So here we are again. Another summer, another season of Big Brother. Thirteen people, picked to live in a house and have their lives taped. Now, where have I heard that before? And other season of that Julie. Seriously, how does she still have a job? She has, as my friends call it, Dawson Head. You know, Dawson, from Dawson’s Creek? He has an abnormally large head. So does she. It’s unreal. How does she not fall over? Oh yes, it’s empty in there.So now we have the introductions, where the HG’s say a little snippet about themselves. First we see, the “Oh I am so special” Jun. I keep expecting her to tell everyone to look at her perfect baby ass, but that was Ellen from one of those Real Worlds. They just sort of meshed to me. Dave is next, the Army Ranger. He’s part of the beefcake of the show. Alison is shown with her prized possession, a tiara. Great, a princess, just what we needed.
Hey, anyone want to know whatever happened to Zachary Ty Bryan after Home Improvement and that one Lifetime movie he was in? He has resurrected himself in Nathan. Next we see 19 year old virginal Michelle who tells us that size doesn’t matter. Michelle I have one word for you, whatever. Bartender Scott is next. To all Reality TV watchers, the bar he is working at is not Belly. Next we get a shot of Erika, the Dancing Queen. She is working it already. I bet she works it out the door very fast.
Justin the headhunter is shown to us next. I didn’t know that to be a headhunter you had to wear that much hair gel. He looks like Ross from Friends. Amanda graces our screen to tell us she does it with style. Does what with style, well, we are still waiting for that answer. Robert is next holding up his Cuban shirt. He’s about as Cuban as I am.
Ah, the FBI agent Jack. He’s admitted that for 30 years he has lied and cheated for America. BB should be cake for him. Jee is next, he is the international player. That makes me think that maybe he has toured the world, but alas, he has only toured the five boroughs of New York. And last but not least, Karate Girl Dana. Who knows, maybe she will resurrect the Karate Kid movies.
So after much hugging and kissing, we see 8 of the HG’s as they are about to enter the house. They do the mad dash to the beds. And the tour. The only thing mildly interesting is Marcelleus’ duck is still there.
And then the light has miraculously gone on in some of their heads. I wonder how long it took. They see 13 glasses, although Scott the brainchild says 12. I guess counting isn’t one of his strong points. They also see 5 empty picture frames. Scott counts 8 people, 5 picture frames and still comes up with 12. But he is wearing a knit hat in LA, so that be the reason for that. No one comments on the big X in the corner.
Next we have the first food competition. We see our HG’s go outside and they see beams in the form of an X. The beams are lowered and 4 get on each one. They have to answer questions about each other based on their questionnaires. If more than two people fall down, it’s PB&J for the week. They win. Yet no one sees the significance of all these Xs and the five empty picture frames.
Oh My God, the Light has come on. No one figured it out of course, Julie Chen had to inform them. Panic ensued, tears are shed and the Elite Eight is formed. Of course, the Elite Eight will go by way of Chilltown and that alliance of Six from last year. This group decides to eliminate the X’s first, then turn on each other.
So we meet the X’s now. Scott, wearing hat number 2 and Amanda were engaged for one year and it didn’t end well. Jun and Jee were together 5 ½ years and they too, ended bad. Ali and Justin, lots of emotions, just sorta ended though. Hey, that sounds like my last relationship. David and Michelle, high school sweethearts. They broke up because she wouldn’t sleep with him when she was 15 and he was sexually frustrated. Erika and Robert, well, he cheated on her and she got him fired. I am thinking they didn’t end too well. When they walk in, the X’s are shocked to see each other.
Wednesday….
Our first BB altercation stars Amanda and Scott. Amanda picked up a pan and Scott screamed at the camera. He claims she was going to hit him. Whatever. He apologizes and our first fight is over.
Our first drama leads us to our second altercation. Bed passes. Our five X’s were given bed passes to use if they so wish. Michelle, probably knowing that any of the guys would love to share a bed with her, Amanda and Justin wisely refrain from using theirs. Robert chooses Ali to give up her bed and Jee makes Dana give up her bed. Bad move. Even worse move on Jee’s part, he tells all of America that Jun used to weigh 190 pounds.
Our luxury competition is next. Of course it is a hot tub. They have a box and have to fill the box with slime from a little pool. They have to remove the slime from each other’s bodies. They have seven minutes to do it. And of course they get it, so that all the Internet people that have the live feeds and the people watching TV will see all the men and women in the Hot Tub. Did you ever doubt it?
Oh, and Scott is in Hat number 3.
Now we get to our first HOH talk. Ali, Jun and Nate are talking in the bathroom. They go into the toilet room and Jee walks in. He goes to Robert and Justin about the alliance. Come on X’s. You have to realize that the people that entered the house first would form an alliance!
Our first HOH competition has everyone pairing up and one HG having to sit out. Scott decides to sit out. Half sit on lawnchairs, while their partner has to kneel on a buzzer. If the kneelers shift their weight, fish guts will fall on their partner. When it comes down to Nate and Ali and Robert and Justin, Nate and Ali cut them a deal. They won’t put them up for HOH. They take it. Oh, and somewhere out there, Jun’s grandmother is lamenting the waste of the fish guts as she would have made a wonderful meal for everyone.
Friday….
Scott, in Hat number 4 realizes he has lots of power in choosing HOH. He chooses Nate since Nate was the kneeler. And the sucking up begins! Jun won’t make suggestions, but she will flirt.
Beefcake alert! Boys Gone Wild-BB4 style! And we get random shots of people and their observations. Nothing really compelling here.
We get another food competition. Pair up, put potatoes in your bucket and come within 25 pounds of your partners weight. If they succeed, they get the food on their T-shirts. The competition begins, and they win beer, soda, juices, snacks, desserts, breads, pasta and cereal. They lose dairy, meats, poultry, fruits and veggies. Hey, they always have PB&J!
Justin and Ali are releasing their sexual tension when altercation #3 happens. They are boxing and he grazes her cheek. She makes a federal case and gets some ice. Then she makes a Freudian slip to Jun and calls him her boyfriend. Tears abound. Damn, more water comes out of her eyes than goes over Niagara Falls.
Scott, in Hat number 5, tells us how Dave is a freak. I can see a big whatever here. Dave is shown at the bottom of the pool acting like he is dead. The big question on my mind, is he wearing Will’s shorts?
Altercation # 4- The Truth or Dare Game. Erika, Jack, Scott and Dave are outside while the rest of the HG’s are inside playing Truth or Dare. Scott walks in and looks down at them. They tell him to either play or go away. This does not sit well with the man of many hats. He goes back outside and tells the others outside that he doesn’t kiss ass and that they are losers. After the game is over, Jun goes outside and Scott, getting increasingly agitated, tells Jun off.
Nominations are next, and there is talk that the Elite Eight might turn on itself! Maybe put Scott and Erika up. Since we see that talk, we know it’s not going to happen. Nate puts up Amanda and Jee. In his not so brightest move, he throws the trust card at Amanda, making Scott go a little ballistic. He vows that his last mission in life will to get hick boy evicted.
And it is my last mission to find out why Scott has at least 5 hats in LA in the summer!!!!!
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Bebo, Queen of the Backwoods and your American Idol PTTE co-champ
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