I could try to untangle the giant mess, I could sort endless through one-line descriptions on Jokers and try to summarize the results, or I could Fair Use from Hamsterwatch because there are days when ThatDingo has suffered enough and we must appreciate the depths of her pain.

Option #3.

"Deals broke out all over, or tried to: Janelle gave Shane & Britney her wedding ring as collateral on her word for three weeks safety, and also offered earrings - Britney returned it.."

Possibly because Britney is aware that there is nothing that would make any of this season's contestants keep a promise. On the other hand, she really should have just kept the ring. And I mean kept. Forever. 'Congratulations on the win, Janie -- it'll be enough money for you to replace this. I've just got to go get it appraised.'

Of course, if Janelle was planning ahead, that's zirconia.

"Joe pitched "ANYTHING" to Britney & Wil to stay a few more weeks - I'm sorry Joe, but this is Big Brother and not your cooking show audition.. later he established a new alliance with Frank & Danielle and christened it Three Amigos - sorry again Joe, but you're the only amigo in that alliance"

If you are picturing Joe in Steve Martin's movie outfit, it is not my fault. Sort of.

I don't know if he's aware he's the target or if his ego is just insisting he has to be.

"I think Britney won the sushi party in yesterday's comp or maybe it was Dan.."

According to Jokers, Britney.

"I don't know if he or she picked the guests or what, but they both dressed up along with the other coaches, Danielle and Shane, and they sat around a long time waiting for it, discussing forbidden topics in order to let us watch the fishies some more"

This has been a repeating topic for the feedsters: things being blocked out that were legal before. Among other things, it is now a blackout offense to say something along the lines of "I want to tell a story, but I'm not going to use any real names. Let's call this person Tristan..." Previously, as long as you covered identities, you were fine. Now you can't even do that. Go figure.

They're also going to fish when players discuss prior seasons and former hamsters. And in what might have been the greatest recursive loop in series history, Ian started humming music and sent the feeds to the fish. Which music was it? The tune that plays when the fish are on the screen.

"They finally opened the backyard for sushi on Showtime, but a booze delivery to those left behind turned out to be the better party by far.. Wil kicked it off, celebrating his birthday in style with captain's hat and no pants.. that led to dancing, Ashley doing handstands, and assorted silliness

When the sushis finally joined them, we had cake fights, cake being stuffed down Ian's undies,"

It feels like Ian takes a lot of abuse in the cage, but it also feels as if he openly invites most of it as his way of socializing. Put him on slop and show him that you love him.

"bodyshots on the kitchen counter, Ashley & Ian spanking each other, spin the bottle resulting in kisses between Boogie/Ashley, Wil/Janelle, Ashley/Britney, Shane/Danielle, Ian/Ashley, Jenn/Frank, Jenn/Janelle, Ashley/Frank, and possibly others.. Ian streaked his BB5 Cowboy hat trick again, and Wil streaked to the pool - Flashback 7/28 9.50pm for the start of the wild"

Note the lack of male-male kisses here. I'm calling rigged bottle.

"Joe was uncharacteristically quiet during all the shenanigans, but went back to SHOUTING ABOUT HIS RESTAURANT IDEAS as soon as the dust settled.. surprising absolutely no one, Danielle talked about her & Shane's smack too many times to count, including asking the girls about it like a pre-teen, and telling Shane that he didn't seem like he'd wanted to do it - he didn't argue.. most of them egged her on but Dan told her to chill, and Shane called him "dad" which ticked off Danielle who said that's her dad's name too.. the two unrequitedmancers laid in bed for awhile before Shane yawned loudly a few times - they exchanged another peck before she finally left"

Danielle's dad's name is Dad? Who knew? What's her last name, Turner? FAIRIES!

The house just got up a little while ago. (Wil announced it's the first time in years when he hasn't been hung over on the day after his birthday. Doesn't that beg the question of how many?) Veto meeting could be sometime this afternoon, California time.

Shane has that much time to borrow Jordan's brain cell.