LAST EDITED ON 07-13-01 AT 09:07 PM (EST)
Previously on BlowsVivor…
Seven contestants have left the show. The remaining contestants are midway through the show: 21 days down, 21 to go. One of these nine – dangerkitty, George Tirebiter, IceCat, Mon Cherie, Outfrontgirl, RudyRules, sleeeve, Survivorchick, Survivorerist – will win. Which will it be?
This time on BlowsVivor, it’s a special recap show: "the most boring recap show ever"™. The first half of the show will review the first seven episodes of the show. The second half will be devoted to never-before-seen footage of the BlowsVivor production staff, illustrating how the quality goes in to BlowsVivor before the name goes on.
PART I: SIXTEEN CONTESTANTS IN SEARCH OF A STORYLINE
<We start with a review of the departed contestants. Images are flashed of the seven bootees so far – desert_rhino, skierdude10, ItzLisa, VampKira, Dalton, PepeLePew13, and Superman – while music rises in the background…>
“The Flame” -- Fine Young Cannibals
<written by Steele/Gift>
I remember being far from home
(Stuck without a) telephone
You told me it’s over
You made up your mind
I’m part of the (tribe) that you’re leaving behind
I’m left (getting) the (scorch)
And the heat from the flame
Only leaves me in pain
Don’t you know how much it hurt
You took all I had and you threw it away
I’m left holding the flame, yes I am, once again.
I’m left holding the flame, yes I am, once again.
No matter what you say, it hurts
You didn’t have to make it worse
It would have been better had you told me yourself
Instead, no, you left it to somebody else
I’m left (getting) the (scorch)
And the heat from the flame
Only leaves me in pain
Don’t you know how much it hurt
You took all I had and you threw it away
I’m left holding the flame, yes I am, once again...
<imagine all the cheesy video to go along with this one, featuring AyaProbe revealing the names of the departed and the flaming of the headshots … finally (blessedly) ending with a shot of the nine remaining members of the DAW tribe after E7, carrying their headshots and passing between the radioactive sludge piles, which emit a sickly green glow in the dark, that mark the exit to Tribal Council, on their way back to camp for the remaining 21 days.>
And now … a look back at BlowsVivor from the midway
EPISODE 1: Send in the Whores
<As the tribes disembark from the tram and make their way to the campgrounds, IceCat (who is walking by himself) suddenly shivers>
IceCat: "Hey, I’m not supposed to be here. I was the Web designer for BlowsVivor – my first Hollywood gig – before I quit working for the clown. I thought that was the tram to the parking lot. I’m not a contestant, I am a free man!"
Mystery voice: "Why did you resign?"
IceCat: "Who said that?" <looks suspiciously around>
Mystery voice: "That would be telling. Why did you resign?"
IceCat <looking at a shrub>: "Did you say that?"
Shrub: <what do you think, the shrub talks?>
From a distance, George Tirebiter and desert_rhino observe IceCat trashing the bushes around him.
desert_rhino: "See, I told you he was a nut case. That long hair … you can tell every time. What we need in this tribe are dependable, anal-retentive people … like you and me."
George Tirebiter: "Stick a sock in it, whine-o."
George Tirebiter (confessional): "To start with, I think a man with long hair is very attractive. And then the scrunchie … oh, yes! Plus, he’s competent but rebellious at the same time. And there’s a mysterious air about him, like something’s going on that only he knows about. Seems to have a sense of humor, too, and to have some ambition – those are important values to me, I'll buy them in a man. It’s a shame that we’re competitors, because swooning only makes you seem weaker to the rest of your tribe."
desert_rhino (confessional): "I can’t believe it. I come in here and say nice things about that mangy cur of a Scottie dog she talks about all the time, and does it do me any good? No! Right away, she starts calling me whine-o, just because I criticize IceCat. Just like that! Maybe I should have brought bagpipes as a luxury item so I’d fit in better. I’d better get these lazy asses organized before they start picking up her smart mouth. At least I’ve got the old guy targeted to be the first victim of Tribal Council. By the time we have to go there again, this tribe will be under my thumb."
<Scenes from the first IC (pie-eating), won by the ArrogantAussies thanks to Dalton defeating Superman in the tiebreaker, followed by the surprise tribe-switching and immunity of Rudy Rules and Survivorerist.>
BorneoBores conversation, headed back to camp:
VampKira: "That’s OK, Superman, you did your best. Here, have a sniff of this."
<Superman takes deep sniff, then pulls VampKira off into the bushes.>
ItzLisa: "We all did our best, and that’s what’s important."
Mon Cherie: "All except those two. Why did they pair up? I really don’t like to see that kind of stuff going on. And Superman could do much better than ... her."
desert_rhino: "Don’t tell me you’re jealous. Anyway, she smuggled in the glue."
George Tirebiter: "Well, let’s head for the stash. We’ll need a few tokes before strategizing."
Survivorerist: "You all have a stash? I thought Outfrontgirl had the only stash."
Mon Cherie: "Hey, where did IceCat go?"
<Everyone looks around, then sees IceCat coming toward them from in front of them.>
IceCat: "Hi, tribe. Did you all take the slow way back?"
George Tirebiter: "Where did you go?"
IceCat: "Just exploring. I think I found a few shortcuts."
desert_rhino: "Who needs shortcuts. Icarus steps out to fly around the set."
IceCat: "Your wings will melt going that way; that’s where the virtual sun is."
desert_rhino: "How are you with explosives at 50 paces?"
Morning, Day 3
Survivorerist brings coffee and donuts to the hungry contestants.
Mon Cherie: "Where did you get these?"
Survivorerist: "Dalton knew where to go. She says she has some kind of deal with the clown that ensures she’ll get special treatment in return for a cameo by the President."
George Tirebiter: "Al Gore is coming here?"
desert_rhino: "Geez, GT, get your brain in gear. Gore lost."
George Tirebiter: "Not in my state he didn’t."
VampKira: "Where are you from?"
George Tirebiter: "Florida."
desert_rhino: "George, notice the big Texas flag? That’s not just for Colby Donaldson to cuddle in with his mother anymore."
desert_rhino (confessional): "That clown thinks he’s so smart. I get it all lined up to get rid of the old guy, and the clown pulls a tribal switch … and then everyone cuts the old guy a break and lets him switch teams. Talk about fixed games! I’ve been drawing really disgusting pictures of Mon Cherie making like Mr. Creosote during the challenge, to help everyone think of her as the next target, and I think I finally suckered them all in to it. At least they’ve stopped complaining…. Hey, this interview’s been going on for a long time. Aren’t you going to talk to anyone else before TC? … Well, the way I look at it is, if they vote me out, I'll blow what's left of their lame asses from here to Kingdom Come before it's all over, starting with the clown. Yeah, I told them that, and I think that helped get them focused on what to do next."
<Quick glimpse of desert_rhino’s headshot being torched, followed by clips of him saying "Two words, ‘pipe’ and ‘bombs’," then "Hey, anybody know Stacey Stillman’s lawyer’s phone number?">
EPISODE 2: BA to the Rescue
Morning, Day 4, the AA tribe is huddled together for warmth, while sleeping.
Outfrontgirl (confessional): "I don’t know how it gets so cold here at night. I mean, this is LA, not Siberia. The worst part is that I keep waking up with sleeeve wedged in next to dangerkitty, right up against one side of me and skierdude10 curled up in fetal position and sucking his thumb up against the other side. Then every so often, skierdude says ‘Bump’ … and everyone bumps."
skierdude10: "Beeing part of thiz tribe is like so kewl. I looooove bumps, and the gurls hear have big ones! ROLFMAO. Bump!"
<Footage from RC, which sleeeve loses for tribe on last rhyme.>
sleeeve (confessional): "Sure it worries me to lose a challenge that way. I want to make up for it before problems set it. Guess I’ll make the run for coffee and donuts the next couple of days. Good thing Survivorerist and I followed Dalton that one morning to see where she got them."
Dalton (confessional): “Dalton thinks that the coffee and donuts solidify my position as leader of the tribe. Everyone knows that, if they vote me off, all the goodies end. If they would rather go back to starving with rice and flour, Dalton will let them.”
At the BorneoBores camp, the tribe celebrates its reward win, splashing in the water with its peppermint soap while using the hygiene products. Mon Cherie and ItzLisa are naked as jaybirds in the water.
Mon Cherie: "Superman, come join us in the water!"
<VampKira, standing right behind Superman, glares hard at him. Superman gulps.>
Superman: "Uhh, let me take a raincheck right now, Mon Cherie."
<It starts to sprinkle.>
VampKira: "WHO is doing that? If the BAT finds out, consider yourself undead!"
<The sprinkling stops.>
VampKira: "MUCH better. Come on, Superman, we have some new glue to try out!"
Superman: "What type?"
VampKira: "Just for you -- Superglue."
Mon Cherie: "Wait till I get my hands on her. She can go learn explosives from desert_rhino."
ItzLisa: "It's a shame anybody has to be voted out. Why can't this be like a big camping trip? All we need is some chocolate to make s'mores!"
Mon Cherie: "Speaking of which, did I ever tell you my chocolate fantasy?"
<recap of IC, won by BorneoBores due to GT’s bong-building expertise.>
Outfrontgirl (confessional): "What a bong! I brought one along with me, but that was some construction. If we’re both still around at the merge, George and I would be natural allies. Of course, there are a lot of votes between now and then. I know I can get the men to go along with me if I need to, because every man I’ve ever slept with has been under my influence right afterward, since I’m so good … I wish we’d won those hygiene products; then we wouldn’t all smell so skanky and everyone might have the urge a little more! But there are only two logical targets in our group: Survivorchick, who seems to be butting heads with Dalton as the leader, and skierdude10, who’s just so out of it. Skierdude is so easy to influence, it’s pathetic. All he needs is a 'bump' now and again."
RudyRules (confessional): "I’ve enjoyed having the chance to watch alliances form. So far, I’ve been letting Dalton and Survivorchick battle it out, but SnoopySucks says the real power in the tribe comes from dangerkitty. I’ve never know Snoop to like a cat before, but there’s a first time for everything."
<quick look at skierdude10 bringing his headshot to the front at the end of TC.>
EPISODE 3: Spoiled Again!
<PepeLePew13 being led onto the set by AyaProbe>.
PepeLePew13 (confessional): "Ah deed not know what to egg-spect when ah zhoined ze cast. Ahnd nevair did ah egg-spect to see such a fine-loo-keeng lady ahz daingerkeety!"
Dangerkitty (confessional): “It’s about time that something happened in this tribe to liven it up. I was so desperate for action, I was ready to take Survivorchick up on her offers. Pepe is not only hot to trot, but I can beat him up when I feel like it, and he’ll still come back for more. I like that in a man. I have to keep in shape for stunt work, you know. Hey, maybe after BlowsVivor, I could get a lead role myself. You know, like Colleen did. Maybe in one of the Jackie Chan movies?”
Dalton (confessional): “Dalton was worried that we’d get another one of these overbearing military types who wants to control everything. Good thing we got the skunk instead. I only wish he hadn’t squirted Snoop. At this rate, that tomato juice won’t last until the merge. Speaking of which, it’s getting to be time for me to do some serious post-merge planning. Maybe a little nighttime reconnaissance?”
<Quick cuts of the “Blonde Piggyback” RC, won by BorneoBores, who get possession of the bunny.>
sleeeve (confessional): “It really hurt to lose that bunny. I had rabbit stew all figured out, even where to get the carrots, and then they beat us again and won the bunny.”
Dalton (confessional): “Damn, it’s a good thing we’re still getting the coffee and donuts in the morning, because we’d really be getting hungry without them. That bunny would’ve tasted pretty good, even if sleeeve did want to cook it. Guess he couldn’t do worse than RudyRules does with the rice. Actually, you know, the only good thing in this tribe is its leader. <smile>”
<footage of Outfrontgirl cooking rice, and everyone praising her cooking as “moist yet fluffy”>
Outfrontgirl (confessional): “The roles in this tribe are very poorly drawn. I’m willing to be the cook if it will help me stay out of Dalton’s way. I don’t understand how come things aren’t clicking in this camp. Maybe we just have too many leaders and not enough followers!”
<The BorneoBores have no such concerns. They are living large and loving it.>
Superman: “Yes sir and ma’am, we’re going to keep sweeping all the challenges from now to the merge. And Vamps and I are stuck like glue.”
VampKira: “No, we’re stuck with glue. The tube just burst, remember?”
Superman: “That’s not all that burst. Stupid used condom.”
VampKira: “Yeah, it’s a good thing we prevailed upon AyaProbe to throw some birth control pills into the medicine kits. I think he got scared when GT and ItzLisa threw out the idea of having PMS at the same time.”
Nightfall, at the BB camp:
Survivorerist (to bunny): “Did you see IceCat slip away?”
George Tirebiter: “I hope something bad hasn’t happened to him.”
Superman: “I’ll go check.”
VampKira: “Not unless you get free of me first.”
VampKira (confessional): “I should have realized that heat vision could melt glue ... and skin too! But then Superman stayed there with me instead of going to look for Cat. Perhaps that was because of what my hand was rubbing under his tights. ... I don’t know, maybe we’re getting too close. I’m not sure that the rest of the tribe likes it. But no one has said anything to me.”
Mon Cherie (confessional): “You know, I thought I was the brazen, forward type. But I didn’t even dream how eager some women could be to get a superhero in the sack. And the worst part is, she doesn’t believe in multiple pairings…. I thought something could be worked out. But all Survivorerist is interested in is his bunny.”
<back to tribe around fire, when IceCat comes back, bedraggled.>
ItzLisa: “What happened to you?”
IceCat: “Big news. Looks like there’s another new producer on the show. I saw a different helicopter on the sound stage roof.”
Superman (suspiciously): “What were you doing on the sound stage roof without me flying you there?”
Mon Cherie (sweetly): “Superman, you do so much for so many people …”
VampKira (interrupting): “But he does nothing for you, honey! Right, Superman?”
<that night, as BBs and AAs are sleeping, we hear a voice near both camp sites>
Mystery voice: “Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength …”
Outfrontgirl (to dangerkitty): “It’s been cold here, but last night was really warm. And I kept hearing voices last night. It seems to me that the less I know, the better off I am ... why did I just say that? It doesn’t make any sense!”
dangerkitty: “I know, yesterday all I could think about was strategy, but today I don’t think that I need to worry my pretty little head about any of that stuff.”
PepeLePew13 (walking up): “Vair do ve geet the coff-fee? Ah aim thiersty!”
dangerkitty: “As long as they tell us what to do, we’ll be OK.”
<montage of “triple E” challenge, showing Superman screwing up the challenge at the end for the BBs, the way Amber did in the blind leading the blind challenge>
IceCat (confessional): “I don’t know what’s wrong with us today. It seems that the dumber we are, the better we’re doing. I need out of here before I break. <walks toward tribe> Hey, GT, can I have a hit of that bong? <noise in background> Did you hear that?”
ItzLisa: “I could be mistaken, but that sounded like Mojo Jojo saying Muh-wah-hah-hah-hah. I’d better go check it out.”
Mon Cherie: “Save the Chemical X for another day, Itz. I feel safer not knowing.”
George Tirebiter: “So do I.”
ItzLisa: “I still need to go look.”
Mon Cherie: “Let’s read the word of the LORD instead.”
Survivorerist: “Does that mean I could get to know you in a Biblical way?”
Mon Cherie (sighs): “Only someone your age would dig up that tired old joke, Surv.”
<at TC, the dramatic reading of the last vote for ItzLisa, followed by her brave front on handing over her headshot>
EPISODE 4: Silence of the Lamber
George Tirebiter (confessional): “I was really impressed by the way ItzLisa handled herself upon getting booted. Maybe she was tougher than I thought after all. But I just wasn’t sure which coalition she sided with. Right now, we have three voting teams in this tribe, and she was the odd vote.”
Survivorerist (confessional): “I’m getting tired of this little kid stuff. Hey, I know Vamps is hooked up with Supe, but the rest of the women in this tribe should be happy for a little action. Geez, what do I have to do to prove I’m not just some little boy with a crush on Amber anymore? Kill my rabbit?”
<footage of BBs eating breakfast>
Survivorerist (voice-over): “GT may think that this is all over, that she will form a four-person alliance and leave me and Mon Cherie out. That’s OK if she thinks that, but it ain’t gonna happen in Lamber’s lifetime.”
<footage of Mon Cherie showing Superman the trail of blood leading from Survivorerist to VampKira>
Superman (confessional): “I thought that vampire stuff was just an act. Now the only reality that I’m sure of can be found in this … my tube of glue.” <sniffs deeply>
<montage of eating challenge, with weenies on a stick reward to AAs>
With BBs in camp:
VampKira: “They got the food; it’s time for us to have some rabbit stew.”
Survivorerist: “NO! Lamber needs to stay with me.”
George Tirebiter: “Enough! Let’s cook some rice and eat the leftover donuts with it.”
Mon Cherie: “What leftover donuts?”
<everyone looks for the leftover donuts. Finally they see Superman asleep under a tree, cannabis seeds stuck to his lips and an empty donut box next to him.>
George Tirebiter: “We’d better win immunity, or we’re going to start eating each other next.”
VampKira: “Some of us already have been.”
Mon Cherie: “For nutrition, you bimbo!”
VampKira: “I’d rather be a bimbo than a frustrated slut who can’t get any!”
IceCat: “Cool down, both of you. I think the air conditioning system is part of the rolling blackout again, so it’s going to be hot enough without you two adding to it.”
IceCat (confessional): “I don’t know why I’ve become the peacemaker here, but I’m starting to get used to this. It’s better food than in the army, and the mind-control tactics are similar. I know that the tribe and the producers are trying to mess with my head at night. Well, two can play at that game; I just need to bide my time for the right chance. You know, I could actually win this game, or at least have a great hookup after I get voted off.”
<montage: the whiz challenge, won by sleeeve to give AAs immunity>
sleeeve (confessional): “It felt good to finally come through for my tribe in a challenge; this immunity means we have to go into the merge no worse than even. The way Dalton and SnoopySucks have been fighting lately, I think we may have roast dog for dinner any night now.”
RudyRules (confessional): “My masters in psychology is finally paying off. I’ve managed to use Snoopy to get everyone into a huge tribal leadership battle. Dalton, Outfrontgirl, dangerkitty, sleeeve, and Survivorchick all think she or he should be the tribal leader. Well, I’ve got news for them. Let them keep going after each other, and I’ll sneak in there at the end. Hey, even a nobody like Nick Brown hung in until the final seven, and the only memorable thing he ever said had to do with farting in the tent! Yep, they’ve got real high standards at Harvard, don’t they?”
Survivorchick (confessional): “I’m pretty happy with the way this last challenge went. A female-dominated tribe like ours was at a real disadvantage, but we still pulled it off. Guess we need to hold off on the full Estrogen Alliance for a little bit and keep at least one man around, in case we need one. Too bad we don’t have any real men in our tribe, except for me.”
<montage: Survivorerist revealing his fake bite to Superman, just as VampKira is being voted off – Superman torches her head shot and AyaProbe’s hairpiece at the same time>
EPISODE 5: Ch-ch-changes
Survivorchick (confessional): “This is when it starts to get hard to go on. Thank heavens we have the coffee and donuts every morning to get us going.”
Survivorerist (confessional): “My plan worked better than I thought it would. I never thought that I’d be able to pull off a stunt like that to give my little partnership with Mon Cherie some more staying power, but it worked to perfection. I need Superman for the next two challenges so I don’t get voted off, but after that, it’s a question of getting him before he can get me. I need to settle down with some guitar music. <starts to play “She Drives Me Crazy” by Fine Young Cannibals, but just as he’s singing “People say … that I’m obsessed,” a string breaks> Damn! How did that happen? … Oh shit, it looks like the strings have been cut. Look! Did someone do that with the knife or with heat vision?”
Dalton (confessional): “My strategy for the final two has taken shape now. The clown owes me for lining up a cameo with POTUS* and I’ll collect from AyaProbe if I have to. I notice the coffee and donuts are still coming, just like the clown promised.”
*POTUS=President Of The United States
<montage of greased pig contest and Dubya’s arrival>
Dalton (confessional): “I don’t get it. I thought everything was all worked out for Dubya to show up in the last episode, when I’m in the final two. What brought him here with all this baloney about an ‘ostrich dissertation’? I can only think of one reason. Stacey Stillman’s lawyers are going to be hearing from me when this is all over; I’ve been set up!”
The next morning, at the BB camp:
Superman: “I need some extra black coffee this morning.”
Survivorerist: “Any French crullers left?”
<suddenly, from behind a tree, emerges…>
AyaProbe: “Like these donuts? Is this good coffee? This breakfast break is brought to you by our friends at Dunkin’ Donuts.”
George Tirebiter: “WtF?”
AyaProbe: “Hey, hope you had a good time with the free breakfasts, because starting now the goal is to survive the hard way! Surv, if you go to get these in the morning, you’ll find the commissary is now closed.”
Mon Cherie: “You mean we have to live on what we can cook ourselves?”
<AyaProbe nods yes>
Mon Cherie: “No coffee?”
<AyaProbe nods no>
Mon Cherie: “It’s not fair!”
AyaProbe: “If you think that’s not fair, what about the fact that the AAs got Krispy Kreme donuts instead of Dunkin’ Donuts?”
All BBs at once: “Let’s get him!”
AyaProbe: “Mutiny? Tsk, tsk, tsk. You realize that open mutiny is automatic disqualification, don’t you?”
<All BBs stop.>
AyaProbe: “Nice to see that you came to your senses after all.”
IceCat (confessional): “It was that moment when I realized that revenge is a dish best served cold.”
Dalton (confessional): “I should have known. We weren’t getting hungry enough, so they tricked ol’ Dubya into a raid at the wrong time. (Sighs) How did he ever get through Harvard Business School? Was he the Nick Brown of his class?”
<montage of IC trivia contest, won by BBs>
AA discussion while walking back to camp:
PepeLePew13: “What iz thees? A comment about a “frainch line” through a number 7? Ah have zeen Aya uze thees line myself! Do you know ze phone number for Stacey Steelman’s laiwyairs?”
Dalton: “I just happen to have that information, Pepe. One of you can make the call when you get back to the camp tonight.”
Dangerkitty (affectedly): “What do you mean, Dalton?”
Dalton (angrily): “Dalton means that we just lost immunity. Doesn’t that mean anything to you losers?”
Outfrontgirl (confessional): “Right then I knew I could get the votes to boot Dalton. One tribe can only have three or four leaders, and Dalton wanted to be all of them herself.”
<quick clip of Dalton bringing her headshot up to be flamed>
EPISODE 6: Love Makes the World Go Round
Morning, Day 16, in the AA camp:
Survivorchick: “What happened?”
RudyRules: “I think SnoopySucks was trying to hump my head.”
Survivorchick <looks at ground>: “Not unless she likes to do it with rocks.”
sleeeve <waking>: “A rock? Where?”
Survivorchick: “Right here. <picks up rock> And it’s got a piece of paper tied around it. Let’s see here, ‘Do you like waking up hungry, with no coffee and no donuts? No? Well, let’s do something about it!’”
Outfrontgirl <waking>: “Like what?”
Survivorchick: “It says right here what to do …” <fade to BB tribe>
Survivorerist: “It says we need to throw the challenges. It says that if we do, then the AAs will do it too.”
George Tirebiter: “But if they don’t, we merge uneven. It doesn’t seem right. If they want to disrupt the show, let them do it on their own.”
IceCat (quietly): “How do you know it came from them?”
Mon Cherie: “Who else would be lurking outside our camp and then hit Surv with a rock? One of us?”
IceCat: “It could have been Uncle Camerman, for all we know. I think we should play it out and see what happens…” <fade to AA tribe>
Outfrontgirl: “We can afford to see if they’re trustworthy. We’re up one.”
sleeeve: “But maybe not for long.”
Outfrontgirl (suspiciously): “How do you know?”
sleeeve: “I already spoiled this episode, remember?”
dangerkitty: “Yeah, well, if you’re messing with us, you’ll see why the charm school gave me money back … even though I never went there!”
<reward challenge: virtually no participation, but AAs win and select visit by Jerri>
Outfrontgirl (to dangerkitty): “I’ve always wondered what the guy looked like at the end of the song “You Don’t Mess Around With Jim,” but after seeing Jerri, I think I know now.”
dangerkitty: “We made a good team. Well, I have to go wake Pepe up now; I think he passed out after he started speaking English.”
Morning, Day 17:
Survivorerist: “OUCH! DAMN, another rock.”
George Tirebiter: “We blew the last challenge; we couldn’t trust them.”
Survivorerist (unfolding paper wrapped around rock): “Hmmm, that’s what this note says. It says they’ll all follow the rules about throwing the challenge this time, too.”
Superman: “I don’t see how this mutiny helps us.”
IceCat: “Mutiny? It sounds more like revenge to me.”
Mon Cherie: “Revenge for what?”
<IC: both tribes fail to compete. A furious AyaProbe orders them both to TC.>
Outfrontgirl (confessional): “The paper told us who to vote for. It said AyaProbe would never question our votes, as long as we didn’t change them.”
Survivorerist (confessional): “This plan couldn’t have worked better if I’d thought of it myself, except for two things – it didn’t get us off the show, and we didn’t get breakfast back. In fact, all it did do was humiliate AyaProbe. Whose bright idea was that?”
<loops of repetitive TC footage, ending in Pepe’s headshot being destroyed in a paintball shooting>
dangerkitty (voice-over): “I can’t believe that he really gave himself up for me. Normally, with my lightning-quick reflexes, getting out of the way of that paintball wouldn’t have been a problem, but I never expected to be the target. Does that mean AyaProbe thinks I arranged the mutiny?”
EPISODE 7: …and then there was one
Morning, Day 19 (less than two hours after the tribes got to sleep)
A booming mystery voice wakes the tribes: “I know what you tried to do to me. I’ll get even! Remember, there is nothing fair about BlowsVivor!”
Survivorchick: “Uh oh. I knew we shouldn’t have gone along with it.”
sleeeve: “YOU knew? Which one of us had already spoiled the last episode, huh?”
Survivorchick: “sleeeve, we can’t afford to fight now; we need to win this IC so that I can ... I mean, so that we can win the million bucks!”
RudyRules: “What million bucks?”
Survivorchick: “Oops, sorry, I got carried away. Maybe they’ll at least give us dinner? I mean, if we get any hungrier, we’re going to start eating each other.”
sleeeve: “Let’s play one hand of poker to see who gets eaten first!”
dangerkitty: “sleeeve, I don’t think Chick meant that the same way you do. Anyway, it smells a lot better here this morning. Hold your thought until after we get some of the hygiene products at the merger.”
IceCat: “What else can they do to us? Flood our campsite?”
<The water level suddenly starts to rise near the BBs camp.>
IceCat: “OK, all I’m asking is that you play fair with us, and we’ll play fair with you!”
<The water stops rising.>
Mon Cherie: “The trees have ears.”
IceCat: “That’s not all they have.” <holds up a blasting cap, with the wires still attached>
George Tirebiter: “Glad we’re moving.”
IceCat: “Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength.”
George Tirebiter: “I’ve been thinking that sometimes too, especially right after I wake up.”
Survivorerist and Mon Cherie (simultaneously): “Me too!”
IceCat: “Very strange.”
<montage of tribe moving to new set>
Survivorchick (confessional): “This set is tough. It looks like all hell could break loose any minute. And then there’s that sludge from the nuclear power plant over by the TC set. Plus, there is no shelter here, because the locusts already stripped all the vegetation. It feels like sleeping on the highway.”
Mon Cherie (confessional): “It’s a tough set. There’s no privacy, and it’s hard to have any secrets. I think dangerkitty is trying to sink her claws into IceCat, and I have claims on him too, and I even think GT is a little interested but trying not to show it. On the other hand, I need Surv, because he’s my only guaranteed ally, and the AAs seem to know about all my prior votes. What, did Vamps fly over and tell them?”
sleeeve (confessional): “Now we’ll finally have some interesting games of cards. This is a competitive group. Everyone’s posturing for position. I don’t want the BBs to know who has votes on our tribe, so I decided to offer myself as a sacrifice – I only have the one prior. The mutiny may have seemed like a bad idea at the time, but if they focus on me as the weak member of the AAs, then I may be in a position to set up a favorable alliance to the end… I think IceCat has fallen for my act hook, line, and sinker – but he’s still the best at figuring out the challenges ahead of time.”
(muffled male voice): I'm a cinch to make the finals, because he'll never let me leave.
(unidentified female voice): Shut up and deal.
(muffled male voice): I saw that movie too. I'm not going to end up like Buddy-boy, that's for sure.
(unidentified female voice): I’m not Fran Kubelik, either.
AyaProbe: This dialogue was sponsored by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, AMPAS, in memory of two-time Academy Award recipient Jack Lemmon.
<montage of the pole challenge, with the Immunity Necklace won by Mon Cherie>
Survivorerist (confessional): “I know the strategy calls for us to stick together as a tribe. But I don’t want to be voted off by my own tribe like Jerri and Amber were. I’d rather lose as a team than get humiliated like that. Amber, if you’re watching, you can send me an e-mail at SurvivorBlows – I’m not really that young! We could have some fun together ... What do you mean, no begging in the confessionals?”
<ending montage of Superman being flamed by his father>
sleeeve (voice-over as Superman leaves): "Thank heaven for the EBT’s Nova Scotia feed. There are times when I wish I was part of that group; then I wouldn’t have to analyze everything Aya tells me so closely… Having a superhero try to cheat to vote you out is sort of the ultimate compliment, although a hot evening with one of my tribemates would be preferable. Maybe now that we AAs can borrow some hygiene products, we’ll get a chance. There isn’t any more of that glue around, is there?"
<end the recap, as a bright green glow can be seen from a distance, looking toward "Welcome to Northridge" signs>
In just a few minutes, we will resume this recap with Part II: Revenge of the Host. But first, we pause. BlowsVivor is being brought to you by Pacific Gas & Electric and Southern California Edison, who want you to remember that nuclear power can help shape the future, both by keeping California vibrant and through radioactive mutations. BlowsVivor is also sponsored by California Governor Gray Davis, who wants to remind you that it’s going to be a gray day for America when Gray runs for President. Finally, BlowsVivor is brought to you by the 2004 Presidential campaign of Al Gore, because Al needs something to keep you awake.