LAST EDITED ON 06-16-05 AT 03:58 PM (EST)

Too Much, Too Little, Too Late

This Week on Dancing with the Stars...

This time they only have a week to learn their dances. VO: “Tonight another couple must go” (spoken to dreary background music that is supposed to convey the impending doom that is elimination).

Tom & Lisa have toned it down a bit, it seems.

The two dances the couples will be performing this week are the Tango and Jive. This will either be extremely entertaining or extremely painful. *crosses fingers*

The couples each make their way down the staircase and onto the stage…Kelly is once again wearing a very revealing costume to take away from her lack of dancing prowess. She smart, the Kelly.

Okay, they’ve changed the format this week and I must say it’s a HUGE improvement. Now, the viewers at home are treated to a visual example of what the dances are supposed to look like. Fantastic idea! It makes much more sense to explain it AND show what a 'good' tango or jive should look like instead of leaving it up to Len to explain the dances in two seconds before his comments. Props to the production peeps (I have a major beef in another production area, however...I'll get to that later).

The tango is a passionate dance (once banned for being too erotic) - in it, the judges will be looking for slow deliberate walks and sharp headsnaps (not to be confused with fingersnaps...oh no you didn't).

A successful Jive has heaps of energy, it's a fast-paced rock & roll extravaganza born in 1920s…couples should incorporate the jive leg lifts with pointed-down toes and fast turns.

Tom makes some comment about the couples performing live after just one week of practice/training and there’s some “dun dun-dun dun duuuuuuuuuunnn…” music. Good lord, is this a cheesefest or what?

Evander & Edyta

Evander and Edyta are first up this week. They have really cute costumes. I like the yellow on both of them.

Last week it was not good…the judges showed no mercy. “It’s impossible for me to lose” (Evander). He said the jive is like the dances his mother used to do. We can only hope his mother was a better dancer than Evander!

Edyta “Evander loves to joke around and make me laugh” They go to a jive club to learn some new moves. "He’s a natural jiver", says Edyta. I think we'll just let the dancing speak for itself, mmkay?

Dancing the Jive to “Reet Petite” by Jackie Wilson

WOW! First this is a fantastic music selection! Perfect song for the Jive. He’s about 5 thousand times better than last week…he still makes totally bizarre movements with his mouth, but this is a lot better (he’s still behind on the counts on the faster moves, but it’s far less noticeable than in the past…). This is much harder choreography than he’s ever done. Mad props to Evander!!!

Judges:

Len: Like a bowl of custard…you’re not a good dancer
CA: I appreciate that you gave a crowd-pleasing piece…as much as you were lighter on your feet - moreso than ever - you’re still very heavy on your feet
Bruno: you’re a cool guy and it shows…in this dance you have to be sharp, the synchronization has to be razor and it wasn’t there Evander

Backstage:

Evander: “I feel good…I did the best with the ability I have”

Scores:

5 - 4 - 4

I’d have given them a 6 based upon the scores they’ve given them in the past and based upon the relative difficulty of the choreography. It was definitely his best performance dance-wise - and they just look so cute together. I hope they don’t go home tonight, though there’s a good chance that they will.

Rachel & Jonathan

Rachel and Jonathan are up next and will be performing the tango.

Rachel: “I’ve got to work twice as hard because I’ve got to get those scores from the judges”
Jonathan: “the struggle right now…Rachel’s tending to lead a lot…” Rachel and I are really looking forward to taking on John & Charlotte with the Tango.

Rachel & Jonathan are doing the tango to Toxic (yes, Britney Spears, ladies and gentlemen).

Rowr! They look very sexy! Rachel is great tonight. I always liked her best of the gals, by far (which, I admit, isn’t saying much given the competition), but tonight she looks just fabulous! She’s very poised on stage and her posture, as always, is fantastic. The choreography wasn’t my favorite (thought it was actually too simple for Rachel’s abilities), but she performed it very well. Her head movements are fantastic as well. The song choice is just horrible though…does not go with the Tango at all! I think the producers want them to go home or something with that horrible music selection! But they managed to make it sexy and performed a nice tango nonetheless. I think they’re going to be the couple to beat tonight after that performance!

<production rant>Okay remember the props I gave to the production folks earlier? I take it back. The camera people should be shot. God they suck. They’re terrible about getting the right shots. They're getting upper body/head shots when they're seemingly doing intricate footwork and vice versa. They’re like amateurs taping a kids' dance recital. No, they're worse than that. My old dance competition tapes had better camera work than this show. Fire the camera folks, NOW!</production rant>

Judges:

Len: an absolute delight
CA: great posture & arms…felt like you lost it in the middle for a second…it was amazing!
Bruno: that wasn’t toxic, that was sexy. Consistent…excellent in every dance. Great lines. Cyd Charisse, Ann Miller would be proud of you (those are some compliments…Ann Miller is a phenomenal dancer!)

Backstage (AKA totally boring moment #472):

Lisa: CA said she thought you lost it in the middle, did you?
Rachel: Yes, I actually did.
Lisa: Do you think you did enough out there tonight?
Rachel: I don’t know…that’s what’s great about this competition…I’m just pretending I’m in my garage when I was 6 performing for the neighbors.

Scores:

8 - 9 - 9

I’d have given them a 9, easily. It was very much what a tango should be (especially given that the celebrities aren’t dancers and have a week to learn the dance). Bruno is very right when he says that Rachel has a lot of potential as a dancer. If she took some actual dance lessons, starting with the basics: ballet, she could be quite good. She's got some natural talent there, for sure.

Kelly & Alec

Up next Kelly & Alec will be performing the jive. Uh-oh...one of the gals is doing a fast dance! That'll be a first and I have very, very bad feelings about this for Kelly. If she can't do the simplest of slow dance moves, I doubt she'll be any better at more intricate stuff like the jive.

Kelly (referring to last week's performance): “I think that was one of the hotter dances out there” - and therein lies the problem. Kelly just does not ‘get’ dance. She was hot, sure, but she didn’t dance at ALL last week. Just lots of hip movement.

Kelly: "I believe in Alec and I…I can‘t wait until we get that 100%”. Good luck with that, Kelly.
Alec (to Kelly): "The jive was your best dance so far" - oh how I hope he's right!

Kelly & Alec perform the Jive to “Footloose”

Well, this is an enormous improvement and a huge surprise (insert foot into mouth). Kelly really appears to be enjoying herself for a chance and she looks a lot better (though she’s still incredibly awkward) than she ever has. She’s still not a dancer, though. She looks like she’s stomping grapes at times, but I have to give her credit. The kick sequence is incredibly bad, but some of the footwork is pretty good (given her potential). It was a fun routine and probably the best choreography of the night so far.

Judges:

Bruno: I really like someone who takes advice, works at it…if you have time get some ballet classes because that will help you
Len: different dances suit different people. You did a great routine.
CA: You’re a firecracker…this was by far your best…when I watch you dance I don’t feel that you feel the music…but this was by far your best!

Backstage:

Kelly: "I’m so happy, it’s helpful to hear constructive criticism…something I can go back and work on for next week."

Scores:

6 - 7 - 8

Bruno is on crack giving them an 8. For real. I’d give it a 6 or a 7 if I was feeling generous. She still looks extremely strained when she dances. I don’t know what else she can possibly do, however. Ballet classes might help with her posture, but there’s only so much you can do with someone who has no natural ability. Neither she nor Evander have much hope to ever be good dancers. Given the other scores we've seen tonight, there's no way in Hades that deserved an 8.

John & Charlotte

John & Charlotte are up next. Their performance blew the judges away last week. John says he thinks that Joey is the favorite. Charlotte’s been intense this week because of the short time span.

John & Charlotte are dancing the tango to “Dance With Me”.

Okay, so the producers obviously want John & Charlotte to do well. They gave them a song with an actual tango rhythm/format. You know that quintessential tango song…the one that goes (dun…dun dun…dun dun dun dun)? Yeah, that song. Well, the song they are dancing to is a contemporary version of that song. Not that I’m complaining since they ARE the best of the bunch…it just seems a little like the producers pushing them as the favorites. Anyhoo, getting to the dance… I really like how they use all of the floor in their dances each week. That is a very important part of good choreography - taking up space on the stage and not staying in one place for too long. And they have some really nice choreography overall. I am noticing John’s odd facial expressions more this week (last week he had some, but most of his expressions worked well with the dance last week). He looks kinda like he is trying to keep from killing someone with those teeth-grinding faces. Not too cute. But they are still good. Not my favorite tonight, but I still probably prefer them over the other couples.

John: "I’ve lost 13 lbs."
Charlotte says John agreed to dance in red Speedos if he loses 20 lbs. Now I like John well enough, but I’m not sure if I’d still like him if I saw him in all his glory. Thanks for the visual.

The audience loves them, btw.

Judges:

CA: What I love is that you make every dance suit your personality…I still think you’re the ones to beat
Bruno: not as good as last week…not quite there tonight
Len: it was like a panther stalking it’s prey slowly across the floor…not as good as last week, but a great performance.

Scores:

8 - 9 - 7

I’d have given them an 8 (or a 7.5). It was not as good as their past performances, IMO. I still enjoyed it.

Joey & Ashly

Finally, we move to Joey & Ashly.

Joey: “Bruno ought to be ashamed…I think he needs a bottle of vino and some pasta” (huh?) He continues, "we had to reprogram our outlook on making the dance tell a story. We’re definitely going to take it to another level."

Joey & Ashly doing Jive to “I’m still standing” by Elton John.

Joey is wearing a military uniform…hmm. Interesting. I get what they’re going for…but the two costumes did not match at all. She should have been wearing a cute 30s era dress. Now THAT probably would have gotten them higher scores! That said, I love their choreography. It’s very cute and they definitely seem to have the most fun on the stage of all the couples. Joey still has his constant surprised look on his face, which I hate and think takes away from the rest of the performance. But it was great and they had some nice moves! In particular, their use of the entire floor (like John & Charlotte) and the jump Joey did over Ashly’s head. Very cute and very swing-era!

Bruno: G.I. Joe you rock. Finally, you’re actually competing with us.
Len: Well it was a great blend of jive, rock and roll…generally it was a great performance and lovely show
CA: I thought it was great but it is week three and I saw some sloppiness in your arms and your feet. Great knee slide!

Backstage:

Lisa: you got a standing ovation…those were some pretty complex moves you were doing…
Joey: It was really hard to learn in one week.

Scores:

7 - 7 - 8

I’d have given them an 8 (8.5 if I could). I didn’t see some of the missteps that CA saw, but that could have been just because they were able to hide it well because of the choreography and dance being so fun (I doubt it thought...I like to think of myself as a professional dance criticizer )

To the results

Ah, we get to see how the scoring works, finally. Each couple gets ranked based upon how they finished with the judges and then the same with the viewers. The max points a couple can get is 10 (5 pts from judges and 5 pts from viewers). So, the highest score gets 5 points, and then the lowest score gets 1 point. Most votes: 5 points, least votes: 1 point. That clears up the scoring questions we'd had previously.

Staying:

John & Charlotte
Kelly & Alec
Rachel & Jonathan

It's down to Joey & Ashly and Evander & Edyta. I'd be VERY surprised to see Joey & Ashly going home, but Rachel in the bottom two surprised me last week (and Kelly & Alec NOT being in the bottom two) so anything's possible I suppose. Going home tonight with the lowest total score:

Evander & Edyta. It should have either been them or Kelly & Alec. I think Kelly probably improved more than Evander (though both were much better than last week), so this is the right decision.

Their ‘final dance’ song is a fitting if not cruel selection: “Too much too little too late”…LOL!

Per the ABC website, the upcoming dances (in no particular order) are:

Foxtrot - a dance with the main format of 'slow-slow quick-quick'
Samba - I cannot WAIT for this one...one of my favorite ballroom dances)
Paso Doble (pronounced PAH-so DOH-bleh) - means "two steps" in Spanish and has some Flamenco roots
Viennese Waltz - known for elegance and big, sweeping turns

I wonder if the final performance is going to be 'dancer's choice' since there are three weeks but only two week's worth of dancing left...hmmm

Tune in again next week when we're treated to each couple having to perform TWO dances! Yikes! They're just trying to make this more painful for the viewers, aren't they? Maybe next week they'll have only had 3 days to learn two dances since the time frame keeps getting shorter each week!

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