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"Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week Two"
TODDLJ 421 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Daytime Soap Guest Star"
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03-24-04, 06:40 PM (EST)
 
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"Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week Two" |
Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week Two1. LaToya London
LaToya earns Diva of the Week in Week Two for a risky move that paid off. Strutting around the stage in strappy black spike heels, and singing the most country-fried tune of the night, LaToya lit up the place in a way I didn’t think she was capable of. And her button front denim dress was simultaneously sexy and family friendly. You go, girl! 2. Jennifer Hudson
Despite getting no love from Simon yet again, Jennifer gave a classy performance full of heart and attitude. Her newly-straightened hair was lovely, no doubt, and made her look noticeably thinner (though I worry it made her look a bit too cookie-cutter dull. At least the mushroom puffball was distinctive and memorable.) Her outfit (a white shirred tank, white shirt, long brown leather coat, tight blasted jeans, and pointy tan heels) was a complete success (though I again worry the stylists are removing her uniqueness completely.) Can’t she be stylish without losing her edge? And will Simon ever notice that she is light-years better than most of these losers? I hope she gets another week to prove herself. 3. George Huff
I have no idea what Simon was smoking this week when he criticized George’s look. George’s image and toned-down theatrics were simply impossible to fault. In a black shirt, black trousers, and a buttery caramel leather coat, he was cutting edge class. (And love his voice or hate it, you can never complain that he is holding back. It’s 100% all the time for George, and I love that.) Listen to me, George, when Simon tells you to adapt a style like Ruben did… Ruben of the tent-sized jerseys, profuse sweating, and ridiculous jaunty hats… run screaming from that advice. 4. Jasmine Trias
Talk about surprise value! After blowing us away in week one, Jasmine seemed like a sure bet this week. Imagine my shock when her tone-deaf rendition of 'Breath' became this evening’s stinker performance. Why then, you ask, is she so high on my list? Well, folks, newsflash, my rankings are based on image! Jasmine was easily the most glamorous and lovely contestant to grace the stage, and even while she belted clunker notes that made my cat wince in pain, the radiant smile on her face seemed to say: “you love me anyway, don’t you!” Her tight red gown, with subtle layers of ruffles, and a gathered flower at the breastbone, was simply stunning. With your TV set on ‘mute,’ Jasmine is the next American Idol by a landslide! 5. Fantasia Burrino
Homegirl is going to continue to sink on my lists as long as she maintains her disrespectful cocky attitude. This week, her attempts to “put Simon in his place” earn her another Attitude Adjustment. Has she not learned? A true Diva has attitude… but also knows when it is classier just to take your lumps with a smile. Not every comment requires a defensive reply, dear. On the plus side, the vocals were smoother and warmer than previous. (Though, by the way, I agree with Simon that the black lowcut backless sequined gown seemed out of place and stodgy on her.) 6. Jon Peter Lewis
Last year we had K-Lo, and this year Jon Peter Lewis (or ‘JPL’) earns Diva Points for being the first contestant to inherit a catchy moniker. He is certainly lucky to have also inherited loyal fans who will pull him through despite this week's embarrassing debacle. In a brown vertical striped shirt (layered oddly over a grey, burgundy and white ringer T) and dark slacks, JPL was simply dull as toast. And, I admit, so were his vocals. I hate to say it, but I miss the dancing. At least it was entertaining. 7. Amy Adams
After last week’s wretched performance, Any needed a miracle to survive this week, and she may have found it in the healing power of country music. In fact, Amy is easily this week’s Most Improved. Looking Nashville-chic in her pink sequined geometric-patterned top (with sash waist) and dark jeans, she unashamedly twanged and yodeled her way through the most entertaining number of the night. And her newly-darkened hair framed her face better and made her eyebrows less stark. 8. Diana Degarmo
Urgent Bulletin: American Idol Finalist attacked and mauled by grommet gun. News at eleven.
This week, cloyingly-cute Diana was seen in a ridiculous overly-grommetted pink jacket, a white beaded pageant blouse that emphasized her baby-fat, pink stiletto heels, and a raw edged denim asymmetrical skirt. It’s a good thing the girl can sing. I think that just about says it 9. John Stephens
In this paragraph I plan to say everything there is of interest in John’s performing skills, image and attire. The end. 10. Matt Rogers
Okay, viewers, this simply isn’t funny anymore. Matt Rogers has stunk up my screen long enough! (If he lasts until final four like Josh Gracin did last season, I swear I’ll slit my wrists.) This week, he crooned his way through a performance so cheesy I gained 3 pounds watching it. I will give him one positive this week though, at least his black shirt and dark jeans were somewhat slimming. 11. Camille Velasco
Camille was a complete wreck this week, and I’m beginning to think she is simply unsalvageable. Where do I start… first of all, girlfriend needs to realize that if she’s going to sit through half the number, with horrible slump-shouldered posture, she needs to wear something that will cover her not-so-tight belly. The lime-green cropped tank and low cut jeans were simply frightful, I’m afraid, and the distressed white jacket didn’t do her any favors either. Next… the hair. Frightful yet again. She’s had it straightened, and obviously had some tracks added which hardly matched her natural hair in color or texture. Meanwhile, her huge hoop earrings stuck out ridiculously. All this, and I’m not even mentioning her sleepy potsmoker eyes, nervous warbling demeanor, and the lame rainbow sweatband. And, worst of all, she totally massacred ‘Desparado,’ breathing in the middle of words and phrases, and mis-accenting right and left. Who is voting for her anyway? This girl has got to go… yesterday.
There are certainly some who will scoff at my use of shallow, surface attributes to judge our Idol Finalists. I say, to those who scoff, they can all kiss my tanned, hairless, Stairmaster-toned a$$.
Larry Johnson is a comedy writer, currently working for Disney TV. Look for his weekly commentary from a gay point of view. Please check out his website, http://www.gaycomedyjournals.com/
Cumulative Rankings:
1. LaToya London 1.5 (2, 1)
2. Jasmine Trias 2.5 (1, 4)
3. George Huff 3 (3, 3)
4. Jennifer Hudson 3 (4, 2)
5. Fantasia Burrino 5 (5, 5)
6. Jon Peter Lewis 6 (6, 6)
7. John Stephens 8 (7, 9)
8. Diana Degarmo 8.5 (9, 8)
9. Amy Adams 8.5 (10, 7)
10. Camille Velasco 11 (11, 11)
11. Matt Rogers 11 (12, 10) Deceased:
Leah LaBelle (8)
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Breezy 18380 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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03-24-04, 06:50 PM (EST)
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1. "RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week Two" |
Yeah!! Man I've missed these. We do really miss you over at Survivor Bashers, Larry.Favorite parts....
9. John Stephens
In this paragraph I plan to say everything there is of interest in John’s performing skills, image and attire. The end. 11. Camille Velasco
All this, and I’m not even mentioning her sleepy potsmoker eyes, nervous warbling demeanor, and the lame rainbow sweatband.
 
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dangerkitty 1913 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Herbal Healing Drugs Endorser"
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03-24-04, 08:21 PM (EST)
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5. "RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week Two" |
I'm soooo glad you're here, Larry! Hope you are well.And what a Journal! Gems, every one. I'll capture several faves here, but rest assured there were many more lines that I was equally enamored of! You, sir, are simply awesome. At least the mushroom puffball was distinctive and memorable. Listen to me, George, when Simon tells you to adapt a style like Ruben did… Ruben of the tent-sized jerseys, profuse sweating, and ridiculous jaunty hats… run screaming from that advice. even while she belted clunker notes that made my cat wince in pain, the radiant smile on her face seemed to say: “you love me anyway, don’t you!” EVERY LINE you wrote for John, Camille, Diane and Matt.
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AugustGirl 11534 desperate attention whore postings
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03-28-04, 08:35 AM (EST)
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24. "RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week Two" |
Yay! Larry is back!Everything was dead on, especially this gem: John Stephens
In this paragraph I plan to say everything there is of interest in John’s performing skills, image and attire. The end.
a JSlice original. isn't she something?
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pityme 46 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Beauty Pageant Celebrity Judge"
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03-29-04, 03:51 PM (EST)
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26. "RE: Gay Idol Journal – Finals Week Two" |
you are probably the best writer in this forum. no one else can write as clearly as you can. you hit the spot perfectly.
but i don't think jennifer looked better with a straight hair. maybe different but definitely not better. it seems that her round chin does not suit the long hair.
as for diana, while she is too conservative with her get-up, she looked better last week. she looked sweeter and definitely more graceful.
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