Hello. Here we are again with this week’s spoilers. In case you haven’t guessed, it is I, ToTangGondolwattleChanLoMan (mama calls me Bill. You can too, if you want to be my mama. Yeah I know, I have issues)
As usual we are scooping all other spoiler sites because they don’t have the dedication we have, nor do they have the Super Spy sleuths from the Super Spy Sleuthing Academy of Slithering Arts and Extra Sensory Perspiration, a graduate school for former students of the Really Really Raunchy Girls Finishing School of Selling Rubber Crutches to one Legged Cripples and Mushing Spiders with Baseball Bats.
They are taking a little sick leave this week, apparently they want no part of the creeping crud that has invaded the Survivor camps, and it seems that our Blue Cross Plan doesn’t cover the South Sumatra Slime Disease. They have dedication, but are just a bunch of little girls when it comes to owies. (Humph)
So I have to do all the work again. I have to come off my comfy recliner, put on clothes, miss my game shows, get out of the A/C, crawl down from my favorite coconut tree, and hire a bunch of monkeys and island Cannibals to gather this week’s gossip and dirty goings-on on.
First I have to bathe in disinfectant and put on my Tyvek Hazmat bunny suit with attached air filtering system. Hey, I don’t like owies either, especially the kind that can kill you.
But I got the cream of the crop, the most interestingest spoilers there ever were. Some of them I had to pay for, some I made up (using acute deductive reasoning, so I know they are really for sure the real thing. Probably).
Anyway, here they are:
Really For Sure (Probably) a Real Spoiler #1: The excuse given by the producers was that the bug bites that morphed into puss volcanoes were deadly and about to kill the survivors. So one by one the selected survivors had to be pulled from the game and have chunks the size of golf balls cut from various parts of their bodies. Really though, it’s BS. Like everything else the EPMB says. But I got the real story, and it’s really grim. The EPMB bought the Island of Dr. Moreau and is continuing to conduct Moreau’s experiments in human genetic engineering. He renamed it the Ponderosa, but don’t be fooled.
He takes flesh from his victims and grows cultures from which he makes human like monsters. But they are fat, fleshy, weak, and taste good when sliced up and grilled. No gamey taste at all. The secret is to cook them for a long time over a low heat.
Anyway, it seems the Island cannibals (they told me all of this) and the Coconut gallery took his betting action on teams in the NCAA 2016 tournament, and the EPMB was doing this to pay off heavy losses. The result is that the cannibals are fed, and the coconut gallery gets to laugh their asses off at expense of the EPMB. That's all they really live for. (BTW, the Coconuts are the originators of the term “Evil Prick Mark Burnett” - EPMB).
So some of the Survivors are sent home missing chunks of flesh. They should have read the fine print in the waivers they signed that said they were required to donate flesh for horrible evil experimentation to create human abominations for outdoor grilling. It was there, in black and white (micro font).
It is telling that Debbie doesn’t have the “infections”. (Factoid: We cracked the EPMB’s Apple IPhone and found documentation proving that Debbie is actually the product of a prior genetic experiment that went very wrong).
Really For Sure (Probably) a Real Spoiler #2: Debbi goes from her original tribe to her swapped tribe to her merged tribe gaining confidence all the way. By the time she gets to the Merge, all she has to do it point a tribemate and say, “Done Deal”, or “I Dub Thee My Ally, Kiss the Ring”. To her the others are just low hanging fruit, ripe for the picking and waiting for Debbie to advise them of their fate.
That’s how Debbie rolls.
Really For Sure (Probably) a Real Spoiler #3: In contrast to Debbie, after the merge Nick thinks his new tribemates are like a big salami, just waiting to be sliced up. (This one is just too easy).
Really For Sure (Probably) a Real Spoiler #4: Tai’s cherished pet chicken turns on its master and tries to peck his pecker. It’s up in the air how many pointy pecks it takes a pullet to peck a puckish pecker.
Really For Sure (Probably) a Real Spoiler #5: Neal’s bulge causes Cydney and Jason to gossip. Naïve little Cydney has to have certain facts about male anatomy explained to her.
Cydney; “Oh, That’s what it is, I thought he just has a roll of quarters in his pocket”.
Jason; “Silly girl, THIS could be a roll of quarters, he would only have a roll of dimes. Silly Girl!”
Really For Sure (Probably) a Real Spoiler #6: Mr. Sleuth in his real life, former FBI agent Joe still has no clue that there are any HI’s in camp. This, in spite of the fact that nearly a third of his tribe mates have an HI, and that everyone else probably knows all about the HI’s. He missed bulge forensics 101 class in FBI school.
Really For Sure (Probably) a Real Spoiler #7: Aubrey has an infection on her thigh. She named it Brad. It has been with her thru college, grad school, two boyfriends, and three jobs. Then she popped Brad.
Neal named his little friend Wilson. He painted a face on it and conducts lengthy discussions with Wilson about how to get over the reef that surrounds the island.
Tribe made this, but the pawn shop expert called it a fake.