Joe Don, Joe Don, Joe Don... just look at you. In fact, let's all just sit back and look at Joe Don for a moment. Gaze upon him with respect. Here is a man who has no clue about what's going on around him. He sincerely believes he's respected by his crew. He can't sense the resentment simmering around him. He honestly thinks a couple of hundred dollars is enough to buy him absolute safety. He's already decided his captaincy is a permanent position. He's reached the point where we basically have an extra contestant: there's Joe Don, and then there's Joe Don's ego. He doesn't work, doesn't listen, doesn't understand -- but he does do a world-class job of filling his own stomach and gloating about it.

I'm so proud.

Oh captain, my captain -- you'll just never see it coming...

Now what's going on with the rest of you? All right, Azmyth, I guess I'm going to give you some screen time after all, which means that both of us will have to figure out how to spell your name. (I'm tempted to call you the Dread Pirate Roberts, but we'd both just scare Joe Don.) Still, you're making a crucial mistake. You're thinking. In front of Joe Don. He seems to be scared of that, probably because he's personally so bad at it.

Guess what, production crew? You eat this week, too! (I treat you so much better than Joe Don would, don't I?) Yes, that was a great job on the so-called spoilers. Except for one small thing. The beard. We all know what I'm talking about with the beard, don't we? But you're still eating. Sure, it's only barnacles live off the hull, but just think about all the calcium you're getting.

Christian -- you're getting cut off at the knees again. Feel familiar at all? But I'm not worried: all I lose is a portion of the Kansas City ratings, and since there's only six people in the area who both own a television and know how to turn it on, that's really not much of a hit.

Oh, and Jay? The master stooge, who seems to be doing nothing except taking up space because he can't even provide challenge commentary, has asked me to have a few words with you. So here they are: ramp it down a little. There's a very fine line between first-half narrator and potential Final Two/Three/Whatever The Hell It Is On This Show contestant, and I can cut the line to send you adrift at any time.

So let's see. So far, they've played 'eat the smart', and then they played 'eat the strong' -- and they still have no idea what they're playing, much less how.

Can I pick them or what?

Really, it's no loss at all. Given the women's costumes, I would have forfeited all six of those people anyway.