the first mystery is “Exactly what is this Mystery?”
Has one of our own committed a foul act upon the being of another? Preposterous. We are all about love and loving and being loved. And boinking out fellow Loser Islander. And that ain't a crime, is it?
Has someone's carbuncle come up missing? Unlikely.
Did someone steal the sand castle June Bug made on the beach? It did look nice and all, but stealing sand art is a bit beyond the soused mentality of anyone here. Speculation is that the tide came in, but you always have your conspiracy theorists.
Is this a case of a purloined Sigpic? Heck no, you can't steal something that is offered freely. For free even.
So what the hell is this mystery?
I was pondering this as I ate my cheerios this morning, what the hell was the mystery? I checked the schedule, and sure enough, I had the date right, a mystery was indeed scheduled for this week. But I couldn't find anywhere where they said what the mystery was supposed to be.
Then I noticed that Survivor wasn't airing another episode this week, that this was to be a Bye week for a recap. Maybe that had something to do with this here deal. Maybe the crime, whatever it was, could be pinned on the EPMB. He is diabolical, and almost as nepharious as TribePhyl. Some say even more so...
The Usual Suspects. Everybody.
Wait, TribePhil...Ohhh...I get it... that guy has to lead the list of suspects. This might be a short mystery. Someone did clean out the safe before the season began, coincidental with his "vacation" in Europe. I understand (his monkey ratted him out) that he was spending on big diamonds in Amsterdam, meeting the Big Cheese in Switzerland, sucking the high class suds in Belgium, offering to fund the Fourth Reich (the fun one) in Germany, and to buy the family crown jewels in London. But no, the problem is that the Loser Island safe has yet to have any money in it, it just has a thick layer of undisturbed dust. Maybe Tribe is a big time South American Butt-Fat Smuggler?
How about Little Miss Suzzee... that innocent smile could be the front for a devious and deceptive mind, one that could be planning to sell us innocent Loser Island souls on the world sex trade market. Could be. Except we've all been trying for years to be sold as sex slaves, and so far no buyers. Apparently the world sees us as too "Used". To that I say, "Hell yeah, and it was fun!"
Then there's Mama June Bug, maybe she's trying to resurrect her bank robbing gang, and is using the Loser lodge Moped for her fast getaways? Yeah right, fast getaways on a Moped. Or, maybe she's the notorious traffic law breaker, speeding up for "slow " signs, not parking within 6" of the curb, not coming to a complete stop at stop signs. Could be, maybe, but the only traffic law on Loser Island is "Please Don't Run Over Nude Volley ball players". So again, not likely.
Let's take a moment to consider CT Girls Mug shot. Now let’s look at her Bazoombas. She was once accused of pocket picking, but could never be caught red handed. Because we were always looking at her Bazoombas. The perfect crime, so we'll never catch her, and we look elsewhere. No we don’t. We still look at Bazoombas...
Moley. Mr. Boy Scout leader. Mr. school teacher. Mr. Perfect cover for a counterfeiting operation, but that's just speculation at this point. He established the requirements for the etching (plates for 20$ bills) merit badge, driving (getaway car) merit badge, standing (lookout) around merit badge, and the running (numbers) merit badge. I don't know, Moley might have figured out what at Loser Island is worth stealing. (Knee slap, I kill myself).
Kermit, AKA, Foxy Lady, well known Vegas Madam on the outside, has been known to decorate her lair in heavy velvet and lots of love seats and sofas. And naked ladies. I however refuse to consider that there is anything untoward going on there, Kermie is the finest of our Loser Lodge citizens. And, well, because I have this book of coupons and ...
Wallflower. Always skulking around, noticing everything, making little notes, taking pictures with her nipple-cam, and mailing out those messages in undecipherable Allwey Owerfley code. Selling state secrets is a crime of the highest order. Anywhere but on Loser Island. No one has been able to hold a secret here in recorded history, so the going theory is that she's just recording blackmail information. No big deal, nothing newsworthy there.
The Silver Surfer, Agman, stole a kiss from Wallflower once. And he once allowed himself to be persuaded to declare that the women's volleyball team won when they didn't in return for "favors". That was a scandal, but a real crime? Heck, the girls volleyball team was giving out “favors” for free to anyone they could trap, tie up, and drag to their bungalows. Well, if he ever managed to sober up he might figure out how to rob a liquor store to get drunk again, but that's about it. Anyway, since the Loser Island Bartender mixes Tanqueray and Tonic by the gallon for him, he'll never sober up.
Bystander? Maybe he stole our beer? He knows that he will be summarily executed if he ever even entertains such a notion. On the spot. It's so serious that the appalled thief will carry out the sentence on himself once he realizes what he's done. Can't see him taking that kind of chance.
Survivor Maniac. Drives like a demon out of hell, but since no respectable demons would be found dead here, she had to leave those ways behind her. She also is a renowned art thief, but so far no one has taken our original of dogs playing poker, so, seemingly, she's clear there too.
(What, I left myself out of the lineup? My only crime is in waking up before noon. I turned myself in and did my time. Now I'm out, I wear a ankle monitor that shorted out when I went swimming, and I've been good).
So who did it? Are things what they seem? Or are there hidden agendas, cabals so secret that even the cabalists aren't aware of them? Even more interesting, what did they do? What in the world could anyone here have possible done that would have been a crime in the Loser Island Criminal Code? What exactly is in the Loser Island Criminal Code?
This will be a two week speculation due to the Recap week. Suzzee will be along shortly with this week’s contest, which is maybe a one week contest, or maybe a two week contest. Maybe that's the Mystery! Or maybe that's a red herring, Dr. Watson!
Anyway I was very amused by the efforts to enjoy hillbilly week, bacon certainly tastes better now for me at least. And I quite understand how a CityGirl would have a problem getting in to the pig slopping contests. But all in all it was very entertaining.
All I can say for this week (2 weeks) is it's either speculation week, who do you think did what, or confession week. What did you do (in exquisite detail, please)? And if you didn't do anything illegal, what did you do that is almost or that should be illegal. Or that is illegal outside of the South?
And if you want to pay homage to the latest peep to break his 10K cherry, check out: