LAST EDITED ON 09-29-14 AT 09:48 AM (EST)
It is I, Breast Mode Spoiler! I’m here to exploit the breasty side of Survivor. Not that we’ve ignored this aspect of the game in the past, but it is still a delight, it is still very important, and it continues to offer soft and bouncy surprises. It is important that we quantify and certify the motor-boating quotient of each breast, and to do that I have to perform many prolonged and careful examinations. It is important work, and whatever time it takes to do a thorough job is certainly time well spent. Also important are the monthly\weekly\daily follow up certifications. If I don't answer my cell, please bear with me, I'm doing God's work. It’s a tough, time consuming job, but I do it for you, the spoiler hungry fans. After all, I’m a fan too.
Although my little spies will be very carefully investigating the male oriented pectoral aspect of the game, I, as Breast Mode Spoiler, will confine my research into the more feminine and bouncier research.
So, here we go again, reporting the latest and greatest and most importantly, the most commercial spoilers for you. This season we are going to emphasize the business side of spoiling, so with that in mind, we are offering naked selfies of the Survivors on my web site, prices are linked to the carefully researched motor-boating quotient of the Survivor breasts.
Also for sale are the sex tapes. My girls are all pursuing graduate degrees in Really Really Raunchiness from the Really Really Raunchy Girl's Finishing School of Raunchiness and Vespa repair, and included in the curricula (along with exhausting field work conducted in bedrooms, kitchens, sandy beaches, leafy trees, and on just about every horizontal and vertical and surface in the world), are courses in sex tape producing, acquiring, extorting, participating in, and surreptitious photography.
So without further ado, let’s get to the first batch of spoilers.
San Juan del Slurp Spoiler #1: It’s another “Blood Vs Water”. This is what it's all about. Except that no one really knows who water is. Again. Head hurting. Again
San Juan del Slurp Spoiler #2: Jeff Probst falls down on the job as an interviewer. At TC Jeff will have a discussion of foreigners, women, and immigrants as well as of gay discrimination and of gayness in general, and he does not involve John Rocker. What is he thinking? Does he realize that an Emmy may be at stake? The whole world is waiting for Rocker to reveal his latest racial, xenophobic, and misogynic insights into the human condition and the dangers of riding the NY subway, and Jeff Probst excludes him from the conversation. Jeff is just getting old, and that Emmy is slipping and farther and farther away.
San Juan del Slurp Spoiler #3: Jeff again. In his opening sequence he explains how the previous “Blood vs Water was so compelling that they decided to do it again. Obviously the viewing audience was not polled for their opinion.
San Juan del Slurp Spoiler #4: Foreshadowing lines:
Jon Misch & Jaclyn Schultz; “Don’t hate us because we’re perfect”. OMG, they actually said that! I give them two weeks, tops.
Nadiya and Natalie: “Our Blood is thicker than anyone else’s”. Apparently this something they measure and take pride in, in Sri Lanka. Their blood viscosity. But the globetrotters shot themselves in the foot with that line. Bye Bye Nadiya. The good news is that each of you is less irritating when the other is absent. Praying to Shiva at the beginning obviously wasn’t enough to rectify that misstep.
It also didn’t help that it took two guys and one woman to hoist Nadiya's fat butt up to untie the bags during the IC. Ouff!. That once was enough for those three to make their minds about who should go.
San Juan del Slurp Spoiler #5: In a confessional, Julie informs us that she doesn’t need John Rocker, that she can stand on her own two feet in her platform sandals. Hard to take seriously the woman that is dating John Rocker and complains that Drew is too Type A. Under that beautiful head of hair is obviously a large dent cause by being dropped on her head as an infant.
San Juan del Slurp Spoiler #6: Rocker thinks the name of Survivor is "Time goes by quickly, Jeff". It also takes him 10 minutes to mentally count the number of letters in his name.
San Juan del Slurp Spoiler #7: For the exile island contest, Val says she can hold up her end. Except, apparently she can't work said 'end' around the monkey bars. Poor choice of words.
While waiting for Exile Island Challenge to start:
What Jeremy is saying: "I love my wife.”
What he is thinking. “I'm gonna plow her under. Only one person can win.”
What Val is saying. "I love my husband.“
What she is thinking. “I'm gonna plow him under. Only one person can win.”
Tribe strikes again
(Thank you thanks you all for your continuous and very generous support)