Top 10 Ways To Embarrass Yourself In 2004Dave: From the home office in Meadowlands Stadium…
Paul: Wait, I thought the home office was in Wahoo, Nebraska.
Dave: It was. But after the Nebraska coach got fired, things got a little rough in that part of the country. We decided to move it to a safer place.
Paul: The Meadowlands is safer?
Dave: Well, nothing happens there, and those fans have given up, so we should be able to hang out here without being bothered. Happy now? Don’t make me sic Allen Coulter on you.
Allen Coulter looks up from the microphone in his little booth, chocolate smeared all over his face.
Dave: And don’t ask me what that means. OK, I have in my right hand here a copy of the latest Top 10 list.
Two people applaud.
The Top 10 Ways To Embarrass Yourself In 2004, here we go…
#10…Appear in a video with Paris Hilton, but don’t have sex with her.#9…At the coin toss for the first game of the 2004 NFL preseason, declare that the New York Giants are going to win the coin toss…and the Super Bowl.
Paul: Didn’t somebody comment about a coin toss during the playoffs?
Dave: You’re way too observant to be Canadian. But not even Matt Hasselbeck’s dumb enough to expect anything from the Giants.
#8…Get hired by Donald Trump on national television.
Paul: Um, wouldn’t it be more embarrassing to get fired by Donald Trump on national television?
Dave: If he hires you, that means you’re his bitch for the next year. You really want that news to get out publicly?
Paul: I see your point.
#7…Design an ad campaign for Pampers and Gerber. Your two spokesmen? Steve “Crocodile Hunter” Irwin and Michael Jackson.#6…Go on Survivor, get voted off early, and then try to convince everyone that you were just there “for the experience”.
#5…Say you’re going to marry JLo, call off the wedding because of the media attention, and then keep talking to the press about how you’ll marry her once the media frenzy dies down.
#4…Go on The Bachelorette, get rejected, come back as The Bachelor, then complain about all of the pressure of having to date all of those women on TV.
#3…After 14 years, not only admit that you bet on baseball but that you’re still too damn cheap to go to a real barber.
#2…Go on Celebrity Mole to boost your acting career.
And the #1 Way To Embarrass Yourself In 2004…Marry Britney.
I am the embodiement of snarky, sarcastic and smart. I am also the S7 Anti-Bootee co-champion!
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