 (138) = 231
Nemo ~ 71 (190) = 261
CutsyTootsy ~ 72 (210) = 292
DasMole ~ 64 (244) = 308
MistressEmydom ~ 79 (239) = 318
FloPo ~ 79 (245) = 324
xwraith ~ 115 (215) = 330
ontheroadagain ~ 92 (239) = 331
whoami ~ 79 (256) = 335
wallflower ~ 79 (271) = 350
Vix ~ 79 (284) = 363
5cats ~ 93 (273) = 366
vince ~ 79 (293) = 372
bystander ~ 136 (240) = 376
CattyChat ~ 122 (257) = 379
~~~~~TOP FIVE~~~~~
Dakota ~ 129 (261) = 390
Mjewel ~ 93 (308) = 401
Mr.Bydangle ~ 136 (277) = 413
Trixi ~ 93 (325) = 418
JazzyJax ~ 129 (303) = 432 |
Twas, JazzyJax! With her JuryDuty score of 129, she managed to outscore everyone in the last moments! Good going JazzyJax!
Congrats JJ!
Here's your new siggie denoting your expertise in all things losery!
~~~  ~~~
Oh whoops! I probably wasn't supposed to do that.
Oh carp!
Cut to commercial! Ad#4: From the folks who brought you the hilarious antics of Dancing with Host-Bots. And the spectacle that was THS: LoserLodge.
This Summer. Just when you think it's safe to go outside.
Tucked away in the Hollywood hillside, a hand-picked group of D-List Avians live together and have their lives taped 24/7.
Let the feathers fly!
Here are some scenes suggesting that this show will go down in infamy. (Second only to Flavor of Love2)
 
 
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More to follow soon... Including the slaggies!
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Dakota 5819 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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12-25-06, 06:17 PM (EST)
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7. "RE: (Part 2)" |
*waves at the paparazzi*
Nice to see that picking Yul really boosted my score and put me in the top 5! I didn't pick him cuz I thought he would win, I picked him cuz I wanted him too.  Congrats to JazzyJax, Trixi, MJewel and Mr. ByDangles. The awards show should be fun. Even more fun than finally being rescued from LL Island. Losers, let's not forget that we only have a couple of months before we're back at Loser Lodge, so after the awards, get plenty of rest, exercise, good food and get in shape for the next round of festivities. Yea, yea, some of you are saying you won't be at Loser Lodge next time. Ok. Right. 
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JazzyJax 531 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Reality Show Commentator"
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12-27-06, 01:29 PM (EST)
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21. "OH MY HECK!!!" |
LAST EDITED ON 12-27-06 AT 01:55 PM (EST)It's a Christmas miracle!
WOOT & HOO!!!! Thank you thank you thank you! Especially thank you for the new siggie, since I'm sure I was right up there for the "needs a new siggie" loser award  What a nice Christmas present! My off the cuff award speech: **sniffle, wavery voice** I was totally unprepared for this! Thank you first to Tribey, our fearless leader, who we were worried was in an accident or sumthin cuz' he disappeared for so long. Glad you're okay buddy! **sniffle, big breath, looks in dress neckline for a tissue** Thank you to my Loser Lodge family, for all the fun and entertainment throughout the season. Thank you to ByDangles for the peep show, thank you to Emy for leaving me alone to concentrate, and thanks to my lady pals for helping rescue me from the boat sinking. We rocked this game this season didn't we!? **sniffle, debates on returning tissue to dress, falls on floor bawling in shock**
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Dakota 5819 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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12-26-06, 10:33 AM (EST)
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13. "RE: Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrtt!" |
*Sits by Vix* Pass the punch please. And a little Brie and those cute little Christmas crackers. Save some of the cookies for me too, mmm'k? Is there going to be entertainment? Will Justin be here? Fergi? Beyonce? Ray Ramano? Do any of them have no doggy sock puppet clauses in their contracts?
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Flowerpower 7262 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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12-27-06, 03:14 PM (EST)
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22. "Way to go, JJ!!!" |
Plus, there enough rum balls, rum punch, wine, and sundry party foods/drinks to keep us all busy and happy and fat and drunk for quite some time.
Party on!
Okay...since we have a little time on our hands, anyone up for a little volleyball? I know it's only one ball bydangles, but does everything have to come in a set for you? So, Foxy...let's have some of your rum balls and punch! Oh, and let me be one of the first to wish Jazzy a hearty congratulations for being our biggest loser this season! Well done, JJ! But be on guard dahhhling, as you know, the next season is virtually upon us! And I am vying for the top spot...as always! Heads up....(as she punches a flawless serve into the cocktail weanies....!
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Ontheroadagain 936 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Fitness Correspondent"
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12-26-06, 04:46 PM (EST)
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16. "RE: Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrtt!" |
**Passes a beer to Tribe**
Hey, sorry, man.
**Takes a meatball off the forehead**
Hey, which of you losers did that?
**Oogles Scarlett's boobies**
**Passes out on the couch.**
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whoami 2936 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Howard Stern Show Guest"
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12-26-06, 08:11 PM (EST)
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17. "RE: Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrtt!" |
No problem Tribe. I will just sit here with the rest and enjoy the refreshments.
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Dakota 5819 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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12-30-06, 12:21 PM (EST)
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43. "RE: LoserLagoon: Finale Extravaganza (a gala in 3 acts)" |
Hey Always! Didn't see much of you this season. Missed you.
Here, have a cookie for old times' sake.
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Kermit the Vixen 1639 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Peanut Festival Grand Marshall"
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12-28-06, 08:38 PM (EST)
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25. "Party Game" |
Alright everyone... now that we've had a sufficient amount of alcohol, it's time for "Cucumber Croquet." I need a few volunteers..... here's how you play.First, I will take this cucumber and stick it down the leg of a pair of panty hose which I will then tie around my waist like so... *feeds cucumber into pantyhose leg, ties hose around waist* See how it dangles JUST above the floor? This is the proper length. *nods to ByDangle* Then, I will attempt to use the cucumber only (no hands, only hip/pelvic action) to roll this orange on the floor in front of me from where it stands to that finish line over there *points to finish line 3 feet away* like so... *demonstrates flawless hip action, windup, and orange smack... moves up a few inches and tries again* Is someone timing me? Good because whoever can get the orange across the line fastest wins!!! Ok, now who are my volunteers? - Vix 
I am TOTALLY playing this at my New Year's Eve party! What a SCREAM! Good thing my husband knows how to handle a dangle that size.....
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tribephyl 12393 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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12-29-06, 08:55 PM (EST)
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33. "RE: Party Game" |
Phew...Just in time!
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tribephyl 12393 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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12-29-06, 08:53 PM (EST)
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32. "(The belated Part 3)" |
Editors Note: MeaCulpa in advance. The "accidental-vaporizing" has left me with a tad less enthusiasm and creativity and in more of a need to hurry.
So I'll just start this whole thing off with a message like...Due to the "BlackOut" the GalaAwardsShow will have to be preempted to a later time and then edited for content to fit within the parameter of a timely show. Enjoy the program already in progress...*We join the Pre-show Teal Carpet Extravaganza just as...*
Thanks Mjewel. That was a good little bit of info. When I see vince, I'll remember that. Have a good time inside and good luck. Oh and there's Dakota!!
C'mon over here girl! It's Petey! With the LLInsider.
Dakota: Hi there Petey! You having a good time? Did you get a drink? Do you need a ride to the afterparty? Wanna play some volleyball? Whoa whoa whoa. Slow down sweetie. I can hardly understand english nevermind it hitting my meager braincavity at that speed. Perhaps a speed listening class would be in order? No. I know. A session with emydi. That'll definitely help you. Ack! No! Not emydi! I'll take that drink though.
Allrighty. Coming right up. Even for such a bad dog as yourself. I'm sorry. Can I make it up to you by sniffing your rear? Nope. The only thing that's getting near a rear is my foot as it kicks your cotton/lycra blend ass! Oh no.
Oh yeah. Ambulance!!!! Cut to commercial!!! *No commercial* *Instead we're get a 3 minute feed focused on the scuffle. Basically Dakota doing just as she said she would. With lots of yelping*
*From the back of an ambulance*
Well, I'm on my way to the hospitailors. As promised, someone got hurt.
So I guess the show should be starting pretty soon. I did see tribe arrive.
But before I go for good I do have that info about who arrived early.
It seems the FlowerGirls showed up at first light to claim seats for themselves and half of the seamen from the rescue boat.
JohnMC was the other early bird. claiming seats for the other half.
So I guess I'll just say my goodbyes and good lucks to all of you. Wish me good darning. ~~~~~Inside The Thea...tah! (Conference Room)~~~ VO: Welcome to the 12th annual ... er ...wha? really? The fifth annual LoserLodge Gala Awards Show!!!
Where all of the whosits of loserfamedom come to celebrate and bestow superlative-titles upon each other.
Also where a particular grouping of losers have seemingly started there own tail-gate party/cucumber golfing game. To get the festivities started ... let me introduce to you, the man who needs no introduction, your loser host and tonights Master of Superlatives, tribe !!!!* Looking quite distinguished in a teal tuxedo, tribe enters the theatah.*
Good evening peaches and gentlebananas!! We've got quite a show for you.
And in the infamous drawl of a prime-time reality host-bot ... But first... Let me clear the floor for our interpretive dancers...
LoserDance
L-l-l-l-O-o-o-o-S-s-s-s-E-e-e-e-R-r-r-r-S-s-s-s
Losers! Dance!We can lose if we want to
We can leave our worries behind
'Cause our worries don't lose and if they don't lose
Well they're no worries of mine
I say, we can lose when we want to
In a place they'll never find
And we can act like we come from out of this world
Leave the real one far behind
And we can lose
Lose! We can lose when we want to
The sun is hot and so are we
And we can dress real neat from our boobys to our dangles
And surprise 'em with a new siggie
Say, we can lose if want to
If we don't nobody will
And you can be real good and totally lose it
And you can act like an imbecile
I say, we can lose, we can lose
Everything out of control
We can lose, we can lose
We're doing it from wall to wall
We can lose, we can lose
Everybody touchin' their boobys
We can lose, we can lose
Everybody takin' the boo-oo-oo-zeLoser dance
It is cool to lose
Loser dance
While drinkin' some brews
Loser dance L-l-l-l-O-o-o-o-S-s-s-s-E-e-e-e-R-r-r-r-S-s-s-s
Losers! Dance!
Well that was fun.
Anybody ready for a commercial? ~~~~~~Ad #5: SneakPeek at LL6.~~~~~~
* Imagine a land,
full of danger.
Now, imagine a land
that isn't. The Atlantic Ocean claimed Atlantis
While Lemuria and Mu were famed Pacific Idylls. The Brits tell of Avalon
and Tibetans retell of Shambhala Midevil Europe longed for their Cockaigne
and South America's El Dorado is legendary. Indians have stakes in Shangri-La and Thuvaraiyam Pathi
I think they have rights to Xanadu as well. But where do losers go?
To be rid of the constraints of modern society?
To partake in the benefits of a free and open land of plenty? Well those questions led me to this...
Why try to find it when I can just make it.
Therefore, I created Ourtopia!
As in LoserLodge: Ourtopia.
Look high, low, far and wide for it.
Or just wait for the lilting voices of the ancients to seep into your brain and magically draw you to it.
It'll be showing up in a couple of short months from now. Just in time for Survivor: Fiji. (A real place. How boring.)
~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
Welcome Back! Now let's get this thing going! Up first, is a loser who is no stranger to the awards. But for some reason was a stranger in the lagoon. *crowd erupts in laughter* (Not at tribes intro but for what comes out on stage.)
*Guppy enters, wearing a giant crab costume, chases after tribe with his pinchers and then skitters his way to the microphone. Good evening skin creatures! I have to say, on behalf of my scumsucking seabrethren, I'm quite happy with the arrangements made this season to insure the safety and welfare of my kind. I'm also happy to note that the "south-of-the-border" chapter was quite impressed with their living arrangements. Hopefully they can expect some adoptions.
Now as to the awards I will be presenting...Hmmmm....Grandest Entrance? Totally Mine. Did you just see that folks? And Baddest Behavior? Oh Please. So Mine.
But to address the formalities... The nominees for Grandest entrances are...
Alaholly
Byoffer
Flowerpower
Kermit the Vixen
Scarlett O Hara And the winner is ... Scarlett O Hara!!!
Congrats, Scarbaby! ...
Scarlett?!
...
Has anyone seen Scarlett?
From the crowd: I think she's in the loo!
A different crowd member: She left!
Yet another crowd member: No. She didn't leave she's just getting a drink.
Flowerpower: Liar. I know for a fact she left already. She said she wanted to get going to KO's early to make sure she gets some of the best appetizers.
Nemo: Nope she's in the loo.
Flopo: Why you little...
From the crowd: Hey look up there!!!
It's a Booby! No a Helicopter! No It's Scarlett!
*Look for Scarlett O Hara's acceptance speech below* Wow. How do we top that.
Next up, The nominees for Baddest Behavior are...
Alwaysintruble
Byoffer
DearAbby
Emydi
JohnMC And the winner is ... Byoffer!!!
Congrats, ByDangle!
*Look for Byoffer's acceptance speech (and possible flashing) below* Next may I introduce the Lodge Gossip herself ....CattyChat. Wow tribe. I can't believe how interesting you make this whole evening. I mean really. Who else but you hands out strange and sometimes non-fitting signames to people calling them losers all the time and loving it the whole way? Just amazing. Thanks. From all of us.
Thusly stated for the following folks who may not have had the wherewithal to do as such themselves.
The nominees for Quietest Lodger are...
5cats
Ontheroadagain
Qwertypie
Seahorse
Whoami And the winner is ... Seahorse!!!
Congrats, Seahorse!
*Look for Seahorse's acceptance speech below, if he gives one* Now, The nominees for Hardest Nut to Break are...
Alwaysintruble
Byoffer
Emydi
Whoami
Xwraith And the winner is ... Whoami!!!
Congrats, Whoeveryouare!
*Look for Whoami's acceptance speech below, if he does it himself* Let's get a couple more in before we go to break again. Or break-up.
And to help with the pre-break-up ... here's MJewel! Huh. I always thought I was better with the post breakup. But allright.
Oh now I get it. Cookie - Break. Heart - Break. Ahah. Anyways...
The nominees for Lodge Cookie are...
Dakota
Mjewel
Qwertypie
Wallflower
Xwraith And the winner is ... Dakota!!!
Congrats, Dakota!
*Look for directions and suggestions to Dakota's acceptance speech below* And now, the nominees for Biggest Heart are...
DearAbby
Dakota
Flowerpower
Qwertypie
Seahorse And the winner is ... Flowerpower!!!
Congrats, FloPo!
*Look for Flowerpower's thanks giving speech below*
Up next, he's famous more for his habits then his antics which also makes him the perfect choice to present our next two awards.
Here's bystander!
bystander:
Thanks for the intro tribe. Of course he may be right but I didn't really know there was a difference between habits and antics. However, I'm not the host. So...
The nominees for Hairiest Lodger are...
5cats
Bystander
DasMole
Kingfish
Molaholic
And the winner is ... DasMole!!!
Congrats, Das!
*Look for HairyMole's acceptance speech below* The nominees for Dirtiest Lodger are...
Byoffer
Bystander (Hey! That's me. This is sooo not funny.)
DasMole
Molaholic
Vince And the winner is ... (I better not win this one) ...Byoffer!!!
Congrats, ByBro!
*Look for ByStinker's acceptance speech below* ~~~~~~Ad #6: SneakPeek of AVG~~~~~~
Gotta let the sponsers talk as well.
And since the producer has a need to plug his other projects, here's a sneek-peek at the new ABC... *Just when you thought you were safe from CaptainTribe, someone even worse comes along.
An alter ego so evil, no one is safe. Nefarious has a new name my friends, and it's NomoMojo!.
This crazy monkey will be trying his darndest to to keep people from winning next seasons ABC.
Starting by changing the name of the game to the Anti-Vote Game
As if that weren't enough damage he'll also be making sure each and every player fears him and his mojo-zapping powers.
You thought lashings were bad? Try having the life sucked right out of ya'!
Of course his adorable side kick will be played by an adorable parrot. A nice one too. I can see the disagreements now. Anyways, make sure to tune it for ...
See the skull? That could be you.
~~~~~~End: SneakPeek of AVG~~~~~~ Hmmm...New host? I wasn't aware of that. And he gets a sidekick too? Sheesh.
And what's this about "nefarious having a new name"? Did I sign off on this? Aren't I still under contract? Who's this nomomojoneedsamommy character?
I'll need to get to the bottom of this one. Some heads are gonna roll.
While I'm re-checking my contracts, I'll leave you in the capable hands of JazzyJax and let her present the honorary awards of the evening. Wow thanks tribe. Carp I totally did not prepare for this. I wasn't even sure I'd like the lodge at first and now all of this lavished attention. Ahhh, this girls found heaven on Blows! But, all of this fun wasn't limited to tribes mind alone. It was a truly collaborative effort this season and now comes the time when I pass out the Honorary Awards for best Guest Hosts!
Who can forget their insistence on costumes and whips, flashbacks, hand-eye-coordination and rumpunchs.
These honorary losers exemplified the traits of what it means to have fun! (all while being notoriously nefarious to boot. My favorite kind.)
The Vanguard Award goes to the guest host who really stepped outside the box, opened her arms and laid it all on the line in exchange for a few wax burns and red bottoms and everyone loved it.
The Host with the Most Award goes to the guest host who goes above, beyond and hurtling through space and time to show everyone a good time. And we couldn't get enough! The LL Guest Host Vangaurd Award goes to ... MistressEmydom!
 The LL Guest Host with the Most Award goes to ... KO!
*Look for KO's and emydi's acceptance speeches below* Thanks again KO and Emydi. You really know how to show a bunch of losers a good time.
But the good times don't end there.
Our next presenter, CutsyTootsy, knows exactly what I'm talking about. CutsyTootsy:
Tribe is right, I sure do know how to have fun. Almost as much as the following nominees.
The nominees for Most Playful Lodger are...
DearAbby
Flowerpower
Kermit the Vixen
Qwertypie
Wallflower And the winner is ... Wallflower!!!
Congrats, Wallflower!
*Look for Wallflower's revealing acceptance speech below* Now that the playful one has been crowned,
The nominees for Most Sinfully Delicious are...
CutsyTootsy (oh my gawd! It's me!)
Emydi
JohnMC
Kermit the Vixen
Scarlett O Hara And the winner is ... JohnMC!!!
Congrats, JohnnyABs!
*Get a taste of JohnMC's acceptance speech below* Now, presenting our last 2 awards of the season...vince! vince: What an amazing opportunity! I get to present the award for biggest boobys! YeeHaw! Just know that whomever doesn't win? I'll be here to console you.
The nominees for Biggest Boobys are...
Alaholly
CattyChat
Kermit the Vixen
Scarlett O Hara
Wallflower And the winner is ... Alaholly!!!
Congrats, Alaholly!
Oh and this one too. As your gifts come in twos.
*Look for Alabooby's acceptance speeches below* And finally ... perhaps the most important award of the evening ... The nominees for Most in need of an extreme siggie make-over are...
CattyChat
JazzyJax
Kermit the Vixen
OnTheRoadAgain
Vince (Hey?! I have a siggie?! Why would I need a new one?)
And the winner is ... OnTheRoadAgain!!!
Congrats, OTRA!
*Grab your tissues and look for OnTheRoadAgain's acceptance speech below* That's it! Thank you very much for being witness to tonights festivities. Of course there'll be many after-parties.
(KO's OldeFashunedBlowOut! FishBros' BodyPaintBall! Bybros Brews and Balls Ball! Maybe some others as well. Any one of them fun for hours.)
Where losers will be showing off there awards. Hope to see you at one of them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No more to follow ... BUT I will hopefully see you all for next seasons version of LoserLodge. Where tribe creates a special Ourtopia for losers (and loser lovers)...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Das Mole 2366 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Seventeen Magazine Model"
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12-29-06, 09:54 PM (EST)
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34. "Thanks" |
This award means everything to me.First of all, I'd like to thank Tribe for hosting another incredibly fun season here at LL. Secondly, I'd like to thank everyone who voted for me...I think. Thirdly, I guess I'll thank God. Everyone else at these award shows likes to do it. Oh yes, and also I'll thank Donald Trump for teaching me that it's OK for your hair to look like crap...ANYWHERE on your body! And for bitching out Rosie O'Donnell. Finally, I'd like to thank my parents for the great genes: 
Of course, my incredibly good looks come from my mother. And it turns out Chewbacca's half-mole, just a little factoid that only I would know. Thanks again, Tribe! I had lots of fun!
I'll be back (back hair?) for Ourtopia! See y'all then.
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alaholly 497 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
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12-30-06, 01:03 AM (EST)
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38. "Biggest Boobys!" |
WOW!
 Biggest Boobys? Oh my I'm so excited... *blushes...bends over* You like them, you really like them...and so do I.
I think I'll bring them back next season. Thanks for all the rum fun.
It's been swell playing boobys with you lovely losers lagooners. See you again soon.
Thanks Tribe...I think.
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tribephyl 12393 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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12-30-06, 02:05 AM (EST)
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39. "RE: (The belated Part 3)" |
Happy BirthDay, XWraith!
Belated or not. I hope you have/had a great time.
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byoffer 15947 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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12-30-06, 08:31 AM (EST)
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40. "RE: (The belated Part 3)" |
I'll be back with my speech and to show off my new siggies soon, but first I have to drop this new tune...Oh The Tribe, We are a-Thankin’
(The Times, They are a-Changin’ – Bob Dylan) Come gather 'round peeps
Wherever you roam
And admit that the songs
that I write make you groan
But accept it pu-lease
A poetic license I must own.
If your time to you
Is worth wastin’
Then you better keep readin'
And LoserLodge be your home
Oh the Tribe, we are a-thankin’. Come Jazzy the Jax
Congrats on your win.
DearAbby and ByDangle
will challenge a’gin
Come Dakota and By-Bro
And that guy we’ll call Vin(ce)
And there's no tellin' who
Will be winner
For the losers now
Will the games all be in
Oh the Tribe, we are a-thankin’. Come Nemo and JohnMc
You studs in cartoon
Watch Flopo and Wallie
They both make us swoon
Oh don’t you cross Emy
Or you’ll seal all our doom
There's a whip in her hand
And it is crackin'.
She'll soon show us why,
She’s mistress of the Lagoon
Oh the Tribe, we are a-thankin’. Come Scarlett and Seahorse
Vix, 5Cats and Qwerty
And don't be afraid DasMole,
or Moley or Cutsy
MJewel’s OnTheRoadAgain with
Xwraith and CatChatty
Whoami and Guppy
came playin'.
But the newest of all
Was some tramp named Alaholly
Oh the Tribe, we are a-thankin’. The season is over
And the boat’s got a leak
The boobies were showing
(not the kind with a beak!)
We hope the blue peeps
Will be avoid saying “eek!”
All the losers are
Rapidly strippin'.
And we’ll all get together
To go for a streak!
Oh the Tribe, we are a-thankin’.
You rock, Tribe! 
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Wallflower66 2446 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Seventeen Magazine Model"
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01-17-07, 07:14 PM (EST)
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57. "RE: (The belated Part 3)" |
I'll be back with my speech and to show off my new siggies soonToe-tapping for the big speech...
Still laughing about your song...
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Scarlett O Hara 3439 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
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01-26-07, 08:43 AM (EST)
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59. "RE: Toe-tapping 101" |
*wonders where The Dangle has disappeared * * joins the Lodge Playgirl and Queen in tapping toes * Move over ladies, let me show you how it's done! After all, I did learn from the Master (of Toe-tapping) himself!!  * Tap .... Tap .... Tap ... * 
How long will the Dangle keep us waiting ...?
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byoffer 15947 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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02-04-07, 04:51 PM (EST)
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62. "RE: Toe-tapping 101" |
LAST EDITED ON 02-04-07 AT 04:51 PM (EST)What's this? My thank you speech didn't post? shocking. Absolutely shocking. I seem to recall working on it. And then I think my dog ate it. Or was that Tribe's dog? And here it seems that people have actually been waiting on my speech. Even more shocking. Waiting On A DAW
(Waiting on a Friend - Rolling Stones) Watching girls sit tapping toes
It ain't the latest thing
I'm just standing in a loin cloth
I'm just trying to make them swoon
All of these girls go streaking by
The are a bunch of DAWs
I've not posted when I should have,
You've been waiting on a DAW You guys excuse because I lose
Remember what I said
I've not posted when I should have,
You've been waiting on a DAW
You've been waiting on a DAW Don't need a blur
I don't need no towel
Don't need to hide my "boys"
But I need to post this speech now
I need someone to forgive
Stripping down and streaking by
I let my "dangle" show
I've not posted when I should have,
You've been waiting on a DAW Okay, enough about saying "sorry". Cause I'm not. No way. Us bad boys (or bad Bys!) don't apologize. And that just makes all you lovely ladies want us even more. Why just the other day I was playing tennis with a my By-Bro (he's the shorter one ) when none other than our very own Lodge Playgirl, WallFlower, came running onto the court to throw herself at me. Talk about an interesting set...
 And imagine my surprise when I recently passed a newsstand and saw that our very own Miss Scarlett had a magazine of her own, and had been doing a little stalking also...
 But it's not all fun and games for ByDangle. As much as I love all the attention, I am starting to feel like eyes are always on me. Why just the other day when I returned from walking ByDoggie, I could have sworn that DearAbby was present...
 I am proud to be the lodge bad boy, and look forward to continuing to expose many different sides of myself to you all in the upcoming season.
As for winning the lodge dirty boy, I have to say that I am shocked. I think that if any of you spend a bit of time with me, you will know that I feel very strongly about personal hygiene. Why just the other day a few friends and I were passing each other the soap...
So, though I really don't feel this is fitting, I will be happy to claim the Lodge Dirty Boy award. Just know that in my mind it will be the other meaning of dirty.
As the music starts and the voluptuous FloPo comes to escort me off the stage (and me to escort the tube dress off of her!), I have nothing left to say but to quote the great TAR contestant, Lauren Bransen...
Okay, now the new season can begin! Ourtopia or Bust! I mean, Ourtopia AND Busts!
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Scarlett O Hara 3439 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
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12-30-06, 02:52 PM (EST)
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46. "RE: (The belated Part 3)" |
From across the packed house, Scarlett hears the words ...The nominees for Grandest entrances are...
Scarlett O Hara "And the winner is ... Scarlett O Hara!!! She acts very fast and ....
Look it's a bird!! No, it's a plane!
"The Plaaaaaaaane!! The Plaaaaaaaaaane!! " ByDangle shouts from across the room. And at once, the entire crowd looks up into the sky ...
.
.
.
Nope ... it's just lil ole me, arrivin' late to the Bawl, Sugar!! I do declare!! Another award to add to my extensive collection! I shall value this even more than my first Oscar!! Thank you so kindly for the lovely award, Dear Tribe. You are soooooooo dashing in that Teal Tuxedo ... Ah cain't hardly stand it!
Next season I shall surely vote for you as numbah one in Das's Male "Hotness" Contest!!! *Bats eyelashes* Thanks again to all my Sistahs in crime ... and you know who you are ... * Winks to the Crowd *, and to all you Bad Boys out there ... I hope to see you after the party's over!! With a quick wave and a skip, Scarlett exits stage left.
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DearAbby 3008 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
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01-01-07, 02:19 PM (EST)
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49. "RE: (The belated Part 3)" |
*parks van in the lot and leaves it in the capable hands of Mistress Emy and her guards*I hope I'm not too late to claim my crown as LoserWinner again. And maybe walk away with a Slaggie or two, as well.  Don't be so confident, D'Abby. The competition is tough this season. Now where is that teal carpet? Oh, over there it is! And there's Petey, too. Let's go get a picture made with him. No, DearAngel! Let's duck in the back door. In the words of Kelly Ripa, you don't know where that hand's been. You better not say that out loud, DevilAbby. Rosie O'Donnell might hear you. *sneaks in back door and finds a seat just in time to hear ByDangle belt out a tune by Bob Dylan*Come Jazzy the Jax
Congrats on your win.
DearAbby and ByDangle
will challenge a’gin Sorry, D'Abby. Look at the LeaderBoard up on the stage. It appears that JJ did better with her Jury Duty picks than you did. And look at ByDangle's score. He streaked his way to third place. One more question right by him, or one more wrong by you, D'Abby, and he would be on top of you now.
*contemplates how Ozzy was robbed, just as Guppy announces nominees for Baddest Behavior* If you don't win this one, D'Abby, it's not my fault!And the winner is ... byoffer!!! Sorry again, D'Abby, but I couldn't live with myself if you won this award.*waits for MagentaJewel to present the award for Biggest Heart* I did my best to help you win this one, D'Abby. And the winner is ... Flowerpower!!! And I did my best to help you lose it!*crosses fingers as CutsyTootsy announces the winner of the Most Playful Lodger award**crosses fingers as CutsyTootsy announces the winner of the Most Playful Lodger award**crosses fingers as CutsyTootsy announces the winner of the Most Playful Lodger award*And the winner is ... Wallflower!!!*runs off to find JJ, ByDangle, FloPo, Wallie, and all the other LoserLagoon winners to congratulate them on their well-deserved wins.* *joins everyone at KO's OldeFashunedBlowOut, FishBros' BodyPaintBall, and Bybros Brews and Balls Ball!* I'll definitely be back for LoserLodge: Ourtopia to see if I lose again. I'll also be looking for NomoMojo at the Anti-Vote Game. Thanks, tribe, for your great hosting duties and a fun game. S12 Loser Lodge
Just like Queen Elizabeth, I'm not ready to abdicate yet!
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JohnMc 2679 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Survivor-themed Cruise Spokesperson"
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01-02-07, 06:30 PM (EST)
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52. "JohnMc's acceptance speech" |
 I want to thank all of you who, along with me, have enjoyed my rock hard abs. I've had an ABsolutely ABtastic time with all of you, including that little night in the hot tub. I want to thank you for calling me "Sinfully Delicious."
However, there has been a downside to my fame. My time in Loser Lodge has made me quite thin, as you all saw with my fABulous AB sig pic. (btw, tribey, I will always and forever be in your siggie debt for that. Thank you thank you thank you.) When I returned from loser lodge, I kept eating pies, and chocolate cakes, and just about anything I could get my hands on. (No, Dakota, that doesn't include you. Digestion is what counts to get on the caloric intake list.) Plus, with the holidays and all, I've been able to hang with Kirstie Alley a bit and we've been having our special pie time. The tabloids, regretably, caught me without her - I'll share it with you: 
So now instead of this:
I look like this: 
Look for me next season on Celebrity Fit Club - Loser Lodge edition. And I do plan on returning for LL:Ourtopia. Hopefully by then, I'll be back to looking like this:
Interestingly enough, I don't have to confess my weight problems to any of you. You have no idea what I look like! And that's why LL is the best place in the world!
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Flowerpower 7262 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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01-09-07, 02:22 PM (EST)
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56. "RE: (The belated Part 3)" |
LAST EDITED ON 01-21-07 AT 09:03 AM (EST)LAST EDITED ON 01-09-07 AT 02:29 PM (EST) "Oh my oh my" she gushes as she rushes the podium and squeezes through her flower sistahs and half of the rescueboat seaman...
I want to thank all of my fellow losers and especially our mighty leader, Uncle Tribey himself...a true master of the game! I also want to thank my fellow losers, Trixie, Dakota, Qwertypie, and of course, Seahorse...very worthy competition, indeed! I want to thank all of you who voted for me, and if you want to see how I gained my reputation, just stop down and see me sometime... Lastly, I want to thank Byoffer, aka Bydangles. You made the game alot of fun this go round, thanks for keeping us all on our toes, among other things! At the very least you gave us a great laugh! Hope to see you all at OURTOPIA...I'm already planning my entrance...just don't know how to top water skiing with the Democrats??? SMOOCHES***XOXO***To all my fellow losers!
ETA: GUSHES over Tribey...you really are the master and I so love all of your games!!! Your quick wit and humor is what really adds to the fun...you really are wonderful, and all of your wonderful time and effort are so very appreciated....thanks for EVERYTHING you do, for everyone of us! Your devoted fan for life...FloPo
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