LAST EDITED ON 06-20-07 AT 03:05 AM (EST)
Ah, and now another episode of “On the Lot:” the show that goes to great lengths to show viewers that even Mark Burnett can have a really bad idea, and that Steven Spielberg will run away faster than a teamster runs toward green room donuts when the chips are down.
First up, a hostess dressed for her real gig; On The Casting Couch.” I mean really, the second Ra saw her he told me that her dress just screamed “easy access,” and told me I needed a dress just like that the next time we go off on one of our weekend jaunts.
Next, Uncle Foreshadow shows us a group gripe session, led by Marty. “Just who do these people think they are?” he scoffs, reminding us again about how brilliant his vision is. Oh I don’t know Marty – how about 3 successful people who have survived, prospered, and worked in the business you are attempting to break into? At least the production gods are with viewers tonight; we only have to sit through one 11 second pregnant pause before the guy who believes he is on the fast track to usurping King Stevens crown is given the hook.
Now on to the next 5 movies, which proved to be just as dismal a group as the previous weeks offerings.
Bunny’s pics for the week:
1. Sunshine girl. Zach gives us a cute, heartwarming story of an innocent child who proves that she really IS the center of the universe when she pulls the sun out of the sky, tries to use it to color the sun in her picture, and promptly looses it under her bed.
2. Glass Eye. Will answers that age old question: What would happen if a glass eye was suddenly set free from the bondage of it’s human slave master? I liked this movie, but agreed with Gary that the black and white world should have been the world of the glass eye. The actor was mediocre, but the editing actually helped to play that fact down.
3. Blood Born. Jason spends his entire bio telling us that he is a good Christian, with good Christian values. He drones on like a bad commercial about how movies don’t have to have sex and violence in them to be good. Of course, his movie begins with sepia toned cut shots of a drug addict. Enter the Doctor telling said drug addict that he is really a miracle whose drug filled blood actually saves lives. We are then treated to Miracle Man leaving the clinic feeling redeemed and getting gunned down. Drug related? Sure it is – the doctors and pharmacists paid some thug to kill the miracle cure who could put them out of business. At least I think that was the point – come to think of it, when asked, Jason couldn’t even explain the point of this movie.
4. Lost. Great title, Mateen. The plot was lost, the motivation was lost, the actors were lost, and the viewers and judges were lost with this movie. Where was the payoff? Where was the story arc? Why should we care that some broad called some guy up so she could meet him in a café someplace and “stick it to him” that she had finally found and married a guy better than he had ever been? Why should we care as she droned on using clichés such as “first and foremost” while proving herself a redundant hag out to rip his heart out with a spoon? And, why should we care that this guy whose woman dumped him 6 months ago and hasn’t contacted him since would come to this meeting armed with an engagement ring?
5. The Orchard. Why, oh why didn’t you use the branches to twine around the guy like a cage, grab the saw, and start hacking away? You set us up for it with the heavy breathing, the pointy twigs on the branches sticking up, and great pov shots! The least you could have done was have the tree twitch, fall over, and kill the guy! Instead, you let the guy walk away with the saw!
Oh, and Jessica; you should have taken into account that the last person to stamp his feet and whine that the judges were old hacks with absolutely no understanding of film making wound up getting the hook at the beginning of the show. Way to go, showing a horror film with no horror to the King of horror films, and then telling him he didn’t understand horror stories.
ETA my sigpic, which is far more scary than The Orchard