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"Be The Survivor S31 Ep01: "Second Chance To Do The Sole Survivor Dance""
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RollDdice 5758 desperate attention whore postings
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09-23-15, 10:34 PM (EST)
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"Be The Survivor S31 Ep01: "Second Chance To Do The Sole Survivor Dance""

The Casting Department spins the wheel and comes up with a hodge-podge of alleged "audience picks" for twenty players from previous seasons who failed at the their first attempt at the game. Or to translate that into Trump-ese; LOSERS!

Are they cutthroat or clueless? Has Shirin discovered the meaning of the words "bikini wax"? These and other mysteries await...



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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 RE: Be The Survivor S31 Ep01: "Seco... tribephyl 09-23-15 1
 RE: Be The Survivor S31 Ep01: "Seco... Scarlett O Hara 09-24-15 2
 RE: Be The Survivor S31 Ep01: "Seco... suzzee 09-24-15 3
 Survivor - Geriatrics. kingfish 09-24-15 4
   RE: Survivor - Geriatrics. Flowerpower1 09-26-15 6
       RE: Survivor - Geriatrics. suzzee 09-29-15 8
   RE: Survivor - Geriatrics. suzzee 09-29-15 10
 RE: Be The Survivor S31 Ep01: "Seco... Molaholic 09-25-15 5
   RE: Be The Survivor S31 Ep01: "Seco... suzzee 09-29-15 9
 RE: Be The Survivor S31 Ep01: "Seco... kingfish 09-28-15 7
   RE: Be The Survivor S31 Ep01: "Seco... suzzee 09-29-15 11
       RE: Be The Survivor S31 Ep01: "Seco... tribephyl 09-29-15 12
           RE: Be The Survivor S31 Ep01: "Seco... kingfish 09-29-15 13

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tribephyl 11622 desperate attention whore postings
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09-23-15, 11:21 PM (EST)
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1. "RE: Be The Survivor S31 Ep01: "Second Chance To Do The Sole Survivor Dance""
Sheesh. I coulda beat Vytas.

In fact... even this lady...

coulda beat Vytas.


In fact, even Tina Scheer coulda beat Vytas.

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Scarlett O Hara 3362 desperate attention whore postings
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09-24-15, 10:33 AM (EST)
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2. "RE: Be The Survivor S31 Ep01: "Second Chance To Do The Sole Survivor Dance""
LAST EDITED ON 09-29-15 AT 08:14 PM (EST)

"Good Gawd!" ** BASHES ** head against coconut tree ... "Haven't I learned anything this year?"

"The first thing I commit to regarding this Second Chance is to work on my social game!! Last time, I spent way too much time being the provider/bread/challenge winner."

"And what do I do this time?" I STILL have to be the shelter builder/fire starter/food provider/challenge winner!!!"
"DOHHHHHH!" "I am playing this game with imbiciles! They just can not do anything for themselves! Am I doomed to repeat history being the All-round STUD-muffin Johnny-cum-Challenge-Beast?"

"Maybe I'll just go stick my head in the sand now ..."

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suzzee 5831 desperate attention whore postings
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09-24-15, 11:16 AM (EST)
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3. "RE: Be The Survivor S31 Ep01: "Second Chance To Do The Sole Survivor Dance""
What a bunch of whiners!

Old school & new school boo hoo. Suck it up and don't worry you'll have a second chance to screw it up.



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kingfish 18589 desperate attention whore postings
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09-24-15, 12:28 PM (EST)
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4. "Survivor - Geriatrics. "
LAST EDITED ON 09-25-15 AT 11:27 AM (EST)

Here we are again, Survivor XXitysomethingX. The theme this year? The most annoying Survivor old timey (emphasis on OLD) Survivor losers visit idyllic though probably purposely polluted (to add to the challenge) beaches. They find deadly bugs, snakes, weird animals, and crocodiles waiting to lunch down on them. They have the opportunity to let years of built up resentments, real, imagined, and just rectally extracted which they have nurtured over the years well up into vitriolic tirades and revenge. Lots of revenge. Should be fun.

But really, the fun will be ours. It always is. Because once again you have me and my gang of sweetly demonic and really really really raunchy super sleuth spy graduates of the Really Really Raunchy Girls Finishing School of Doing what it takes to get what you want, swinging nude on jungle vines, and Moped mechanics.

So why should we watch? Because, for once, we know all their names on day one. And not just because almost everybody this season is a token older person. Thatís just sad.

As has happened in the past, this year I had to adopt a new alias because there were some resentful island monkeys from last year that squealed (dam howlers) to the Federales, the FBI, DEA, ICE, KGB, Interpol, and Smersh and they all tried to hunt us down. We of course are perfectly innocent, we havenít done a thing to anybody except for the occasional village pillaging, pushing over of blind people in wheel chairs, liquor truck hijacking, lewd and lascivious behavior, mega drug possession and maybe the occasional side job for the Mexican cartels. But who hasnít? Anyway, I think repeated kidnapping and torture of the Ex. Pr. MB is why they persecute us, and maybe the fact that we used Roma like she likes to be used, we rode her hard and often, over and over and over and she still screamed for more. What a woman. She apparently doesnít get that from her hubby. He may also resent the billions we pilfered out of his bank account, and the fact that we wrecked his Gulfstream. He is probably sadder to know how we managed to waste the loot on living the high life on the low road. And it probably also chaffed his but to know that we filled his Gulfstream with fireworks and ran it into the side of a mountain on the Fourth of July. Anyway, I'm pretty sure that it was he that sicced the lawdogs on us and he is why we have to keep on the move.

GrrrrÖIíll get you, EPMB, you and your little dog too!

However, we are still ahead of those lawdogs. And since I can tell that you are trustworthy, and if you promise not to tell, Iíll let you in on a secret. This year I have devised several aliases.

Meet Boris VonDictoven (It was due to a kitchen accident. It is a mistake to fry bacon in the nude.)

Meet Lumpy Stumpfeller (a nickname I given to me by shower mates in high school)

Meet the Left Nipple of God (for my more pious moments).

Meet the Mechanic (I changed the oil on my Vespa once. According to the UAW bylaws, that entitled me to mechanicís pay). And oh yeah, I used to kill people. Not anymore, now Iím peaceful, and my philosophy is love the one Iím with.

I am all of these. Yet I am none of these. Who am I...?

More importantly, who the hell are these guys? Actually we know who they are. They go all the way back to the Survivor Stone age, before the invention of fire, before Moses told us how to live our lives (that old busybody), and when dinosaurs roamed the earth. OK, maybe that was an exaggeration, but it they do go way way back.

I know all their names

And I hate them all. Except Monica. In a season in which the producers are actually experimenting with not casting models and beach bunnies, she is a welcome sight to these chauvinistic eyes.

This is the sad season of the old and fat. By the last week they will be able to hide coconuts in the folds of their extra belly skin. Will not be pretty.

Spoiler alert. Here are the latest and greatest casting spoilers you never heard of.

Kelly Wigglesworth. Lost to Richard Hatch. And itís been eating her like a slow acid drip in her stomach. ďRichard went to jail. Sue rots in hell. So what did I do wrong? How did those guys beat me?Ē

Kelley is holding up pretty well for an 80 pluser.

Tasha. In a predominately Buddhist country, Tasha thinks her Christian church support is her main asset. Sheís going to lose, and probably be disappeared. Rumor has it that there are still human sacrificial altars for heretics in the jungle amidst the vast grave yards of the old Khmer Rouge. No, she will not end well.

Also, did she not learn that a fundamental requirement for surviving on Survivor is doing some swimming laps before the show? Lots of them. Distances in the ocean are a lot longer than they are in your backyard pool.

Andrew: How long will that dye job hold up?

Kimmi. Still a vegi freak. A jelly belly Vegi freak. Obviously she could benefit from a diversion in her diet from those vegi carbs to a protein based diet. Like, you know, red meat? And Kimmi, a belly button piercing does not make that dewlap at your waist any easier to look at.

Ciera. Still a little snot. And probably still a mother back stabber.

Abi. Chunkier, as are they all. And like everyone else, sheís older, more mature, she has learned a lot of life lessons, she realizes what she did wrong last time, and this time she will focus on whatís important to her strategy and avoid all the mistakes she made before. (Ommmph, snotspray, smirch, laff, laff). Of course the first thing she does is accuse Pee Gee of stealing her worthless bracelet, and complain about it to everyone in her tribe. Which, of course gets her to one vote of being the first eviction. Well, maybe next time, Abi.

Vytas. Already down to his underwear on the raft on his way into the beach. The old package on display for the ladies. Still Smarmy (thanks for that, Shirin), still the self-deluded ladiesí man, and still the self-proclaimed superior brother who just canít seem to beat Aras at anything.

Vytas, hereís one fact. Aras is the handsomer, smarter, more gifted and more deserving brother. Hereís another, you werenít voted off because everyone thought you were a big threat. They just didnít like you, Vytas. You be slimy.

He offered to instruct his tribe in yoga exercises in order to show off his package. Was not well received, it seems, by a tribe that is amazingly perceptive for this show.

Iím going to take a moment to thank the Survivor Gods for getting him off my beach.

Joe. Also has been instructing his tribe in Yoga exercises. Joega. And gets a very different reception by the women in his tribe. Stay tuned for the AfterDark videos to see just how well he does.

Keith. Keith (spit) donít want to do nothiní stupid this time (spit). But he (spit) just donít get along with them beach (spit) people. He just wants (spit) to get up, drink his coffee in the morning, and go to work, like a normal feller would (spit).

Fishback. Fish out of water. Watching him wrestle that branch was like watching a Daffy Duck cartoon.

Shirin. Has kept her britches on. Not too annoying yet. But is a little annoying. Saving grace so far is her observation of Vytas around camp. Smarmy.

Kass. No chaos so far. Stay tuned, right now sheís just your background frond weaver, but I think sheís just warming up.



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Flowerpower1 890 desperate attention whore postings
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09-26-15, 10:30 AM (EST)
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6. "RE: Survivor - Geriatrics. "
I am SOOOO owning this game. Can you believe my freakin' luck with this draw. I've got more targets and shields than I can count! Abi-fvck you-Maria and Monkey sex Shirin and Vytas, poser, Baubauskas. Varner, man in the middle. I've even got Terry telling me how much he wants to play with me and team up with moi because his kid tells him too!

News flash, I'm not trusting anyone in this game besides myself!

Oh, did I tell you how mature I am now? Now that I have a GF back home who believes in me, I can do ANYTHING! NO more treating others like chess pieces, *snicker*.

I'll move Abi FU two spaces forward, and my ROOK will kill your Vytas in shining armor.

Me = winner, everyone else = 0% chance to win.

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suzzee 5831 desperate attention whore postings
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09-29-15, 11:02 AM (EST)
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8. "RE: Survivor - Geriatrics. "
Spencer "Tell it like it is Guy" deep undercover of darkness, age spots and egos. You should be a great pick to the end. Unless we're going to see a Pagonging the likes never seen since the Pagonging.

Good luck to ya sonny and keep that coconut chopping Brazilian hag away from our fellow nuts.



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suzzee 5831 desperate attention whore postings
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09-29-15, 11:36 AM (EST)
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10. "RE: Survivor - Geriatrics. "
Four aliases? Good thinking. I'd apply for a bunch of charge cards and really live it up.

As usual your spoilers are the best and the gallery agrees and endorses your predictions.

Say, hows about we place some bets at the Coconut Casino. There's money to be made oh Oracle of Cambodia.



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Molaholic 8985 desperate attention whore postings
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09-25-15, 00:03 AM (EST)
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5. "RE: Be The Survivor S31 Ep01: "Second Chance To Do The Sole Survivor Dance""
LAST EDITED ON 09-25-15 AT 00:03 AM (EST)

So glad to take care of Vytas and his "idol".


It was not a highlight, but it did have its moments.

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suzzee 5831 desperate attention whore postings
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09-29-15, 11:03 AM (EST)
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9. "RE: Be The Survivor S31 Ep01: "Second Chance To Do The Sole Survivor Dance""
It was my idea. I'm sure of it. The Zen told me to do it.


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kingfish 18589 desperate attention whore postings
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09-28-15, 09:11 AM (EST)
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7. "RE: Be The Survivor S31 Ep01: "Second Chance To Do The Sole Survivor Dance""
Spoiler #1: The Left Nipple of God has left the house!

(OK, I'm back now. I just needed some me time).



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suzzee 5831 desperate attention whore postings
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09-29-15, 11:37 AM (EST)
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11. "RE: Be The Survivor S31 Ep01: "Second Chance To Do The Sole Survivor Dance""
We suspect you and the right nipple are twins switching out every three days...



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tribephyl 11622 desperate attention whore postings
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09-29-15, 01:52 PM (EST)
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12. "RE: Be The Survivor S31 Ep01: "Second Chance To Do The Sole Survivor Dance""
aha... This is where the Nipple brothers differ... The "beard" on Boris is thinner than on Bastion. And Bastion's gland is ever so slightly smaller than Boris'.

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kingfish 18589 desperate attention whore postings
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09-29-15, 02:38 PM (EST)
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13. "RE: Be The Survivor S31 Ep01: "Second Chance To Do The Sole Survivor Dance""
LAST EDITED ON 09-29-15 AT 02:39 PM (EST)

One improvement I'd suggest is to figure out a way so that we didn't have to switch out multi-week old underwear whenever we enter the game.

I'm thinking Shirin's idea of going commando has it's advantages.

(I think I got the itch-butt)



A Tribal sacrifice.

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