This episode could also be just called “Rod the Tool, man”. Again. Well, isn’t this special! We meet again, you and I, to discuss this week’s spoilers, with Rod as the main source of entertainment and Dan as number 2. Or number 6, if you want to talk in pecking order terms.
Anyway, it really is special for me, Coconut Bob, and my Coconettes to be here with the latest and the greatest. The Coconettes are, as you’ve undoubtedly guessed, my merry band of misfits from the Really Really Really Raunchy Girls Finishing School of Segway Seductions, Morality Reductions, and Run-Amoktions.
And once again we’re talking to you from the 60th floor of the replica of Rockyourfeller Plaza in the replica of ManHighHattan that I had built on my secret island with the Black Card that I “borrowed” from the EPMB while I was schtooping Roma. I’m still getting postcards from that dame, not that I blame her, that week was really pretty fantastic. I learned what Schtooping really is among the 1%ers. There are a lot of things that they don’t tell you.
But since then I’ve been living the life of a 1%er, again thanks to that little old Black Card that hasn’t been cancelled yet. Apparently the EPMB is so rich that he hasn’t noticed the incidental billions of dollars I’ve charged yet. And the life is nice, I can tell you. After I had the minor building flaws that caused the swimming pool to sink from the 60th floor to the 40th floor, and raised the pool to its former altitude, I’ve been living large. I can spit my Martini olive pits over the edge and watch them until they disappear. And until ambulances show up below. I’ve also learned that olive pits can be lethal after they reach terminal velocity.
But they can’t touch me, I’m a 1%er, and life is sweet.
Don’t worry though, me and my girls will continue to supply the world famous spoilers that are the envy of the spoiler world. Suck that, Sucks! Cool your heels, Survivor Fever! This is the original font of the supremely most accuratest spoilers ever, and don’t you forget it!
Without further ado;
Most Accuratest spoiler #1 Dan admits that he understands why Will voted for him. And why Tyler voted for him. And he forgives them both. Because he’s already written down their names for upcoming TCs.
Most Accuratest spoiler #2 From the well worn repeat spoiler column comes this; once again Rod’s carefully laid plans fail. First, his 0.000000% guaranteed plan to go to reward fails, then his plan (he doesn’t give odds this time) to evict Mike also fails. One could also add that his acting job was another abysmal failure, but that would be piling on. Oh what the hell, lets pile on, he’d do it to us if he could.
Most Accuratest spoiler #3 During the RC, Rod leaves his balls behind. Oh well, they were probably fugazi anyway.
Most Accuratest spoiler #4 The Dan shuffle is catching. When Jeff the instigator asks if anyone (of Mike, Sierra, and Moma C) wants to give up their reward for Rod as a birthday present, the old toe shuffle in the sand with down cast eyes and mumbling which sounded vaguely like “yeah, well, I don’t know, Jeff”, and "Who is this Rod you speak of? I don't think I know anyone named Rod", and “My cat is named Fuzzy, Jeff”, and "You better back off, Bro, Back the Eff off!” (that was Mike), began.
Finally Rod says,
“IT'S MY BIRTHDAY, DAMMIT”.
“But, I don’t want to pressure anyone”.
"I mean, if they want to GO BACK ON THEIR WORDS, THE PROMISES THAT THEY GAVE ME BEFORE GOD AND MY MOTHER, its ok. IT'S JUST MY BIRTHDAY, YOU SCUMBAGS."
“But Jeff, no pressure, not pressuring anybody to do anything”.
“I MEAN, IT'S OBVIOUS THAT THEY DON'T BELIVE IN GOD OR BIRTHDAYS OR HAVE AN OUNCE OF PITY IN ANY OF THEIR SOULS FOR A POOR BIRTHDAY BOY WHO HAD TO WASH DISHES ON HIS BIRTHDAY!!”
“No pressure from me, Jeff. You know me, I wouldn’t do that. You know me!”.
And Jeff says, “Well, looks like he generously let you guys off the hook again.” (As usual, Jeff is at least one 16oz. Havana Club Island cocktail over the line, I believe.)
Apparently Rod blames everyone else for his not winning any rewards. Or any individual Immunities for that matter.
Rod is just a big old crybaby tool.
Most Accuratest spoiler #5 Surprisingly, it appears that Nicaraguan orphans eat pretty well. But those magic markers are going to start those kids on a sniffer habit that will not end well. Also, it seems that the EPMB snuck a few soccer ringers into the show. Hey, I don’t blame him for that, there are a lot of soccer fans in the world, and he needs a bigger international audience to support my Black Card habit.
Most Accuratest spoiler #6 Hats off to the production crew for the short scene of the hornet’s nest scene as the rewardees were returning to camp to face the petulant wrath of Rod. Very apropos. I kinda liked the climbing frog short too. Not as well placed, but still pretty slimy-cool.
Most Accuratest spoiler #7 Joe wins the Ponderosa dead pool bet. Shirin pays off after TC. No word on the amount of the bet, maybe a coochie poke?
Email this topic to a friend
Printer-friendly version of this topic
Bookmark this topic (Registered users only)
