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PLEASE NOTE: The Reality TV World Message Boards are filled with desperate
attention-seekers pretending to be one big happy PG/PG13-rated family. Don't
be fooled. Trying to get everyone to agree with you is like herding cats,
but intolerance for other viewpoints is NOT welcome and respect for other
posters IS required at all times. Jump in and play, and you'll soon find out
how easy it is to fit in, but save your drama for your mama. All members are
encouraged to read the
complete guidelines.
As entertainment critic Roger
Ebert once said, "If you disagree with something I write, tell me so, argue
with me, correct me--but don't tell me to shut up. That's not the American way."
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"The Retrosexual Movement"
nailbone 27263 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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04-13-04, 03:14 PM (EST)
 
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"The Retrosexual Movement" |
I got this via email, and decided to spread the "gospel", so to speak.
--------------Ok folks, I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, trans-sexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual-bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world!
Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture wars, the Retrosexual movement. The RetroSexual Code :
A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV. A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE. A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.
A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT. A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself. A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you. A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.) A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old. A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code. A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title. A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major re-invention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it. A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak treechipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, or favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention to you. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you. A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey. A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie - and ONLY a Windsor knot. A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting. A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can - or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be. A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, but that guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to shoot. Crying. There are very few reasons that a Retrosexaul may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part. A Retrosexual man's favorite movie isn't "Maid in Manhattan" (unless that refers to some foxy French maid sitting in a huge tub of brandy or whiskey), or "Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood." Acceptable ones may include any of the Dirty Harry or Nameless Drifter movies (Clint in his better days), Rambo I or II, the Dirty Dozen, The Godfather trilogy, Scarface, The Road Warrior, The Die Hard series, Caddyshack, Rocky I, II, or III, Full Metal Jacket, any James Bond Movie, Raging Bull, Bullitt, any Bruce Lee movie, Apocalypse Now, Goodfellas, Reservior Dogs, Fight Club,etc . When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, hell, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face. A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner. A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged in a serious healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance. A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils. A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20 mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride on a plow berm. A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he darn well wanted it to land. A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except officers above 2nd Lt).
NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country. A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him. A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT.
 
Cool new sig courtesy of Jslice o-
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Devious Weasel 18756 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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04-13-04, 03:28 PM (EST)
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18. "RE: The Retrosexual Movement" |
One of the all time great movie openings:"Ernest Hemingway once wrote that every true story ends in death. This is a true story." Another good line: "I think I owe you a beer." "I think I owe you a lot more." And the scene where Sayers tells the team about Piccolo? Cry like a baby... 
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Esbea 7377 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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04-13-04, 03:33 PM (EST)
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24. "RE: The Retrosexual Movement" |
yep
my husbands colon frequently brings me to tears, does that count?
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nailbone 27263 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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04-13-04, 03:34 PM (EST)
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26. "RE: The Retrosexual Movement" |
Cool new sig courtesy of Jslice o-
No, but I can sympathize. Been there.
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wildchickenhunter 3192 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
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04-13-04, 03:28 PM (EST)
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19. "RE: The Retrosexual Movement" |
This is pretty much how I was raised Nailbone....I live it everyday...Movie you left out....Oulaw Josie Wales....He kills lots of bad folk in that one. P.S. married to a woman who strongly prefers retrosexuals.
Now give me a gun and a cigar i'm heading to the nudie bar.
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Sagebrush Dan 10002 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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04-13-04, 05:14 PM (EST)
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58. "RE: Beer Beer Beer Beer Beer" |
Here's the quote: "You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention to you. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT."
In reality, Dad paid plenty of attention to me, it was my poor older brother (who died young due to a stress-related heart attack--he got into therapy too late) who got ignored. But....Anyway, I'm just sensitive about some of the issues cuz Oregon has been in a culture war for 16 years over the gay issue. Nearly every church I've visited recently has decided it's time to condemn those terrible queers. I'm just tired of the whole issue.
For the record, I'm far from being the stereotypical gay. But, it was the stereotypical gays that were on the front lines in the early days of the gay movement, not us ones who could "pass". Just sticking up for my comrades is all, and their right to act and behave how they want, and not to be called less of a man for it. They had more courage than most people I know. And maybe I'm making a bigger deal out of this than needs to be, but like I said, Oregon's been a combat zone over this issue for too long. We're all a little shell-shocked here. 
Handcrafted by RollDdice
A little rebellion now and then is a medicine necessary for the sound health of government. -Thomas Jefferson
OT Prince of Hospitality
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MTW1961 4029 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Jerry Springer Show Guest"
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04-13-04, 05:26 PM (EST)
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60. "RE: Beer Beer Beer Beer Beer" |
>Here's the quote: "You are NOT
>allowed to see a shrink
>because Daddy didn't pay you
>enough attention to you. Daddy
>was busy DEALING WITH IT." Dan, that's kind of the point. A RETRO doesn't let the lack of attention from Daddy define his worth! (sorry about your brother - hope you understand I mean no disrespect) >Anyway, I'm just sensitive about some
>of the issues cuz Oregon
>has been in a culture
>war for 16 years over
>the gay issue. Nearly
>every church I've visited recently
>has decided it's time to
>condemn those terrible queers.
>I'm just tired of the
>whole issue.
>For the record, I'm far from
>being the stereotypical gay.
>But, it was the stereotypical
>gays that were on the
>front lines in the early
>days of the gay movement,
>not us ones who could
>"pass". Just sticking up
>for my comrades is all,
>and their right to act
>and behave how they want,
>and not to be called
>less of a man for
>it. Again, in my opinion, a Retro doesn't care whether you or your comrades (or anyone else for that matter) are gay or not. We don't care or want to know anything about what you do behind closed doors. We DO reserve the right to be sickened by the antics of "stereotypical gays", but in turn, respect their right to act as they want! I interpret the "don't watch anything with Queer in the title" as a rebellion against the overt identification of sexuality and especially the promotion of stereotypical gay behaviour.  
Handcrafted by RollDdice!
Have you given your TiVo a nice, firm handshake today?
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J Slice 13166 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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04-13-04, 05:36 PM (EST)
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64. "RE: The Retrosexual Movement" |
Eh. I still like my caring boyfriend who enjoys a good romantic comedy, takes exceptionally good care of his skin (this is waaaay pre-Queer Eye. He's just well-groomed), and takes longer than me to get ready in the morning. I don't need the door held for me, I don't think it's fair or right to make the guy pay all the time, and I don't wanna date a guy who has a gun. period. So does that make me a dirty feminist? probably. But I don't really care. Who assigns our gender roles anyway? /end anthro major rant 
The adventerously kinky Kittyloaf®: accept no substitutes.
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Asrai 6083 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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04-13-04, 05:50 PM (EST)
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66. "RE: The Retrosexual Movement" |
*Hugs Slicey real tight*I don't even give a sh!t who sees our PDA, baby! Don't label me anything, I'm just sexual, dammit! 
Sigpic crafted by the master himself, IceCat!
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Sagebrush Dan 10002 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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04-13-04, 09:10 PM (EST)
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99. "Yeah, but...." |
Where do you get the food? When I first went my church, it was mostly lesbians. Our potlucks were KFC and store-bought potato salad.
It wasn't until we got a couple competitive queens that things got interesting. Then we had Presidential banquets: Beef Wellington, slow-roasted ham, potatoes done 20 different ways, massive shrimp Louis, and....oh, wait. Eventually a lesbian chef came along and joined the fray (she did the shrimp Louis). Then we also got banquet-sized desserts along with more meats. And, truthfully, this was for just one potluck!!!!
There's more, but I'm not sure if you're back on speaking terms with Vito "No Thumbs" Zamboni. *kissie kissie*
Handcrafted by RollDdice
The
fool that persists in his folly offends No Thumbs
OT Prince of Hospitality
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Asrai 6083 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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04-13-04, 06:44 PM (EST)
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74. "RE: The Retrosexual Movement" |
*SMOOCHES*Bravie darlin', I.HEART.YOU. Just sayin'!
Sigpic crafted by the master himself, IceCat!
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Asrai 6083 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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04-13-04, 08:30 PM (EST)
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98. "RE: The Retrosexual Movement" |
Well, I do have a softer side, as well. See, right here: *turns around and points to her backside* This side, not so aggressive!!
Sigpic crafted by the master himself, IceCat!
Looks around for MTW and winks in his direction!
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sticks 1165 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Politically Incorrect Guest"
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04-13-04, 09:16 PM (EST)
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100. "UMMMM?" |
swoop?
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desert_rhino 10087 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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04-14-04, 05:04 AM (EST)
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107. "RE: The Retrosexual Movement" |
cute. quaint, even.
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p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
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Yeah, It's a JSlice
<--- happily forever married to a retro-retrosexual...
