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PLEASE NOTE: The Reality TV World Message Boards are filled with desperate
attention-seekers pretending to be one big happy PG/PG13-rated family. Don't
be fooled. Trying to get everyone to agree with you is like herding cats,
but intolerance for other viewpoints is NOT welcome and respect for other
posters IS required at all times. Jump in and play, and you'll soon find out
how easy it is to fit in, but save your drama for your mama. All members are
encouraged to read the
complete guidelines.
As entertainment critic Roger
Ebert once said, "If you disagree with something I write, tell me so, argue
with me, correct me--but don't tell me to shut up. That's not the American way."
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"Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
tribephyl 9688 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-01-07, 04:13 AM (EST)
 
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"Be The... Pirate Master 1.1" |
*ding*ding*
Ahoy you ... you ... you . p p p ppp p i pi pire... I just can't.
Okay big breath.
Ahoy you ... enthusiastic yet sad bunch of DAWS! Let's get this adventure started!Off you go, into a boat, no cars, no internet, no luxuries. (But I do have some eyeliner for everyone.) Toss in a couple of prop skeletons and a bucket of maggots and away we go. Welcome to Dominica. A pirates paradise. Like my chest?
The chest of Zanzibar is nice too, eh? After splitting you up into tribes teams you got to search for actual gold pieces, during the reward challenge first treasure hunt.
It would seem the red team is better... No wait. It would seem that John is better then everyone else. What exactly does a scientist/erotic dancer bring to the table that others do not? Muscle? Brains? Whispers? A Compass? Back in the real world...
Good goin' on the promotion JD...er Cap'n JoeDon. You're off to a rousing start. And with 20,000 in your pocket and a chip on your shoulder, I'm already doubting your ability to hold onto the job for long. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Oh and nice job on the cushy side positions there Ben and Cheryl.
Shant be too unlivable eating a bigger share of the captians crumbs, ay? What'd you all think of Pirates Court? A big shout-out to whoever did the lighting.
Perfect.
It was subtle but really showed off my shimmering lead head perfectly. Sorry about the black mark/scare there Joy and Rupert...uh sorry. Joy and Louie. Black marks are ugly, but not always fatal.
As MB can surely attest to, we don't want to lose either of you just yet. So here's some dramamine for Joy and some positive editing for Rup...er Louie. *I gotta stop doing that.* Okay everybody gather round, it's now time to give the old HeaveHo to John Geekdancer.
And what a moroni...heroic gesture to try and mutiny on the first night. hahaha. Uh sorry John. Mounting a mutiny isn't a solo job.
Cap'n JoeDon? Would you take the honor of slicing through the rope and setting the esoteric romancer adrift? The ship is sailing on without you, John. Alas, I hardly miss ye'. 
You can call me Daddo.
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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-01-07, 07:35 AM (EST)
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2. "The executive producer speaks." |
It's like this. I was getting really tired of waiting for a Survivor to drown. I deliberately cast people who can't swim, can't think, can't move, I'm sure at least two of them couldn't breathe -- and what do I get? Only a handful of injuries and no fatalities. The televisions gods hate me, because they know I'm taking over the whole pantheon as soon as I get up there. So it's time for another patented Mark Burnett completely original idea. Let's see. We'll take the voting system from my own show and distort it a little. Next up, I'll just grab the Head of Household aspect from the Chenbot -- it's not as if she's ever known what to do with it, the idiot won't even notice it's gone -- and make it even more of a revenge-bringer by turning it into something long-term that protects the power-flushed idiot's closest allies. Might as well throw in this Coup D'Tat thing or however I'll convince the country it's spelled, get TAR's clue styles because I still owe them so much revenge myself, the tortured setup, prize style, and robotic host from the Lairdbot because I walked in on the artificial non-intelligences while they were trying to mate, and -- throw them all on a pirate ship! It's completely original! Besides, it's not as if any of them have the money to sue me. Yes -- yes, that's it. A little minimal training in sailing techniques, just enough that they'll believe it's real, and someone will get their fingers snapped off in a rope loop, or fall from the rigging, or just outright drown. And then the ratings will come. Oh yes. They will come. Something for the winner? All right. They could get up to a million dollars. Not an actual million dollars. Just 'up to'. This time, I'll split the proceeds as we go, and we'll get all sorts of opportunities for bribing, stealing, and spending. Especially stealing. By me. And spending. By them. Four thousand dollars for a bag of Doritos. Opening the bidding floor... Time to cast this thing. Egos? Check. Idiots? Check. Stereotypes? Check. Rupert wanna-be? Check. Attempt to prove that all strippers are morons? Che -- oops. How did that one get through? He's beating my challenge! He's making my sets look stupid! He even spotted the Disney logo under the skulls, and they have enough money to sue me! This is the worst casting disaster since -- well, we don't talk about that. We just don't. Or you're fired. Got to get rid of him... good thing we were casting for egos first: his is already rubbing people the wrong way... All right, I can solve this. Just pull a few strings to make his biggest rival the captain, which guarantees he'll be in the first trio to get black-spotted, then watch the social niceties fly past his complete incomprehension of 'personal space'. Check. Check. Chec -- -- he did what with the compasses? And they voted him off anyway? Brilliant! Now we can show the other idiots stumbling around in the jungle for days without finding anything! I'll get to keep all of the prize budget for myself! It's not like I wasn't going to get it back anyway, but now I don't even have to manipulate for it! I can just send the future corpses sailing around and around the perimeter of the same island for no money, plus every time they want to move in a new direction, I can use that 'thirty minutes later' banner and show off the ship again! Yes, let's get some more shots of the ship -- and still more shots of the ship -- it's my editing: we're showing off the ship. Nothing else is as important. What do you mean, no one knows who these people are? No one cares who these people are. I certainly don't. Look. It's like this. I can always get more future bodies from the casting department. The ship has to go back at the end of the month. 
As long as the ratings don't make it a three-hour tour...
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qwertypie 9721 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-03-07, 09:57 AM (EST)
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65. "RE: Oh Admiral..." |
(Well, Bunny and Ra seems to be doing very well with your On the Lot series. Just saying)
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qwertypie 9721 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-03-07, 10:20 PM (EST)
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69. "RE: Oh sure..." |
Well, considering On th Lot is doing so poorly at the ratings that FOX is cutting back to one ep per week, I thought maybe you and Ra were focussing your energies to the Pirate Master Forum on the left and missed by a hair.
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jbug 16685 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-01-07, 04:26 PM (EST)
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46. "RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1" |
I called dibs first and I'll fight for what's mine!
Go ahead, warm his bed - BEFORE he gets in it with me! 
With that head bouncing around, you'll get your share of seasickness - just hang around with Joy & enjoy!
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Snidget 43862 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-01-07, 09:13 AM (EST)
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7. "RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1" |
LAST EDITED ON 06-01-07 AT 09:15 AM (EST)Got my list, lets see. Eyeliner, check
Hair do dads, check. Oh.My.Heck. This is just going to be the best.job.evah. Gold coins, check (do you think they'd notice if a few of these went missing, I could make like the cutest jewlery out of these) Scarves Red and Black, check.
Cool stuff for the Captain's Quarters and Captain, check. What's this????
Crabs, how many crabs, and I gotta pick 'em up and put 'em in where? Ick. How many of these fake plastic skeletons do I have to scratch the "I stole this from Disneyworld" do I have to fix up? Maggots!!!! MAGGOTS!!!! stuffed into WHAT??? *faints* Prop Department Intern
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vince3 17341 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-01-07, 09:30 AM (EST)
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8. "CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE!" |
*stomp stomp stomp*Avast ye scurvy dogs, get to your chores and no talk of Mutiny or I'll keelhaul ya just like Johnny (Depp) that's over there on the adrift wood! Compass? We don't need no stinking compass? We sail by the stars at night and by the sun at day! Who cares if we passed that island 4 times today, I'm the captain, not a navigator! It's not my fault you kept the Rupert wannabe over the exoctic dancer who stole the compasses lying around........ Like my cabin? Because you're only gonna see it by invitation only! Arrgh. 
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vince3 17341 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-01-07, 02:58 PM (EST)
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33. "RE: CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE!" |
LAST EDITED ON 06-01-07 AT 03:41 PM (EST)Ahem! *points to John's adriftness* and THAT was a unamious vote, Rupert Louie, if they really thought about it, (and maybe you also make a plea for it), they'd maybe sent somebody else adrift. Including *gulp* me! Apparently he who complains, gets set adrift, so watch your own back, mate!
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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-04-07, 11:38 AM (EST)
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77. "RE: CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE!" |
...not again! Let's make something perfectly clear here, non-people. Are you listening? I. Don't. Do. Parrots. Not after -- we're not going to talk about that. But no more parrots. I am at my parrot limit. Once was more than enough and after what Jeff kept doing ---- this one's red? You're sure? All right, I suppose that's vaguely different. It can stay for now, at least until more evidence arises or someone graduates from the Clarence School Of Cookery. But I don't want to see it anywhere near me, I'm definitely not paying it, and I will make sure it gets abused at every possible opporunity. So basically, it's now an extra contestant. Add one more letter to the black spot pile.
For some strange reason, I just got tired of being called an ignorant slut.
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emydi 13669 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-01-07, 10:01 AM (EST)
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10. "RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1" |
Oh and nice job on the cushy side positions there Ben and Cheryl.
Shant be too unlivable eating a bigger share of the captians crumbs, ay?I eat no man's crumbs...but I do get to write in the book with a big feather pen and I get this cool coat...and I know where JD keeps the loot Poop deck-I swab no man's deck...that's what I have Louie for....
I need a new saying..."I swab no man's deck"
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agman 11158 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-01-07, 06:18 PM (EST)
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52. "RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1" |
]Now, where did I hide
>Rupert?
Me be wishin Rupert was here. He be a right good bucaneer
Keelhauled by tribe
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KObrien_fan 8360 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-01-07, 10:39 AM (EST)
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15. "Somewhere Under the Radar" |
LAST EDITED ON 06-01-07 AT 10:40 AM (EST)Batting her eyelashes and splashing water on her big fake oobies, we hear a gleeful little ballad from the foredeck: Somewhere under the radar
Way down low
There's the place that I hope for
Its my spot on this show Somewhere under the radar
Coins are gold
And the treasures that I speak of
Will be mine at last to hold Some day I'll rise upon the deck
And shout to all the hired hands "lets mutiny"
Where men will melt like lemondrops
When my two lips on their "mast" stops
That's where you'll find me Somewhere under the radar
Way down low
Others fly under the radar
Why then, oh why can't I? Some day I'll be a rising star
And the emptiness in my hands is far behind me
Where men will melt like lemondrops
When my two lips on their "mast" stops
That's where you'll find me Somewhere under the radar
Way down low
There's the place that I hope for
Its my spot on this show If other little DAWS can fly
Beneath the radar
Why, oh why can't I?
One day my mateys you will find out that I am more than just eye candy, and then far you it will be too late! Consider yourself warned!
 
But seriously, my oobies stole the show, did you see them? How could you miss them. They are soft, lucious, and oh so sweet. Come here my Cap'n and I shall let you drink my wine...
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dreamerbeliever 3377 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"
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06-01-07, 04:38 PM (EST)
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47. "RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1" |
LAST EDITED ON 06-01-07 AT 05:58 PM (EST)Player hatin’ Dadeo? Just cause your C list acting career didn’t take off, don’t be jealous. Maybe if you took acting and voice lessons, you could have become as popular as your hero Russell Crowe. Instead, you’re a host of a summertime reality series, so sad really. After last night’s premier, this is clearly my ship and my adventure. The rest of you scurvy dogs should just set yourself adrift now. I had more interviews (thank you Mr. Burnett, love ya), my loud booming laugh and voice could be heard in almost every scene, the wench's dig me, and the viewers love me most. And do you know why? Cause I am the only true pirate, for I am Louie! 
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piratepolly 27 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Beauty Pageant Celebrity Judge"
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06-07-07, 08:11 AM (EST)
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94. "Louie wanna be pirate?" |
LAST EDITED ON 06-07-07 AT 08:14 AM (EST)AAWWWK! AWWWWK! Polly tell joke!
A man went into the pet shop. "I am playing Long John Silver in the local amateur dramatic society's Treasure Island and need a parrot to sit on my shoulder," he said.
"I don't have any parrots at the moment, but you wouldn't want a real parrot for that. It would squawk in all the wrong places, poop on your shoulder and generally be a nuisance. What you need is a stuffed parrot. Just as realistic and easily controlled." "Are you sure a stuffed parrot would be OK?" asked the customer. "I want this performance to be as realistic as possible." "I am sure a stuffed parrot would be fine," said the pet shop owner. "I have one at home. I'll bring it in and if you come back on Thursday you can have it." "Sorry," said the customer. "I can't make it on Thursday. That's the day I'm having my leg cut off."
AAWWWKK?! Polly not a nuisance!
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jbug 16685 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-02-07, 09:18 PM (EST)
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61. "RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1" |
Mimes? *I* could do the make up!
Honored by Tribe
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agman 11158 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-05-07, 03:00 PM (EST)
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90. "RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1" |
LAST EDITED ON 06-05-07 AT 03:01 PM (EST)aye DB, thars the reason I still be here. Fer I be the biggest star around! No son of a barnacle pirate be as pretty as me! Arrrgh them be me words matey!
Keelhauled by tribe
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Bravehart 264 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"
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06-07-07, 02:53 AM (EST)
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93. "RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1" |
Avast Mates!I's been busy wi da kin (me son and a daughter a few weeks apart) tyin da knots and all....till July 10th of this year of our riches. Please forgive this Capn of some time. De Black Spot has been thrown to John, a good mate ah bye, be ye safe from Davey! As fer the rest o' this miserable lot....I's be de only mate who's knows how ta run dis ship! I've be sellin on da land and knows how to parts a mate from 'is dubloons! Dey all be mine in da end! Dat hornswaggler/mutineer Louie is a picaroon fer sure! Ben is sure footed fer Jabob's ladder to be known! Christian was slag. May we overthrow da rich JD fer da Capn wi da locks! Arrr be darr me matees! 
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piratepolly 27 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Beauty Pageant Celebrity Judge"
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06-07-07, 12:26 PM (EST)
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96. "RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1" |
LAST EDITED ON 06-07-07 AT 12:36 PM (EST)LAST EDITED ON 06-07-07 AT 12:26 PM (EST) Look at his shoes! Look at his shoes! AWWKKKK!
Polly not a race traitor! Polly never think about seagulls! Never think about their thin elegant beaks! Never think about their delicate white and gray feathers, their rounded knee knobs! Never think about their cheerful call, their unbridled passion for white bread crusts! Never!
Polly need a cold shower...
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sporkman 239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Network TV Show Guest Star"
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06-07-07, 01:39 PM (EST)
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98. "RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1" |
Ye can't give me the black spot if ye can't find me!
***Hides under the Captain's bed***
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vince3 17341 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-07-07, 01:54 PM (EST)
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99. "RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1" |
LAST EDITED ON 06-07-07 AT 04:16 PM (EST)Dude, something to consider: We're about to go on the second treasure hunt. If they have us draw for colors again and you end up on the losing side? You're guaranteed to not be an officer anymore! I don't know what they're gonna do about the extra person on the boat, are they gonna have uneven teams? Have the captain, me, sit out? Someone draws the sit out marble? And then, the winning team. Do they decide a new captain who chooses new officers? I'm still captain, but they choose new officers? I dunno. I dunno. Amazing what you find in the captain's cabin for reading material, isn't there? I've so far found Rudy B.'s "I dunno" book and Rupert's "How to be America's Sweetheart". I think I saw something about "Snakes and Rats" by a Sue H. and something about "How to pay taxes on winnings" by a Richard H........ Hmm. Maybe they got "How to teach an elephant to climb trees" or something like that by Yul......
pay taces? Oy.
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agman 11158 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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06-07-07, 04:29 PM (EST)
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102. "RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1" |
>Arr I didn't know the captain
>could read, maybe there were
>pretty pictures to look at. Arrrggghhh, captain can't read matey. That be the reason the barnacle brain has books with pictures in em. arrrrrgggghhh 
Keelhauled by tribe
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p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
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p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
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