Ep 11 Just One Vote Or I'm DOOMED or Amy Takes a Vacation
This episode of Big Brother is brought to you by Lemonheads!!(I know , I know, but I don't like Citrona, and I like Lemonheads, they are yummy and they are helping me get this bad taste of out my mouth)
Last time on Big Brother 3 !! Bunch of recrap stuff, same thing over and over and over again. I already wrote about it twice, so I am gonna skip it ( your'e welcome)
Anyways, Amy and Marcelles are up for eviction, nominated by Roddy . Eric ( remember him? hehehe) won the Veto Power, and didn't use it. Somebody is going home ( well kinda)
And we go LIVE!!!
Yes peeps, it is Eviction Day! YAY!!! Oh wait a minute, Live show day means... JULIE DAY!!! Oh yuck! We can hope she's been replaced! Nope. Damn. Guess it's time to check out what she is wearing. Luckily for our Julie she was able to get in on the Fredricks of Hollywood going out of business sale, and has a enough slutty outfits to last the whole season. Ms. Serious Newswoman ( my ass) is wearing painted on leather pants ( size 0) and an oh so stylish sheer peasent blouse ( OH MY GAWD!! I don't think she's wearing a BRA!! Not that it matters much) Julie tells us that it is day 27 in the house, there are 10 Hamsters left. Amy is a Southern Belle, Marcelles is a Stylist, and they are ( cue dramatic music) helpless. Oh Julie, geeze girl, you gotta do something about these writers, or at least watch the damn show once. Anyway, Julie continues to recap the recap of the recap AGAIN!!
Julie says, " lots has been happening in the Big Brother house"
YAY! On to the SHOW!!! Oops, that skinny b*tch has fooled me again, because the SHOW, is 5 more minutes of Roddy nominating Amy and Marcelles and Marcelles explaining to us the the decoy always goes. The decoy, the decoy. We know, we know!
Marcelles in the Diary Room wearing his white robe - Here I am just walking around, all sweetness and light, and cute as a bugs ear, in my beautiful fluffy white robe, being nice to everyone, and my reward is to be put up on the block again. Is that fair? ( well, yes Marcelles it is a game after all, DUH)
Cut to Amy and Marc in the diary room
M- I'm not gonna campaign against you
A- uh uh , no way
Well that's nice, they aren't going to campaign against each other because they are friends. Isn't that the cutest thing?
Now we see Amy stuffing her face with a Subway sandwich, she is crying to Jason about how she has been set up to go by a unanimous vote, and oh golly gee *sob* it would be so nice to get something.
( ya know all those Subways ads in Weds. nights show made me kinda hungry , so I went out and picked up some Subway for dinner this night. It was so weird to be eating my sandwich while Amy was eating hers. Amy took a bite, I took a bite. Amy chewed, I chewed. It might have been more fun to drink while she was drinking, but I was trying to take notes)
Poor Amy, poor sad sandwich chewing Amy ( the wheat bread is really yummy, oops sorry) Sad Amy just wants one little vote. Just one. Is that so much to ask? One tiny little vote. She asks everyone to give her one vote. This girl has that anti-campaign thing down pat.
Amy tells us- I always get my way. I have never wanted anything that I didn't get. Me Me Me! Oh goody! Amee is back!
Marcelles is getting pissed, seems Amee is getting on his last nerve.
Will anyone give Amee one vote? KiKi tells us that Josh might, but then he'd be in big trouble.
Cut to Josh telling Amee- I'm gonna do it Amy! I'm gonna start SUMTHIN' !! Wow Josh , sounds good! That's it, shake things up, get somthing going on! Be a rebel. You go Boy! High Five!.
Josh is next shown whining to Roddy about how poor Amy wants just one vote, and would that be so bad? Roddy shoots him down. So now it looks like the only thing Josh is gonna start is new and unusual ways of shaving his facial hair. Nice try anyway ( ya wimp). Am I the only one who thinks that Josh's facial hair is some kind of code communication? Oh? Just me? Okay, moving on.
People whisper, whisper and plot. Lisa and Eric (remember him?) decide that they can't trust Josh. ( weird face hair, I'm telling ya) To celebrate their mutual distrust of Josh, they do a little hammock humping under a blanket. HELLO? They are under a blanket, in L.A. in AUGUST!! We KNOW what they're doing. Aren't they cute? The cutest part is when Eric looks around to make sure no one is watching them. ( no ones watching Eric, just us and those horny bastards at CBS)
Amy is playing cards with Jason and Frosty the Snowman (oops sorry, just Gerry , darnnit) and she is in a sobby mood again. because it is definately Feel Sorry for Amy Day! ( mark your calender)
Amy- I am sorry I have been moody and bawling in recent hours, but Marcelles has hurt my feelings by calling me selfish. He is so selfish he won't give up one vote, even though everyone knows it is Evict Amy Day!
Uh Oh, looks like this is the last straw for Marcelles ( who must have been listening to what she was saying because I never saw him) He is PISSED! Like royally , totally pissed! He storms into the bedroom, white robe swoshing out behind him, and proceeds to tell Danielle and Chiara that NOW Amy is saying that he doesn't want her to have even one vote!! ( well ummm, does he? NO!)
Danielle jumps up off the bed and goes out to get Amy. Looks like somebody is gonna get a time out!
She tells Amy that it it time to nip this in the bud!
She gets Amy and Marcelles together and finally this episode we get some Heavy Drama! ( Ooooo)
Ok this is really bad, it is worse the second time. I wish I could say this was a catfight, but it isn't. Marcelles totally beats her down verbally. He calls her a martyr, he yells in her face, he points his finger. What does Amy do? She cries, her face gets all pink and blotchy, her nose runs, she tries to deny it ( yes, I know she is lying). He yells, she crumbles ( insert cheese joke) Chiara yawns ( insert any joke). It's awful!
Amy- I wouldn't
Marcelles- You did!
It's question and answer time, so we go back LIVE, with Julie (insert a Shakes joke) Chen!
Julie- Hi Hamsters!
Hamsters- Hi Julie!
They are all so chipper! Julie trys to be cute, and picks on Josh for being dressed up ( he is wearing a sports jersey). Then she moves on to Amy and Marcelles, who are sitting in THE PURPLE CHAIRS OF DOOM!!
Julie- so you two had quite the little Catfight, have you mended fences?
Amy- well Julie....
Julie- SHUT UP! I asked Marcelles!
Marcelles- it was a glitch Julie, nothing to it, it was nothing, CBS made it all up, nothing happened, I wasn't even there, in fact I was dead at the time.
Amy- editing all editing
Julie- Well there were No cuts I'll tell you that, and that's all I have to say about it ( Thank you Julie)
Ok and then Julie does something that completely turns my stomach. She starts flirting with Josh ( she did, I swear) She gets all giggly and teasing, and kinda arches her back. (Maybe the Goatee has some secret powers)
Julie- So Josh , you didn't expect to be here this week. How does it feel?
Instead of answering , Josh freaks out like the crazy asshole he is! Makes weird faces, jumps up and down on the couch ( somebody give him his Ritalin!) He feels great!! Then he says the dumbest thing EVER. Josh yells out, " You don't mess with the Jew!" And Jewish people the world over cringe that Josh is trying to represent them.
Julies giggles ( must be on the cue card) and doesn't quite seem to understand Josh's answer to her question. She winks at him, and moves on to Eric.
Julie- So Eric, you are on this show?
Eric- WooHoo! YAY!! Julie knows I am on the show!!
Pathetic morons. Julie flirts with Eric now, as she asks about the ever important Power of Veto! Blah Blah Blah
Eric- Ya know Julie, Vito just wasn't pulling his weight around here. He wasn't doing chores, or making his bed, in fact the only time Vito ever wakes up, is when Lisa rubs him under the covers.
This little bit of wit from the Pug, causes the Hamsters to go wild with laughter. They begin to giggle hysterically. Julie tries desparately to gain control, because her cards say she must ask important questions about POWER OF VETO!! She vainly tries to ask her qustion as the Hamsters cackle louder! Josh is hanging unside down on the sofa, butt in the air, laughing and snorting along with the rest. Julie's eye begins to twitch, someone changes her cue card in the nick of time, and Julie says " Shut Up Beavis!" Ahhhh, disaster avoided!
Do we really care why Eric didn't use the Power of Veto? Nope, I didn't think so. Moving on.
Julie goes into the cute flirting thing again and I am gonna skip it, cuz it was dumb and boring ( you're welcome)
Julie addresses the camera again , and tells us that 7 houseguests get to vote, and when we come back from commercial we get to find out why Amy and Marcelles are such good friends even though they are so different. HaHaha Julie thinks we are actually coming back after the commercials. Okay, so I am coming back, but I still "can't believe it's not Butter". ( go ahead, take a bathroom break, I'll meet you back here in a minute)
Everybody back? Ok, it's vote time! Julie reminds us that all votes are a secret. In fact the votes are so secret that they don't even show US the votes. Chiara and Eric go first. They each talk about Amy and then Marcelles. Seriously though, this is the same old sh*t.
Julie- Marcelles and Amy are the best of friends, they have laughed together, cried together, and now they are together in THE PURPLE CHAIRS OF DOOM! That these two are friends comes as no surprise to those who know them best. Amy's friend Angela ( are her parents and her little dog too embarressed to speak this time) and Marcelles' Momma, Clarice. Lets hear from them now.
Amy's friend Angela- Me and Amy have been best friends since we met 5 years ago. Amy is the biggest Princess ( clips of Amy being a Princess) Amy defines the term Southern Belle ( clips of Amy acting Belle-like) Amy can be annoying ( Our Amy? Oh you JEST! Ok, clips of Amy being annoying) You gotta Love Amy though, she sticks to her morals and doesn't act slutty like those Whore kittens in the house ( clip of said Whore kittens taking a shower together- and don't worry guys if you missed this clip, because CBS is going to find a way to get it into every episode)
Now we hear from Marcelles' Momma. I don't like her. She made me mad and she wrecks my Summary just by being in it. BOO to Momma!
Momma- Marc and Amy are the oddballs in the house, and oddballs stick together ( is that true?) Marcelles is my Pride and Joy. He is a very clean person and he loves his white bathrobe, that bathrobe is like his security blanket.....
You know what, on second thought, I am gonna skip this part. Marcelles Momma just wasn't very nice to him, and it broke his heart to talk about it ( mine too) and listening to this woman put down her son because he happens to be Gay, well it pissed me off. I don't like her and I don't want her in any more of my Summary. There was no way to make this funny, so it's gone. ( you're welcome)
Back to Julie ( oh rah!) She is back live ( barely, can someone get her a cookie?) and she is talking to Amy and Marcelles again. This time she wants to know how they feel about being nominated. Are they bitter? Tell us more about the HUGE fight you two had. On and on and on, Geeze Julie drop it already. Amy tells Julie out of their entire friendship the fight was 5 minutes, and it is over and they regret it, Marc agrees.
Julie lets them say some final words to the other hamsters. I never get this part. The votes are in , they can't change their minds. What is this for? Oh yes, now I remember, Drama!
Amy says some nice stuff about growth and the experience, Marcelles says something equally as nice. I am going to skip this too, because I am really starting to like them ( ARRRRGGGHHH!)
Julie- 7 houseguests get to vote, lets go to the Diary Room, to see Gerry and Danielle vote
She lies! I am telling you, Julie lies. Oh we see Gerry and Danielle in the Diary room talking about Marcelles and Amy, but do we see them vote? NO!
Oh good, finally some content. Julie tells us Gerry is an outsider . Is Gerry back in the Game, or is he being played?? He used the Veto, can he be trusted? (Actually none of them can be trusted, but whatever, Jules)
Lisa- I don't like Gerry
Josh- Gerry wrote his ticket outta here
Chiara- I don't trust him as far as I can throw him, and besides, his balls smell funny
Eric- Gerry sold everybody out on week one
Gerry- it would be nice to be part of the group, I want to be part of the group.
Then we get treated to shots of Gerry eating all alone, Gerry sitting all alone, Gerry looking sad combing his lone hair. Gerry plotting and kissing up to Josh ( Ha, like either of them has a prayer). They strike a deal.
Gerry- I can win this Game!
HEY CBS!! What's with the forshadowing thing? It works with Survivor , but this show is supposed to be LIVE!! Am I the only one who feels set up?
More Non Voting!! This time the people whose votes we don't see are Jason , Lisa and Josh. They all say that Marcelles is a player and can't be trusted. Can you say "Bye Bye Amy", boys and girls??
Julie's back , and she looks like she's lost 10 pounds since the show started. I think I actually heard the cameraman telling her not to turn to the side because she was dissapearing from the shot.
Julie- we are moments away from finding out who is on the chopping block , in a moment I will tell you who is evicted. One of these people sitting on THE PURPLE CHAIRS OF DOOM will be the next voted out of the Big Brother House. Who will it be? (Blah Blah blah blah., ok Julie spill it already)
Julie- Houseguests! By a vote of 7 to zip, Amy is the most recent guest to be evicted from the house. ( Finally, I don't know about ya'll but I was holding my breath with the drama and suspense of it all)
Amy smiles, Marcelles cries, fake hugs and goofiness in the house. Amy goes out to meet Julie Chen .... and OH NO, the tape in my VCR is all messed up!! ( not really, but it is the same thing as every single week, so I'm skipping it, you're welcome)
Oh Good commercials! If you want I can recap the nasty toenail commercial. No? Are you sure? Ok, your loss, but it was pretty entertaining.
Head of Household Competition!!!! Who will win the ultimate power in the Big Brother house?? I am so excited I could just pee!
The game is called Face Off. The Hamsters all get paddles with the faces of the voted out guests and Roddy. Julie asks a question, they answer by holding the paddles up in front of their faces. It's like some weird episode of Twisted Puppet Theatre. They look so stupid even Julie is laughing. It gets down to the final 2. It's between Eric and Gerry, and Julie asks the hardest question EVER ( well not really, I just don't want Eric to feel bad) What is the height in inchs of the evicted houseguests?
Eric can't count , Gerry can.
WOOHOO !! Gerry is our new Head of Household, and I can't help but wonder who'll be sleeping in Papa Bear's bed.
Julie gives us the tease about a whole new twist thats gonna send Shockwaves through the game( Umm Ok) and as we leave we get to see the Hamsters kiss up to Gerry.
Gerry- I EAT! I EAT! ( no Gerry, you suck)
Thanks for bearing with me, I am without spell check, so forgive my mistakes.