I must apologize to everyone for the actions of my socially-inept mother. It seems she's been, er, out of the loop, so to speak, for some time now, and doesn't remember how to comport herself in the public eye. Eyebrow. Eyebrows. Plucking. Tweezing. Must do soon. Need to pluck! Need to tweeze! AAAAIIIIEEEE!

<shakes head; comes back to reality> Anyway, please forgive Mom for her outrageous flirting. If you'll all just indulge her a bit, I'm sure she'll start to behave.

BTW, Mom, I know you're still mad at me for that "Frankenstein shoe" crack I made on my Stink of Style Web site, but hey, it was the only reference point I could think of to demonstrate clunkiness. I've offered a million times to take you to my Beauty Boot Camp, but you don't want seem to want to tear yourself away from that nasty habit of shocking yourself with your flat iron. It's unnerving and makes my perfect, blemish-free porcelain skin crawl.

Anyway, suit yourself; just stop pestering these men. I'm sure they'd rather have me flirting with them, anyway.