OMG!!!! I hope they don't get a hold of the male applications! Start investigating? What have I done!? Ok, "honey" I've had 7 affairs in the last ten years of our marriage and I know our middle child is not mine, but that's fine, he's an idiot anyway. I'm sorry for forgetting your birthday (5 times), our anniversary (9 times), Christmas (3 times - I was, er out of town), and Valentines Day (4 times).
And those genuine pearls I bought you last year? Well they are genuine, genuine fakes. Oh yeah, remember that time you forgot where you put your savings from your paychecks? Well, I found out where you hide it and lost it gambling at the track, but I promise I won't do it ever again.
And, well I really don't like your cooking that much, but I know you try. And, could you forgive me for hiding your make up on a daily basis? You look like Tammy Faye Baker when you try to use it. But I love you and if we need counselling tell me and I will set an appointment for you, er us.
Ahhhhhrgggg! I'm soorrry! I have been abducted by aliens 16 times and they do weird stuff to me! It is frightening and I hope you understand.......
"What? They haven't selected the male contestants yet?"
"Uh, hon? Heheheh, you're going to get a laugh out of this when I tell you! er, heheheh, see I only said these things because I thought I was going to be on this TV show -- see, you can win money and we need money, and well, I can buy you all kinds of make up, and jewelry, and expensive things if I win! Kinda funny, heh? Heheheh, hon? Where u going, hon? What's with the suitcase?"
"Well don't forget to take the middle kid! I just wanted us to be happy and rich! And, I was abducted!! Look at these marks!"
(The door slams and the place is deserted except for a piece of paper floating down to the floor in all the confusion.)
It reads:
"We'll be back for the house and furniture in a week. We will not harm you. Please cooperate."
(Minstrel looks up at the wall that holds the stuffed hunting dog he once had that accidently got in the way of a crossbow's arrow. Honest, it was an accident!)
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