LAST EDITED ON 09-23-06 AT 10:07 PM (EST)

Previously on Survivor we were shocked (really?) to learn that the tribes were divided by ethnicity. At Raro’s resort beach, we saw that “Loud-Mouth” Jonathan had stolen a chicken but then Flicka lost the chickens. I thought I had seen the “Dumbest Fire Dancer Ever” last season but it seems that the title is still up for grabs. Over in the Far-Eastern shores of Puka, a strange looking hippy told us headaches are caused by Corporate America and that old folks in Asia know it is only “bad wind”. His treatment resembles a torture and leaves a hickey on the forehead but Brad says he was cured…I’m not sure if I should get rid of my Aspirins or not. In the Barrios, Billy (Heavy-Metal) tried to chop down trees with nothing but a bamboo stick. He failed, in case you were wondering.

Most of the drama was in the low-income housing of the Hikihood. First,
Burnett wants us to believe the law does apply to the white man as Sekou and Nathan send the thief to Exile Island. In the end however, we were left with a nagging question: Why is it always the Black Man that gets the boot? Sekou the Jazz bassist’s torch was snuffed. Maybe Burnett will have a spin-off next summer titled “JazzStars: Manihiki Quintet”. With Mitchell on piano, Brian on guitar and Jerri on percussion, Sekou will be looking for a singer. Wanda, Maralyn, Melinda and Bruce’s favorite, Courtney, have already had auditions. Good luck with that!

Now, “19 are left. Who will be eliminated tonight?” We first stop by the Manihikihood on day 4. We’d like to ask the braided twins what were they thinking getting rid of the man with fire in his belly but instead we see Nathan trying desperately to make fire. “We need fire so bad. We have no water… we’re beat” he says while working with Sundra. Good for him, he’s looking for the little crack Rory had found. Sundra wants to represent well and feels the pressure. Stephannie doesn’t know what they are doing wrong. She tells us that these are desperate times. Having been around Survivor-extraordinaire(!) Lis, Rebecca figures that just striking the flint isn’t enough but to get a fire you need kindling. She does get a little flame going. Then comes the question of what to do next? There is no knob to turn on “High” which seems to trouble her. The tribe finally creates a fire pit. Nathan dances to celebrate the result and everyone hugs happily singing, “Burn, Baby Burn!”

Over in the Barrios of Aitu, JP goes out fishing with Cecilia and the other
members of the tribe. He tells us they caught 8 or 9 fishes and some big clams. He then asks the girls, “You guys got crabs?” Surprisingly, Cecilia seems happy to say she does.
Cristina raves about the good teamwork. She then tells her police story where she was shot and almost lost her left arm. Cecilia is impressed, “Cristina is a super strong woman; she is our role-model.”
The role model then tells us she wants to catch a chicken. Those
creatures show that they can also be DAWS by coming right into camp and
playing to the cameras. Cristina has a net and wants to hold the net on the ground and pull it up as the birds walk by. Ozzy isn’t impressed with the role model’s plans. “I don’t want to shoot down all her ideas,” he tells us, “but her ideas come from someone who doesn’t know anything and they don’t make sense to me.” His game plan seems to have neglected that boasting isn’t a good idea in this social game. Curly, who thinks he’s so good at survival, could use a lesson in “Survivor”.
Sensing her role-model status didn’t last until commercial break, Cristina remarks, “Every idea has to be Ozzy’s idea.”
The editors must think most of the audience is slow because we then hear Curly add, “Cristina and I, we don’t click very well. Partly because she’s a cop and also I’m 10 years younger than her. I wouldn’t want a 14 year old telling me what to do” Shouldn’t you take your own advice?!
Through all this chatter, they do catch a chicken and enjoy a nice BBQ.

Over at Puka, Yul is playing “mouse-trap” but with live chicken and using coconut instead of cheese. It must be a cultural twist, I guess. He then demonstrates the oriental version of the proverb “Killing two birds with one stone” as he drops the box on two birdbrains. I meant the chickens, not his teammates! Becky and Yul then form an alliance as they work on the beach. Yul trusts her because as a lawyer she does a lot of non-profit work and probably isn’t in the game to win a lot of money. I thought this guy was smart. Becky shoots down any chance the guy had by telling us he is like her older brother, her “Oppa”. (My Korean internet lessons are free.)

At Raro, Parvati tells us that “Papa Bear is coming home” as we see a boat approaching. The exiled felon comes ashore and is warmly received by his tribe.
First thing Papa Bear tells us is that “They’re happy to see me and I’m happy to see them but they haven’t done anything.” He tells them they should start working on the floor. “They don’t have a floor. It’s the same shack they’ve been in for 3 or 4 days.” Flicka wants to work on their “palace” but she tells us that Adam, Candice and Parvati like to have fun and waste time. Who expected someone named Flicka would be the voice of reason!
As soon as Flicka asks Adam to help, the hunk tells us “Building a shelter is the dummest thing. Raising the floor is a waste of energy. Why raise the floor to keep it dry?” I guess we’ve just learned that the hunk likes to be on top!
At least, Jonathan realizes the adolescent behavior is because “Adam is hungry and he is being crabby. I don’t need him….being like that” {The editing thread will love that pause. We almost had a boot announcement}. Candice shows she can talk and advises her hunk that “You need to be careful.”
“Who? Me?” answers the “genius”
“Don’t make him the ennemy” she tells him.

Back in the Barrios, we see the beginning of the confrontation between Curly and Heavy-Metal. Heavy-Metal shows he plans on following the Steph strategy of Survivor: Eating, bossing people around and sleeping can get you to the F2. After taking a rest from his nap he tells us that “I’m saving energy. It’s foolish to waste energy doing things that you’re not good at. They have energy to burn and go around catching food. I get whatever they catch.” I had to pause the tape to see what was worse in that comment. First, the guy has 50 extra pounds so we know he has been saving energy for a while. Then, smooching off the hard work of your neighbors may have worked for Kramer but it isn’t the smartest Survivor strategy to use. Curly tells us he hates having to tell Heavy-Metal what to do. Without direction, Billy drops what he was carrying and goes to sit on the beach. When Cristina and Cecilia join him he tells them “I’m an outsider. I don’t relate the same way. Even if I’m Hispanic I don’t feel Hispanics. My culture is metal.” Cristina says that’s good because he brings something different. That something different seems to be stupidity.

Over in Puka, The “medicine man” does his work on Jenny. He then tells us with a smile that, “Most people I know, after a while, they get a red mark.” Somehow that doesn’t sound quite right. Jenny is happy the headache gone but doesn’t like the mark. Night time comes and Cao Boi starts telling his jokes: “What do you call a Vietnamese with 3 dogs?” His tribe is offended and we miss the punch line. I want to answer: a Cook! Hey! Maybe that means Cao Boi is the winner of Survivor: the Cook Islands. What? Spoilers don’t go in this thread? Sorry about that. They spend the night arguing about the jokes and how they can offend some people. It’s always a good idea to do on a night preceding a challenge.

At night, Billy is snoring and Curly wants to use drastic measures by pulling a “Burton” on him. Cristina disapproves and lets us know it is stupid. Haven’t we seen this before? JP is happy Ozzy brought it up. Cecilia is worried it will look bad and Cristina confesses that, “it is sad to get rid of one of our guys. I don’t know if I can trust Oscar anymore” We are left wondering if this grand scheme will work. It should be mis-direction, shouldn't it?

The commercial ends and we’ve got mail. Adam is reading it. (Yes, I’m surprised also) He tells us the challenge will be for reward and immunity. Somehow Becky takes over at the same spot to tell us that they will need collaborative thinking if they don’t want one to leave by the setting sun. On cue, (boy these guys have good timing) we go over to Hiki right at the moment Nathan tells his team mates that it is time to work as a team. After seeing that Adam can read, Nathan shows his mathematical skills. “We’re down to four, everyone else is five. We have to win this.”

The last scene before the challenge is the Aitu-4 talking about getting rid of dead weight. JP is adamant, telling Cristina that Billy will eliminate her if she doesn’t do it first. What is Billy doing to save himself? Well, he’s walking alone on the beach and taking one last nap before the challenge. The team gathers and because they are under contract, they go meet the host.

We finally join the Head-Daw, Mr. Julie Berry himself or Jiffy as she undoubtedly calls him. “Come on in, guys” he yells for what could be the 1000th time. He goes on saying they are getting their first look of the new Hiki crew. A week after all of us, JP shows his surprise at seeing the result. This challenge is both for reward and immunity in case we had forgotten since tree mail had been read a whole minute earlier. Reward will go to the first place team only. They will get two tarps to stay warm and dry at night. The first three teams to complete the course and solve the puzzle will get immunity and the losers get a date to tribal council and the decision to send someone to Exile Island.

Jiffy tells 3 teams they need to sit one player out. This signals the start one of the funniest challenges in Survivor history. Certainly, seeing Rafe fall headfirst in the water is unbeatable and the blind-fold collision courses or the Q&A ones have been funny also but this one wasn’t supposed to be funny and that’s what makes it so good. Here you have Billy standing outside the huddle Aitu has formed to decide who will sit out. He has his hand up and four times he repeats he should sit because he’s the worse at obstacle courses. Poor Billy, after consultation, JP says he will sit. Adam and Jenny also sit out.

Probst will tell a story that the tribes need to listen to carefully as it will guide them at the end to solve their puzzle. Doesn’t this challenge usually take place late in the season? Maybe Jiffy demanded more face time during his contract negotiations. This could be a long season because with each of Jiffy’s story telling, I tend to go to sleep. Now I know the story had something to do with the Cooks. So three stories about the Cooks are told and I imagine that:
-Keith discovering the coast of Australia is the answer to #1
-Clay charting the far shores of Thailand must be #2
-#3 had something to do with making sandwiches in the middle of the Pacific and that stumps me because Matt, the other “restauranteur” I can think of, only made it to the Amazon… A slap gets me out of my reverie. It was Curly who was trying to catch flies, apparently paying as much attention to the story as I was.

When Jiffy yells “Survivors ready? Go!” Three teams rush out while Curly brings Aitu to a table holding a book each team had the option to consult. They take their time to read the stories they just heard. A clueless Jiffy thinks it is a huge strategy move and it is, but not the one he’s thinking. When Curly finally decides to put his team on the course, Raro and Puka have pulled well in front. They get their 4th puzzle plaque and Hiki is on a mission for third place. Curly takes his time untying the plaques, making sure the other 3 teams get a solid lead. Puka peaks first atop the stairs leading to the rope bridge but Raro is roaring back. They start their puzzles as Hiki completes their hike through the obstacles and tackles the bridge. Raro and Puka complete the puzzle, start jumping up and down but Jiffy tells them they all need to be on the mat. Both teams hop on, we get a close-up view of the action and…Jiffy declares, “Puka wins!” Flicka wastes no time complaining, giving a lesson to coach Saban on how to challenge an official’s decision but the play is still going on. Hiki is at the puzzle and Aitu is in the middle of the rope bridge. Fearing their deficit may be insufficient; Curly yanks on the top rope, almost sending his team in the water. With a smile, he does it a second time and Billy falls in as Jiffy declares, “Hiki wins immunity” and I’m laughing out loud. Regrouping, I hear that, after reviewing the tapes, both teams got on their mats at the same time. It is a tie! Both teams get two tarps and Flicka isn’t charged with a time-out.

We then have Aitu confering about sending someone to Exile Island. Billy speaks for the group saying “Yul is the strongest one here, so we’ll try to weaken them.
As Aitu and Raro are standing next to each other, we get this little exchange.
Candice: “We feel bad for you guys”
Billy: “I’m next”
Candice: “Ah! We love you”
Billy: “I love you.” Meaningless banter you may think. All I can say right now is wait a bit. Finishing the order of business, Jiffy distributes the immunity idols and Parvati hugs it and gives it her nicest smile. Showing that the girls of Raro are used to sharing, Flicka then gives it a big smooch!

After the break, we return to Aitu, where else? Ozzy starts by telling us that they lost on purpose. JP then says that despite trying to lose, they almost won so they’ll be fine without the big guy.
Billy confides he’s looking for a little crack.

We put the “suspense” on hold to meet Yul on Exile Island. Call him Terry-san because he finds the idol in less time than it takes Jiffy to find which camera is rolling. He had to find a line of sight where the 2 mast structure will form a A with an island in the distance and walk on that line until the southern Island disappears behind the trees. Once again, the strongest guy has the idol! The only thing that might make this season better is that Yul tells us he plans on using it strategically. Maybe Terry can learn something.

Back to Aitu and Billy tries to crack the policewoman:“Once I’m gone, you’re on the block” “Exactly”she says “I don’t trust Ozzy at all. In my line of work I see people lying all the time.” Cristina then promises the fat guy that she will talk to Cece. She seems to use her talk to make sure they can trust each other as Billy’s name doesn’t come up.
Cecilia then gives her only confessional “Cristina came to me; she asked me if Oscar and I had any kind of alliance. I hope she can trust me because I am being honest with her”
Ozzy liking to hear himself talk, probably grabbed a camera man because we see him again. I didn’t count, but that must be a lot of words for one episode. “I knew Billy was going to try and stir things up” he starts. “He wants me gone. Cristina is probably going to be the most sympathetic but if they want to vote me out, do it because I know that they are going to suffer.” Finally, he stops…for now!

Billy has the last words before TC “All my chips are on Cristina. My hand is weak but at least I got a Queen”

We climb aboard the ship-wreck that is the stage for the TC but may serve as an indication of the season. We are greeted by the host once again:

After the initial ritual, the first question is about leadership and Billy speaks: “Ozzy has emerged as the big voice”
Cristina always putting her 2cents in: “I don’t feel he is the leader, I feel he tries to take control of things.”
Ozzy being his modest-self as usual: “There are certain things that I have specific knowledge of that if I don’t voice my opinion then it’s going to get done wrong but we know that if we work hard we are going to be stronger than anyone else”
Billy doesn’t seem to want to save himself: “A lot of our loss had to do with me. Ozzy and JP threw the challenge”

Jiffy is surprised (!) and asks JP how can you throw a challenge with only 5 players. JP explains he doesn’t want to keep someone who isn’t trusting or carries their work load.
Billy says he fell into a trap. JP refuses that point of view saying: “No, no, he’s trying to play the victim.” Billy says he was trying to play his dream, JP interrupts to say that part of the game is involving yourself.

Billy responds: “ I’m talking and you’ll have your turn, Mr. bully. Anyway I don’t give a crap’s @ss about this. I came to play the game and my prize isn’t even the million dollars. I found my prize and I fell in love, it was “Love at first sight” and her name is Candice!!!”

Jiffy has to pick up his jaw from the floor since he doesn’t look very good with his mouth wide open. (Jiffy, that’s about how we felt when we learned about you and Julie): “Candice from Raro tribe??? Nothing I’ve heard ever surprised me more than what you just said. I want to be respectful but what would she base feeling the same way you’re feeling, on?”

“It was love at first sight. I’m serious” a convinced Billy says, Cristina and Cece are trying very hard to keep a straight face. All tribe mates are ask what they think. Both guys basically say Billy is crazy while Cristina says that even if anything is possible she doesn’t want Billy to get hurt.
With that it is time to vote and well guess what: Bye Billy. After snuffing the torch, Jiffy babbles about Trust and Work Ethic. Work ethic was dealt with but trust is still an unresolved issue.

We get previews where Brad gets swallowed alive by an Octopus, a bikini-clad Parvati works her assets and Cao Boi doesn’t shut up. At least the octopus is something new.

Billy’s final words told us it was fitting that a heavy metal guy was voted out by Ozzy, the picture fades away but I swear I heard him start singing Ozzy’s words from Black Sabbath’s Paranoid:

“I tell you to enjoy life,
I wish I could,
But it’s too late” maybe it was my imagination, then again, maybe all this was.