LAST EDITED ON 04-04-03 AT 01:28 AM (EST)

The Official Bachelor Summary of:
Episode #2- Attack of the Blondes

Meet Andrew Firestone, the ABC's newest Bachelor:

A new season of The Bachelor has begun. Can you feel the excitement? One can almost smell the spoilers in the air waiting to be discovered.
The show begins with Chris, our trusty Bachelor host asking Andrew if he’s ready for tonight to begin. We’re all ready. I’m so filled with suspense that I can hardly wait for the first limo to roll up.

Without further ado, lets introduce this seasons bachelorettes’ all of whom are the mercy of Survivorblows loyalists:

The first limo slowly rolls up to the curve and out comes:

#1 Tina P. Age 22 Hometown: Oconomowoc, WI
Memorable trait? It looked like her cheek was going to pop out of her mouth. Quote: "I’d let the guy watch football with friends, give them beer and food then leave and let them party hard. That’s why I’d be the perfect wife” My first thought after hearing this was: Oh dear lord, this is just the first girl. How I am going to survive the next 24 after this one just set the womens movement about 20 years or so?

#2 Liz Age: 23 Hometown: Chicago, IL
Event planning Director
She’s wearing a red dress with a faux train on it that I don’t quite get. I should be Mrs. Firestone because: This is the ultimate matchmaker. Some one out there thinks I could be perfect for him.” Spare me please....on to:

#3 Elizabeth Age: 24 Hometown: Bolingbrook, IL
Child Life Specialist
Her sigh of relief to the camara was really:
A.) To swat the swarm of flies that was attracted to hair spray away
OR
B.) To ward off the evil eye from the other bachlorettes

#4 StephanieAge 21, Hometown: Mt. Pleasant, TN Occupation: Hostess
A southern belle with long blonde hair. The southern part is immediately confirmed when she speaks. Sugar, looks like the beauty pageant thing didn't help you win Mr. Firestone's heart.


#5 Christina C Age: 30 Hometown: Montclair, NJ
Pharmaceutical Sales Consultant
The types of drugs shes are:
A. Love Potion #9
B. Viagra
C. Smart Pills-To make me seem smarter then I really am
The first thing that comes to mind with her is that she’s the kind of girl you really want to hate because she’s so beautiful, but can’t because she’s so nice. Most honest comment of the night: I want a husband, kids the whole nine yards. And I wasn’t allowed to wear make-up until I was 17, and couldn’t date till I was 18. Kissing a boy in front of a camera will be rough.

#6 Christina Age:24 Hometown: Palm Harbor, FL
Realtor, Make-up Artist The thing that caught my eye about her was that when she stepped out of the limo, it seemed to be in slow motion, and a different kind of romantic music came on, but then again maybe I’ve just been spoiling too much.

#7 Virginia/Ginny Age: 25 Hometown: Kansas City, Mo
Waitress/Law Student
"I’m going to be the bachelor’s Ms. Right." And since I didn't get rose, I am now going to sue ABC's pants off once I get my law degree.

#8 KristenAge: 29 Hometown: Excelsior, MN
Nanny
She's not to be confused with Kirsten who also has long blonde hair and was probably also wearing a black dress.

#9 AmyAge: 24 Hometown: New York City, NY
Graphic Desginer
I should be Mrs. Firestone because: Not many guys I know are faithful to begin with, but at least I’ll know who this one is, as apposed to not knowing him. Huh? Is this the way to win the Firestone millions?

#10 Amber
Yet another girl with long hair and a black dress with cleavage. What makes her different y’all is that she’s a southern belle from Atlanta. I should be Mrs. Firestone because: “I’m looking for the one. I’m sick and tired of the bar scene.”

The music plays, Andrew is waiting on the steps waiting for bachelorette #11 to arrive, when, wait what’s this? Did it switch to the bachelorette with out me knowing it? As a guy comes up to talk to Andrew…Sigh of relief. It’s just our handsome host,- Andrew is still mooning over Amber when Chris says that “it’s ok, you can have a look.” Andrew gives a big sigh. Chris explains to Andrew that he’s just met 10 (is that all?) of the girls. Did any of them make an impression? Andrew: A number of them did, but its just too soon to tell. (Does this mean that there’s hope for the rest of us single girls?)
He then goes on to tell Andrew that what will be really, really tough is that later on this evening there will be lets all groan together now: A Rose Ceremony. A few girls will get eliminated- Yadda, Yadda, Yadda, we know all of this…but the hundred dollar question of the night is: Will he cry like Trista did at the first rose ceremony? The attack of the blondes continue with:

#11 AudreeAge: 26 Hometown: Las Vegas, NV Hair Stylist
She’s from Las Vegas, and to prove this point she’s wearing a sparkling gold dress. I should be Mrs. Firestone because: “I uphold all of the values of my religion(Mormon)no drinking, no smoking, no pre-marital sex." Looks like we have at least one G rated bachelorette in the show.

#12 BrookeAge: 21 Hometown: Mount Dora, FL
(No profession listed)
Gasp! She has short hair! Really short hair! This alone makes her one of my favorites. She is wearing a red and black dress that would look absolutely awful on anyone else.
I should be Mrs. Firestone because: “I’m definitely no wallflower.”

#13 KerriAge: 25 Hometown: Los Angeles, CA
Corporate Recruiter
Uck. Another girl with long blonde hair, wearing a black dress..wait! She doesn't have blonde hair, she has black!! How did she slide pass the producers?? To hide the fact that she has black hair, her dress has lots of cleavage, and as an accessory, she's wearing something that looks an awful lot like a dog collar...


#14 AngelaAge: 25 Hometown: Williamsville, NY
(No Profession)
Why does the image of Mariah Carey keep coming to me when I see her picture?

#15 Amy with the gorgeous smile Age: 29 Hometown: Charleston, SC Massage Therapist
OMH! As I’m groaning about yet another black dress, I notice that she steps off to the side of the limo, and as I am wondering why she’s doing this, I noticed two fun facts.
Fun fact # 1-She’s tall. Very tall. In fact, she practically towers above Andrew. Fun fact #2: The way to tell her and the other Amy apart is that this one is the one with the GORGEOUS SMILE, (I am having flashbacks to Joe Millionaire’s Melissa M.) and because she actually liked the ugly blue tie he was wearing.

#16 HeatherAge: 22 Hometown: Boston, MA
Student
Ho Hum. Another blonde wearing a gold dress. I must admit it was fun watching her practically break Andrew's arm off with her handshake...

#17 Courtney Age: 24 Hometown: San Anselmo, CA
Administrative Assistant
We have our second token minority, and she's set apart from the pack because she has a mouth the size of the grand canyon.

#18 Rachel Age: 21 Hometown: New Braunfels, TX
Um, I don't have a job right now, but Martha Stewart is my hero, I mean I really, really want to be her when I grow up. "I would like my wedding to be an evening one. My bridesmaids’ with simple black dresses and pearls. I’d pick any kind of cake.” Warning: Whatever you do, do not write this man a poem or give him a puzzle that says “I choose you."

#19 TinaAge: 26 Hometown: Nashville, TN
Can we say high maintenance? She’s blonde, and told Andrew that he should pick her because she has lots of new clothes that she can’t take back. Tina's the one who said: I have a hard time offering any bedroom action because I feel guilty- I’m Catholic. Everyone says sex ends when you get married, but for my husband that’s not going to be the case. (I would make a joke here, but like Tina, I’m Catholic, and would feel guilty about making a joke about her being Catholic.)

#20 Ann-MichelleAge: 25 Hometown: Burbank, CA
I should be Mrs. Firestone because: “I’m looking a husband, a family for someone to spend the rest of my life with.”(Btw- my Mr. Right should be pretty fun in bed.) There goes the PG-13 rating...

Our host comes up to Andrew, and asks him if Mrs. Firestone has walked by him yet? Andrew replies: “A few times.” There goes the Firestone fortune to alimony payments... The attack of the blondes continues with:

#21 Kirstenwith the gorgeous dress Age: 23, Hometown: Tampa, FL Merchant for a Shopping Network
Can we say data entry operator for the Home Shopping Network??

#22 Shannon
ith the gorgeous eyes
Age: 26 Hometown: New York City, NY HR Generalist
Miss Florida 2002 I'm so annoyed with the overuse of the adjective: "gorgeous" that I can't even rip on the fact that she's a beauty queen. An award goes to the person who can count how many times the word gorgeouswas used tonight.
#23 Jennifer

#24 Jennifer

Ok, I have a confession to make: With so many bachelorettes with long blonde hair and black dresses, I've gotten the two Jennifer's confused. One is the one with "the gorgeous dress" and the other one said: “When I meet the person I’m supposed to be with for the rest of my life, there’s just going to be that feeling of something special that you have. Whatever hardships you might go through, or fights you have, something’s always telling you: yes this is right.”

#25 TiffanyAge: 26 Hometown: Cuyahoga Falls, OH
Opera Singer I should be Mrs. Firestone because: I’m a vixen in the bedroom.” Woah-baby. The PG-13 rating just went up to NC-17.

Finally, the wait is over. Andrew gets to mingle with the girls. There is a lot of cheering and applause as he walks in. Our bachelor thanks all for coming and asks them for their names again. There is a mad dash to do just that, and the winner is: Kirsten. The girls all gush and say that he is their ideal guy. One bachelorette asks: ” Why’d you do it?” His reply? “What’s the worst thing that could happen?” We find out that he hunts, but only birds. Confessional from Andrew: “There were numerous times I felt like a bumbling idiot.” The word is beginning to spread that he comes from money, and is extremely wealthy. Amy wrongly guesses that he could be a Coppola, and does a very bad impression. More guesses as to who he could be. Amy P. finally gets up the nerve to ask what his last name is. OMH!! He’s a Firestone. Someone asks: “As in the Firestones?” He replies Yes, those Firestones. You can almost see the dollar signs appear in their eyes. A lot of I never thought I’d marry a millionaire, and how it’s a huge deal now that he’s a Firestone.
One on one conversations:
Christina – Don’t judge on character alone. Andrew’s response: Of course not! To the camera: “I’m pretty confident I’ll get a rose tonight.”
Audree- “Everybody wants a last call of the day.”
Stephanie- “You can fall in love anywhere. Someone’s just playing matchmaker for us. Andrew: She is a knock out gorgeous girl you want to be around.

He gives one of the Amy’s his coat because she’s cold, and she declares him: A Gem. (I won’t disagree with her.) We then here girls say: He’s witty, intelligent, do you feel sparks with me? Cristina: I hope I get the first kiss of the night, because that’s the one you remember…we then see Andrew kiss about every other girl there on the cheek
Catty remarks: “Do you see the crossed arms? That’s not good-that’s defensive.” “She’s so loud. That’s not good.” My favorite of the night: “it seems a little high schoolish, and a little fake.” The camera then swoops to somone’s cleavage. (There’s so much cleavage that I can’t remember who it belongs to)

Finally, the moment we all have been waiting for arrives: The Rose Ceremony

Andrew: I never thought that I would walk into a room of 25 girls and feel a connection with all of them. I just hope that I don’t make a mistake.

Girls who made an impression when they walked out of the limo: Amber, Kirsten, and Audree

Andrew’s speech to the girls: “Remember, I’m not dismissing 10 girls, I’m just being true to myself.” (Sounds awfully Trista like)
The bachelorettes to get a are:
Kirsten
Amber
Rachel
Liz
Tina from Wisconsin
Cristina from New Jersey
Elizabeth
Amy from South Carolina
Jen from Illinois
Ann-Michelle
Audree
Shannon
Heather
Cristina from Florida
Tina from Tennessee

-I apologize for the summary being so long, but it's never easy introducing the first 25 suckers...

Thank you to Diamond for giving the idea to use pictures of the bachelorettes from your Bachelor summary.

A Kyngsladye Original

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