LAST EDITED ON 08-11-01 AT 11:13 AM (EST)

BlowsVivor
Episode 10: "The Birds!"
Act 4: "Halo Effect"

BLOWSVIVOR ADVISORY: The following segment contains material which may be unsettling to some viewers. Furthermore, anyone who tries to find a motive in it will be punished, anyone who tries to find a moral in it will be abused, and anyone who tries to find a plot in it will be forced to write the next episode.

Well, good, it's about time we had one of those. Day 29 nearing sunset, we get a montage of shots with a heavy beat provided in the soundtrack; Aymelek bellydancing as Survivorerist plays guitar and sings, and my goodness she has some incredible moves; AyaProbe sits with the castaways, they're all clapping and laughing; the ten hens race in, surround Aymelek, and she starts teaching them basic bellydancing; pretty soon she is teaching the castaways their moves, AyaProbe is off to one side talking into his cellular Swiss army knife; as the sun sets on the horizon AyaProbe and Aymelek get into the SUCoW with Aymelek's guitar, there is much waving and smiles and it's been really nice; AyaProbe and Aymelek ride off into the sunset.

Transitional scenes into darkness, about 9:15 P.M. RudyRules, Outfrontgirl and Dangerkitty get together about halfway between the sleeping shelter and the chicken coop. Night cam shot, of course.
RudyRules: Alright, I want to know what that witch's brew really is, why Dangerkitty's acting like this?
Outfrontgirl: Basically, it's a curative with analgesic properties.
Dangerkitty: Oh, it's gooood stuff, can I have more?
RudyRules: No. Come on, it's mood-altering.
Outfrontgirl: Once the honey was added it became a love potion.
Dangerkitty: I'm in love! Oh, I kind of suspected but I I I ...
Outfrontgirl: It is mood-altering, and in the proper dosage it makes someone a bit susceptible to suggestion, confuses them a bit. But it's really harmless, no one can be tricked into anything against their will.
Dangerkitty: I'm just so incredibly happy right now, thank you thank you!
RudyRules: I can't believe you cooked this up with one of the enemy. And what about Dangerkitty?
Outfrontgirl: As far as George is concerned it's just another substance to enjoy. Dangerkitty took way too much but eventually it will wear off, I don't know when, and she'll be back to her normal self with no harm done. And it is medicinal, just look how quickly she's healing. All I really wanted was to get some into IceCat somehow, he's just too tricky.
Dangerkitty: Oh, I could so go for that Ice!

Transitional shots through the night; a storm rolled in, lightning flashed, a lot of rain came down. Morning, day 30, the rain has reduced to a mist, 9:00 A.M. Dangerkitty is playing hopscotch with a couple of the hens, Survivorerist returns to camp having found the old rice tin, empty and without a lid, RudyRules and IceCat are playing a game of cards.

George Tirebiter (confessional): It stormed last night and the way things look at may be stormy all day. I've got to get IceCat back to thinking strategy, he's been a good leader, and we have a chance now to take control in the game again, if we blow it now ... Well, if I have to fall back on my alternate strategy I will, but I'd be much happier sticking with my tribe.
Survivorerist (confessional): Okay, I blew it with the bees, I thought I could lead them back to camp and use the attack as cover for something else I wanted to try, it just didn't work out that way and I paid the price for that. I had to play it by ear after I calmed down from my panic -- yes, I panicked, I thought I was done for when those bees went out of control! We're getting to the endgame now, they threw us the "reminders of home" to escalate emotions, remind us of what it's really all about. What I need to do now is make the provider strategy important again, if I can do that I'll be good to the final three at least, the others will eat away at their own rather than rid themselves of the provider. Fortunately, the heavens have smiled on me today, I think I know how I can do that.

Later on, as the rain starts to pour again, Dangerkitty returns to the shelter, her arms loaded with long stalks of straw grass, which she immediately starts weaving together once she's inside the shelter.
Outfrontgirl: What are you making?
Dangerkitty: Oh, I thought I'd make myself an immunity hula skirt, and maybe some gifts for everyone else, gosh I'm just still feeling so (whispers) you know, in love!
Outfrontgirl (whispers): I know you're processing this, honey, don't let it get you down, you're doing alright! Only 1 out of 1,000 people would have the will power to go through this the way you're doing, it's really incredible how you're holding up.

Transitional shots through the storm, according to the time stamp it let up finally around 3:00 P.M. The chickens then took apart the "erector set" fence and started constructing a tower of some sort nearby their coop.

RudyRules (confessional): Well, Dangerkitty is still under the influence, and Outfrontgirl thinks she has me snookered, but I got the information I need. I have the immunity this time, you know. They won't be expecting me to do anything now, it's time to strike. I got to take control of things, this is the best chance I'll have for that. Dangerkitty is the only wild card in play, and that ain't her fault it's just how things turned out, but I got it figured out to where I'm clear for the final two now, I'll have to see if I can fix it later who I'm in the final two with.

Meanwhile, at the chicken coop:
SnoopySucks: Woofwoof woof wooffwoof {What are you idiots up to?}
Chicken #4: Cluck cluckcluck cluck Cluck! {We're building a signal tower to radio for help, these humans are planning on making dinners out of all of us you know}
SnoopySucks: Woof Woof woofwoofwoof {Why don't you just try to escape?}
Chicken #8: Cluckcluckcluck cluck cluck {We were just born yesterday, you know}

Transitional shot, 5:00 P.M., Survivorerist enters camp carrying one of the blue hens under his arm, interupts the others (except for Dangerkitty who is busy making straw grass placemats) from their game of building a house of cards.
Survivorerist: We've got to decide about dinner, do we kill this hen for it now or do something else?
IceCat looks shocked at the question but says nothing.
RudyRules: Much as we've had to eat the last two days, I say we spare the chicken and mix up some of the soup.

Well, IceCat seemed relieved at that, especially when the others joined in on RR's plan, and Survivorerist hid his dismay at the choice, acting like he wasn't desperate to restore his provider position in the tribe. He said "okay" and started to take the chicken back to her home when Dangerkitty interviened.

Dangerkitty: Hey, SurferWrist, you wanna hear my song and dance?
Survivorerist: Sure, honey, you show me what you got!

Well, just then as the black clouds rolled in behind her, Dangerkitty started hopping and bopping in a sort of dance rhythm, and sang out giving it her all, giving it all away like all true performers do when they hold the stage:

Dangerkitty (singing): "Bittersweet memories that's all I am taking with me I know tomorrow brings the consequence at hand but I keep living this day like the next will never come oh yeah you're building a mystery holding on holding it in impossible to ignore impossible to ignore 'coz nobody does it better makes me feel sad for the rest R E S P E C T find out what it means to me sock it to me sock it to me because it's hard you know oh-oh-e-oh to strike a pose on a Cadillac men's shirts short skirts oh Daddy dear you know you're still number one stars shining bright above you what it is is what it is is what it is oh yeah you're gonna make it after all and now he only eats guitars!"

And, really, it made no bit of sense at all but she was so compelling in her performance, and then in a long shot we saw her courtesey. Just then, out of nowhere, a bolt of lightning struck nearby, and all the Vivors were knocked to the ground and smoke filled the scene, and doubtless the nearby filming crew were also affected. But they finally got their act back together and close-in shots continued through the smoke and confusion.

RudyRules: SnoopySucks, where are you, honey. I seem to be alright! SnoopySucks!
SnoopySucks: Woofwoofwoofwoofff! {I'm okay, let me just check on WoodstockBites and Mr. PlayBunny!}
Survivorerist: Dangerkitty? Dangerkitty? Are you okay?
Dangerkitty: Whoa, what a rush! Can we do that again?
IceCat: I think I'm alright, does anyone need any help?
Outfrontgirl: Wow, was that a lightning strike!?
IceCat: Yes, and it was very close by!
George Tirebiter: Don't worry, the shelter only collapsed on me, and the house of cards blew in my face, but I'm alright! Wow, that was something wasn't it?
Mr. PlayBunny: ** ** **** * ** *** ** {We're alright, what in tarnation happened!?}
SnoopySucks: Woof woofwoof woof woooof {Lightning strike nearby.}
Chicken #6: cluckcluckcluck! {I can't get my bearings}

But then as the smoke cleared and the damage could be assessed --
RudyRules: Oh my God (click)!
And all looked toward where RudyRules was gazing, and we'd all had enough forewarning and foreshadowing, so we all got to see --

The signal tower was a twisted fractured mess, nine instant-roasted hens merged into it, and of course the hen Survivorerist had taken into camp just fainted seeing the fate of her sisters.
RudyRules: I guess we got chicken dinners tonight after all, darn it!
And then GT fetched IceCat some brew and forced him to drink it as he stood there in numbed shock.

IceCat (confessional): That was so sudden, so unexpected. I had just talked with George Tirebiter and Survivorerist a bit before about tonight's vote, what we have to do, but now it all seems so pointless, you know. What's the point of anything anymore?

Later, as they all get set to leave for Tribal Council:
Dangerkitty: What does everyone think, is this hula skirt kewl or what?
And then they all walked off into the impending darkness, RudyRules leaving SnoopySucks and his effects behind since he had immunity anyway.

Meanwhile, at the trailer court, AyaProbe pulled up in his SUCoW and the three jury members emerged from their information center, spotlessly clean and ready to go.
Sleeeve: AyaProbe, I have to hand it to you, I really didn't fully understand all of this until I got on the jury.
Mon Cherie: Honestly, the stuff you've been pulling through the line producers to mess with all their heads, amp up their paranoia levels, I never suspected!
Survivorchick: That dog food pizza thing, you're going to have to pay me extra to keep quiet about that one, you jerk.
AyaProbe: No problem, S-Chick, it's not any of it about any of you anyhow, it's about selling soap. Don't screw it up, we have a winner on our hands, we're all going to be rolling in cash before long!

And back at the camp, a lady walked in as WoodstockBites and Mr. PlayBunny emerged from RudyRules' hat. Good lord, is it that Samiam from that band show?
Samiam: Well, I've been awful busy the last few days, hope you've all been alright?
Mr. PlayBunny (in a surprisingly familiar human voice): Tabitha, have you figured out yet how to break Serena's curse.
Samiam: No, Uncle Arthur, but I've planted smeaky eight spells all over the place, and now that we're all together Aunt Serena is bound to detect us and investigate.
WoodstockBites: Well, I can't wait to get back to human form, have you seen what Madison Avenue is doing on TV these these day, it's disgraceful!
SnoopySucks: Darren, calm down, we'll break this curse yet, track down Aunt Clara even, and in the long run everything will work out fine.
Samiam: Well, you'll be happy to hear that the real SnoopySucks is still fine, she's having a grand time with grandfather Maurice.
WoodstockBites: Sam, it's been ages, and at least you and Uncle Arthur still have a few of your powers, I've just been living by my wits!
Samiam: Look, we're all together, Aunt Serena is bound to pick up on that, we'll trap her, eventually she'll give in and lift the curse on you three!
SnoopySucks: I have a feeling everything is going to work out just fine, good things are already starting to happen!
Mr. PlayBunny: Besides, you twit, all your best ideas came from witchcraft even if you don't want to admit it!
WoodstockBites: Now see here --!
Samiam: Dad, calm down, we fixed things on Monkeyboy Island, we'll fix things here!
Samiam then twitched her nose and transformed instantly back into the barn owl.
Samiam: I have to go watch over RudyRules now, you all should just keep your ears perked, Serena is bound to get here anytime now!
SnoopySucks: You go on, darling, I have a hunch everything is going to go just fine from here on out.
Then Samiam took off into the dark.

Meanwhile, at the perimeter fence, a rustling in the tall grass betrayed a presence trying to escape. Pulling back, the camera revealed Kismet and Mistofleas watching as the attempt was made.
Mistofleas: I can stop this you know, just say the word.
Kismet: No no, the good karma will play well for us, just trust me on this one.
And then we saw that the grass was rustling on the other side of the perimeter fence, then moving away into blessed freedom from the insanity, off BlowsVivor, and we heard --
Chicken #6: Cluckcluck cluck cluck {I am not an entree, I am a free chicken}

Then, finally, the castaways stumbled into the tribal council set, took their seats, then AyaProbe brought in the three jury members. There was the standard Q&A that amounted to nothing, then the voting commenced with RudyRules going first. He wrote his choice, held it up to reveal it as George Tirebiter, and started speaking:
RudyRules: Voting off the loudmouth --
Well, from there he went on and on rambling in a speech which made no sense whatsoever, but in fairness to him I counted a full dozen edit cuts at least, and it was amusing the way it was edited, and then he stumbled back to the rest. They were all asleep by then, Ayaprobe included, except for Dangerkitty who was pawing at something in the air only she could see. He whispered something in her ear, then woke the others, the voting continued, and we only got to see IceCat's Vote:
IceCat: Dangerkitty, I really have a lot of respect for you, but right now you need a trip to Betty Ford even more than George does. Get well, honey.

But then AyaProbe went to count the votes, stretched it out as much as he could: First vote for George Tirebiter, second vote for Geroge Tirebiter, third vote for Dangerkitty, fourth vote for Survivorerist, fifth vote for Dangerkitty, sixth vote for Survivorerist: a three-way tie. So AyaProbe went through the tie rules and allowed the three in the fatal position to say their peace.

Survivorerist: Well, I've contributed always to camp, tried to make things better for everyone. This is a cutthroat game, I know, but if you value hard work I think you should keep me around.
George Tirebiter: Look, this game isn't about who deserves to win, they don't even cast it about who deserves to play, it's only about making gonzo TV with a bunch of strangers thrown into an extreme situation. I've held up my end of this since I got here and I'll keep doing it as long as I am here.
Dangerkitty: I gotta say it, I love you guys, this place is the best. I mean, it's so warm and fuzzy with all of you, love is such a wonderful thing!

And then the other three went to cast tie-breaking votes, but we only got to see Outfrontgirl's:
Outfrontgirl: Surv, you're just too nice a guy for all of this, the endgame might get brutal, you'll be happier out of it, buddy!

And when those votes were counted it was still a three-way tie, so AyaProbe asked them to tell their vote totals from previous tribal councils for the deadlock tie-breaker.

Dangerkitty: uhhhhh, let's seee.... I keep losing count.
RudyRules: She has two.
Dangerkitty: Only two, but I was so popular in high school!
George Tirebiter: I only have one.
AyaProbe: What about it, Survivorerist?
Survivorerist: Five, I have five.
Dangerkitty: Dang, he beat me!

And so Surv saw his glossy profile go up in flames, and as the others got up to head back to camp --
Tony Randall: Stay tuned for scenes from the next BlowsVivor and for Survivorerist's final words!

And then we were into commercials again. Oh, hey, there's Sleeeve's double and some guy in a metal helmet, they're tossing darts. And there's Shakes the Clown in the spotlight at that bar, and Monkeyboy nearby wearing a tiara and mimicking Shakes' every move. And there's Dalton, and Mon Cherie's double, and Survivorchick's double, it's a noxious brew commercial, and suddenly all three ladies are up on the bar pulling "Coyote Ugly" moves, and all them wearing only whipped cream bikinis!
Oh My God (click!), WoodstockBites was right, Madison Avenue is eeeeevil!!!! Lord, the next thing you know those ad guys will want to start just writing the TV shows themselves. Oh, then there were some {yawn} more ads we all already know, and finally:

Tony Randall: Next time on BlowsVivor: tribal alliances have broken down, everyone's out for themselves, it's chaos! (Standard shots of Vivors going through motions, nothing revealed.) Can anyone trust anyone or anything any more?! Tune in next time for the most exciting episode ever!

And then during Surv's final words we find that OFG and GT voted for Surv in the first vote, RR and DK for GT (DK's said only "Geroge"), and IceCat and Surv for DK.
Survivorerist: Hey, you have to make decisions and take your risks, there hasn't been a day since I got here I haven't been doing that. I don't know how it worked out, but sometimes you have to face the music, you know, and that's what this is. I had an incredible time. It's a great game, it's really a great great game!

And he meant it.