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"Episode Summaries"
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landruajm 6040 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

02-28-05, 03:59 PM (EST)
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"Episode Summaries"
LAST EDITED ON 02-28-05 AT 04:12 PM (EST)

Ordinarily, I wouldn't be caught dead on this forum, and believe me, chances are you're really much better off that way. However, my good friend Dweezil (known to many of you, the considerably less special, as Devious Weasel) has asked me to let you know that his dog ate it. Or his kid brother threw it down the sewer. Or some such piffle.

The actual excuse he gave for his failure to meet the LGS (Landru Gold Standard) for summary posting time is that he's having trouble accessing the Internet from work. This is no small problem, because Dweezil's trailer park doesn't have Internet access, especially what with those tornadoes every afternoon.

I will attempt to give you some small sense of what's happened on AI so far, though, just to hold you over until Dweez is able to arrive, even though I haven't watched an episode of this utterly wretched trash since...uhm...the first 10 minutes of the first episode ever.

1. Most of the contestants had no talent, were humiliated, and should have been humiliated even worse, but are generally too stupid and or braindead to understand the concept of humiliation, let alone how it applies to them.

2. Those very few contestants who had any talent sang absolutely wretched songs that have no business occupying the cosmos with anyone who has any taste in music.

3. Paula Abdul demonstrated once again why she should be pan-fried. Alive. And kept alive long enough to suffer worse tortures.

4. Randy...Whatever The Hell His Last Name Is...was irrelevant, since most people apparently watch this crap because they like either Paula Abdul, Simon Cowell, or their niece/nephew/cousin/boyfriend/girlfriend (aka contestant number 1117), and Paula and Simon were too busy manifesting their unconsummated mutually repulsive lust for each other to let Randy get a word in edgewise.

5. Simon Cowell remained about the only reason for watching this Fox war crime.

6. Many contestants wept, which if done because of extreme humiliation, remained the only other reason for throwing away actual minutes of one's life on this show. If done because of extreme humiliation suffered because the contestant had no idea how untalented, demented, black, white, Asian, Hispanic, Russian, Pomeranian, gay, lesbian, transgendered, stupid, ugly, fat, and/or geeky they were, so much the better.

Now, be glad, friends, for I don't actually write summaries in your forum. This post is about 1 percent of 1 percent, by volume, of what I usually write for RTVW. And I am, as I know Dweezil didn't say behind my back because he knows I don't read this forum, somewhat demonic in nature (apparently--please don't tell my mother, I don't think she knows).

Now please return to your normal reading practices, and enjoy watching American Idol, a phenomenon for which every Fox executive ever should be taking a little trip to the hangman.

Edited to make the post more nice.

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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 RE: Episode Summaries Schnookie Palookie 02-28-05 1
 RE: Episode Summaries Tahj 02-28-05 2
 RE: Episode Summaries TechNoir 02-28-05 3
 RE: Episode Summaries Gothmog 02-28-05 4
 RE: Episode Summaries kathliam 02-28-05 5
 RE: Episode Summaries strid333 02-28-05 6
 RE: Episode Summaries Sheila 02-28-05 7
 WOO HOOOOO!!! Wheezy 03-01-05 8
   RE: WOO HOOOOO!!! TeamJoisey 03-01-05 9
   RE: WOO HOOOOO!!! TechNoir 03-01-05 10
       RE: WOO HOOOOO!!! Wheezy 03-01-05 13
 RE: Episode Summaries landruajm 03-01-05 11
 RE: Episode Summaries PhoenixMons 03-01-05 12
   RE: Episode Summaries landruajm 03-01-05 14
 RE: Episode Summaries txmomma26 03-01-05 15
   RE: Episode Summaries landruajm 03-01-05 16
       RE: Episode Summaries txmomma26 03-01-05 17
           RE: Episode Summaries landruajm 03-01-05 18

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Schnookie Palookie 16822 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

02-28-05, 04:12 PM (EST)
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1. "RE: Episode Summaries"
"Paula Abdul demonstrated once again why she should be pan-fried. Alive."

*SNORT* Can we add Randy to the pan and have a little stir-fry?

I'm visualizing that and I'm liking it LOL.

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Tahj 4136 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Jerry Springer Show Guest"

02-28-05, 04:53 PM (EST)
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2. "RE: Episode Summaries"
So this little diddy can serve as the summary for every episode to come. Just copy and paste and change the date. Works for me.


Moves courtesy of Syren

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TechNoir 9741 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

02-28-05, 06:28 PM (EST)
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3. "RE: Episode Summaries"

my good friend Dweezil (known to many of you, the considerably less special, as Devious Weasel)

His really good friends call him LL Cool D.


"Fear is just another word for ignorance." Hunter S. Thompson


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Gothmog 2885 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Howard Stern Show Guest"

02-28-05, 06:47 PM (EST)
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4. "RE: Episode Summaries"
I am so disappointed that you didn't provide a link to this pseudo-summary in all of the other forums. How am I supposed to fawn properly if you don't pimp yourself?


Honestly, if I didn't just stumble across this forum looking around for AK's Bar and Grill, I don't know if I'd even be aware of this post's existence.

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kathliam 3669 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Thong Contest Judge"

02-28-05, 07:13 PM (EST)
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5. "RE: Episode Summaries"
Landru, thank you for filling in for Dweezil. I admit I was surprised to reach the end so quickly, this being a Landru summary and all. You set the succinct meter for future summaries. Now get outa here, you're confusing the regulars.

Or, of course, we could just take over and mold them in our image.

We know and love you, but they just won't be able to understand the snarkiness that is Landru.

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strid333 2928 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Howard Stern Show Guest"

02-28-05, 09:07 PM (EST)
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6. "RE: Episode Summaries"
Ah, still the best.


Three is the perfect number.

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Sheila 2069 desperate attention whore postings
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02-28-05, 09:41 PM (EST)
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7. "RE: Episode Summaries"

Brak Brak Brak


And I mean every word of it.


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Wheezy 9153 desperate attention whore postings
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03-01-05, 00:17 AM (EST)
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8. "WOO HOOOOO!!!"

untalented, demented, black, white, Asian, Hispanic, Russian, Pomeranian, gay, lesbian, transgendered, stupid, ugly, fat, and/or geeky


Wheezy scores another Landru shout out! I win!

Wheeze
neener, a-neener

Wheeze * Everything In Between

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TeamJoisey 3556 desperate attention whore postings
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03-01-05, 00:38 AM (EST)
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9. "RE: WOO HOOOOO!!!"
That was you?



We all must do our part until the return of Jam Master Rodent.

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TechNoir 9741 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

03-01-05, 08:49 AM (EST)
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10. "RE: WOO HOOOOO!!!"
I always suspected you were a Pomeranian.

Btw, where's your bling?


"Fear is just another word for ignorance." Hunter S. Thompson


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Wheezy 9153 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

03-01-05, 10:32 AM (EST)
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13. "RE: WOO HOOOOO!!!"

It's the hair.

My bling was confiscated at the airport. Too gaudy. Very sad day.

Wheeze

Wheeze * Everything In Between

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landruajm 6040 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

03-01-05, 09:20 AM (EST)
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11. "RE: Episode Summaries"
Thank you, my devoted public. But let me caution those of you who are confused; this was not an actual summary; had this been an actual summary, you'd have never known it, because the universe would have imploded faster than you could have gotten here.

LL Cool D will be here with actual summary-y goodness in due course, with mega-apologies to his own devoted public and also, I am sure, to the Supreme Blue She-Hoo.

Now, please. Return to your homes on OT and other fine fora. There's nothing to see here, and I'm pretty sure we're all gonna get metaphysically punished for this somehow. It's wrong, man. It's just wrong.

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PhoenixMons 4696 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Stuff Magazine Centerfold"

03-01-05, 10:04 AM (EST)
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12. "RE: Episode Summaries"
how could u say that about these ppl? i'm contestant 1117's mother/aunt/sister/step-child/cousin/babydaddy/dog and they were really great and u don't have to be so mean and hurtful and call them names and call them braindead. i have a cousin who is braindead and that's really mean. what are you like the devil or something?



Got blog?
Awesome pre-summary, landru.

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landruajm 6040 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

03-01-05, 10:49 AM (EST)
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14. "RE: Episode Summaries"
*teasnort* on "babydaddy", and shame on me for forgetting to use it.

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txmomma26 5825 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

03-01-05, 11:56 AM (EST)
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15. "RE: Episode Summaries"
Edited to make the post more nice.

There's a first time for everything....Now, the AI forums will resemble that shroom cloud in a certain someone's future wife's siggie.


SigPic by Syren

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landruajm 6040 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

03-01-05, 12:16 PM (EST)
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16. "RE: Episode Summaries"
Oh, didn't you hear? She's already married. She was just scamming me for the money.

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txmomma26 5825 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

03-01-05, 12:31 PM (EST)
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17. "RE: Episode Summaries"
Polygamy is legal in Utah.


SigPic by Syren

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landruajm 6040 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

03-01-05, 12:35 PM (EST)
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18. "RE: Episode Summaries"
Neither of us lives in Utah. But I'll swing by and pick you up when I do.

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