Hi CTG!

Kirsten cracks me up. Here's a post she wrote in the comments section before she wrote the one above. More snark!

"Kirsten says:
05/25/2011 at 12:30 am

General Comments
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1) In all the years that they’ve had kids with vocal problems, this is the year that they bring out the doctor to explain in detail what is going on? Usually they ignore it. Nice he came dressed in scrubs like he’d been operating on her in the back room. Love how they made Scotty stand between Ryan and the doctor to hear the diagnosis and he had to look all concerned even though she was probably talking his ear of 20 seconds ago. And then, Ryan confirmed that Scotty was at 100%. The cheat! How dare he! Scotty has not business being healthy when Lauren is so sick she needs some backroom quack experimenting on her. Did none of you see what happened to Michael?!?!?!?!

2) Did they replace our usual Ryan Seacrest with Folgers crystals? Man. Did. He. Ev. Er. Ov. Er. E. Nun. Ci. At. Ev. Ery. Thing. To. Night! Either that or he fried a microchip.

3) Is that violin player one of Nigel’s relatives? Because he got more air time than the contestants.

4) Epic Fail 1: The judges. First, we forget about them. Then Randy sputters catch phrases, JLo dithers and Steven picks the pretty one confirming the real reason why he is there.

5) Epic Fail 2: The Legends. What kind of half-a$$ery was that? If the legends are picking the song, they can darn well explain why. A nice little intro clip. What did they do? Text message old George:

Nigel and Ken: “Dear George. You don’t know us, but we run the highest rated show on television. We want to use Carrie to pimp TCO. Could you please pick a song for that other kid so it looks like we aren’t busing him?”

George: “Who are you and where did you get this number from?”

N&K: “Um…well, you know Jimmy Iovine? Well, um…while he was in the loo, we pinched his phone and went through his address book. Um…what do you say, can you give us a so-so song for some kid to sing as a sop? You’d be doing us a favour. Hey! Pick one of your own songs and you’ll at least get some royalties!”

G: “If I give you a song will you promise to delete my phone number? I hate changing that damn thing! And tell Jimmy if he ever leaves that phone unattended again, I’m going to take that phone and his stupid hat and run over it with my Mac truck.”

K&N: “Done and done. Now about that song?”

G: “Eh. Have him sing that song about the check boxes.”

K&N: “Great. Oh, one other thing, can we borrow that truck? Our bus seems to be on the fritz”.

6) Epic Fail 3: Opening intro drives home that Nigel wishes to forget the last two years of Ken’s rein. Sorry Lee and Kris. The last winner was Cook.

7) Epic Fail 4: Jimmy Iovine’s song choices. That is the best you could find? A KLC reject and some goofball song? Jimmy, I hate to tell you this, but while you were busy playing music mogul on TV, the rest of the music biz pranked you.

8 ) Epic Fail 5: Scotty’s single. Did Jimmy pay the songwriter by the word? Because that song reminds me of the stunt I used to play in Grade 6 when I didn’t have enough pages in the Journal my English teacher made me keep. I’d scrawl some crappy a$$ story where the characters would keep saying the same thing to each other “It’s Big because it’s Big and it will always be Big because it’s Big and Big is all it will ever be.”

9) Epic Fail 6: Nigel because he fails to understand that people don’t seem to really like Lauren’s Mom. I’m not sure it’s fair that the world doesn’t like Lauren’s Mom, but on the whole, we do not, so he shouldn’t have built the finale around her. Also, he should have saved the song for coronation night because it broke up the flow of the song tonight.

10) Epic Fail 7: Whichever idiot (probably Ken) who decided to run the “Your Journey Ends” video behind the kids while they sang their singles? Eh? They totally did not go with the songs and totally distracted us from them. Hmmm…on second thought, maybe it was a brilliant idea (in which case it was probably Nigel).

11) Epic Fail 8: Those itty-bitty screens they played the death reel on during Cook’s songs. Seriously, I almost got motion sick from all that panning around and I don’t think I saw much of anything.

Hmm…I haven’t even gotten to performance comments and this post is too long."