LAST EDITED ON 08-27-02 AT 07:10 PM (EST)

Big Brother 3: E8 Summary
“Some Silicone Sister and a Mannequin Mister”
by AyaK

Some silicone sister and a mannequin mister
They didn’t have what it takes
They tried to fit in but they did it all wrong
It was clear they were nothing but fakes

They had no heart when they took part in everything that fell apart
One would have to go outside
He or she would leave for good, just the way a loser should
But only one was gonna get fried!
(Only one was gonna get fried)

Oh, they were blinded by their plight
Washed up, fit to shoo, another hamster taking flight
Blinded by their plight
Washed up, fit to shoo, another hamster taking flight
Blinded by their plight

Mama always told me not to look into the CBS eye
But mama, that’s where I’m done in!

Oh, they were blinded by their plight
Washed up, fir to shoo, another hamster taking flight
Blinded by their plight!
Two went up but only one is going out, so one will make it through the night…

For those of you who don't know what song this is a partial parody of, shame on you -- but follow this link to find out. Quick explanation: Tonya, with her incredible genuine imitation boobs, is obviously the silicone sister, and she has to be the odds-on favorite to get bounced (). Meanwhile, we’ve been watching Josh for over two weeks now, and the only way that I can explain his behavior is that he’s a mannequin being operated from behind the scenes by Arnieincharge. No real person would say the things Josh says. I have to give Endemol credit, because they seem to have gotten the voice in sync with his mouth movements, and that’s hard to do. Now back to the show, so we don’t have to miss a moment of Julie (“Boy, am I glad that I went down on Les Moonves, because otherwise I’d have to find a REAL job”) Chen.

At the start of Week 2, there was a solid six-player alliance. If it still holds, Josh is safe, and Tonya is headed back to the bars of Vegas. But two people have been working overtime to destroy it this week: Roddy, its supposed leader, and Josh, the supposed brains of the group. Roddy created a war between ChiaraWhore (or Chiwhora), his original flirtation, and Amy, his secondary flirtation. Amy and Chiwhora now want to get rid of each other more than the people not in the alliance.

Josh is nervous, but he’s convinced himself that he’s done a good job hiding it. He only has had to change his underwear every two hours and his shirt four times a day from all the spotting. No one would notice that, right?

Eric thinks that this isn’t a guy-versus-girl vote, and he makes it clear that he wants Lisa to stay. Lisa, who understands men better than Eric thinks she does, says “guys don’t have loyalty.” Ooh, sounds like she found out about Eric’s past life… Lisa meets with Chiara and Danielle to discuss keeping Tonya to maintain the testosterone-estrogen balance in the house, but Dani is noncommittal.

Like any good 12-year-old boy, Roddy is getting tired of the catfights, and he wants to find another boy to play boy-games with. He offers Jason the Holy Virgin a spot in the ever-expanding alliance in return for Jason’s support for Josh in the vote, and Jason accepts. Roddy figures that Jason the Holy Virgin isn’t mixed up in those cruel girl games. Seems normal enough. But then, in the Diary Room, Jason tells us that his real allegiance is to … Danielle! Ooh, a hidden Colby-Tina alliance. Maybe this game isn‘t over yet after all.

Roddy had to be worried about the strength of the alliance to do this. He must figure that either Amy or Chiwhora is going to turn on Josh … probably because one of them thinks that he favors the other one to be Roddy’s date for the sock hop in the gym. To show which one he wants to take with him, he gives Chiara a nickname, “Kiki.” Kiki? Sounds more like a cat. Maybe he figures that, if Chiara gets a cat name, she’ll stop the cat fight. Keep dreaming, Roddy.

Tonya tells Roddy that Josh was questioning Roddy’s altruistic nature. She said Josh said that Roddy was motivated by self-interest. Yep, the same kind of self-interest that leads to tattling to try to save your own shapely butt, right, Tonya? Roddy reacts negatively to Josh’s words, and Josh denies saying them. Oh come on, people! Be a little honest for once! Roddy, a little self-awareness would be nice. Earth to Roddy: EVERYONE on BB3 is motivated by self-interest. Get it? And Josh, I hope you don’t really trust Roddy more than anyone you’ve ever known. What, did your parents take you to the hospital and try to give you back? (Can’t say that I would’ve blamed them much.) Does your girlfriend sleep around behind your back? (Can’t say that I’d blame her either.)

Instead, everyone snipes at each other some more. Josh thinks Chiara is trying to get him. I may be wrong, but it looks like the grand alliance that Jason just joined is about to dissolve into rival clans.

We need to kill more time before Tonya gets booted. So we see the aftermath of the last Food Challenge, with the great brownie chow-down. Seems that Amy has riled some of the losers, especially Tonya and Chiara, by cooking for her team (Roddy, Jason, Josh the cheater, and Lisa), while the others (except Marci, who is on the HoH diet plan) have to eat PB&J all week. Tonya finally has a big blowup (or, considering who it is, should it be a “ho-down”?) with Amy, claiming first that Amy was a cheesehead (true) and an alcoholic (who wouldn’t be, living with these hos?) and then that Amy was sneaking around talking about her behind her back. Finally, Marcellas intervenes on Amy’s behalf, and Tonya gets into it with him. Josh breathes a sigh of relief, hoping that Dani and Jason noticed. How could they miss it, Josh?

First two votes: Roddy and Amy. If Roddy expected Amy to be the traitor, he was wrong. Both of them vote to bounce Tonya. No surprises here.

Now we get to kill more time (and give Julie (“I’ve fallen and can’t get up!”) Chen a little more face time) as we meet the friends from back home. Josh has a girlfriend named Merrill. She says he’s sweet and that she wants to marry him and have his kids. Apparently no one else would have her, poor girl. Hmmm. Think she’ll still feel the same way after seeing him say that he trusts Roddy more than her? Meanwhile, Tonya’s boyfriend David has also thought about marriage, but he’s in no hurry … which means, translated from guy talk, that there is no way on God’s green earth that he’ll ever marry that bimbo. We see him look at his motorcycle more lovingly. Oh, and he tells us that Tonya is a great mom to her five kids. FIVE? No wonder she wanted to go into the cage – being filmed 24/7 with 11 other adults seems like peace and quiet to her!

Second two votes: Gerry and Chiara. Gerry votes to boot Josh. No surprise, Josh has been trying to boot him. Chiara ALSO votes to boot Josh. Yep, we’ve got a crack in the alliance, all right, and it’s Roddy’s little Kiki who is stabbing it in the back.

Now, to kill even more time, we get a look back at the BB2 hamsters, post-cage. We see Monica, Sheryl, Bunky and Evil Dr. Will. Monica has no personality, even as she talks about the loss of her cousin on 9/11 while she was in the cage. Sheryl has no personality, even as she talks about her recovery from breast cancer. Bunky has no personality, even as he talks about his one-man show and the love of his husband. So we get to see a lot of Evil Dr. Will, who has LOTS of personality – but he’s not allowed to do a plug for his new NBC show, so we just get to see more Will. Not a good move, because compared to Will, the current hamsters look like last week’s roadkill.

Julie (“Aren't I cute?”) Chen gets to ask Marcellus questions in the HoH room. Wow, this is about half as exciting as watching paint dry. Marci says that Gerry is the person he’d least like to see as HoH next. What about Josh, huh, Marci? He also says that he gets happy just looking at Amy but sick to his stomach looking at Julie. Well, he says half of that, at least.

Third vote. Could Josh be in trouble? Lisa votes next and votes for … Josh, whom she calls “piggy”! BIG split in the alliance. In fact, there is no grand alliance any more. So, now it’s up to Jason and Dani – if they want Josh gone, he’s gone. Jason votes for … Tonya. It’s 3-3. Well, guess we’ll find out who is booted after Dani and Eric vote. It’s probably safe to assume that Eric voted for Tonya, despite the split in the alliance. But what about Dani?

Lame-O Julie announces the vote: Tonya is booted by 5-3. Dani voted along with Jason. Guess the little talk from Lisa and Chiara didn’t have much influence on her vote.

Now we have one of the elements that makes BB3 special: dead air. Everyone reacts as if they don’t know what to do after an eviction. No one says anything. Well, of course not. Who wants to look like a fool on live TV? So … everyone just sits there. Tick, tick, tick, as the clocks keep turning. Click, click, click, as the dials start turning. Meanwhile, Lame-O Julie is too tired from having to think of questions to actually ask Tonya anything. Tonya tells us that she hopes Chiwhora wins. Hey, it’s nice to know that two women in the same profession – sometimes called the “oldest” profession – can still be friends.

Finally, Lame-O Julie gets it together for the HoH competition. It’s another Lame-O competition, called “One Step Beyond.” Each of the hamsters has to stand at the edge of a bottomless pit and then take one step forward. Last one alive wins HoH. Oops, sorry, another fantasy. Instead, it’s another hamster-specific trivia contest, and you keep track of your position by walking forward. Oh, and you’re blindfolded, perhaps because the producers wanted to add a Stevie Wonder-feel to the walking. Marci thankfully doesn’t have to do it. Josh and Eric blow the first two questions, so they’re out. After seven questions, everyone else has answered them all correct, so it’s a seven-way tie. All right, we’ll have seven people sleeping in the HoH room! PARTY!

Uh, no. They’ve got a tiebreaker question: what was the combined weight of all the hamsters at the start of the munch-the-brownie Food Competition? Closest to the right answer without going over wins.

Is this biased toward the men? A guess-the-weight competition, knowing that each of the women will automatically subtract 20 pounds from her own weight and probably 30 pounds from the weight of the other women that she thinks look thinner than her? Well, anyway, one of the men – Roddy – does win it, so he becomes the new HoH. Will he break up the Amy-Chiara … oops, Amy-Kiki … battle by nominating one of them? Will his preference for Chiwhora change if he finds out that she and Lisa betrayed the alliance? Or does he just want a bed partner who’s easy?

Anyway, that can wait for E9. The Lame-O returns to her limo, and we return you to your regularly-scheduled programming. Thanks for reading Week 2!