LAST EDITED ON 03-22-10 AT 10:08 AM (EST)

1. Carol & Brandy. See how much easier it is when you spend less time beyotching? When you're actually concentrating on the course -- at least partially, anyway -- you do better! Admittedly, you also did a pretty good job of cursing yourselves at the end. Kudos. The ghosts of dozens of all-female teams salute you with a single finger. But on the bright side, way to lock in third place. Now if you could just get rid of that idiot magnet in your backpacks...

2. (Gawds, I hate doing this...) Dan & Jordan. For two reasons only: picking the right team to ride coattails on and being the only pair to successfully tackle the walk-in hell that was the glass pyramid branch. Unless you somehow make Final Three, you will likely never be up this high again. And really, it's just a matter of everyone else doing worse. But congratulations on your ascents to the heights of the Luerve Lisset. (We don't speak very good English around here. We're Americans!)

3. Steve & Allie. Tripled their total camera time in one episode by doing their best to total their car. Nice work, guys: just one more victim Steve waved around third. Wonder if the Indians' medical department makes heavy use of duct tape? If we only see you when you're saving yourselves from your own mistakes, it's not a good sign for the future -- but take heart: spring training is a worse one.

4. Jet & Cord. As per the Claps & Slaps thread, every team which went to the wrong city in their quest for the Detour gets an automatic pass: that was a coin flip and yours came up on the wrong side. But making the mental leap of 'Cork? City! Travel now!' is a position-dropping error: take five minutes to verify with a local or spend three hours correcting yourselves. Way to take it with aplomb, sure -- but don't put yourselves in a position where you have to do it again.

5. Louie & Michael. You're making me wish for a bunch point. When you're behind, I can't stand your blundering and when you're ahead, I can't take your egos. Don't you have a nice desk job waiting for you back home? Oh, wait, you do -- now...

6. Brent & Caite. Lesbians hate you too. So do heterosexuals, males on the other side of the aisle, bis, 85% of the population with an IQ over 101, anyone named Joan who's going to spend the rest of the day being asked how her jock strap fits, the course designers who are starting to wonder what they're doing wrong, and anyone who ever tried to write a definition for 'idiot-proof' that has to start over. But glass-sellers love you. From a distance. The judges have sent in their scores, and you two have been rated as 'Future governor of Alaska and her secessionist husband.' Congratulations. Feel free to leave the course and begin your campaigns at any time. Any. Time.

Out: Jeff & Jordan. I keep glancing at the front page to see if VH1's announced their 'We're living together!' unscripted comedy series. (Three weeks, tops.) Another piece of stunt casting which didn't work out: usually, we have to wait a few minutes to find out a given team is composed of double-power morons and this time, we knew it going in. 'She's stupid! He's an idiot! How long will it take for them to start a war? Stay tuned!' *click* Our long national CBS nightmare is over -- but cable is calling...