Dear Diary,

The viewers of Big Brother are idiots. That is why we repeat things over and over. That, and we have nothing else to show when we make an episode. We have to show Beau winning Head of Household. We have to show Rachel and Howie being nominated and James winning the Power of Veto again and choosing not to use it. And of course, repeating Rachel getting voted out and April winning Head of Household is absolutely necessary. We know that showing this stuff, again, and again is boring, but as we already mentioned, the Big Brother viewers are idiots.

Sincerely,
The producers of Big Brother

Dear Diary,

I’m Miss America. I was just crowned. I won! People love me! I have all the power now! And I can’t wait to see the pictures of my husband and my dog, Pepperoni! And hopefully, I’ll get a carton of cigarettes. God loves me!

Love,
April

Dear Diary,

I hate these people and I can’t beat them at HOH! Why can’t I? I’m the all-time POV champ. Like, c’mon. April beat me!?!? I guess if I can’t win HOH, I don’t deserve to win the game.

James

Dear Diary,

I miss my partner Eric but I was so happy when April won HOH. I know I’m safe this week.

I don’t know what Janelle meant by saying that I won HOH twice. Howie wanted to lose one of the evil players by putting up Sarah and James. I didn’t force him to put them up. It’s making me look like a threat.

Maggie ;)

Dear Diary,

Do you know what I mean? Because I lost my Cappy, I had to make friends with others. I know I shouldn’t trust James, but I do. It could cause “The Friendship” to split up. It wouldn’t surprise me, if April were to backdoor James, the all-time POV champ. Knowing April, she would probably nominate Janelle and Howie just to keep James from playing the POV. I would like to see Janelle gone because she is good at winning competitions and I don’t like her.

Ivette

Dear Diary,

I miss my Ray Ray. Right now, Busto and Maggie are suggesting to put me and Janelle up on the block again to backdoor James. I’m not sure if I should trust them. The last time they said, “Trust us,” they got rid of Kaysar. I guess we should follow their plan. They have the power this week. Did I mention that I like 800813$? It is time to kiss Busto’s butt.

Hurricane Howie

Dear Diary,

………….. ……………. ……………. …………………… ……………… ………….. …………… …………… ……………. ……………. ………….. ………….. ………….. ……………. …………….. That’s fabulous. ……………….. ………………….. …………… ………….. ……………… ……………….. …………… ……….. …………… ………… ………… ………… …………. …………….. ……………

Beau

Dear Diary,

I love Janelle and I love James. And I like Howie.

Hey Marcellas, how can you say that you like Howie? He is just a sexist pig.

They made some good moves in this game. But I don’t like how they’ve been lying.

Eh, the lying doesn’t bother me. I like a dirty game. It’s the hypocrisy of “The Fiendsheep” and their morals that bother me.

I’m was so disappointed to see my Janelle and Howie get nominated. I had to bring out my candle vigil.

Oh Marcellas. . .

I just hope that Ivette doesn’t have her need for a man and go against the idea of backdooring James because that would mean my girlie Janelle is gone.

Ah, the Fiendsheep is a cult. They’ll sway her.

You are probably right.

Luv y’all,
Gretchen and Marcellas

Dear Diary,

Mud wrestling is hot but too violent. We have to downgrade to searching for keys in mud for a good competition. That should make for good television. Since almost every houseguest is in this competition, we could also make this POV competition a luxury competition. We could make a runner-up prize and it could be another combination to another safe. That sounds like a good idea for the “Summer of Secrets.”

Sincerely,
The producers of Big Brother

Dear Diary,

I might not win Big Brother 6, but I’m winning other things. I already won a plasma screen television and free movie rentals. And today I won the safe combination, which means that I won a trip to the Bahamas. I wonder if I’ll win America’s Choice for a phone call to Michael. Hopefully, I don’t make people too jealous. Knowing Ivette, she’ll blow it out of proportions.

Yours truly,
Janelle

Dear Diary,

God sent a sign. He loves the friendship and he loves me. That is why I won POV. I started out slowing but I quickly made up for it and won! I have complete power this week!

Sunshine and happiness,
April

Dear Diary,

What the h3ll are we going to do? Janelle keeps winning and she’ll beat us. Do you know what I mean? I hate her. She’s got all the luck. She won the PBJ pass and the plasma screen and the trip? What else could she win?

Bleh,
Ivette

Dear Diary,

I won again. It was great to talk to Michael but I could see the green-eyed monster in all the other hgs’ eyes. Ivette had the nerve to call Rachel a sore loser, but after I got the phone call, she cried for a long, long time. It wasn’t even like I had a choice in this. I was America’s Choice. I didn’t win a competition to get the phone call. I have to be careful because I’m on the chopping block.

Happy but nervous,
Janelle

Dear Diary,

It’s a hoax. America loves us. There is no way that they voted for Janelle to get a phone call from someone she knew for two weeks. There is no way America liked Michael. It was probably a big ploy to boost ratings. We don’t believe what happened. I might not even backdoor James.

Screw you, America. Screw you,
April

Dear Diary,

Sorry Sarah. They got me. I may be the all-time POV champ but I’m the all-time HOH loser. April vetoed Janelle and backdoored me. My fate is pretty much sealed. I will keep trying but I don’t have much hope. I am certain that Maggie had a say in this.

I miss you Sarah.
James

Dear Diary,

The Fiendship are a bunch of hypocrites. The Sovereign 2 (or is it 3?) have made some dumb moves. Why can’t they get smart players and smart house guests? And why does Julie Chen have to be such a bobblehead? (And don’t say it is because she is married to her boss.) How much longer until Survivor?

With frustration,
The average Big Brother viewer

Three is the perfect number.