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"USA's Cannonball Run 20001"
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SurvivorBlows 15230 desperate attention whore postings
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08-06-01, 02:37 AM (EST)
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"USA's Cannonball Run 20001"
Anyone see night 1 of this on Sunday?

Apparently it's on all week. The reason I mention it here is because S1's Susan, S2's Jeff, and TI's Kaya are one of the 6 teams trying to drive cross country, and you know, Jeff and Sue are still funny and Kaya is still dumb.

Some of the other teams are hilarious as well -- 2 Playmates and a seminary student, 2 frat brothers and a grandmother, 2 black rappers and a stern middle aged white guy who hates rap, 2 hillbillies and a Ivy league grad school girl, a young model couple and the guy's ex-girlfriend.

Funny lines so far:

- The seminary guy explaining to the playmates how he thinks he was paired with them because he's been in seminary school for 8 years. Replies the playmate "what, they put us together because we've all been to college?" Seminary student just stares at her in disbelief.

- Jeff and Sue, having only been to together for a few seconds, and Jeff casualing calling the young couple team "Barbie and Ken"

- Jeff saying how "extremely unhappy" he and Susan were to see Kaya.


...if you get a chance, check it out, I thought it was defintely worth a few laughs.

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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 RE: USA's Cannonball Run 20001 Outfrontgirl 08-06-01 1
 RE: USA's Cannonball Run 20001 Riordan 08-06-01 2
   RE: USA's Cannonball Run 20001 SurvivorBlows 08-06-01 3
       RE: USA's Cannonball Run 20001 Outfrontgirl 08-06-01 4
       RE: USA's Cannonball Run 20001 Riordan 08-06-01 5
 Segment 2 Outfrontgirl 08-07-01 6
 RE: USA's Cannonball Run 20001 SkyRaider 08-07-01 7
   Comedy prevails AyatollahKhomeini 08-07-01 8
       Day 3 AyatollahKhomeini 08-08-01 9
           RE: Day 3 Drive My Car 08-09-01 10
               Drive My Car -- Don't Read Until Vi... SurvivorBlows 08-09-01 11
                   RE: Drive My Car -- Don't Read Unti... Outfrontgirl 08-09-01 13
                   Kaya must have missed S1 Merrick 08-09-01 15
 More Jane info from Chains ep summa... SurvivorBlows 08-09-01 12
   RE: More Jane info from Chains ep s... Drive My Car 08-09-01 14
       RE: More Jane info from Chains ep s... Drive My Car 08-09-01 16
           Fairly harmless waste of time George Tirebiter 08-14-01 17
 RE: USA's Cannonball Run 20001 sleeeve 08-14-01 18

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Outfrontgirl 6830 desperate attention whore postings
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08-06-01, 02:49 AM (EST)
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1. "RE: USA's Cannonball Run 20001"
Sounds funny! Thanks, Webby, I wouldn't have noticed it without your alert. I never saw Kaya (or TI), but I definitely want to see Sue and Varner together. You betcha!
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Riordan 634 desperate attention whore postings
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08-06-01, 10:45 AM (EST)
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2. "RE: USA's Cannonball Run 20001"
The reason I mention it here is because S1's Susan, S2's Jeff, and TI's Kaya are one of the 6 teams trying to drive cross country, and you know, Jeff and Sue are still funny and Kaya is still dumb. No trouble believing this.

Thank you for the notice, I will definitely check this one out!

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SurvivorBlows 15230 desperate attention whore postings
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08-06-01, 12:23 PM (EST)
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3. "RE: USA's Cannonball Run 20001"
FYI, for anyone home this afternoon, USA is apparently re-running the first episode (Sunday night) at 4PM this afternoon (Monday)

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Outfrontgirl 6830 desperate attention whore postings
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08-06-01, 01:07 PM (EST)
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4. "RE: USA's Cannonball Run 20001"
Thanks, Webby! I'll go program my VCR! No need to be home...
That's very cool of you to let us know as I hate missing the beginning setup of things.
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Riordan 634 desperate attention whore postings
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08-06-01, 09:13 PM (EST)
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5. "RE: USA's Cannonball Run 20001"
Thanks for the info, Webby! I watched and thought it was hilarious! Jeff Varner was my favorite, so I like that he is in this. I think he will up the humor level. And it is pretty funny in general.

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Outfrontgirl 6830 desperate attention whore postings
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08-07-01, 02:50 AM (EST)
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6. "Segment 2"
I found this truly entertaining. Jeff and Sue are so devious and fun. I'm bummed that it seems like their hearse can't really zip along like the Camaro, but I'm rooting for them.

Quotes I enjoyed:

Kaya: I usually won't go to any means necessary to win. I'm out to have fun.

Host: the frat boys are apparently under the impression that mass spontaneous breakdowns are common in Mississippi.

Rednecks: we won a "moral victory" today.
"These people suck. They couldn't beat me with a bat."

Castaways: Those frat bastards...

Varner v. Playmate: explaining that yes, reaching into the car and stealing the key out of the ignition counts as going into the car--even if the only part of the car you touch is the key. Rules, baby. Poor seminary student!

Looking forward to tomorrow's installment! All these teams were well cast, I must say.

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08-07-01, 03:55 PM (EST)
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7. "RE: USA's Cannonball Run 20001"
Best part thus far was the Playmates putting toothpicks int he lock of the hotel door of the front runners, delaying them. They also oiled the door knobs. Not exactly high science, but it was fun watching them giggle and jiggle.

Alas, they were disqualified for snatching the keys from Jeff and Susan's car.

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AyatollahKhomeini 2008 desperate attention whore postings
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08-07-01, 06:03 PM (EST)
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8. "Comedy prevails"
Gee, I remember when the Cannonball Baker Sea-to-Shining-Sea Run was drama, not comedy. I think Brock Yates and Dan Gurney won it one year with a time from NYC to LA (actually El Segundo) of about 35 hours (imagine what damage they did to the poor speed limit!).

Now we're treated to Jeff Varner and Susan Hawk talking (1) a local handyman into padlocking a gate to keep themselves from falling behind and (2) "good old boys" into faking breakdowns to slow down the frat boys. Plus, all the cars are absolute pieces of junk. The only ones that seem to run OK are the frat boys' Camaro and Jeff & Susan's souped-up hearse.

The funniest things in two days so far:
A. Watching Varner and Susan sabotage everyone ... and then complain enough to get the bimbos disqualified when the bimbos tried to retaliate.
B. The "Third Wheel" car, where the young couple ("Barbie and Ken" to Varner) were joined by an ex-girlfriend of "Ken" (who had dumped him), causing him to throw a fit when the two women became very friendly. "Temptation Island" should have used this gimmick, because I think "Ken" would like some fresh female companionship right about now.

So far, Jeff and Susan have been the stars, even though their team is in next-to-last place and facing potential elimination tonight. We shall see...

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AyatollahKhomeini 2008 desperate attention whore postings
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08-08-01, 11:49 AM (EST)
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9. "Day 3"
The Castaways team (Jeff V., Susan, Kaya) easily survived this leg of the trip, largely because of their ability to bypass a challenge in Fort Worth, TX due to having sufficient "passes" from "morality stops" to help out broken-down motorists. The Third Wheel team with Ken, Barbie, and Midge(?), Ken's ex-girlfriend, also survived for the same reason, but seems very close to complete disintegration. The team of the two "good ol' boys" from Tennessee and the Ivy League-graduate actress lost the "roadkill" challenge against the "frat bastards" (Varner's term) and were eliminated.

Four teams left: two will get an automatic pass into the three-team finals by placing in the top two tonight; the other two will have to engage in another challenge, with the loser eliminated. Another car bit the dust (the "low rider" blew an engine), but the team driving it (two black hip-hop singers and a middle-aged white fireman, called Hip Hop and Pop, which has been the dominant team so far) gets to take over the truck that belonged to the eliminated team.

On to Day 4!

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Drive My Car 20045 desperate attention whore postings
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08-09-01, 12:02 PM (EST)
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10. "RE: Day 3"
I am really enjoyig this show.
Bonus, if you miss it at night they rerun the episodes the next afternoon.
Rip Hop and Pop are very funny. These poors guys keep getting stopped by the police. I guess a lowrider car on a rural highway at night in Mississippi, just screams to local Law for a search.
The rappers are cracking me up, and they seem to have bonded well with the Fireman. If I didn't love Varner so much, I'd be rooting for these guys to win it.

Hate those Frat Boys, and Princess seems to be slowing them down.

Interesting tidbit, The Blond (Barbie) was on the only episode of Chains of Love that I saw. I was almost sure it was her, and then Shakes confirmed it for me.

Looking forward to watching last nights, this afternoon. So please no one tell me any details.


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SurvivorBlows 15230 desperate attention whore postings
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08-09-01, 02:12 PM (EST)
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11. "Drive My Car -- Don't Read Until Viewing Ep4 Show"
Was she really in Chains Of Love? What, shakes watches the show, but says nothing about it here ...I never saw Chains, but did find the following, if she was, it looks like she was in Episode 4, but hey, where's Matt??? (aren't they supposed to have been together for 8 months? ...since Cannonball was filmed this spring, I'm figuring Chains was filmed last summer)

http://www.upn.com/shows/chains/meet_cast/bios/episode4/janebio.html

(is it me, or does she look much better in Cannonball than in the above link, gee, maybe it's because every other shot of her in the car seems to be of her adjusting her makeup)

http://www.upn.com/shows/chains/meet_cast/past_casts.html

http://www.upn.com/shows/chains/episodes/prev_episodes_4.html

So is she an "executive assistant" as she was on Chains or a "make-up artist and model" as she's listed on Cannonball.

http://www.usanetwork.com/series/cannonball2001/racers/thirdwheel.html

...ah hell, it's LA -- I guess they are all the same thing

Funny thing is I didn't like her when the show started, and maybe it's just because Matt is freaking out more and more as the days pass, but she's really grown on me to the point where when the Roadkill match was about to start I actually was kinda torn over who I wanted to win -- the Castaways or Third Wheel. (also, was I the only one to catch the "spoiler" from the night's preview clips that these would be the two roadkill teams?)

...btw, was Sue/Kaya's agrument over who has saved the most dead people the funniest and sorriest thing on TV in a while or what? ...I was bursting -- what kind of "momma's boy" defense is that anyway?

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Outfrontgirl 6830 desperate attention whore postings
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08-09-01, 03:07 PM (EST)
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13. "RE: Drive My Car -- Don't Read Until Viewing Ep4 Show"
>>btw, was Sue/Kaya's agrument over who has saved the most dead people the funniest and sorriest thing on TV in a while or what? ...I was bursting -- what kind of "momma's boy" defense is that anyway?

Yep, it was the funniest...

Also, Kaya's "I just want your respect," to which Sue's "You got it, just don't be a prick" I guess Sue doesn't hand out unqualified respect.

I was sorry to see the Castaways lose, although they were awfully gracious to their "alliance" members. Funny, it was Kaya (I don't care about winning, just wanna have fun) who was the sore loser, whereas Jeff and Sue talked about the fun.

Varner's other great line:
"I can't wait to see Sue Hawk's ass appear over the edge..."
(or something like that).

Jeff was my favorite on S2. Once he was gone the show lost its edge. The ending of this show'll be less interesting too, but I guess I'll root for the hip hop and pop gang and hope that Third Wheel provides us with a good emotional meltdown before they cross the finish line!

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Merrick 20 desperate attention whore postings
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08-09-01, 08:47 PM (EST)
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15. "Kaya must have missed S1"
>...btw, was Sue/Kaya's agrument over who
>has saved the most dead
>people the funniest and sorriest
>thing on TV in a
>while or what? ...I
>was bursting -- what kind
>of "momma's boy" defense is
>that anyway?


I can't get over:
"It's called sensitivity. You don't treat people like that." - Kaya to Sue

Did he miss all of Survivor 1 or what?

Merrick

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SurvivorBlows 15230 desperate attention whore postings
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08-09-01, 02:37 PM (EST)
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12. "More Jane info from Chains ep summary"
Surprise, surprise, Jane doesn't look too good:

http://www.mightybigtv.com/story.cgi?show=66&story=1637&page=2&sort=&limit=

Click on the above to read the entire, 13 page review, but below are the main Jane-related comments:

"New girl. Blonde. Bimbo. Lord, she has one of those little-girl-woman voices that some guys like but that makes me nauseous. And wow, the way she talks all slow, with the occasional weird vowel sound that makes her sound Chinese, lends to her a certain air of, let’s say, hardcore stupidity. She whore-overs that she’s going to figure out her strategy as it goes -- play up what she has going for her. (Read: #####.) Tomas says, “I’m a Latin. Latins are known to appreciate shape.” If Tomas is Latin, I’m Hindu. What a #####. Blondie lets the air seep out of her head and tells us, having to think about it hard, that she works out five times a week! We learn that her name is Jane and she’s the “Bashful Bombshell.” Her quote: “My beauty is more than skin-deep.” No. It’s not. She tells us that most people don’t know what she’s really like, and she says she’s very disciplined and likes to be challenged and likes “the old fashioned way of a man treating a woman.” Yeah, when he hit her in the eye because he had a tough day at work, made her cook him dinner, and then fell asleep on the couch watching Mannix? Great. You’re welcome to it. Jane meets the other two girls. Jane? She has a terrible way? Of ending every few words? Like it’s a question? I hate her. "

"Now Jane. Jane's ex-husband says that Jane is beautiful, funny, and goofy. He also says she’s a ##### and “has to be in love before she’ll give up the booty.” The Music Of Scary Ex-Husbands plays as Tomas continues to read about Jane, saying that the ex is still waiting for Jane’s left breast implant to be returned after their divorce settlement. Oh no he di’n’t! Jane voice-overs that she was “taken aback” by the “harsh” words. She predicts that she’ll probably be the first to go."

"Tomas talks to us, telling us that Jane is superficial and not his type; he says she reminds him of an ex who hurt him. "

"Now someone has to “fake an orgasm,” and we can’t tell who it is at first because they just show everyone else watching. It’s Jane, and she whines, “It feels so good” as she moans a few times and grabs her hair. Tomas screams like a girl. Random shots of people watching, meant to be all funny, but the timing and everything else is off. Sadly, I’m sure the editors sat around cracking themselves up editing in these reaction shots. Well, it’s pretty easy to amuse someone who’s locked in a small hot room for eighteen hours a day. Jane is done doing what she does best, and everyone claps. Tammy tells us that she doesn’t feel Jane is competition because she’s not Tomas’s type; she thinks Jane will be the first to go. "

"Jane tells us derisively that Tammy’s strategy is not to make friends with anyone else, but just to go for the guy. Yeah, Jane, what a terrible strategy, to go for the guy. Tammy is dumb, huh? I bet she never got her G.E.D. like you did. "

"Jane, speaking slowly since she just recently learned to talk, tells us, “After dinner I really don’t have any idea of what’s going on really anymore.” No! You don’t say. Guys, did I say she was dumb? I did? Well, I overestimated her. "

"Jane then whines to us that there is no connection at all between her and Tomas, and that she’s gone next and she’s just along now for the ride. "

"Jane and Tomas strip down to their bathing suits as Jane dumb-overs that she’s playing the game but she’s also? Getting to know Tomas? As a person? She wears two pieces of Glide floss as a suit. Tomas tells us that immediately they “ up for lost time.” And that’s the terrible thing; I will never get this lost time back. At the end of my life, I will have logged a few months total of watching bad reality television. Months I could have been loving someone or going on a trip or learning a new language. That’s the tragedy right there. Tomas and Jane sun themselves as Tomas babbles on about how the more things two people have in common, the better for their relationship. Oprah, here’s your new Dr. Phil right here. Genius. Tomas then segues into saying he’s become more attracted to Jane now that he can see her labia. No, he says that now they have discovered they have common ground. Tammy then says something I don’t understand about how there was no substance to Tomas and Jane’s conversation (that part I understand, believe me), but then she says she wanted to whip out a violin and go “back and forth.” Chalk it up to sunstroke. Or, well, yeah, the fact that she’s very very stupid. We get a shot of them holding hands on the beach, then sitting by the water. Jane tells us that the date was good, and they both recount the fact that Jane looks like some chick who dumped Tomas. "

"Jane says that it’ll be weird to be the third wheel (SB Note: bolding was mine, thought it was funny), but maybe Tammy and Tomas have a connection; we see her sitting on her long chain behind some rice paper wall. "

"The kids get into bed. Jane slut-overs that it feels good to be alone with Tomas, and she’s anxious and nervous to see what tomorrow brings. You know what ten minutes from now brings for me? Freedom. At least for a week. Goddamn. Tomas says that he doesn’t love her yet, but at least he’s open. "

"Tomas releases Jane from the chains and then babbles. He tells her that when he first met her, he had preconceived notions which had to do with a “past hurt,” and then he decided to give her a chance and realized how much they have in common, so he’d “absolutely” like to pursue a relationship. He gives Jane half the remaining money, which she will use for a nipple lift. We see Jane packing as MM continues to drone her lines about Jane or the Locksmith being waiting for him in the courtyard. "

"Tomas unpacks, voice-overing that Jane has a presence (read: fake titties and an IQ of 70) and that he suspects he has a “spiritual connection” with her. Can anyone explain what that even means? Lord. Jane sluts that she saw a different side of Tomas, and that she’s trying to keep an open mind because you never know where something might go. Tomas tells us, with total confidence, that Jane is not in it for the money, as he climbs the stairs to the courtyard.

Courtyard. He walks out. Looks around. Nothing. Ha! Then the Locksmith appears from behind an archway. Ooh, diss! No she di’n’t! Tomas sees him. He sighs. The Locksmith approaches him like he’s gonna bend Tomas over the fountain and claim him as his property, but instead he leads Tomas away by the arm.

Short bus. Tomas rides as Jane lie-overs that she feels hurt herself that she might have hurt Tomas. Tomas sighs and says it hurts too much to think about. Ha. Jane tells us they didn’t have the ultimate spark she needs to drive a relationship. Yeah, he only drives a Honda. Tomas says that if he could see Jane, he’d thank her for teaching him a lesson not to judge a book by its cover. Bullshit -- if he saw her he’d weep and start quoting from the Book of Job. Tomas then gets one hundred dollars from Michael Eisner for saying to Jane, “You’ve got a friend in me.” Jane pretends for a second that she’s on Survivor or something at least semi-important and says that she thinks it’s an accomplishment that she came back from dead last to “win” the whole thing. She’s very excited. Incidentally, I would put up my couch, my cat, my laptop, and my new pack of Skittles that Jane would not have won if she didn’t have a boob job. She has about as much personality as James Brady. "

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Drive My Car 20045 desperate attention whore postings
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08-09-01, 05:37 PM (EST)
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14. "RE: More Jane info from Chains ep summary"
LAST EDITED ON 08-09-01 AT 05:38 PM (EST)

Yep, thats the episode I saw alright. God she was irratating.
She isn't so bad on Cannonball.

Thanks for all the info Webby.

I am bummed my Castaways aren't still in it. But I think Hip Hop has a good chance. I want to watch Jane decide she likes Matt's ex better them him, and for him to have a complete breakdown.

Still hate those Frat bastards.

Sue is right, Kaya is a P*ssy.

Oh Webby, my husband said he thought he saw Jane on Fear Factor too. You think maybe she is a Professional Reality TV contestant?

( Oh wait I guess Sue and Jeff are too)



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Drive My Car 20045 desperate attention whore postings
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08-09-01, 11:13 PM (EST)
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16. "RE: More Jane info from Chains ep summary"
I won't say what happened at the end for anyone who hasn't seen it yet. But this show was a hellava lotta fun !!
Bonus that it only lasted a week. Although, I think they had enough footage to give us a few days more.

Memorable comments from tonight.

Jeff Varner: I'm going across country with a boy named Sue, and a girl named Kaya.

Princess ( after the race was over ) Who's gonna drive me home?


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George Tirebiter 2982 desperate attention whore postings
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08-14-01, 09:34 PM (EST)
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17. "Fairly harmless waste of time"
I was so irritated with OFG for getting me into this show (and only in time for the last 3 episodes, yet!)--but it did turn out to be somewhat amusing. Don't know that I was happy with the outcome, but as the winners only wound up with $25K apiece, I can't get too bent out of shape about it.

I never dreamt I would ever root for Loozin' Soozin or Jeff Varner, but found I was disappointed when they got the heave-ho. . . Kind of like when Oprah has some lame celebrity, and after seeing more of their real personality, you wind up thinking they're not so bad after all, you know?

And I noticed this whole series was being run last Sunday as a block, so I suspect USA is going to maximize their return and it'll show up a few more times. A word to the wise, however--try not to be eating while you watch it. . . especially that steakhouse breakfast episode!

Since I missed the first two episodes, could someone tell me if Princess ever did anything but snore? I did see her picking up Hide-a-Key cases at one point, but for the most part, she struck me as the definition of "Boar Teats!"

GT

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sleeeve 3456 desperate attention whore postings
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08-14-01, 10:10 PM (EST)
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18. "RE: USA's Cannonball Run 20001"
I'll be sure to watch it in another 18000 years. I hear it's gonna be good!!!

-Sleeeve (who wasn't gonna let Webby get away with even a slight typo in the subject line)




You never know what might be up my sleeeve...

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