Janelle would be welcome to join the Raunchy girls. So would Danielle, tho she might need a little more raunchifying.

I keep going back to her DR session when she told us about her crush: "If anything happens it will be because it's real"!!!!! What's her definition of real?

I'm really surprised that Janelle would sacrifice Ashley who is in a much better position to win this thing than Joe. Could Janelle be doing this because she knows Ashley would be tougher to beat?

Hamsterwatch captured this.

Britney: "Just don't touch his penis, just don't... it's not going to be good."
Danielle: "Britney, I have these strong urges to see what size it is."
Britney: "Okay, then we can figure something out."

...

...yeah.

Also this one:

Frank: "You went upstairs and stabbed me in the back."
Janelle: "I didn't stab you in the back - I think I stabbed you in the front."

See that comment above about Janelle having won the CC through the power of having been through plastic surgery? Now that we've seen what the competition was, please explain to me how typical procedures would give you an edge in it.

...right. Apparently Shane has confused 'plastic surgery' with 'working out'. Which may say a lot more about his body than he intended. The next time Danielle pounces on his abs, let me know if anything sounds hollow.

Danielle, Wil, and Frank were drawn. Normally this would look suspicious and guess what? It looks suspicious. But we're down to a really thin player pool right now, so that assortment did have a legitimate chance to come out of the bag. Notably, all players received the gift of new tennis shoes from the rats.

New Britney bashing topics: she misses her husband too much. Her wedding picture was the one girls dream about, so why didn't she pick something different? Wil doesn't mean to be a bitch, and so he keeps claiming. But he's got a partner. And if Britney had picked him? He'd be going off on Janelle. Because he doesn't mean to be a bitch. But he is. However, he is not Joshuah. Yet.

Lots of suspicion that Shane and Frank have an alliance going. Not much anyone can do about it just yet.

Joe flipped off Shane's picture on the Memory Wall, was called on it because Shane could have been watching, and then claimed the spy screen is broken. If so, the house is having technical problems all over: Malin claims an audio feed of someone's (no ID given) DR session was broadcast to the entire cage. Nothing too incriminating or nasty, which leaves out a few people: he was just surprised by who this mystery hamster said was the most physical person -- and fish.

Remember: every last reality cooking competition show told Joe to stay home. And Grodner took him.

Think about that for a minute.

Well, if Shane has a backdoor plan, we'll see it soon -- but don't bet on it, because he just talked about how he couldn't throw the Veto to Ashley (who apparently did well) or someone from Malin's team would have had to go up. Oh, the horror. Oh, the indignity. Oh, you bloody fool. And then he waved at the camera and said "Bye-bye, Joe!" So at least the house would be quieter -- after Thursday. Assuming this is what Shane wants and he gets his way. Either way, his odds of having the entire summer in the jury house to think about it just went way up.

Wil may not have taken the loss well. No details yet, but Britney wasn't impressed.

Too bad we won't have Joe and Willie in sequester together.

I could try to untangle the giant mess, I could sort endless through one-line descriptions on Jokers and try to summarize the results, or I could Fair Use from Hamsterwatch because there are days when ThatDingo has suffered enough and we must appreciate the depths of her pain.

Option #3.

"Deals broke out all over, or tried to: Janelle gave Shane & Britney her wedding ring as collateral on her word for three weeks safety, and also offered earrings - Britney returned it.."

Possibly because Britney is aware that there is nothing that would make any of this season's contestants keep a promise. On the other hand, she really should have just kept the ring. And I mean kept. Forever. 'Congratulations on the win, Janie -- it'll be enough money for you to replace this. I've just got to go get it appraised.'

Of course, if Janelle was planning ahead, that's zirconia.

"Joe pitched "ANYTHING" to Britney & Wil to stay a few more weeks - I'm sorry Joe, but this is Big Brother and not your cooking show audition.. later he established a new alliance with Frank & Danielle and christened it Three Amigos - sorry again Joe, but you're the only amigo in that alliance"

If you are picturing Joe in Steve Martin's movie outfit, it is not my fault. Sort of.

I don't know if he's aware he's the target or if his ego is just insisting he has to be.

"I think Britney won the sushi party in yesterday's comp or maybe it was Dan.."

According to Jokers, Britney.

"I don't know if he or she picked the guests or what, but they both dressed up along with the other coaches, Danielle and Shane, and they sat around a long time waiting for it, discussing forbidden topics in order to let us watch the fishies some more"

This has been a repeating topic for the feedsters: things being blocked out that were legal before. Among other things, it is now a blackout offense to say something along the lines of "I want to tell a story, but I'm not going to use any real names. Let's call this person Tristan..." Previously, as long as you covered identities, you were fine. Now you can't even do that. Go figure.

They're also going to fish when players discuss prior seasons and former hamsters. And in what might have been the greatest recursive loop in series history, Ian started humming music and sent the feeds to the fish. Which music was it? The tune that plays when the fish are on the screen.

"They finally opened the backyard for sushi on Showtime, but a booze delivery to those left behind turned out to be the better party by far.. Wil kicked it off, celebrating his birthday in style with captain's hat and no pants.. that led to dancing, Ashley doing handstands, and assorted silliness

When the sushis finally joined them, we had cake fights, cake being stuffed down Ian's undies,"

It feels like Ian takes a lot of abuse in the cage, but it also feels as if he openly invites most of it as his way of socializing. Put him on slop and show him that you love him.

"bodyshots on the kitchen counter, Ashley & Ian spanking each other, spin the bottle resulting in kisses between Boogie/Ashley, Wil/Janelle, Ashley/Britney, Shane/Danielle, Ian/Ashley, Jenn/Frank, Jenn/Janelle, Ashley/Frank, and possibly others.. Ian streaked his BB5 Cowboy hat trick again, and Wil streaked to the pool - Flashback 7/28 9.50pm for the start of the wild"

Note the lack of male-male kisses here. I'm calling rigged bottle.

"Joe was uncharacteristically quiet during all the shenanigans, but went back to SHOUTING ABOUT HIS RESTAURANT IDEAS as soon as the dust settled.. surprising absolutely no one, Danielle talked about her & Shane's smack too many times to count, including asking the girls about it like a pre-teen, and telling Shane that he didn't seem like he'd wanted to do it - he didn't argue.. most of them egged her on but Dan told her to chill, and Shane called him "dad" which ticked off Danielle who said that's her dad's name too.. the two unrequitedmancers laid in bed for awhile before Shane yawned loudly a few times - they exchanged another peck before she finally left"

Danielle's dad's name is Dad? Who knew? What's her last name, Turner? FAIRIES!

The house just got up a little while ago. (Wil announced it's the first time in years when he hasn't been hung over on the day after his birthday. Doesn't that beg the question of how many?) Veto meeting could be sometime this afternoon, California time.

Shane has that much time to borrow Jordan's brain cell.

"And in what might have been the greatest recursive loop in series history, Ian started humming music and sent the feeds to the fish. Which music was it? The tune that plays when the fish are on the screen."

You mean that they censored Ian's song by putting on that same song? I'm starting to like Ian!

You mean that they censored Ian's song by putting on that same song?

Yep. Apparently you can't even hum the music when the show owns it: songs from the public domain only. And Ian, as the superfan, decided to play with the rats. He couldn't know for a fact that they'd go to fish and he may not know the results until he gets home, but it was worth a try.

Wonder how long it'll take the show to figure out what he did.

About as long as it takes their Internet-assigned staffer to find the various posts.

My hope is that Janie planned ahead. What a move that would be, to have fake jewelry in your back pocket for deal making, you know those guys don't have a loupe or a gold detection kit.

Genius if so. Which means that it has a snowball's chance of being so.

LAST EDITED ON 07-30-12 AT 07:45 AM (EST)

A hamster who keeps his word? Inconceivable! So Shane is finally getting with the program by seriously considering a backdoor backstab of his bestie, sticking Frank on the block by pulling off -- sorry, volume controls of the world -- Joe. Blame the delayed Veto meeting: it was that much extra time for everyone to go to work.

How did this happen?

Like this.

That's right: Ashley is now working with Shane. Call her the White Mask Of Dramedy. As Hamsterwatch Fair Use put it:

"Ashley & Shane hatched a plot to replace her with Frank, then Ashley & Wil had a "we get another week" celebration, then Ashley told Britney about it over masques, then Britney told her all the reasons why it wouldn't work, which made Ashley cry.. Britney told Ashley to calm down, to sit with Dan & Ian over checkers because "they won't ask questions" (really, she said that).. Ashley instead told it all to Janelle, who looked like she was thoroughly enjoying the follies - a reasonable reaction, since she set them in motion.. the round robins and retells continued on and on and on"

Right: Janelle sniffed out the Frank/Shane pairing. And now she's done something about it. Someone's learning curve is on a steep climb.

"Shane's reason for thinking Frank's a threat is merely because "he's tried out three years {for the show} - he knows what he's doing" (really, he said that).. Danielle finally had a bit of a wakeup call when Shane refused to hug her on the grounds that he "doesn't want a showmance" - she toned down her look some after that and looked much better than her usual date-bait pancaked face"

This didn't last: she crawled back into his bed later that night. Danielle seems to believe love is just a matter of constant presence and lots of body contact. Danielle is not what you might call a Stalker Of Quality.

By the way, Shane's duck-out line for the above nomance moment? He had to pee.

"Most waffling usually comes to nothing, but Shane seriously seems to be considering changing his noms.. he doesn't realize there's no point in making three enemies when he's already made two, and he definitely doesn't realize that nominees never forget.. apparently he also forgot that he wanted Wil gone most of all

So Shane? Is listening to Ashley. A carefully-arranged chain of stupid where the next link possible requires asking ABC if they can borrow Bristol for a while. Yes, Frank is a threat. But an honest alliance between the two of them, if kept in stealth mode, could do some Brigade-style damage. He was stupid once by keeping his word, yes, especially to people who would never keep theirs. But then Frank separated himself from Malin enough to suggest he might be more than a pawn, the benefits started to potentially look as if they had the tiniest chance to manifest... and so he had to destroy them. Because he's Shane. And he's stupid. We've been over this. TheDingo is actually waiting for Shane's head to explode.

The rats are scurrying to do something about this. But we don't know what just yet.

Of course, there's one really happy person in the house. Quoting again:

"Shane told him the new plan at the hot tub, and after he left Joe sat there alone talking to himself about how thankful he is. At the same time, most of the others were howling with laughter in HOH about his SHOUTING, his grandiosity, and his ridiculous claims such as having invented I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."

They're on to him and he's not intelligent enough to realize it. The worst part is that step by step, Joe is replacing Danielle as the person you'd most like to drag into F2: no one takes him seriously, I'm not sure he's got a single genuine acquaintance in the cage, and the idea of his collecting votes would require a loony bin jury composed of every insane voter from every reality series ever tied to electrified keys. But can he be pulled that far? Possibly... and if so, the summer will only become uglier.

(He even shouts in negotiations. This was part of his speech to Shane: "MY WORD IS STONE. I'M TELLING YOU, I'D TAKE A BULLET. BUT I'M TELLING YOU, OUTSIDE OF EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD, YOU GOT IT." What does it mean? Joe may be the last person you should ever ask.)

BTW, Hamsterwatch also found Ian's game posts on SurvivorSucks and thought them worth reading. If you're willing to risk a trip over there, he was using the name Flipbox.

Other notes:

...Wil and Janelle may be the only actual alliance in the cage: Basher Buddies. Thursday could switch that up in a hurry, though. But in the meantime, Wil is verbally going after Britney. And Shane. And possibly everyone who's breathing. And maybe everyone who isn't breathing. And definitely you.

...Britney described the cage experience as being something very spiritual. Like drowning. You spend the whole time about to die and it just makes you reflect on so much. Like why you ever got in the water to begin with. She's not fully on board with the Frank backdoor, BTW, feeling it's just creating extra enemies. She wanted him up originally, yes, and getting him out helps her -- but if Shane was insisting on this alliance, going back on it will only cause extra problems. This counts as Too Late: the tactic might work, but there could be a lot more fallout than the original plan would have created. She's very aware that Shane has a raging case of HoHitis, at one point suggesting that he put on the robe and wait in his bedroom for the others to bring him small animal sacrifices. I'm pretty sure Shane didn't get it.

She also had an interesting line about how to her, the game wasn't about winning the 500k: it was about not going to the jury, because that was hell. Hmm...

...Janelle and Britney are talking again, mostly about feedster sites (Janelle is a Jokers member: JanieBB6. Britney seems to feel that site hates her) and the other coaches. They've realized Dan is always in gather mode for information and never gives anything back -- one of the few times anyone's tumbled to that. Not a good sign for him.

They actually managed to sneak some contract talk into the show, mostly at low volume. Apparently the one Grodner showed them specifically spelled out that the mentors could not win the 500k. But the last part said that everything was subject to change without notice, Janelle was told to expect the unexpected, and now both of them are expecting to come into the game, trying to figure out how to use the newbies as ammunition to take out Malin and Dan...

(Would you sign a contract which included a clause saying 'We can and will invalidate this if we happen to feel like it'?)

...Ashley admitted to having had a crush on Willie. (We were that close to Dumb Blondes Alliance III.) She also believes they're playing for five million dollars. Someone corrected her. She tried to get Janelle to tell her if she had the votes to stay should Shane not make a move. Janelle never gave her a direct answer. Ashley may not have noticed. Ashley has trouble with certain things. Like reality. And so Shane listens to her, because he hasn't found reality yet and at least she got a glimpse once.

...Joe Probably Lie Of The Day: he was riding his mother's horse and it threw him off, breaking his rear on leading. The horse's name? Fanny. Britney had this line: "If we all sat in a circle to tell each other the stories Joe has told everyone, he would implode."

They should totally try that.

Estee, what are you saying? Do we have a veto winner? Is Frank going up?

LAST EDITED ON 07-30-12 AT 06:06 PM (EST)

'Take a wild guess' on the Veto winner meant Shane won it (because he's won every Veto to date): I thought that was clear in the text. So it goes.

As-is, the Veto meeting wrapped up a few minutes ago, and Frank is on the block. (It looks as if Ashley was the one saved, but I can't fully confirm.) Frank and Malin are blaming -- Ian. Because they think Shane asked Ian if their team was going to put him up ever and Ian said 'not for the foreseeable future', meaning he confused the HoH with words Shane didn't understand, thus producing the backdoor.

ETA: Frank told Ian he could only use 'yes' or 'no' -- no 'magic 8-ball answers'. Yes, they are that afraid of Shane's IQ. Wouldn't you be? But they're placing the blame in the wrong place -- this seems to have mostly been Janelle's gambit.

Danielle is now the most important person in the house. Unfortunately, everyone knows it -- including Danielle.

If ever there was a time for her to blackmail Shane into being hers, it's now.

It is going to take a lot for Frank to survive. Danielle in all likelihood will vote with Shane.

I think she'd have to walk in on Shane having sex with Joe. And even then, I'd give you decent odds on her reaction being 'So he's bi. I can work with that!'

I never thought of Janelle as a smart player but this was a good move on her part. Shane and Frank could have run the house even with the Coaches twist. Hummm, makes me wonder if the rats figured that out?

Every single coach has said, on the feeds, that the Diary Room has told them they're coming into the game.

Go ahead and take a few seconds. I'll wait.

...

Okay, so in other news...

...what are a couple of the other things Grodner loves to cast for? Racism and homophobia. Shane called Ian a bundle of sticks and Joe has been doing the sort of Wil imitations that got Willie in trouble to begin with and making some not-so-subtle hints towards any skin tone not his own. Shane caught himself and apologized (your sincerity perception may vary) as Britney was launching into the Do Not Use That Word lecture. Joe? Does not care. Hamsterwatch has suggested that he might be best off going quietly this week, as the stress of being on the block is bringing out everything in him that can ruin his life later. Of course, 'Joe' and 'quietly' really don't work together. He's been shouting more than ever -- and the subjects are getting nastier.

...Ian was somehow being blamed for everything. Maybe it was a Magic 8-Ball Failure -- no one's sure how this happened, and it seems to be tracking back to something in the first week which might predate the feeds.

...Shane's not the worst person when it comes to his own sexual inclinations. Britney advised him to play on Danielle's crush in order to lock up the vote this week. Shane replied that he doesn't want to hurt her that way as he's not interested in her and feels she's way too attached to him -- which she proved again by once again crawling into his bed. Then again, he got something out of it -- game information, as she told him Ashley's conversations and the tears within were faked. (Also that she now hates Dan.) Can they track this back to Janelle? Good @#%^ luck.

...Dan believes masturbation is a sin. This may or may not be why Danielle now hates him. Dan's a really fun guy once you get down to his religious convictions and put the fire on the stake he tied you to out.

...Wil and Janelle had a little blowup. She told him he was safe for two weeks. Somehow, this was offensive.

...Janelle has convinced herself Frank has a job. Because the casting department would never bring in anyone who was unemployed. (Yes, I'm serious.) This has made her want Frank out even more. (Joe is her current Kill Frank bashing buddy. And my, does Joe ever want to play!) Also, she decided Frank might be bisexual and mentioned that to Wil. She now regrets this, as she feels it gave Wil false hope. (And he's safe for two weeks.) She's never been in this many alliances either. Pull the strings, but watch which ones you're holding.

(She also said that during B.B.A.Stards, Marcellus was "a bitter bitch." My, he sure kept that quiet.)

...Malin actually didn't see the Frank sidedoor/backdoor/whatever this is coming. How could the world's greatest authority on the game possibly miss that? Dunno. And how can Frank have deluded himself into thinking this swap was to make sure Joe left? No bloody idea. But Danielle is helping it along.

Yes, they're all this stupid.

RTVW still hasn't posted and interview of JoJo. Meaning I guess that she's in sequester with Kara. Or fled the country (yes, going to Staten Island counts).

Sounds like BB is giving itself a choice on how to fill those empty key slots, or a plan B in case the coach return idea doesn't pan out.

Every single coach has said, on the feeds, that the Diary Room has told them they're coming into the game.

Go ahead and take a few seconds. I'll wait.

I tried, but 10 free votes on the interwebs...

I know, they don't count them, but I had to try anyway, and for some gawd awful reason reality TV feels they've run out of fresh, shiny, new DAW's and that retreads are the only things 'Merica wants to watch...

Sigh.

Don't mind me while I wrap myself in this last sting of hope as if it were Linus' security blanket that the rats are just messing with the coaches to make them do stupid things...

*whimper*

Today and this evening seemed to be all about Janelle and how it's all her fault. Again.

The main factor was Janelle told Britany to make up a lie about Frank wanting to BD Wil; Britney took this and told others that Janelle probably made up a bunch of lies throughout the game and now here we are, it's all her fault.

Wil and Janelle had a disagreement also and Wil has proclaimed to Shane that he's done with this coaching BS. Even though Janelle saved his as* at least once.

Frank is the target this week, but I don't know if he knows it. Neither does Boogie. They are both acting like they expect Joe to be evicted. I don't know how the house has pulled this off yet.

I've been having computer problems trying to post quick overnight updates. My only contribution to this site (sigh) and I can't even do that!

Estee does such a better and more acerbic job anyway.

Believe me, I'm happy to be saved the effort of having to re-summarize any of this bleep.

The only other bits of note I can contribute right now are that Janelle & Wil have temporarily made up (and she may have planned out a fake cry for his benefit, but he could have gone back on her five seconds after getting out of earshot), the newbies don't really seem to be picking up on all the coaches talking about entering the game -- complete reversal of last time -- Danielle's brain still cannot work around 'Shane does not want me', Ian took a little more blame for something or another, and Joe? Ate some food. This may have been a reflexive action as he was cooking for the others at the time and when you're a chef, you taste-test. So I'm not faulting him for that at the moment, and it doesn't seem as if the rats have either.

Still, if it wasn't for the still-going plan to evict Frank, Joe would be heading out the door. He's reached the point where not only can no one stand him, but the group is laughing at him behind his back with imitations, picking apart his lies, and perhaps wondering if he actually believes what's coming out of his mouth. Tolerating him for the extra days is not going to be easy, and he may wind up saving a boomerang for a cycle just because it's that hard to justify his presence.

Well, for us, anyway.

LAST EDITED ON 08-02-12 AT 08:27 AM (EST)

For the reasons mentioned by Jims02 and RebelCrown, the entire Internet is expecting the World's Most Obvious Endurance Competition tonight. So are most of the hamsters. This may not include Ashley. I'm starting to wonder if anything includes Ashley. And just about the entire Internet now believes the only purpose of the phone poll is to make Endemol some fast cash, with the coaches becoming players no matter what the votes say. This doesn't include the TV-only viewers -- but the jig is that much closer to being up once and for all.

Joe, in sniffing around for ways out which he doesn't need, tried to tell Jenn that Malin would have traded her for Wil. Who overheard this. And 'round and 'round the cage it went until the inevitable arguments went off. Joe isn't exactly making this a quiet week, but Joe doesn't do quiet in any way. He has now admitted he's just here to get a cooking show of his own (which is not a particularly brilliant plan), and he's picked his personality to sell. Or this is his real one and he just can't stop. He and Jenn could ally up under the Not What We Meant To Do banner.

Joe did continue tasting the food as he cooked for the house, BTW -- to the point where the DR finally called him on it. His words on leaving the room: "JUST FOR EVERYBODY'S INFORMATION, HAVE-NOTS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TASTE THEIR COOKING." In case the world wanted to know. And even if they didn't.

Danielle continues to have bad times. Britney has sniffed out that she's not a kindergarten teacher and is on the fast track to 'medical' because Danielle just knows too much about the drugs Britney sells. Shane still isn't responding in the way she desires so very badly. Frank put her in a strictly friendly headlock as part of his fun-and-games-with-hamsters day. Janelle told her she was well-suited for an endurance run because she was small and that set her off, gawds know why. She has now revealed so many personal medical issues to the cage that people are starting to wonder not why she's still alive, but if. She feels no one respects her game. She's the swing vote, darn it! And down the spiral she goes.

The coaches, still fully planning on entering the game tonight, are talking veteran alliance between different pairings at different times. The newbies aren't completely blissfully ignorant, but a few of them are getting there.

Janelle told Britney she negotiated with the rats and if she goes to the jury house, she'll see her baby girl there. The original coach contracts said no jury house at all. So much for that plan clause. Oh, and she had a wardrobe malfunction.

Frank still doesn't seem to know he's the target -- but has Joe now created enough issues to shout himself out of the house? No one can be sure yet. But as Hamsterwatch noted, the surest way he could save himself would be to leak a rumor to Danielle claiming Joe said she was fat...

> But as Hamsterwatch noted,
>the surest way he could
>save himself would be to
>leak a rumor to Danielle
>claiming Joe said she was
>fat...

Or he can start acting like he is interested in Danielle. If Shane is blowing it Frank should step in.

I think she's a one-man nomancer.

Meant to say earlier; "Nomancer". If that's original with you, then kudos. And even if it's not, somewhat subdued kudos, but still, kudos. Add that to your "atta girl" collection.

Nomance. The one word to be associated with Danielle this season.

And Ashley/Ian doesn't count as a nomance. Heck Ashley can barely count, period.

LAST EDITED ON 08-02-12 AT 05:45 PM (EST)

I can't take the credit: Hamsterwatch came up with 'nomance', so any variations on it have a strong stem source argument. I just think it fits what we have here perfectly, as long as you want a word other than 'sad'. She cannot accept that he doesn't want her. If this is the first rejection of her life, it's coming fairly late. And it's setting up a lot of future rejections, because not all men enjoy being chased, and even less appreciate being stalked. But on the bright side, Grodner never cast for this particular mental illness before, so at least we've got a fresh character in the cage.

The bad news: she'll get one a season from next year until the end of the series. Minimum.

ETA: Seriously, given all the horror stories she tells about her life, this is the one bad thing which hadn't happened to her yet? Well, if you want to finish off your Personal Disaster Bingo card, this is the place you want to be...