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PLEASE NOTE: The Reality TV World Message Boards are filled with desperate
attention-seekers pretending to be one big happy PG/PG13-rated family. Don't
be fooled. Trying to get everyone to agree with you is like herding cats,
but intolerance for other viewpoints is NOT welcome and respect for other
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how easy it is to fit in, but save your drama for your mama. All members are
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complete guidelines.
As entertainment critic Roger
Ebert once said, "If you disagree with something I write, tell me so, argue
with me, correct me--but don't tell me to shut up. That's not the American way."
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"Be The...Pirate Master 1.2"
tribephyl 9688 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-08-07, 05:25 AM (EST)
 
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"Be The...Pirate Master 1.2" |
*ding*ding*Stop polishing your knobs, quit hoisting your jibs, all pirates midriff! Now! Er. Mid-Ship! Now! First bit of business goes to the "Spoilers".
Haha!
On behalf of myself, MB and everyone at CBS, I thank you all for completely misreading the clues we dropped. Hahahaha ... Cap'n Azmyth ... hahaha ... Sit-Out ... hahahaha ... priceless, really.
*wipes tear from eye* Next bit of biz... the introduction of Kendra. Kendra?
Kendra!?
Where is Kendra?
Oh there you are. Could you stop crying, please. There's no crying in piratry!
We have this BIG scene to shoot this afternoon and you're playing the part in a seriously dramatic CatFight. Try and make it look good, okay?
Ahem... Next up? JD.
How you feeling buddy?
JD: "Another week of tyranny, another 20,000." *sigh*
Sheesh, don't be so glum, I'm sure those scurvy lowlifes relish knowing that they are worth a big fat zero in your eyes. Oh I'm sorry, they're worth 2 coins a piece. Right.
See, they gotta love you for that?
Pssst...Louie. How's that Mutiny going?
Ooh you got Christian to sign on? Cool. Good luck with that.
I hear he's really strong (... smelling).
A rock-solid (and uncarryable) friend.
We'll keep the positive editing up, but you gotta start making things happen. Got it? Ummm. let's see. Oh! I know! My Chest! Isn't it amazing? Have another peek. Go for it. Nice and hairy. Like how it flutters in the wind?
Now for a shot at that other, scum-encrusted, chest. The Chest of Zanzibar. Let's peek inside, shall we? Oooo...Kendra, here's your first big scene...what?
Okay unlock it. Good. Now give your lines. uh .ooo. okay. that was okay. Now get ready to hunt for treasure. And Jump!
What? You need Alexis to drag you into shore? Oh boy. This does not look good for you. More like a wet cat.
Oh but wait! To avert the attention, while you get into character... We have a couple of other useless people to focus upon.
Christian and Joy.
Funny, neither seems to be spiritual or happy. And at the moment, nor are they moving. All's not lost!
Here comes Sean aka "SuperCookie" to the rescue!!!
Swooping up the poor helpless wench like the useless sack of flesh she is and running with her for the touchdown.
Meanwhile the real running back, Christian, remains unmoveable in the cess-pool of ... wait... I think I just some him poke a stick at something.
"Was that Ben's boot?" Oh and a serious shout-out to the pirate costume designer.
The idea of having see-thru-when-wet material being used for all of the womens outfits .... well ... You. Are. A. Genius!
We did have to hire an extra blur maker in the editing room but I, as host, am ever thankful for watching it live. (via feed to my luxury liner suite, sailing close to but out of camera range.) And a Big Hello Chesta! Er... I mean Christa!
How you doing Nipple? Umm... I mean Nessa.
*teenage boy giggle* Little Daddo's cracking a fattie. *Insert Snake joke here*
And a hearty "ChipHollyBarmaid!" to Cap'n Azmyth?! (hahahaha...that still makes me laugh... cap'n azmyth ...huhuh)
Good on ya' mate.
Nice work finding the treasure.
How does 2k sound? You can buy some serious beard shavers for that amount.
You can't, however, make any chops with your mighty sword just yet. JD is still giving out black marks and you wanna stay on his good side. *change lighting*
Nod to Alexis and Kendra.
Alexis sees, but Kendra is too busy being distracted by her hairbeads. Swatting them ... like a kitten.
Ahem... cat FIGHT!
Oh nevermind. Maybe next week? Sorry, Christian. Even Loupert couldn't save you.
You've been voted off the ship.
Alas, I hardly miss ye. Oh and thanks to the new intern on the editing team. You're ability to find a theme for the episode (and in doing so, suppling us with our first ever moral tale) was remarkable.
With so little to go on, it was refreshing to see such focus on lazy stereotypes and how even white women can't swim. Moral: Nipples = ratings.
Personal. For MB's Eyes Only.
Ummm....could we have someone talk to Jay about his confessionals.
He's being a little too obvious about his eventual win. Can we get him to cut back on the serious foreshadowing please.
You can call me Daddo.
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cahaya 18904 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-08-07, 10:18 AM (EST)
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10. "RE: Be The...Pirate Master 1.2" |
Arrr, try as I might, me buxom lass, thems snakes twer like His Majesty's frigates upwards of the lee wind. Too fast, I tell ye.I'll miss ye, bountiful booty. Nay, no more gettin' me hands into ye chest, no more eyein' ye beautiful booty, nay, nay. 
Singing from the raft, cast adrift... I want to sing and dance, I want to sing and dance
I want to be a dancer in So You Think You Can Dance
Wear me silver-buckled slippers and me tight shiny pants
I want to sing and dance.
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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-08-07, 09:22 AM (EST)
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4. "Special dispatch from the admiral." |
To: Kendra and Alexis
Re: The water stuntAs per my official rules revision of 6/06, being towed in to shore and being the one doing the towing are no longer guarantees of second and first place, respectively. Nice try. No, you still can't see the rulebook. 
What kind of game would we have if I told anyone how to play it?
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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-08-07, 09:40 AM (EST)
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5. "The executive producer admiral speaks." |
Joe Don, Joe Don, Joe Don... just look at you. In fact, let's all just sit back and look at Joe Don for a moment. Gaze upon him with respect. Here is a man who has no clue about what's going on around him. He sincerely believes he's respected by his crew. He can't sense the resentment simmering around him. He honestly thinks a couple of hundred dollars is enough to buy him absolute safety. He's already decided his captaincy is a permanent position. He's reached the point where we basically have an extra contestant: there's Joe Don, and then there's Joe Don's ego. He doesn't work, doesn't listen, doesn't understand -- but he does do a world-class job of filling his own stomach and gloating about it.I'm so proud.
Oh captain, my captain -- you'll just never see it coming... Now what's going on with the rest of you? All right, Azmyth, I guess I'm going to give you some screen time after all, which means that both of us will have to figure out how to spell your name. (I'm tempted to call you the Dread Pirate Roberts, but we'd both just scare Joe Don.) Still, you're making a crucial mistake. You're thinking. In front of Joe Don. He seems to be scared of that, probably because he's personally so bad at it. Guess what, production crew? You eat this week, too! (I treat you so much better than Joe Don would, don't I?) Yes, that was a great job on the so-called spoilers. Except for one small thing. The beard. We all know what I'm talking about with the beard, don't we? But you're still eating. Sure, it's only barnacles live off the hull, but just think about all the calcium you're getting. Christian -- you're getting cut off at the knees again. Feel familiar at all? But I'm not worried: all I lose is a portion of the Kansas City ratings, and since there's only six people in the area who both own a television and know how to turn it on, that's really not much of a hit. Oh, and Jay? The master stooge, who seems to be doing nothing except taking up space because he can't even provide challenge commentary, has asked me to have a few words with you. So here they are: ramp it down a little. There's a very fine line between first-half narrator and potential Final Two/Three/Whatever The Hell It Is On This Show contestant, and I can cut the line to send you adrift at any time. So let's see. So far, they've played 'eat the smart', and then they played 'eat the strong' -- and they still have no idea what they're playing, much less how. Can I pick them or what?
Really, it's no loss at all. Given the women's costumes, I would have forfeited all six of those people anyway.
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cahaya 18904 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-08-07, 10:39 AM (EST)
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12. "RE: The executive producer admiral speaks." |
Aye, at least ye said I was strong, arrr. Twas t' only good words ye utter'd 'bout me.
"Hello, Clark (Hunt). Hey, I have an idea... um, right, well I'm not on that show anymore, got chopped at the knees again, so I'm on injured reserve 'til the reunion... anyway, I have an idea about the cheerleader costumes I saw here... it's called wardrobe function, Clark... yes, yes, that's right, just change 'em from black to red..."
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vince3 17341 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-08-07, 10:47 AM (EST)
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13. "RE: The executive producer admiral speaks." |
LAST EDITED ON 06-08-07 AT 10:56 AM (EST)According to what Daddio said last night, I'll remain Captain (according to the current rules...) as long as my Black Crew keeps winning the expeditions..... Let's see: What do I have exactly, now? Captain of first expedition (40k): 20,000
Captain of second expedition (45k): 22,500
Bribe Donation to Boatsman Jay: -2,000
Pittance to the Losing Crew (8 7 members * 200): -1,400 (I obviously can't count this morning...) Current total: 39,100 Sure that's almost 4 times as much as my two officers who have $10,625.......and just over 9 times as much as the lucky dogs who have been on both winning crews: $4,250 I forgot if Jay was on the winning crew either time, but add $2,000 to his total...... ETA: If the crew member lost the first expedition but won the second, they're at $2,250 If the crew member won the first expedition but lost the second one, they're at $2,200 and the ultimate losers of the crew are currently at the pittance of $200...... 
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sporkman 239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"
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06-08-07, 09:56 AM (EST)
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7. "RE: Be The...Pirate Master 1.2" |
I think I be changing me strategy. Under the Radar be fine, but ridin' Cap'n coattails be better! Look at the plunder me hearties! (Joe Don and Cheryl, not you other scallywags) Now I can buy new Marching shoes, pay off me debtors and have gold left over to buy the deluxe Guitar Hero 2!! Yo Ho Ho!
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emydi 13669 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-08-07, 10:04 AM (EST)
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8. "RE: Be The...Pirate Master 1.2" |
LAST EDITED ON 06-08-07 AT 10:05 AM (EST)Yes, Ben, you see we need to keep winning and we have nothing to worry about. *DOINK* *hit by the obvious treasure chest*
I'm not first officer for nothin' oh yeah and watch out Jay cause I can read people...
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sporkman 239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"
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06-08-07, 10:54 AM (EST)
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15. "RE: Be The...Pirate Master 1.2" |
Aye, but why should we officers look for the treasure. That's what them swabbies be for.
Besides, there be much finer obbie booty to be look at for, don't you agree Cap'n?
No way I was going in the snake pit. I didn't want to lose by shoes in there
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piratepolly 27 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Beauty Pageant Celebrity Judge"
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06-10-07, 10:17 AM (EST)
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28. "RE: Be The...Pirate Master 1.2" |
AWWWK! AAWWWK! Polly know a Nigerian poem:by Cade Disturbed by the turbulence of the time
Distressed as age races on an uneven track
Deluded of happier days to come
He holds down his aching head
Staring into oblivion
He is almost at his wit end
Shall good save him or will evil nail him
He can almost feel the itch of insanity
What shall he do, what can he do
He resigns himself to fate. Submitted to the antiques of greedy minds and lying tongues quivering only
To do evil
Today they drive on the left
Tomorrow it is on the right
They dwell on instability and uncertainty
His thoughts are in turmoil, his soul weakened
His youth-hood lies in near waste.
O too much frustration for the innocent
When will it all end, will it ever end
He resigns himself to fate.
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tribephyl 9688 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-08-07, 05:35 PM (EST)
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25. "RE: Be The...Pirate Master 1.2" |
*sigh* EmmmBeeee!? We have a straggler here!So, Sean... Too bad about being out of it this week.
The rum can really mess with your recall at times.
But never fear, you made some great TV.
Serving Hair-crusted gruel was a particularly grand moment.
I especially loved that Alexis was willing to go without eating versus sitting down to another tablespoon of your cooking.
(Oh but I loved the bacon fat dressing idea. Mmmm...Bacon fat.) You also donned a cape during the treasure hunt and saved the nappy-headed wench from certain doom. Other than that you were pretty much just kissing the cap'n's stern.
You can call me Daddo.
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KObrien_fan 8360 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-11-07, 10:17 PM (EST)
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35. "I have nothing to say but..." |
Please stare into my oobies and repeat after me:
Christa is so hot she is going to get all the booty...  
Oh yeah, putty in my hands. Right where I want them. I'll get the guys all off the boat then work on the women's booty. Soon it will all be mine, just mine...
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agman 11158 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-13-07, 04:43 PM (EST)
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39. "RE: I have nothing to say but..." |
>AWWWK! AAWWWWK! Polly want a pixel!
>AWWWK!
Avast Polly ye scurrvy Parrot, I be the new ship's cook and anymore squawkin like that and I'll be serving ye to the crew for supper..... 
Keelhauled by tribe
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Bravehart 264 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"
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06-13-07, 04:26 PM (EST)
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38. "RE: Be The...Pirate Master 1.2" |
LAST EDITED ON 06-13-07 AT 04:53 PM (EST)Ahoy ya scrurvy dogs ya! Yer under me now! I'll be gettin a little best of both worlds now that I be Boatsman! Me'n Kendra are gettin cozy so watch yer backs! Da Capn better be passin me more of dem dubloons or he be visitin Davey soon! I told ye scurvy dogs from the beginnin I be gettin richer'n you hounds! Our crew is sailin savey ya hear! And if any yous even thinks of namin me the ships rat, you'll be walkin jacob's ladder fer sure! 
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