A quick kill isn't what I'm looking for, it's been weeks of coach torture for us all he deserves more pain. Although I did like the cork & beans idea.1: A potion that would render him mute then an permanent position as a band director for one hundred 14 year old egotistical tone deaf clones of himself.
2: After searching his family tree he discovers he is not Native American, of royal blood nor Steven Sagal's little brother. He does discover that his great great uncle, twice removed then removed again lived in a cave with Sasquatch, but not in a romantic way.
3: Ten years in a room with nothing but a parrot that repeats his words back to him. This may constitute animal cruelty though.
Fear and Loathing Tribe style 2008