Stop polishing your knobs, quit hoisting your jibs, all pirates midriff! Now! Er. Mid-Ship! Now!
First bit of business goes to the "Spoilers".
On behalf of myself, MB and everyone at CBS, I thank you all for completely misreading the clues we dropped. Hahahaha ... Cap'n Azmyth ... hahaha ... Sit-Out ... hahahaha ... priceless, really.
*wipes tear from eye*
Next bit of biz... the introduction of Kendra. Kendra?
Where is Kendra?
Oh there you are. Could you stop crying, please. There's no crying in piratry!
We have this BIG scene to shoot this afternoon and you're playing the part in a seriously dramatic CatFight. Try and make it look good, okay?
Ahem... Next up? JD.
How you feeling buddy?
JD: "Another week of tyranny, another 20,000." *sigh*
Sheesh, don't be so glum, I'm sure those scurvy lowlifes relish knowing that they are worth a big fat zero in your eyes. Oh I'm sorry, they're worth 2 coins a piece. Right.
See, they gotta love you for that?
Pssst...Louie. How's that Mutiny going?
Ooh you got Christian to sign on? Cool. Good luck with that.
I hear he's really strong (... smelling).
A rock-solid (and uncarryable) friend.
We'll keep the positive editing up, but you gotta start making things happen. Got it?
Ummm. let's see. Oh! I know! My Chest! Isn't it amazing? Have another peek. Go for it. Nice and hairy. Like how it flutters in the wind?
Now for a shot at that other, scum-encrusted, chest. The Chest of Zanzibar. Let's peek inside, shall we?
Oooo...Kendra, here's your first big scene...what?
Okay unlock it. Good. Now give your lines. uh .ooo. okay. that was okay. Now get ready to hunt for treasure. And Jump!
What? You need Alexis to drag you into shore? Oh boy. This does not look good for you. More like a wet cat.
Oh but wait! To avert the attention, while you get into character... We have a couple of other useless people to focus upon.
Christian and Joy.
Funny, neither seems to be spiritual or happy. And at the moment, nor are they moving.
All's not lost!
Here comes Sean aka "SuperCookie" to the rescue!!!
Swooping up the poor helpless wench like the useless sack of flesh she is and running with her for the touchdown.
Meanwhile the real running back, Christian, remains unmoveable in the cess-pool of ... wait... I think I just some him poke a stick at something.
"Was that Ben's boot?"
Oh and a serious shout-out to the pirate costume designer.
The idea of having see-thru-when-wet material being used for all of the womens outfits .... well ... You. Are. A. Genius!
We did have to hire an extra blur maker in the editing room but I, as host, am ever thankful for watching it live. (via feed to my luxury liner suite, sailing close to but out of camera range.)
And a Big Hello Chesta! Er... I mean Christa!
How you doing Nipple? Umm... I mean Nessa.
*teenage boy giggle* Little Daddo's cracking a fattie.
*Insert Snake joke here*
And a hearty "ChipHollyBarmaid!" to Cap'n Azmyth?! (hahahaha...that still makes me laugh... cap'n azmyth ...huhuh)
Good on ya' mate.
Nice work finding the treasure.
How does 2k sound? You can buy some serious beard shavers for that amount.
You can't, however, make any chops with your mighty sword just yet. JD is still giving out black marks and you wanna stay on his good side.
Nod to Alexis and Kendra.
Alexis sees, but Kendra is too busy being distracted by her hairbeads. Swatting them ... like a kitten.
Ahem... cat FIGHT!
Oh nevermind. Maybe next week?
Sorry, Christian. Even Loupert couldn't save you.
You've been voted off the ship.
Alas, I hardly miss ye.
Oh and thanks to the new intern on the editing team. You're ability to find a theme for the episode (and in doing so, suppling us with our first ever moral tale) was remarkable.
With so little to go on, it was refreshing to see such focus on lazy stereotypes and how even white women can't swim.
Moral: Nipples = ratings.
Personal. For MB's Eyes Only.
Ummm....could we have someone talk to Jay about his confessionals.
He's being a little too obvious about his eventual win. Can we get him to cut back on the serious foreshadowing please.
You can call me Daddo.