Once again crooked Hillary hid my remote and I had to fire my head of remote controller keeper. And my Deputy Head of DVRing Survivor didn't DVR Survivor. So he’s fired. So as a result, it's fake Spoiler News this week. Which everybody says is the best fake news, better than anyone else’s. Just check out the Trump University Polls - they are the only accurate polls. But since I have the most tremendous people, I mean, no one has people that are more tremendous, take it from me, I can present to you the most tremendous fake spoilers there are. Anywhere. Comrade Putin agrees with me. My little bitty buddy Kim Um would too except that’s he’s playing Top Gun Fighter pilot on one of my air craft carriers that I moved to North Korea just because he asked me to.
And there was an added distraction, apparently the All Girl Spy staff from the Really Really Really Raunchy All Girl College of Fine Farts and Accumulated Wishdom hired by the previous administration (Crooked Pornstache) bugged my microwave again. And they revved up their custom chopped Vespas and Mopeds during my golf game and made one of my shots not go in the hole. So, I had to fire my chief of Golf Ball hole goer inner.
Apparently, Mark Burnett thinks his island is bigger than mine. He may think that England is bigger than Manhattan, but mine is taller. So it’s bigger in the minds of the smart people who think that tall islands are bigger than flat islands. Which is everybody who is smart and kows what’s good for them, and who don’t want to get fired.
The following are this week’s most tremendous fake spoilers, so you better read them and laugh at the brilliance of my tremendous wit. Or you're fired.
Fake News Spoiler #1: Debbie is adding to her resume while at Ponderosa. Now she has a PhD in superior sneering from the bleachers.
Also, she was spotted writing home explaining to her legions of fans how getting booted proves how smart she was at playing Survivor, and how, if the others had only done what she told them to do, she would have lasted to the end. So you see, it was their fault, I mean how could they be so stupid to boot her when they should have fallen on their own swords. Which only goes to prove that she really did win and that after the final TC the supposed 'real' winner will be so embarrassed he or she will hand the money over to her. And Cochran will propose to her and give her his winnings.
Fake News Spoiler #2: Very Bad news, they did it again. Sierra was booted.
If Mark Burnett has Andrea booted I’ll have to fire him. Although Audrey and Sarah are starting to look pretty good by now. Michaela too, she reminds me of my favorite female, Omarosa. I like them salty, sweaty, and willing to do what I want for chocolate.
Fake News Spoiler #3: Brad tried to take over Ozzy’s role as fisherman/food provider, and came back from his venture with a speared flip flop. “Tastes good when fried” he declared.
Fake News Spoiler #4: Next “biggest twist ever!”, all booted people named Hali will be brought back into the game wearing bikini’s designed by me! (OK, this rumor was started by me, But it’s the best one, right? Isn’t it about time that my ideas were incorporated into the game? Who ever heard of losers like Probst and Burnett?).
Where in the world in Tribaldo?