LAST EDITED ON 03-25-16 AT 08:39 AM (EST)
We’re in it now. We stepped in the monkey poop big time, and it be a real mess.
Hello, I should introduce myself again, just in case you are one of the very few who haven‘t heard of me, I am the Spoiler to the Stars, the very self-important Poohbah of Information Wrangling, and the Self-Elected Representative of the All-Girl (‘cept for me, of course) island spy group dedicated to defending freedom, upholding the constitution and beating up bullies who are smaller than me, I am ToTangGondolwattleChanLoMan. Call me Bill. Most do these days.
And we’re not really in monkey poop, I just wanted to weed out the Monkey-poop phobics. Real party poopers.
So now that it’s just you and I. How ya’ doin? Good? Glad to hear. Me too. Real good. The wife? Still on your back about what you said to that waitress? Don’t worry it’ll pass. In the meantime I have some good news this week, my super spy girls are back. You were asking about them last week, remember?
They decided to take a week off from the Professional Chocolate Pudding Wrestling tournament, visit their old neighborhood, and roam the halls of the Really Really Raunchy All Girls Finishing School of Farting in Class and Making Mopeds Mo’fast, Mo’loud, and Mo’bad.
We’ve had such a good time. They were pretty excited about getting to slither thru the jungle and making the production crew as well as the contestants spill all their beans. Their powers of persuasion have not diminished, and neither has their enthusiasm for their work.
Unfortunately they did sign contracts with various sponsors, and very lucrative contracts they are. As their agent I get the usual 25% (I am also an agent with perqs, God love them), so we all reluctantly agreed that they should return to the choc pits for now.
When they left we had a party which turned into a cryfest. Even I, and I’ll admit it, I cried. A lot. We had a really really raunchy cry. Then, just like that, poof, they we gone again.
But I still have a job to do, and that is to present you with this week’s spoilers, and to make sure that the quality that you’ve come to expect is there in each and every spoiler.
Mo’fast, Mo’loud, and Mo’bad Spoiler #1: Debbie declares that she is on offense now that they did the tribe swap thing. Since her game has been pedal to the metal offense from day one, one wonders what this will mean. Does this mean she will run even faster? Or that she will talk even faster? Or that her tall tales will grow even taller? Is she in danger of burning up in the atmosphere? It’ll be interesting to see.
Mo’fast, Mo’loud, and Mo’bad Spoiler #2: With the Beauties’ number in decline, Tai is nervous. “I so worry now. Maybe I go next. But my new friend Scot will protect me. He tall, but I can climb. No worry about that.”
Mo’fast, Mo’loud, and Mo’bad Spoiler #3: On the 14th day Nick will be seen marking the 17th day on a tree branch. He considers himself to be the smartest person on the island. At least he seems to be happy in his world.
Mo’fast, Mo’loud, and Mo’bad Spoiler #4: Debbie confines to Julia that she wants a girl to win this season. She obviously self identifies as a girl. Let's see, no breasts, no hips or ass, she's delusional, and she has an aggressive personality. That kinda comes across as not female.
Mo’fast, Mo’loud, and Mo’bad Spoiler #5: Another ‘Duh’ revelation, Joe declares that he is done with his Peter. At 70+ it’s hardly a surprise, I would think.
Mo’fast, Mo’loud, and Mo’bad Spoiler #6: Great quote, Joe in confessional, “Before you get in the position of “OMG I'm in trouble”, you got to get the trouble out”. Words to live by.
Mo’fast, Mo’loud, and Mo’bad Spoiler #7: This is the episode where the Chicken loses. It doesn’t get thrown under any public transportation conveyance, but it does get thrown into the stew pot. Tai decides that his stay on the island is in danger of coming to an end, so faced with that tidbit of realism, he decides that his animism isn't all that big of a deal. He offers up the life of the chicken. A chicken shield, as it were. “I decide that chicken not have soul, but he have thighs and breasts, so I go pluck kill and pluck chicken for you”.
My question is, how has the chicken managed to last this long?
Mo’fast, Mo’loud, and Mo’bad Spoiler #8: Aubry will be sitting closer to Tai and Scot after this TC. Either that or she’ll buy some homing pigeons. It was awkward watching her trying to read his lips from the other end of the bench. "Speak up Scot, what was that plan again? A little louder, please!"
I had to hide this Sig here so Tribe couldn't repossess it.