Survivor Tokin' Teens Official RTVW Summary - Episode 1Models vs. Millionaires
BRAZILIAN WHACKSA visibly uncomfortable Jeff Probst, who still doesn't get why they call it a "Brazilian," is bouncing along a dirt road in the back of a flat-bed truck with eight ugly rich people and eight pretty dummies. He is perched in the middle, as if undecided about which side he should join. He introduces us to the tribes - Jalapeno in red, and Timbits in black. Kind of like checkers, one of the first games you teach a kid because it's so simple. From this point on, I shall italicize theme words that I feel are descriptive of the show and it's simpletons.
He says that first impressions are already forming even though the survivors have not been allowed to speak to each other. Erinnn the hairstylist gets the first confessional, in which she says that Tyson, a professional cycling Matthew McConaughy clone, is someone she wants to have around on the Timbit tribe. Matthew McConaughy says that Erinnn seems to be a real b!tch. As for the Jalapeno tribe, Stephen the Geek is relieved to see the old lady on his tribe because now he knows he won't be the first boot. As for Old Farrah, who I believe is named Sandy but looks like Old Farrah, she figures that Stephen could
be led around real easily. Old Farrah, by the way, drives the crazy bus to crazy town for a living. One of the models, Sierra, has strep throat. Yeah, strep throat. The bacterial infection one that requires antibiotics, rest and quarantine.
Sierra's first impression confessional is about herself, where she proclaims that Sierra is weak and sick and will probably be the first boot. Coach, who looks like a buff, non-smoking Shane, DR's that Sierra is weak and sick and will probably be the first boot.
The truck stops and Jeff orders the checkers out of the back and tells them to grab anything they see in front of them. He stands in front of them and says "Grab anything you see in front of you!" They scramble for supplies while Jeff moves more into the bustling group and says "Anything. Anything at all. Grab it." They toss bananas, firewood, water, buckets, pots and pans, Sierra. They toss the tribe flag and beans and crates. Jeff moves slightly more to the midst of the fray. "Anything you see, grab it." No takers.
Once the checkers are assembled with their bounty, Jeff asks them about first impressions. Okay, we get it. First impressions are a major theme of Models vs. Millionaires. It's also the premise of the first vote, which will happen now, before they take a four-hour trek to their camp. "One person will not make the journey." Did anyone listen to the wording? Neeewwwwww. Listening is for pu$$ies.
The Jalapeno's vote for Old Farrah. She is pissed. She thinks one of the youngest will drop out first. The Timbits vote for the zebra shirt, Sierra, who sarcastically apologizes for having a fever of a hundred and two. Jeff then tells the people who weren't listening that the chosen ones wouldn't be making the trek, but they'd get to skip the trek and go directly to Go and collect two hundred dollars. Old Farrah is pleased, and Jeff b!tchslaps her about being happy. "You've just been called out by your tribe for being such an old, useless loser. I wouldn't be all happy and smiley, you fossil."
And Sandy stands there oblivious, grinning and nodding at the tribe, as if to tell them they'd better listen to what the Jeffinator is saying.
Jalapeno sets out on the trek. A largeish black woman thinks she's on The Biggest Loser, and is looking forward to melting off the baby weight. Spencer Pratt is nineteen and he's the youngest survivor ever. The red Jalapeno's stop to figure out how to use the compass. JT tells us he's a farmboy and he's used to this weather and speedos. Or was that skeetos? Nope, I'm pretty sure he said speedos. Stephen has already blown the arse out of his pants in fear of the physicality of the game, and JT is happy that there's at least one easy boot.
As for the black Timbits, Erinn can't figure out how she ended up out here, being a hairstylist and all. Jerry is from the National Guard and is used to having a hundred men under him. Step away from the summary, Frisky. Step.Away.From.The.Summary.
Coach Shane says he's a renaissance man and is an annoying leader-type person. He tells Prince William, Brendan, that he is going to change the game by making it survival of the fittest, so the strong people get to the end. Ooooo, so renaissancy!
Meanwhile, at the Jalapeno camp, Old Farrah has a good cry and says she's gonna show them big bullies and make it to the end of the game. She finds treemail which reminds her that her tribe thinks she's an old, shrivelled-up, worthless ol' bag. She ignores the silly little part about impressing her tribe by building a shelter, and decides to look for the idol that will guarantee her safety the first time her tribe goes to tribal council. Sierra, meanwhile, has decided to build the shelter.
The red Jalapenos make it to the camp and Old Farrah stuffs the treemail into her lesser cup, making her rack appear suddenly even. Baby Weight wants to know why her house isn't built, and Carolina is mad because Old Farrah didn't do anything at camp that whole time except for sit around and be old.
The black Timbits are still trekking. It's nighttime when they arrive at camp, and Sierra has built a shelter for eight people. Coach thinks Sierra is sweet and awesome but she wasn't in on the whole bonding experience of trekking for hours, so she's gotta go.
It's suddenly day 2, and the red Jalapenos are building their camp. Carolina wants to make chairs, and she wants to not rest and get everything done so she can relax. Old Farrah is going back to 'Merica to use the restroom. But that's just for pretend. Really, she's going to dig in the litterbox by the beach to find the idol. While her tribe gossips about her antisocialness, she has found a clue which tells her to walk ten paces. Old Farrah thinks it means old, decrepid people paces, and shuffles along while counting to ten. Did she find the idol? We aren't told, which is a pretty good indication that her tribe will be going to TC very soon and gawd knows Burnett needs to hold back something for the sake of suspense.
The black Timbits have finished their water, so Sierra, Debbie and Matthew McConnaughy go down to the beach with a canteen. McConnaghy dreams of dressing like a pimp, with furs on his shoulders, jewels on his pretty fingers, and a tiara on his pretty head. A man-tiara, though, because regular tiaras are too girly-girl.
Oh, and don't forget to thank the guy with his finger on the CBS blur button the next time you count your lucky stars.
The immunity challenge is running in sand, jumping in water, grabbing steps, swimming back, and building stairs. Same ol', same ol'. Except this season, the stair steps are tied securely to a raft. No diving required. Matthew McConnaughny has a big heavy load while Carolina is dragging her a$$. There are blurs, many, many blurs. Old Farrah and Sierra and working the stairs for their respective tribes, an irony that Jeff has to point out for all the model-types. Jalapeno are ahead until the maze, where a couple of models are put in charge. Needless to say, the black Timbits pull from behind and win immunity and fire.
This means the red Jalapenos are going to tribal council and probably voting for Old Farrah, since she's old and crazy. The pretty people are pretty sure she's the one. With this in the bag, Carolina starts berating her tribe for never finishing what they started. Like their shelter. And the chairs. This is when we get a confessional from Baby Weight, who's name is "Taj." She is a "former pop star." WTF??? Taj tells Carolina that nothing personal, but she is a friggin' twit and a big pain in the butt. Carolina agrees that she can be very "opinioneded." Yep, "opinioneded." I rewound it three times, folks. It was "opinioneded."
Spencer Pratt thinks that while Old Farrah is old, she did well in the challenge. A hairy guy named Joe didn't like that Carolina is opinioneded. Carolina, for her part, decides to use up all her sucking-up energy on Old Farrah instead of on the Models, Inc. arm of her tribe. Old Farrah continues looking for the idol and being old.
There's a snake at tribal council, and this time he's wearing a dark khaki shirt instead of his usual blue. The losers light their torches and sit down. Jeff brings up the Old Farrah outcastiness, but Old Farrah decides to one-up him and paint herself as the mother of the tribe. Crazy-arse mother, but still mother. And she loves it. With that, Old Farrah becomes an unlikely underdog that you want to root for, kind of like how you are endeared to an old stray arthritic golden lab that you buy one can of food for at a time because it could croak any minute and you don't want to spend money on food you won't be needing. Old Farrah is like the Vote For The Worst version of potential Survivor winner. She's batty Jan with a nip of Bailey's in her coffee.
This tribal council is relatively short in editing years. Carolina openly admits her opiniodeded, and with that, it's time to vote.
We see Old Farrah's vote for Carolina and we see Carolina's vote for someone named "Sandy." All others are hidden.
The Official Jeff Tally:
Sandy
Carolina
Caralina
Caralina
Caraleena
Caralina
That's enough votes, Jeff snuffs her torch, and she walks her opinioneded self off the set. Jeff says a bunch of stuff about first impressions, bestowes fire unto them, and sends them packing.
For her part, Carolina is ZOMG!!11!!So blindsided!!!
Perpetual *headbutt* compliments of Rolly.
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That is so funneee!!!! I agree -- Sandy shouldn't be so glad about being called out by her tribe for being so old and useless! Great job, Frisky!
