LAST EDITED ON 04-14-03 AT 03:51 PM (EST)
We open the second episode of the Bachelor with the 15 cats (sorry, couldn't resist, with all of the "catty" comments, I thought I was watching animals), err, ladies, moving into their new home. The fifteen are: Kirsten, Amber, Rachel, Liz, Elizabeth, Amy, Cristina from NJ(CristinaN), Audree, Heather, Anne-Michele, Jen, Tina from WI (TinaW), Christina from FL (ChistinaF), Tina from TN (TinaT), and Shannon.(If you have trouble telling them apart, especially with so many with the same or similar names, don't worry, so do the rest of us, just refer to ABC's website or last week's summary for pictures.)
Slinging Mud in Ojai
The first date consisted of ChristinaF, Kirsten, TinaT, Liz, and Amber. They travelled to a spa in Ojai, CA. The first bit of cattiness came out as soon as the date was announced. TinaT begins showing her claws when she realized who she was going to be with, and said that she didn't want to be with them because they are all really little, and have good bodies. (Meeeow! Jealous much? Tina, sweetie, you knew you were going to be on The Bachelor, and that most of the girls would be very pretty, what were you expecting? Not to mention the fact, that I certainly can't begin to count how many times in the two previous seasons, they used absolutely any excuse possible to show the ladies in their bikinis and hot tubs.)
At the spa, they wasted no time time covering each other in mud. Andrew, our Bachelor, definitely had no problem helping to smear the mud all the girls' little bikini-clad bodies. They jumped into some conversation. One topic covered was infidelity. And Andrew admitted that he has never cheated or been cheated on. (That just tells me that he has either dated some great women, or he hasn't dated much, or they didn't want to cheat on him and risk messing up and not getting in to the family money of the Firestones ... make your own interpretation on that one ...)
Andrew abruptly singled out Kirsten for some private time. He took her in to get a massage. As her bikini top came off, he go a little embarrassed and flushed. As this happened, TinaT was watching as closely as she could, and tried to figure out how to break it up, and suggested they all go in there with them. She can't get any one to go along, so they sat and licked their wounds. When Andrew & Kirsten returned the group went into a very large bath tub together. The subject of conversation turned to the future and what you look for in a mate. TinaT trying to make herself look better, said "we are all going to sag and have wrinkles. It all comes down to who can you still talk to in 50 years. (Meeow! Honey, look at the girls around you. Do you honestly think any of them are going to let those things happen to their bodies? They probably have appointments made for the next 50 years with their plastic surgeons for breast implants, liposuction, botox, and whatever else they can think of.)
Again TinaT worked on her claws, and said (in a confessional) that in order for her to get a rose, others would have to mess up. On cue, we saw a stumbling Amber being helped out of the tub. She has obviously had a little too much of the free-flowing champagne. Tina was then heard saying "I don't think she has a drinking problem, but ...". Then Amber was led into the bathroom, and instructed to throw up by TinaT. Amber said that she hadn't had any food, and that she really doesn't drink, so that was why it effected her so much. (If you say so, we'll believe you this time, NOT!)
After all of that excitement, they decided to go back to the ladies' home (or were they asked to leave because of Amber's drunkenness? Who knows.) As soon as they walked in the door, Andrew did not even get to say good night to his dates before
he was assaulted and taken away by Agent Sidney Bristow (oops, sorry that's the wrong ABC show), actually it was CristinaN who took him away. CristinaN said that the girls were probably thinking "what a bi*ch." (Well, at least you got that right, but I bet they had a few other words to describe you as well such as w*ore, etc.) And not just based on this incident.) After Andrew finally got himself out of her ball of yarn, Amber, our favorite lush, apologized for her behavior, and Andrew said it was fine, and kissed her cheek. (Awwww, isn't he just so sweet!)
Hooping it up
The next group consisted of Audree, Elizabeth, Amy, Heather and Rachel. They were treated to a Lakers basketball game. They travelled by bus, but no just any bus, according to Amy, it was a "rock star bus." (Something tells me Amy watched just a little too much of the Bachelorette or she's a close friend of Trista's. I included a quote from Buckeyegirl's summary of the 2nd episode, see what you think ...
<<<< " ... they have to go in a bus! A bus? Did ABC only
have one free “use of a limo” coupon? Ahh…but as Trista
says: “it’s like a rock star bus ... ”
The cattiness comes out again, as they waited for the game to start, they couldn't wait to do a litle bashing on our favorite lush (Amber) and remind him how sick she was. As they watch the Laker girls warm up the dance number, Andrew out of the blue excuses himself. The girls then begin to dish on Andrew. Things to the effect of him having a wondering eye, and being a boob man (Oh, so he really isn't that different from other men, after all ) It turned out that Andrew took off from the group not to ditch the women, as we all hoped, but to meet up with Derek Fisher. While waiting for Derek, he ran into Shaquille O'Neal, who apparently went to high school with Andrew. Finally, Derek arrived, and is then taken to meet the girls. He spoke with them for a few minutes, and then handed out purple jerseys to 4 and 1 white jersey to Audree (to match Andrew's) because Derek liked her the best. During the game Audree got to sit next to Andrew. Elizabeth sharpened her claws, and said that she was not used to being around all of these pretty girls and she is usually the center of attention. (Meeeow! All I will say about that is, if I was one of her female friends, I would be insulted by that comment. But then again, with that attitude, maybe she doesn't have any female friends.)
After the Lakers won the game, the group went on to the court and shot some hoops of their own. Anybody who shot a 3-pointer got a kiss from Andrew -- no one got it, even though Andrew desperately tried to help Heather's shot go in.
The final group date is a trip to a casino in Lake Tahoe for CristinaN, Shannon, Jen, TinaW, and AM. As they were leaving the house, CristinaN called out "Clean the house while we are gone." (Meeow! When did the show switch to Cinderella? Cristina would be perfect for the part of the evil-stepsister.) At the hotel each of the girls had a selection of dresses and shoes waiting for them in the closet to change into. (Now who else thought of Pretty Woman at that instant? And did they get to keep the clothes???) As they were changing, several of the girls mention not having on any underwear, and that everything could be seen, but they didn't seem to care. (And we wonder why we make fun of these girls? Sometimes they just make it too easy for us.)
Again without any warning, Andrew singles Jen out of the group of "delicious" (yes, truly the word he used)ladies. He gets a bit tongue-tied, but asked if she had any concerns at this point. She said the only concern was her family, while wonderful, was not high society, and wondered if that was a concern for him. He said absolutley not, and that his parents didn't have the same background. (Yeah, well, not too many of us do come from a background like the Firestone fortune.)
The group then moved downstairs in to the casino. They played a game of craps, the winner got to spend some alone time with Andrew. The winner was CristinaN. As soon as she won she grabbed on to Andrew and said "I knew you wanted me." As if we didn't think her ego was big enough, she said "I think he's most attracted to me on this date." (Double Meeeow!!!HUH?!?! Whatever girl! I'm surprised there was room for anyone else in the casino considering the size of this girl's head. And is it just me, but I could not help but think of Jan from the Brady Bunch as this girl was walking, because of the super long hair that was swinging back and forth. But I also had to laugh at ABC, during one her confessionals, a name was flashed on the screen, however, it was actually the other Christina's info. See, I said, we were all having trouble keeping them straight. If the network can't keep them clear, how are we supposed to?)
As they walk away, the other 4 ladies, take very long sips of their drinks and roll their eyes at her. Then CristinaN and Andrew spent some time alone, and she said that she needs to feel a vibe from him and is just not sure where she stood, and wanted a sign from him. (Whoa now, a second ago, it was you want me, and he's most attracted to me, and I'll be Mrs. Firestone, now she doesn't know where she stands. CristinaN, repeat after me, "I am high maintenance.") He very nicely avoided giving a direct answer.
As that conversation was going on, the others gathered in another room, and discuss Andrew. They thought he was too good to be true, and seemed nervous most of the time. But also, that it's cute, because he didn't seem to be trying to hard. Shannon eventually got a chance to talk to Andrew one on one, after he managed to get away from CristinaN. Shannon seemed to be doing an interview for a pageant and trying o impress him too much. It obviously didn't work, and she was seen crying about it because she put her heart out there, and he did not. (Girl, get a clue, you just met this guy a few days ago, and he's dating 14 others at the same time! Get over yourself, and get some self-esteem.)
He takes some of the girls outside and speaks to them individually. With Liz he wanted to be sure that she was really interested in him, because she tends to hold back in a group. She is very uncomfortable after that, and can't believe he can't see how interested she was in him. Next he talked to TinaW. He said he would be lucky to be with a girl like her. Her response was "I know." (It may sound egotistical, but with her tone of voice it was teasing, and it seemed to break the ice a bit for them.) And she also reminded Andrew that it is about more than looks for a relationship -- it's who you are, your personality, and what you're going to make out of your life. (Sounds like TinaW watched the interviews with Helene and Aaron after they broke up, where the only good things Aaron could say about Helene was her looks, and didn't wanted to be in that same boat as Helene).
We also got to see many pictures of our favorite lush, Amber downing champagne (but, she doesn't drink much, so how on earth did they get these scenes???? It must have been a look alike, I guess (shrugs). Just a piece of advice for Andrew: your family runs a winery, it might be a good idea to keep Amber away from the stock. She may drink the business dry very quickly.) She is so toasted, that she doesn't seem to know what was going on, and she screamed to everyone she loved them, and sprawled out on Audree's lap, and asked Audree to play with her hair.
But wait the drama, still wasn't over yet. ChristinaF decided to speak to him alone. She said he was great, but they were not compatible, and she wanted to leave. So off she went quicker than you can say "theSmokingGun.com has dug up your arrest for firing a gun near a school".
Our daddy's girl, Elizabeth, also gets some private time with Andrew. This conversation was very strange indeed. They talked about some of the girls, and Andrew asked if some were there for the wrong reason, she said "not for the wrong reasons, but ..." (come on girl, just spit it out, and give us the truth.) But she wouldn't really say much else, other than to say, ask me about TinaW, because I've spent so much time with her. She seemed to be upset that he needed any help deciding between the now 14 of them, and said that no one else ever gets this kind of help. He defensively said, yes they do with friends, family, etc. After she left Andrew said he wasn't sure if she was trying to plant a seed of doubt to help herself or not, but that he felt she was really looking out for him. (Andrew, Andrew, Andrew, you really are naive aren't you? You actually think that she was not trying to save her own butt? If she hadn't realized it would come across as nothing but cattiness and immaturity, she would have gladly dished all she knew.)
At long last, Chris tells them it's decision time. Andrew doen't hesitate this week to get out of the clutches of the girls. (I almost feel sorry for him after this ordeal, but I got over that in about one second.) He got to see video messages from all of them. Most are incredibly boring, and unoriginal, simply "I had a great time, and hope to get a rose." The only ones that stood out were
Heather's: she called him sweetie, and herself, Heath, and blows a large kiss after saying she hoped for the kiss she missed out on at the game.
Amy didn't say anything interesting but she was wearing something on her head that resembled a metallic floor mop and a dew rag.
And CristinaN's was just cheesy. "Even though I won a lot of money at the table, spending along time with you was priceless." (I promise she will never be writing the Matercard commercials in the future. And, I'll wait for a second to let you gag ... okay, now for the roses.)
The roses have arrived on the table, and the girls have lined up, who will it be? He calls:
TinaT (did I just see that correctly? Another week of her?
Please tell me that's not right!!! And what was up with
the little jig and squeal as she went back in line? I'm
reminded of Elaine on Seinfeld and her dancing.)
CristinaN (annoying as ever as she whispers yes, and very slowly
gives him a hug, and hangs on for dear life. Puhlease,
it's not like he proposed.)
Amber (What?!?! She practically went limp as she hugged him,
must be the alcohol, she said she doesn't drink causing
this. And Andrew, please remember my warning earlier or
have the number of the Betty Ford clinic handy.)
Liz gets the final rose. (I thought I was going to bust out
laughing at her facial expressions a couple of times,
she was fighting back tears so hard, it was just about
the most pathetic thing.)
Shannon did not hide her contempt well, she was very surprised about Amber after all the girls had taken care of her all night. As for Elizabeth, honey, go home and let your Daddy take care of you and treat you like the princess you think you are. (And EWWW!!!, what was that about with, nobody will every be better than her father?)
So there we have it. It's now down to 10 cats trying to win the 1 saucer, so to speak. And after some of the comments that were made, I do believe some of them have used 8 of their 9 lives, and are lucky to be there. Can't wait for next week.