The episode where Probst get his rocks watching the Compound Fracture Challenge.
Hello, Hello, Hello, here we are again, and more significantly, here I am again, yours truly, Coconut Bob, bringing the latest and greatest spoilers from the 60th floor of my Rockefeller plaza replica on my hidden Manhattan island replica located where no one will ever think to look, and where I will never tell, but where the party never ends.
This week I have been doing a little spying and spoiling of my own (yeah, the old man’s got game, you betcha) with my night vision equipped telescope, and from this vantage point I can see every survivor and production crew freckle and mosquito bite in 3-D. I got this telescope thinking I would have fun with the skinny dippers, then the skinny dippers turned out to be Shirin and Max. Big letdown. Still, I get every nip slip from Jenn. That works for me.
Also, I can accurately report that Survivor does not supply any depilatory products, no waxing kits, not even any razors. Sad fact, but I know that as true fans you all were wondering about that, and that you would demand eyewitness proof. I have it. With zoomed up video. Lots of stubble, Shirin’s stubble is especially impressive in its density and expansiveness, and may hint as to why she gets so worked up over monkey sex. And why she isn’t embarrassed to drop her bikini bottom. She has a built in bikini bottom. Nothing compared to Rod’s hair onesy, but it certainly keeps the UVs out.
But even though I sometimes excise my spoiler gathering skills just to keep in the game, it’s the slithery slinky smooth (non-stubbly) bottom girls from the RRR R Girls finishing school of Summer, Spring, Fall, and Winter Sex Olympics that do the real work, so all credit (except for the aforementioned cosmetic pilar maintenance spoilers - those are mine, all mine) goes to them, and the moped choppers they ride in on.
So without further ado, I present this week’s spoilers.
Stubble Spoiler #1 Wouldn’t it be fun to play poker with Rod? Every thought is written in neon on his face.
Stubble Spoiler #2 Look for Dan to impart his wise council (although unsolicited, and not appreciated, judging by the looks on the faces of the other survivors) again.
Stubble Spoiler #3 Shirin manages her game by driving in the passengers seat from the back seat (?? - Yeah, me either, but you know, she’s an excutive and a professional whistler, so maybe she understands herself. Maybe?).
Stubble Spoiler #4 The reward challenge will set a Survivor record for compound fractures. And skinned belly buttons.
Stubble Spoiler #5 Mercifully for Dan and Will, the school yard pick was not actually shown. Thankfully for us, their belly slides were shown. Whoever designed that slide has our gratitude.
Stubble Spoiler #6 A few boxes of candy? Again, what a cheap reward! And a cheap product placement. Once again, the EPMB sacrifices his nonexistent integrity for filthy lucre. And didn’t even share.
A few snicker bars. Hummph!
Stubble Spoiler #7 Best fake HI ever. Might have been better if Joe had modeled it after the real ones, but a very nice try anyway.
And just for fun, I’d like to see someone make a realistic fake HI, good enough to fool Probst at TC. We’d have to pay off the cameramen who would have watched it being made, but that’d be doable.
Stubble Spoiler #8 BTW, doesn’t this season disprove the theory that Survivor lore gurus have an advantage playing this game?