Contestant Gufu #1: Francesca. Open mouth on minute one, insert both feet and your entire closet of shoes. Just hail the Quit Boat and make it faster. It's too bad, though; she sounded entertaining.

Contestant Gufu #2: Kristina. Remind me to play poker with you sometime. I'll know right off if you have pocket aces or a 2-7 offsuit because you will volunteer the information. Playing hard is caneled out ten times over by playing stupid. If you're my competition in law school, I'll graduate at the top of my class. For that matter, if Francesca's my opponent in court, I won't lose a case.

Contestant Gufu #3: Phillip, the walking gufu. What is it you said you did again, Phillip? Didn't you have some big important job before you got the one now, pumping gas at the Citgo?

Production: So there's Rob, Russell, Russell's pet young female, three delusional people, and twelve cardboard cutouts. Way to make an early impression.

Also Production: So Francesca, who doesn't know how to play Survivor, goes to Redemption Island, where she'll get a chance to come back, where she can either fail miserably again or be deagged to the finals and lose in epic fashion. Also, I guarantee that the person brought back in will be as clueless as Burton and Lillian put together. Hmmm...let's see. Who besides a reality show would think this is a good idea? Let's see if the NCAA Tournament implements this: "Well, 2-seed Duke just got upset by Prairie View A&M, but don't worry, Blue Devil fans; they'll be going to Redemption Island on Maui, where they'll play in a series of three-point shooting contests to see who gets to come back at the Elite Eight!" People are voted out because they suck or they get outplayed. No point in putting us through that again. "Boston Rob, the tribe has spoken. Again. For the fourth damn time. And you lost All-Stars. You can't win. You suck. Go away."