LAST EDITED ON 08-27-01 AT 07:01 PM (EST)

To all posters in the BV forum,

My apologies for the delay in responding -- I took the weekend off from the Internet completely. I was well aware that the time off would not make these problems go away, but my children are very nervous about the upcoming disruption in their lives (the older is starting kindergarten; the younger is "staying behind" in preschool), and I didn't think this was the right weekend to tell them that I needed some private time without them. Plus, they went along on my trip over to Ethan Zohn's house (look on the Spoilers site; he's an S3 contestant)....

So what do we have here? A dispute among a group of board members? That's OK, because we never expected everyone to like everyone else -- from the early days of this site, we had disagreements. A flame war? That's not OK, but it's a fact of life. A dispute over the meaning of this board? I'd rather take that topic on, anyway.

EVERYONE involved in this board, and in BV, stopped being an "anonymous poster" a long time ago. We know each others' names, family histories, life stories. We've read each others' writing, know each others' tastes ... this board (or, at least, this part of the board) is not anonymous. I started off with the story of my weekend as an example -- how many of you don't have some knowledge of my family life? Or GT's? Or Kismet's? Or VampKira's? Or ItzLisa's? Or Pepe's? Hey, that's the whole POINT of Cornertime, which has become one of the most popular features on the board, up with Supe's Top 10 Lists. I rest my case.

Let's be serious: no one should feel free to come in here like a bull in a china shop. THIS APPLIES TO EVERYONE INVOLVED IN THIS FIGHT. Like it or not, SB is a society. Societies have rules and norms. Anyone who insists on violating those rules and norms will be ostracized by the society. It's not OK to offend and then say in the same post, "I didn't mean to be offensive, but it's your fault if you were offended." If you want to be part of a society where you can freely flame and give offense, there are plenty of other such places on the Web. I will not sit by idly and let SB become one.

My comment about never having read this thread was accurate -- to be honest, I have skipped many of the threads in this forum, simply because I know what type of stuff (such as porn and porn jokes) offends me, and I avoid it when possible. As far as Pepe's man/cat picture ... I thought it was funny. GT, I don't know your history with Jizzy, but I thought your line about him was "pushing the envelope" if there WAS any history, and I thought your Michael Jackson "parody" with VampKira was over the edge. I thought Vamps was very diplomatic in her response, and she has told me privately that she wasn't offended by your post, but I can truthfully say that I would have found your post offensive were I Vamps.

As for the rest of the battle -- I don't really want to single anyone out, but there are two points I must make: (1) If you really think something is offensive, let Webby or me or Kira know. Rio, I don't know the history between GT and Jizzy, and I can picture contexts in which her comments would cross the border from teasing to offensive. (2) GT, I know you have a sardonic wit, and I value your friendship and your feelings, but PLEASE take into account the feelings of others. I DO NOT WANT THIS BOARD EVER TO BECOME A PLACE WHERE PEOPLE THINK THEY NEED TO BE ANONYMOUS -- WHICH IS THE WAY SURVIVORSUCKS USED TO BE.

BV is a big part of the problem -- not because there are winners and losers, but because it HAS turned us into (for BV purposes) anonymous screen names ... and yet it hasn't. I think we've all understood the risks, because our BV characters behave like us (with our own foibles to some extent), and yet they aren't like ANY ONE of us. The problems come in when we take that anonymity and try to extend it into these BV-related threads ... because none of us are truly anonymous from each other. In fact, if we WANTED to be anonymous, we wouldn't be here --- we'd be on SurvivorSucks EZboard with its 1200 new posts every day or on some other site where we didn't have so much drawing us together.

I know some of you would like me to reprimand one poster or another. I don't want to do that; I'm not the judge. You all are the judges. You set the standards for this community. Right now, the standard is that we should all aspire to be friendly, if not necessarily friends. We have already had a situation where a veteran poster came into chat and created panic and animosity; we ended up having to ban that person, and he will not be reinstated until he owns up to his actions. I don't want to see a repetition here in Off-Topic (and don't miss my point here -- we ALL know that BV is an extension of OT, despite being in a separate forum). But I will take whatever action is needed to preserve the society of SB if it comes to that.

I seriously considered the advice given to me (by three people) to call BV off now, considering the bad will that's already been generated. Instead, we (dangerkitty, flying squirrel, and I) have agreed to wrap it up this week, prior to Labor Day. I will, however, lock any more "where-were-they" or "where-are-they-now" threads, involving "exposes" of the pre- or post-BV careers of the BV participants.

I know that everyone isn't going to like each other. If you can respect each other within a social environment, that will be good enough.

TO ALL THE REST OF YOU: My apologies for this massive post. If you believe that I have misstated the standards that board members expect of each other, please let me know. I don't promise that I'll agree, but at least I'll respond civilly.

S3 spoiling/bashing started last week, BV is ending this week. "The king is dead, long live the king!"

May you all find the time to do things that add value to your lives, and may the things that don't add value become distant memories.

Peace and love,
AyaK

P.S. Yeah, I know "peace and love" is from the '60s and '70s. But then again, so are most of us, and so is BV! Let's remember our ideals, not the ephemeral things that separate us.

Edited to add that I have inadvertently contributed to the problem here. This won't make things better (and may make them worse), but here was the origin of the "a bull in a china shop", in this line that I originally wrote:
Some people were playing games in this forum, and then suddenly Riordan and GT came into the thread like bulls in a china shop, busting up the entire forum.
To the extent this comment oversimplifies what happened on Friday, I apologize to everyone, but I did not mean to include anyone else in this comment.

I also did not want to get into a line-by-line dissection of anyone's post (including the deservedly-infamous rant about "those kids watching TV unsupervised while you're preoccupied with your imaginary life"); that's how shakes flames people, but I don't want to flame anyone. I would prefer to limit my comments (for now) to a final request for everyone to behave as members of the SB community should. EBug, I understand your comment below -- believe me, "play fair and be nice" DOES apply to everyone, but I also believe in forgiveness and fresh starts.