Previously, I was kind of getting fed up with this show, but now we're at the finale, I'll do what I can to get past my annoyance with everyone and everything.

Assinyo Hall reminds us that 48 started and now only 8 remain, of whom 4 will be sent home with nothing more than memories, and 4 will be $100,000 and many opportunities richer. He runs down the names of The 8. Then he bounds out, makes some lame comments, revs up his "dogs" gets them to bark a bit, introduces the judges and the special guest judge, Jessica Simpson. I'm really getting old. I've never heard of this multi-platinum recording artist.

"Let's get busy," says Assinyo, and we're off. This time, each contestant has been asked to speak about how the Star Search experience has been. I guess the producers felt they needed some "testimonials."

The order of the categories has not changed, so Junior Warblers are first on the agenda. Little 10 year old Tiffany Evans, who received perfect 20-star scores on both her previous appearances, says that her experience has been "Extraordinary. Felt like I was being treated in a spa, getting face rub, back rub. Felt like I was the no. 1 star in America."

She performs "No Way I'm Livin' Without You." Although I didn't like her second performance, this time she really belts out her song without screech, with lots of power and there's no question that she's going to win. Amazing vocal ability. Once again, the crowd goes wild, the judges enthuse, and Tiffany receives her third perfect score.

I feel a little sorry for the second semi-finalist. 13 year old Lisa Tucker tells us her Star Search experience has been "so exciting." Lisa performs Whitney Houston's, "I Have Nothing." Poor kid, why didn't they put her on first? To tell the truth, I can't think of another junior singer who could have done better than Tiffany tonight. I do think Lisa should have chosen a different sort of song, because going head-to-head with Tiffany by also choosing to sing a ballad just made the chalk-and-cheese-ness of it all so much more apparent. Lisa received 4s from each judge, with some nice comments, but we know where this is going.

After the break, Assinyo blows smoke up our collective ass: "We have NO idea what is going to happen." Give me a break. I mean, come ON! We all know what's going to happen. And the digits finally appear and Tiffany has won by a score of 38 to 31. Tiffany says that she will "get everything organized first, then probably buy me a car." Aw, sweet.

For Assinyo, the Model Category puts "the fine in Finals." :

Porschla tells us that she is the first famous person to come out of her hometown, Gulf Port, Mississippi. There are pictures of her at the water. She gets all teary talking about her folks. I'm giving benefit of the doubt and saying that the contestants don't realize that the crying is exactly what the producers hope for when they pose the questions in the first place.

Tonight is the Evening Gown competition. The dress Porschla has chosen has a wide train at the bottom, a slit up the side, some more slits at weird places. Up close it's obvious that its pattern is black & white checks, but from even a short distance away it looks grey. As the dress looked too big for her, the overall effect is of a sparkly potato sack.

Ben - gorgeous, slender magnificent 4
Carol - I think tonight your're gonna be driving home in a Porschla 5
Jessica - stunning & different 5
Nowme - blah blah something something 4

Not a single comment about potato sack fashion faux pas.

Candace Campfield is the gal from Plano, Texas. I'd be interested to know if she and Pinny even know one another. Candace speaks of the excitement and thrill of winning the semi-final. She is shown at the beach and on the phone telling her folks. Then back home, with the phone running off the hook. She tells us she's grown as a person in the last 3 weeks. But not in a bad way!

Her black shimmery dress with white sparklies is a knock-out. Maybe it was a little overwhelming for those namby-pamby judges? It doesn't have proper straps, but instead has some weird arm band thing happening on the right arm that we are to believe is holding it up. Oher than that detail, it fits well and she's got a nice smile, so I'm hoping Candace wins.

Ben - wholesome, girl nextdoor sweetness & sexiness 5
Carol - Absolute knockout 4 (have you noticed that Carol uses the word "knockout" at least 3 times every show?)
Jessica - gorgeous 4
Nowme - proof you can make it without implants 4 (Wouldn't be Nowme Crud without some kind of lame remark.)

The judges' scoring down, it's close, 18 for Porschla and 17 for Candace, so anyone's game, really.

Survivor ad, cuz what reality show can go a whole hour without at least one? Jenna's ready to kick some butt! Yee haw. woohoo only (checks Survivor watch) about 110 more hours from now, as I write this recap, till Survivor is on.

Back from break, and Arsenio is so into this. Ed McMahon comes out onstage. I guess this was his favourite category. Ed says "Digitize me." Porschla wins with 35 stars. "She's too choked up to talk," says Assinyo.

After a plug for the new Star Search beginning later this month, time for the Comedy Finals.

Loni Love tells us that this has been a whirlwind tour. She never expected this to happen. She gets teary talking about how she grew up in the projects, and that if you put your mind to it, you can do it. "I'm living proof that you can do it." That's weird. I always thought that the whole point of the projects was to give people a chance to get their lives together. Why should it be such a difficult thing to do something with your life, because you lived in "the projects?" Anyway, just wonderin'.

Loni's set includes the following: "I'm tired of no-free peanuts. The Welfare Express Airlines. $39 take you anywhere. Take you 4 months to get to Paris, France for $39. Why they gotta stop every 50 minutes. They stopped at all fifty states AND Canada."

She did some more stuff about Saddam, her cousins and so on, but she should have gotten together some new material. Can't trade on that to the winner's seat. Assinyo asks for the judges to just give scores with no commentary. Carol - 4, Jessica - 5, Nowme - 5 and Ben - 4.

I can't remember John Roy's video about what all he told us. He was shown telling his mom that he'd made it to the finals.

He gets a big cheer. Here are some tidbits: "I've been really depressed lately. Got a letter - I've been pre-denied for a Visa card. We cannot believe you cannot afford 4 cds at the regular price after getting 12 for a penny. ... (heh) Hard Knock Life - nothing left to sample if they have to go to Broadway."

He does a whole thing about how lame whites are compared to blacks, which I'm getting a tad sick of. Then he does a whole thing with Yugoslavians being tough.

If Assinyo doesn't stop them from making comments, those judges will slip in a comment: Carol - fresh clever 5, Jessica - 5, Naomi - 4, Ben - 4 very good.

Both Loni and John Roy have 18. Both 'kind of' reprised their earlier stuff, but not totally. After commercials, them digits get totalled and then Assinyo asks to be hit upside the head with 'em. John Roy wins by one star, 34 to 33.

Adult Singers and Assinyo reminds us that the winner is to receive $100,000 plus a recording contract.

Piano Man Spencer Day. "When I'm performing I almost feel like another person is taking over. Didn't plan on winning." Always a bad sign. Isn't now a good time to plan on winning? The whole experience has helped him gain confidence in himself, but not that you could tell from his performance.

He chose "What A Wonderful World," which is a lovely song, but Spencer sounded kind of blah. Adding 3 extra syllables to every other word is not a substitute for really believing what you're singing about. A poor choice of song, I think. Doesn't play to his strengths.

His parents are shown hugging in their joy at seeing their son do his stuff on stage. He gets 4's from the judges. Ben said it best "a bit of a reach."

Jake Simpson, the second semi-finalist, is another with the major heartstring-pulling-story. "A month ago I'm wondering how I'm gonna pay the rent. I'm nervous but so excited to be doing it. So amazing to get perfect score." It's brought his whole family together, he says.

"Signed Sealed Delivered," another Stevie Wonder song. He's rushing through the song, but has a lot of energy, is hopping and bopping. The crowd and judges love him. He gets another perfect score.

After one more commercial break, Assinyo gets hit with those digits one last time. 30 to 37, Jake wins.

Feb 19 is when the next Star Search starts, with Magic Johnson as the first guest judge. If anyone would like to recap Star Search, be my guest. It's been interesting, but I have a feeling our regular judges don't have much else to do and I've had enough of their lameosity to last me a very long time.

So long, and thanks for reading.