I woke up this morning feeling scared again... and thinking about catastrophe theory.
Chris Zeeman set out catastrophe theory saying that it's when there's finally one last thing that upsets the balance, and then everything falls apart.
It's sort of like, someone loses their job, and it's really hard, and they are just coping, when they get sick, so then it's so much harder, but when that leads to their home going into foreclosure, it's a "catastrophe" because they can't cope anymore and everything completely breaks down for them.
See, I have so many problems. And I have some brain damage, so I can't actually remember all the problems at once, even though all of them need addressing.
I completely forget about the privy pit. I tend to just think that I'm in this horrible situation because I did something wrong.
Then maybe in a few days, I remember about the pit and I thnk that the developer should put things right... but I think that it's so easy to blame me... the old refrain, "You should take responsibility," that the damage he's done will not be viewed.
He drives his Jaguar, and I am hard put to find the money to buy Ibuprofen, and sometimes can't.
I know this is not perfect thinking. But... I don't really see how I'm going to sort this all out. It's been going downhill for years .. the pit was dug out in 2003. But the reason that was such a huge problem (besides the hydrogen sulfide nerve damage) was that IRS took so much from me when they put me out of business back in 1994.
So, immediately speaking, the developer knows. He just has things he'd rather do with his money.
So I guess I'm going to have to concentrate, as best I can, on the All Things Are Possible With God aspect.
But I'm having trouble keeping it in mind, because I keep thinking how the state court judge dissmissed my case with prejudice mainly, as far as I can tell, because I'm so not clear with this mental disability when I'm under pressure and because there is a tremendous prejudice in courts against self-represented litigants.
Okay... I have to find a way of holding on, and more than that, improving the situation.
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