Surfs Up. Slippery nips and all.
Coconut Bob here, broadcasting from the tree tops of my paradise island which shall remain nameless because of certain trademark infringement lawsuits and because, well, the Federales read these spoilers too, and we don’t need to give them any clues.
Anyway, we have an abundance of spoilers this week thanks to the very seductive and pleasantly naked native spy graduates of the RRR R Girls finishing school of Advanced Motor Scootering and Antique Embroidery, and their very willing undergraduate protégés who also specialize in EPMB sharp stick poking, something that may come up at a later date.
My raunchy girls, each faster than a scuttling crab, more seductive than a locomotive (hey, those can be pretty seductive in the right light), and able to climb the highest palm tree.
Up in the sky, look: They’re shooting us the bird. They are definitely not plain! They are …the Super Spoiler Girls!
Disguised as mild mannered Nymphos in order to suss out the best guarded spoiler secrets from the feral tribes on Survivor’s Worlds Apart islands, and to use their amazing powers in a never-ending battle for truth, justice, and kinky sex, the Super Spoiler Girls have assumed the disguises of Clitoris Cuent, mild-mannered Nympho servicing the metropolitan Spoiler community.
Clitoris Cuent: “Why, this looks like a job for Super Spoiler Girls, man.”
Jiminey O’lizard: “Who was that masked man”
Clitoris Cuent: “Wake up you fool, you’re in the wrong comic strip.”
Jiminey O’lizard: “Tell Tonto to stop bogarting that joint, my friend.”
Anyway, enough of this pleasant banter between nobody in particular, on with the Super Spoilers:
Super Girl Spoiler #1: Nina. Displaying lots of worlds apart, or at least lots of room between the hemispheres of her brain, apparently, tries the “Hey I know I’m next, just don’t make me look stupid, OK?” strategy.
So naturally the tribe members sharpen their canines, jump up, and try to make her look as stupid as they can, first assuring her that she is just as normal as they are (that alone should give her pause) then, after she is reassured, backstabbing her and metaphorically slicing her from stem to stern, draining her blood, eating her liver, and dancing around her corpse singing “You are so stupid, to me, can’t you see? You are so stupid, to meeeeee!”
Super Girl Spoiler #2: Shirin. Monkey Shines. OK, to be fair, most people who see monkeys in the jungle, especially vocal and very un-shy monkeys like Howlers, do get excited. Most don’t wet their pants with desire for a little monkey tail, but that can be forgiven too. However, what neither the monkeys, her tribe mates, nor the public in general can forgive is that god awful monkey dance.
Please, get a mirror. Practice. And comeback when you can do a routine that doesn’t elicit feces throwing from your tribe mates.
Super Girl Spoiler #3: Will. Playing chess, not checkers. However it would probably more helpful to be playing the game of Survivor, but what do I know, big guy. I will admit that playing a sit down board game is more up your alley stamina wise.
Super Girl Spoiler #4: Mike. As mentioned before, pissy little he-girl whiner with a prison tat guaranteed to make him someone’s cell bitch. I think his claim to be an Oil Rig worker is code for another kind of greasy pipe worker.
Super Girl Spoiler #5: Rod. Another pissy little he-girl whiner. Better tattoos though. But with those tats, can you really dis a girl with a facial tat? Really? Is there that kind of pecking order in the world of self-disfigurement?
Super Girl Spoiler #6: Lindsey. I’m good with those tats, because she has the wit to go with them. You see, if you have extensive tattooing, you have to have a pretty entertaining personality to go with it. And of course a hot body. And camel toes. That whole package works. Most importantly, if you do go in for body ink, you can’t be a pissy little he-girl whiner.
Super Girl Spoiler #7: Joe. A jungle full of tropical fruit, and an ocean full of fish and crabs. And you roast up a skink. A puny little lizard whose only fault was his habit of basking in the sun and being a little slower than his lizard mates.
Eat a scorpion Joe. Eat a centipede. Eat a spider. But whatever you do, don’t catch a fat crab or a fat perch, they would actually taste good. And they would be nutritious.
Super Girl Spoiler #8: Carolyn. What me worry?
Super Girl Spoiler #9: No Collar Tribe. Once again, the no collars can’t hold their water.