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Forum: DCForumID44
Thread Number: 1217
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Original Message
"Episode Summaries"
Posted by landruajm on 02-28-05 at 03:59 PM
LAST EDITED ON 02-28-05 AT 04:12 PM (EST)

Ordinarily, I wouldn't be caught dead on this forum, and believe me, chances are you're really much better off that way. However, my good friend Dweezil (known to many of you, the considerably less special, as Devious Weasel) has asked me to let you know that his dog ate it. Or his kid brother threw it down the sewer. Or some such piffle.

The actual excuse he gave for his failure to meet the LGS (Landru Gold Standard) for summary posting time is that he's having trouble accessing the Internet from work. This is no small problem, because Dweezil's trailer park doesn't have Internet access, especially what with those tornadoes every afternoon.

I will attempt to give you some small sense of what's happened on AI so far, though, just to hold you over until Dweez is able to arrive, even though I haven't watched an episode of this utterly wretched trash since...uhm...the first 10 minutes of the first episode ever.

1. Most of the contestants had no talent, were humiliated, and should have been humiliated even worse, but are generally too stupid and or braindead to understand the concept of humiliation, let alone how it applies to them.

2. Those very few contestants who had any talent sang absolutely wretched songs that have no business occupying the cosmos with anyone who has any taste in music.

3. Paula Abdul demonstrated once again why she should be pan-fried. Alive. And kept alive long enough to suffer worse tortures.

4. Randy...Whatever The Hell His Last Name Is...was irrelevant, since most people apparently watch this crap because they like either Paula Abdul, Simon Cowell, or their niece/nephew/cousin/boyfriend/girlfriend (aka contestant number 1117), and Paula and Simon were too busy manifesting their unconsummated mutually repulsive lust for each other to let Randy get a word in edgewise.

5. Simon Cowell remained about the only reason for watching this Fox war crime.

6. Many contestants wept, which if done because of extreme humiliation, remained the only other reason for throwing away actual minutes of one's life on this show. If done because of extreme humiliation suffered because the contestant had no idea how untalented, demented, black, white, Asian, Hispanic, Russian, Pomeranian, gay, lesbian, transgendered, stupid, ugly, fat, and/or geeky they were, so much the better.

Now, be glad, friends, for I don't actually write summaries in your forum. This post is about 1 percent of 1 percent, by volume, of what I usually write for RTVW. And I am, as I know Dweezil didn't say behind my back because he knows I don't read this forum, somewhat demonic in nature (apparently--please don't tell my mother, I don't think she knows).

Now please return to your normal reading practices, and enjoy watching American Idol, a phenomenon for which every Fox executive ever should be taking a little trip to the hangman.

Edited to make the post more nice.

Table of contents
Messages in this discussion
"RE: Episode Summaries"
Posted by Schnookie Palookie on 02-28-05 at 04:12 PM
"Paula Abdul demonstrated once again why she should be pan-fried. Alive."

*SNORT* Can we add Randy to the pan and have a little stir-fry?

I'm visualizing that and I'm liking it LOL.

"RE: Episode Summaries"
Posted by Tahj on 02-28-05 at 04:53 PM
So this little diddy can serve as the summary for every episode to come. Just copy and paste and change the date. Works for me.


Moves courtesy of Syren

"RE: Episode Summaries"
Posted by TechNoir on 02-28-05 at 06:28 PM

my good friend Dweezil (known to many of you, the considerably less special, as Devious Weasel)

His really good friends call him LL Cool D.


"Fear is just another word for ignorance." Hunter S. Thompson


"RE: Episode Summaries"
Posted by Gothmog on 02-28-05 at 06:47 PM
I am so disappointed that you didn't provide a link to this pseudo-summary in all of the other forums. How am I supposed to fawn properly if you don't pimp yourself?


Honestly, if I didn't just stumble across this forum looking around for AK's Bar and Grill, I don't know if I'd even be aware of this post's existence.

"RE: Episode Summaries"
Posted by kathliam on 02-28-05 at 07:13 PM
Landru, thank you for filling in for Dweezil. I admit I was surprised to reach the end so quickly, this being a Landru summary and all. You set the succinct meter for future summaries. Now get outa here, you're confusing the regulars.

Or, of course, we could just take over and mold them in our image.

We know and love you, but they just won't be able to understand the snarkiness that is Landru.

"RE: Episode Summaries"
Posted by strid333 on 02-28-05 at 09:07 PM
Ah, still the best.


Three is the perfect number.

"RE: Episode Summaries"
Posted by Sheila on 02-28-05 at 09:41 PM

Brak Brak Brak


And I mean every word of it.


"WOO HOOOOO!!!"
Posted by Wheezy on 03-01-05 at 00:17 AM

untalented, demented, black, white, Asian, Hispanic, Russian, Pomeranian, gay, lesbian, transgendered, stupid, ugly, fat, and/or geeky


Wheezy scores another Landru shout out! I win!

Wheeze
neener, a-neener

Wheeze * Everything In Between

"RE: WOO HOOOOO!!!"
Posted by TeamJoisey on 03-01-05 at 00:38 AM
That was you?



We all must do our part until the return of Jam Master Rodent.

"RE: WOO HOOOOO!!!"
Posted by TechNoir on 03-01-05 at 08:49 AM
I always suspected you were a Pomeranian.

Btw, where's your bling?


"Fear is just another word for ignorance." Hunter S. Thompson


"RE: WOO HOOOOO!!!"
Posted by Wheezy on 03-01-05 at 10:32 AM

It's the hair.

My bling was confiscated at the airport. Too gaudy. Very sad day.

Wheeze

Wheeze * Everything In Between

"RE: Episode Summaries"
Posted by landruajm on 03-01-05 at 09:20 AM
Thank you, my devoted public. But let me caution those of you who are confused; this was not an actual summary; had this been an actual summary, you'd have never known it, because the universe would have imploded faster than you could have gotten here.

LL Cool D will be here with actual summary-y goodness in due course, with mega-apologies to his own devoted public and also, I am sure, to the Supreme Blue She-Hoo.

Now, please. Return to your homes on OT and other fine fora. There's nothing to see here, and I'm pretty sure we're all gonna get metaphysically punished for this somehow. It's wrong, man. It's just wrong.

"RE: Episode Summaries"
Posted by PhoenixMons on 03-01-05 at 10:04 AM
how could u say that about these ppl? i'm contestant 1117's mother/aunt/sister/step-child/cousin/babydaddy/dog and they were really great and u don't have to be so mean and hurtful and call them names and call them braindead. i have a cousin who is braindead and that's really mean. what are you like the devil or something?



Got blog?
Awesome pre-summary, landru.

"RE: Episode Summaries"
Posted by landruajm on 03-01-05 at 10:49 AM
*teasnort* on "babydaddy", and shame on me for forgetting to use it.

"RE: Episode Summaries"
Posted by txmomma26 on 03-01-05 at 11:56 AM
Edited to make the post more nice.

There's a first time for everything....Now, the AI forums will resemble that shroom cloud in a certain someone's future wife's siggie.


SigPic by Syren

"RE: Episode Summaries"
Posted by landruajm on 03-01-05 at 12:16 PM
Oh, didn't you hear? She's already married. She was just scamming me for the money.

"RE: Episode Summaries"
Posted by txmomma26 on 03-01-05 at 12:31 PM
Polygamy is legal in Utah.


SigPic by Syren

"RE: Episode Summaries"
Posted by landruajm on 03-01-05 at 12:35 PM
Neither of us lives in Utah. But I'll swing by and pick you up when I do.