Hey everyone, time for another edition of Big Bother 5. For everyone who has either been watching the Olympics or just living a normal life, rest assured that the hamsters are still engaged in petty squabbles over “pinky swears” and the other typical drama we’ve come to expect from Big Bother. And I’m going to come out and share the very best part of this episode right from the get-go, just to make sure you keep reading: NO JULIE CHEN!! That’s right, since it’s not a live episode the craziest person you’re going to see tonight is Natalie. Or maybe it’s Adria, I can never tell them apart.

So last time on Big Bother, Nakomis vowed to avenge A’s nomination and eviction of her good friend Will since A broke a pinky swear promise the three of them made (with Karen, but since Karen hasn't said or done anything even remotely interesting in weeks that’s pretty much the last you’ll hear of her in this summary.). Diane distanced herself from Drew over his support of the twins. And to the surprise of absolutely nobody, Nakomis nominated the two twins for eviction. Tonight, will a twin win power of veto, and will she use it to save herself or her twin?

We begin right after the nomination ceremony. Nakomis claims she nominated the twins because they broke a direct promise to her. Natalie admits she pretty much knew she would be nominated when Nakomis won. Immediately after the ceremony, the twins start giggling uncontrollably about the nomination ceremony, which disgusts Diane (though what doesn’t these days?) Adria and Natalie then complain about the quality of Nakomis’ speech. You know what girls, it isn’t Public Speaking 101, it’s Big Bother and one of you is still going home on Thursday. Natalie, who is clearly studying to be a lawyer, points out that she never did a pinky swear with Will because she wasn’t in the house when Adria did the pinky swear, so it doesn’t apply to her, and that Natalie only planned on being loyal to Nakomis and the other girls anyway. Of course, the fact that Natalie was pretending to be Adria for the first five weeks of the game and never bothered to tell Will this fact seems to have escaped her completely, but I guess some memories are just selective.

Out on the patio, Marvin and Cowboy debate which twin to evict. Cowboy, still hopped up on drugs or living on some other planet, actually likes the twins. Marvin seems to prefer to evict Natalie, but they are about the same in his mind. Meanwhile, Nakomis approaches the twins to try to better explain her nominations. She repeats that they all promised they would not vote each other out of the house and that since Natalie was playing as Adria at that time, she’s holding her to that promise too. In a confessional, Adria claims that she only made the promise because she was in “survival mode,” which is an apparent exception to the “pinky swear” code and that once Natalie joined the house “all bets were off.” Yes, that’s really what she said. Don’t ask me, I haven’t done a pinky swear since I was eight. Everything else in life gets more complicated as you get older, so maybe they’ve amended the pinky swear rules since then too.

Once Nakomis leaves, the twins decide that she is crazy because they never broke a promise to her. Let’s go back to the tape, shall we folks? There’s Adria, there’s Nakomis, there’s Karen, and there’s Will, and yes there they are all promising not to vote each other out! Adria, who clearly isn’t saving her best reasoning for last, contends that the promise not to vote out each other was a promise to Nakomis that she wouldn’t vote Nakomis out and a promise to Will she wouldn’t vote Will out, so she didn’t break the promise to Nakomis and Nakomis shouldn’t be mad at her, only Will should. I’m baffled. The twins then compare Will to Charles Manson and Nakomis to one of his followers. Now I’m even more baffled. If anybody in this game is a Charles Manson follower it's clearly Katatonic Karen.

The twins rush over to Diane to complain about the nominations. Natalie again reiterates that she never made a pinky swear with Will and so Nakomis gave no legitimate reason for putting her up and she’s always played the game with integrity and honesty. I hope we’re nearing a commercial break so I can rush to my bathroom and puke.

The twins resolve to win veto to at least make things interesting. Diane won’t commit to using the veto if she wins it, so they decide that Drew and Cowboy are their best bets to help them off the block because they are strong competitors and Nakomis won’t likely put them (Drew & Cowboy) up. Drew tells A he will take her off the block if he wins but admits in confessional he’s truly not sure if he will.

Back from an air wick commercial (it cleans the stench of lies!), we come back to a Luxury Competition. Some strange spider web is sitting in the backyard. The competition involves grabbing big white balls (insert your own sexual joke here) with letters on them, which are stuck in the web and navigate them out. If the hamsters succeed, they must unscramble the letters to form a word. If they do this in 3 minutes or less they win 18 items from Amazon.com. For every thirty seconds it takes over than that, they lose one item. Plus, the fastest person to get a ball wins a $1000 gift certificate.

Drew goes first and rather than gun for an individual win he pushes most of the balls to the end of the maze before taking one ball out. Diane, on the other hands “burrows through like a little rat.” About half way through, the hamsters figure out the word is Internet, but they still don’t have all the balls. But even knowing the word it takes them quite a while to spell it correctly and they end up finishing at 5:03. So they only get 14 of the 18 items. The rat, Diane, won the shopping spree. Drew claims he should get 20% for moving all the balls to the end. Drew, you get enough from Diane every night, quit complaining. Marvin thought the competition was so fun he actually started liking the other hamsters for a little while. Don’t get crazy there Marvin, you’re all still a bunch of media sluts. They buy Omaha steaks and a gas grill and a bunch of sports equipment and are generally excited about it. Ah, amazon.com…bringing enemies together toward the common goal of capitalism. Somewhere, Karl Marx just turned over in his grave.

The twins approach Diane again about whether she would use the veto to take one of them off if she won it. Diane again refuses to commit and feels totally uncomfortable. She finally starts crying to get the twins to lay off.

After a commercial break for odor protection (noticing a theme anyone?), the shopping boxes arrive in the backyard. Nakomis admits it’s nice to have something to take their mind off the game. They decide to take Holly’s ceramic cat (which she left in the house for Jase) and burn it on the grill. I don’t know which is scarier, the animosity towards somebody who has been out of the game for a month or the fact that Holly is getting more face time than Karen this episode.

OK, folks, remember earlier when I said there would be no Julie Chen on this episode. Well, I lied. But it’s OK because (1) I didn’t pinky swear, (2) you didn’t see but I had my fingers crossed, and (3) my identical twin actually wrote the first half of the summary so I didn't break the promise, he did. Don’t worry she'll be gone in a flash and it’s just a preview of the pain we all have to endure on Thursday. Actually, we get a replay of last Thursday’s show where Julie announces to the hamsters that one of them selected by America will get to appear on The Young & Restless. Cowboy thinks the show needs somebody sexy, which I think he is implying would be him though I have no idea why. Marvin also wants to win because Y&R is his “favorite soap opera.” How many soaps does Marvin watch and how scary is it that Marvin knows how many times many of the characters have been married?

Out in the backyard, Cowboy and Drew have a strategy session. Cowboy wants to do what he can to save the twins. He thinks if he wins and pulls a twin off, Marvin will be put up. Drew isn’t so sure that Nakomis won’t put one of them up, but Cowboy thinks it’s a risk they have to take. No they don’t, just throw the veto and you’re definitely safe. Of course, knowing Cowboy’s success in competitions to date, it’s probably not something he really needs to worry about.

Well anyway, it’s time for the Veto Competition. Nakomis selects Marvin to play for her. Marvin admits his main goal is to get the twins out of the house and he won’t use veto if he wins. Adria picks Drew. Natalie picks Cowboy. The competition involves a computer that morphs the pictures of 3 houseguests into one new picture. The houseguests have to guess which three houseguests were used to make the face. They do this for six pictures, whoever guesses all six the quickest will win.

Nakomis goes first and spends most of her time commenting how creeped out she is looking at the morphed pictures. Hey Nakomis, think how freaked out we are having to watch your ugly mugs every week! Marvin thought all the pictures were ugly, especially the ones with Cowboy in them. Apparently he missed the one with himself, Diane, and Lori which was far, far worse. Fortunately, there are no pictures of both Nakomis and Cowbooy so we don't even have to speculate on that disaster. Next is Natalie, who really wants to win. She seems to race through pretty quickly. Drew also books through the competition until he gets stuck for a long time on the last morph, a bizarre mix of Mike, the Twins, and Jase.

Cowboy doesn’t seem to even understand the game. It takes him over five minutes just to get the last morph. Diane watches from the sidelines and laughs at him. Yeah, I bet you’d do lots better, brainiac Finally, Adria seems to going very fast as well, but she too gets stuck for a while on the last picture.

The results are revealed. Cowboy took over 14 minutes, Marvin over 11 minutes, and Natalie, Nakomis, and Drew were all right around 7 minutes, but Adria blew everybody away with a time of just 4 minutes, 40 seconds. Adria is very excited to win and now has to decide whether to use it on herself or her twin. That night the twins cry about it and Natalie tells A she should use the veto on herself. She points out that A has won way more competitions than she has and has the best chance to mix things up for a bit. But A does show a bit of an emotional side, knowing that if she takes herself off she’s pretty much screwing over her sibling.

Meanwhile, Nakomis calls her allies Karen (wow, she is still on the show!) and Diane in to discuss who to put up if A vetoes one of the twins. She asks Diane if she would be OK with putting Drew up. Nakomis worries that Marvin might vote out Drew or Cowboy if they get put on the block because he would know that the girls would still gun for the twins and the twins for the girls, keeping himself out of the line of fire for another week. So maybe it would be best to put him up instead. Karen is adamant that Marvin will kick out a twin. But Diane woories that Marvin might want to vote out Drew more than Cowboy to break up Drew and Diane, so Cowboy would be safer from that point of view. Mark that on your tapes folk, it may be the first remotely intelligent thought Diane’s had in months. Nakomis though doesn’t think she can screw over her own brother. Is blood thicker than water? Not in the Big Bother house!

After yet another commercial for air fresheners and two commercials for stuffed crust pizza, we come back for the Veto Ceremony. A admits her decision will be based on who she think has a better chance of making it to the end between the twins. As Diane points out she can either be a good twin and save her sister or a good player and save herself. Marvin hopes A won’t use it because he’s worried Nakomis will put him up instead. Drew is terrified he’s going to be used as a pawn.

And so the ceremony begins with A asking Natalie to plead her case. Natalie says a lot of nothing I didn’t really understand (maybe it’s “twinglish”) before A gives her decision. Adria points out she didn’t use the power of veto last week because she didn’t feel it was wanted. This week though she wants to use it…on herself. Her explanation: “I feel Natalie has been absolutely reflected in Adria’s actions anyways. If you guys didn’t want to give her a chance this week for the wonderful person that she is, I don’t think it was ever in your hearts to begin with. So I’d rather be here myself.” Ouch, that didn't make much sense but it sure was harsh. Well at least now we know what the twins think a good “reason” is. Hopefully whoever nominates Adria for eviction next week will use a speech like that so she at least clues into what’s going on. Nakomis now has to nominate her replacement and she too shows just how much sibling love matters these days by putting her brother on the block. She tells him he has nothing to worry about. Famous last words those, as Marvin points out. Cowboy is very upset that he got screwed by his sister. Tune in Thursday to find out who gets evicted, who gets on the Young & the Restless, and who has the best comeback to a Julie Chen line. Until then, I hope all of you get along better with your sisters than these people do….