Previously on Canadian Idol, Amber was voted off the show. Jon Dore still isn’t funny, and Ben Mulroney still hasn’t proven why he’s on the show, other than his dad was Prime Minister of Canada.

Have I lost your interest yet? Because it won’t get any better because previously on Big Brother, the house self-divided, James is two-faced, fans cried when Kaysar was evicted, Howie won HOH, and Howie nominated James and Sarah. Confused? No? Well, SeeBS assumed that you were and decided to recrap everything a second time a mere 30 seconds later.

Sarah is crying that she’s been nominated. Are these real tears or crocodile tears? I don’t really care, because either way tears in this game are stupid. If you are really crying, you are getting too emotionally attached. If you are faking it, it will only eventually annoy the other hamsters. James is shocked. Maggaggie is happy. Howie stands by his decision with no regrets.

Sarah and James are discussing whether or not to talk with Howie and Rachel and Maggot. Sarah is done. (Whatever that means.) April is spouting stuff about how James is a liar and lied too many times. (Takes one to know one, eh?) Howie tried to explain to James that he heard the James swore on the Bible that he would put up Howie and Rachel. It becomes an argument (but not a very exciting argument).

Sarah asked James if he swore on the Bible and James said no. His short-term memory is shot. Sarah cried and James asked her to stop. She is contemplating ostening because she doesn’t want to be in this game without James. But she also doesn’t want to be portrayed as an ostener. She is currently torn.

To begin the Mexican Heartburn, Sarah went to the back yard to find the yard full of Mexican decorations, food, and piñatas (in the shapes of the hamsters). Sarah ran to James so the two of them could hold their own private party for as long as they could. Jennifer passed by and saw them out there and asked what was going on? Sarah, being the smartest player in the game, told Jennifer everything about how they wanted their private party and they don’t need to tell the other HG. Jennifer didn’t care for the Party of Two (a song that has been overplayed on the radio, btw) and dragged her doll upstairs so everybody else could see. This caused a frenzy for everyone to enter the back yard. It was the job of the HG to decorate their dolls and enjoy. This whole sequence was supposed to be entertaining. It wasn’t. Sorry. So in an attempt to make it more entertaining, I shall think of some sexy Latin stars (not to be confused with Evilette). Antonio Banderas. Mmmmmm. Salma Hayek. Mmmmm. Penelope Cruz. Mmmm. Adam Rodriguez. Mmmmm. Did that help? I hope so.

Of note, James decorated his doll with a POV and Sarah made hers with a sad face. Janelle’s was sexy and beautiful, just like her. Howie’s had to be in his undies like we see Howie so often.

Ok, so after the “fun” sequence in the back yard, we get a heated argument between Yapril, James and Sarah. Sarah is angry that she’s on the block. Yapril says it is because she is with James. James then argues with Sarah asking her what she said to Yapril. This is so boring to watch. I can’t be interested in this.

Later in the day, James asked Janelle if she thought that he was going to go against them. She said no. James and Sarah explained that “The Fiendship” did a pretty good job of making Michael (aka Janelle’s current squeeze) look like. . ., well this is a PG-13 board. Who does Janelle trust? No one. Although, she does have a good conversation with Howie about who to trust and the timing of some of the stories after certain conversations.

Oh, yay! Veto competition! HOH Howie chose Rachel. Sarah chose Jennifer. James chose Yelvette. And in the We-Believe-In-Recycling Department, we have last year’s piggy bank competition. Only instead of piggies, we have piñatas. And instead of coins, we have big candies (which are either jawbreakers or golf balls – both of which do a good job of breaking teeth). Using the Price is Right rules, players need to get closest to 20 candies without going over but must place candies in at least 2 dolls. So strategy dictates that if you want James, you put 9 candies into James’ doll and one into somebody else’s, right? Well, not according to Rachel, who placed 2 in Evilette’s, 2 in Jennifer’s, 3 in Howie’s, and 3 in her own. Sarah, wanting to save her bf, put 1 into her own and the other 9 in Howie’s. Howie put 5 candies into Sarah and 5 into James. Jennifer followed Rachel’s strategy and put 3 candies into her doll, 4 in James’, 3 in Sarah’s. Evilette surprised me by having strategy to put 9 into James’ and 1 into Sarah’s doll. James put 4 candies into Howie and Rachel’s dolls and 1 into Yelvette and Jennifer’s dolls.

Smashy, smashy. This is really fun. Well, not really but it passes the time. The hamsters have to break open their piñatas to count the number of candies on the inside. Evilette had 3 candies. Sarah had 10. Howie had 16 pieces of candy. Jennifer had 6. James had 18 pieces of candy. So the “fun” suddenly deflated. Can’t these losers at least fake a smile when they know that they handed James another win? No, because that would require good sportsmanship. Finally, to make this official, Rachel had 7 pieces of candy. Something is wrong here when Yelvette has the most strategy of these people. James won, or was given – depending on your point of view, POV, again. So I guess that means he will use it on himself, again.

With that mess of a POV competition, Howie needed to figure out who to put up next to Sarah. Everyone (except James and Sarah) gathered in the HOH bedroom to debate who should go up. Yapril volunteered to go up, only with the guarantee that she would not be evicted. Everyone says that it will be Sarah who is gone.

So, it is agreed. Yapril will go up as the pawn and Sarah is going home. It is settled. End of debate, right? Well, in the “Summer of Secrets,” they should rename the show the “Summer of Nutjobs” where nothing means everything and everything means nothing. Yeah, so Yapril was having second thoughts about the whole volunteering to go on the block and starts volunteering Evilette to go onto the block thinking that James can’t possibly strategize for Sarah with Evilette on the block.

Remember Survivor’s most loveable pirate and his trademark shirt? SeeBS certainly does and lets the hamsters pass some time by making tie dye shirts and decorating them with messages to the viewers to vote for the person they want back into the house. “The Fiendship” gets into their little Crappy orgy and try to make great shirts. Admittedly, Beau’s (wait, there’s a guy named Beau in this house) was kinda cute. Not enough for me to even vote once for the midget, but . . . Janelle wants her boy toy in the house and makes a Michael shirt. Howie and Rachel make cool Kaysar (did I mention that he’s dreamy?) shirts. James, being all bitter and stuff, says you can keep them but he wants to keep Sarah in the game.

Ok, so back to our regularly scheduled who should go up instead of James sequence, Yapril and Evilette are arguing about who should go up and why. This causes Yapril to really, really start hating Evilette and feel frustrated, etc. Wow, this is something I can actually agree with Yapril with.

After an American Idolesque recap that we can vote for people, the POV ceremony is quickly approaching. Howie is considering Yelvette to put up next to Sarah, because James and Yelvette seem to be getting quite close. At least with Sarah, they know she’s next to James. Yelvette is a loose cannon and is considered too much of a threat that flip-flops.

Ok, so the POV ceremony started itself. In a waste of time, Sarah tries to convince James to use the POV on herself (well, not really but something needs to fill the airspace). Well, in such a shocking surprise, James actually used the POV on himself. Gee, and we thought he actually cared about his girlfriend and would do the chivalrous thing. Ok, so Howie has to put someone else and put up Evilette. Sarah said that if she’s gone, expect James to come back fighting. Yelvette isn’t surprised to be up, considering she volunteered, but thinks that Jennifer and Yapril are acting fishy which means that the pawn may not be safe.

So tune in on Thursday for the live eviction. Guaranteed, a black haired, black eyed female is walking through that door. Wow, I think I could be the next Miss Cleo.

Three is the perfect number.