LAST EDITED ON 03-08-24 AT 00:43 AM (EST)

What? If you thought I was going to go with Taylor Swift, you were sadly mistaken.

Shoot me Again.

What should we remember from the first episode?

- Seaguls has a «Charlie's Angels» alliance with Mama Maria, Jam, Gloria Gaynor and Swifty.
- Mama Maria has an extra vote because Jellosky sucks.
- TD is good at working with people.
- Venus Mantrap is a big threat.
- Kandy is working with Stiffany and Quantabulous.
- Stiffany got her idol.
- Jellosky sucked... but we covered that already.

Sad but True

Nanu, our strange visitor from Ork, is praying to «Orson» probably because he can't figure out these humans. He wants to integrate them. «I don't want to «sleepwalk my life away» he says.
Speaking to Kandy about his «Struggle Within», «Am I too far Gone?» he asks.
She tells him that they simply have to win: «Nothing Else Matters.»

To us she reveals that Nanu is «Helpless» at Tribal Council where you have to keep «All your Lies» secret.

Stiffany tells us that Kandy is too sweet with everyone. She is afraid Kandy will «Slither» her way to the end. More importantly, she tells us that they are loser.
(As if we didn't know already!)
Kandy «Escapes» to a hole in the ground to cry and tell us Survivor is tough.
(Well duh!)

Not-Me - Day 4

«We're a Happy Family.»

It's all fun and games at Not-Me where TD is inventing future Survivor challenges.
(I'll have more on that later but maybe Probe will listen to TD's suggestions!)
To us, he says he's solid with Club-Soda and Hunted but he has good rapports with everyone except Venus-Mantrap.
Club-Soda who was Venus's friend, has come to realize that is «The Thing that Should Not Be». Venus could «Damage» her «Case». «Nothing Else Matters» to Club-Soda so she'll throw Venus under the bus to save her case.
Venus realizes that Club-Soda is distancing herself. Venus tells us that Club-Soda could «Cheat on Me». Venus also realizes that even if he is «King Nothing», TD is reigning on top of the tribe and that everyone ignores her. She feels «Helpless».

After the break, we get a bird's eye vue of the Seaguls.

Katman is making fire and he is proud of his accomplishment.
(Remember the good ol' days when they had to use their glasses to make fire?)
Tiny Tim is happy with his tribe but he worries about Mama Maria's extra vote. We hear his «Frustration».
Swifty tells us he has fans on both sides of the tribe. However, he knows he's on the bottom of the «Angels» alliance just because he has a penis. «Don't Thread on Me» he says, ready to make a side-alliance with Mama Maria to decide which guy or girl goes.
(Actually, Swifty seemed to forget he has a penis and phrased it as wanting to have a dance partner but I manned it up a bit for him!)
Swifty and Mama Maria want to become the new «Malcolm and Denise» which is great for Maria but where does that leave Swifty? On the jury, you dumbass!

We take a short flight back to Not-Me where Venus is putting a yellow buff on the idol making it Property of Not-Me.
(Are you color-blind? Yellow isn't Orange)
Since TD is controlling the tribe, Venus Man-Trap wants to find the idol.
She goes on searching but RamJam is faster than her. He ignores the Beware warning.

In Janu, Stiffany tells us that Jest is socially awkward.
(Tell us something we didn't know.)
Jest tells us that her strategy is not to be the «Bad Seed», the person on the outs.
Kandy realizes she in great with Quintessential and Stiffany so why not ruin a good thing? She goes out of camp to plot with Jest and Nanu going as far as saying she'd be ready to vote out Quantization and to picture them three as the Final Three.
(It would have been so easy to warn Quintillion and Stiffany that she was simply placating the two outsiders so that any backlash would have been easy to explain. As far as predicting a Final Three, this one didn't last to the end of this episode!)

In Seagul, we have a new Character, Papaya Papa is now playing the role of Tiny Tim.
The tribe is in a good mood: They are like «Brothers in Arms» (yes Metallica recorded a version of it) and are ready to «Carpe Diem Baby!»
To help his social game, Swifty wanted to do a Taylor-Swift vs Metallica contest against Katman. They bored everyone «Until it Sleeps.» The Sandman Entered well before Taylor Swift's tour was over!
(To think we were happy to see extra camp footage with this new 2 hour format! Maybe they could have cast people with something interesting to say. And dumbass Katman: if he really wanted to win all he had to do was start enumerating songs by Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin and all the others. These bozos wouldn't have seen the difference.)

In Not-Me, LizLiz is telling everyone why it shouldn't be her that wins the game. She even tells us that she doesn't need to money.
Like us, RamJam is baffled by that strategy. Needing an ally, RamJam approaches the one person he fears the most: Venus Mantrap. He even tells her about his beware advantage.
Venus is both excited and pissed but mostly she's happy to have been given a chance.
(Venus is prettier when she smiles)

The Challenge

Quintessence was NOT happy hearing the laughter and the comments from the other tribes when they found out Jellosky had been voted out. I'm not sure he appreciated Kandy's remark that there were more than several reasons for voting him out...at least more than seven! Questionnable shows he has taken notes from Belichick because he answres: «We'll see if our five is better than their five».
(This brings me back to an old irritant I have with the Survivor formula: Why choose the sit-outs? Either do it by draw or force EVERYONE to take a turn on the «Sandra-bench»)
Club-Soda accepted Questionnable's challenge but added a zinger of her own: «How's the food?» she asked laconically.
Nanu invoked Ghandi's hunger strike to show why that remark didn't affect them.
(Was he comparing himself to Ghandi?)

When Venus points to the Yellow buff that little «Mark Burnett» is wearing, our «Master of Puppets» isn't pleased. In fact he takes out a knife and... no, he didn't attack Venus but simply cut the buff off of the idol. TD did remind Probe that he was wearing an Orange hat!

Despite some set-backs, we again see Not-Me win followed by Seagul leaving Janu as the losers once more.

The challenges are where Survivor Sucks the most: They have become so formulaic I can't stand them. Why put this intricate race when you know it will all come down to that damn puzzle at the end?

Here is what I would have liked to see: They race from one end of the arena to the other pulling that heavy cart all the way but, at the end, they open a crate and find a map: That map indicates the location of the idols AND different locations for the 2 fishing kits. One tribe could be first to each station and claim both reward and immunity but it could also be split: One tribe could win only immunity while the other two each get a reward with one of them also having immunity.
It wouldn't always have to be races: Each tribe could be given two puzzles, one for Immunity and one for Reward. The first two get the prizes. You could even have a tribe going for Reward BEFORE Immunity! Or you could ask half the tribe to unscrabble one puzzle while the other half attacks the second at the same time.

Back to the program and even if Nanu and Stiffeny didn't name names, Jest knows she will be getting a spanking back at camp.
Kandy had the Kiss-of-Death confessional and she gave it squarely to Jest. Even if she realized that Nanu is bad «Under Pressure» (Hey! I had to get one of my favorites in there!) Jest kept dropping all the pieces.
(Jellosky, being over 6 feet tall, would have been much better for this challenge!)

A Rare Interlude

Usually we only go to the losing tribe's camp after Immunity but here, the editors cut a detour to Not-Me's camp. Something important was about to unfold and it was all about Venus Man-Trap.
We heard that the tribe didn't listen to her calls to turn left and they crushed her toe under the cart. We were also given video evidence that, while Jiffy gave the idol to Venus, Club-Soda tried to rip it our of her hands. In fact she did take it away after the first win but Venus held on to it after the second. So, while TD felt like Rupert after winning the fishing gear, I think this was a clear message that TD must fix things with Venus or he will not enjoy Lux Aeterna, he will not be the season's champion. I do have a feeling that Venus will flip on Not-Me at the merger.

In Janu, it was a lot of déjà-vu and while Quintero made a play to fool Jest with a fake idol and tried to rally votes to eliminate Kandy, we witnessed the inevitable: Jest was sent home.