1. Your Rachel is a delicate instrument. It should never be exposed to any of the following:
B. Constant camera coverage.
D. Julie Chen.
Should your Rachel find itself in the presence of any to all of the above, your warranty will automatically be voided.
2. Your Rachel may not be returned for a full refund of your time. You may attempt to exchange it, although many areas will refuse to take your business after having possessed a Rachel. Substitutions are available, but not necessarily advisable. You are limited to the Rachel we have in stock.
3. We promise to never upgrade your Rachel's emotional components beyond their starting levels.
3a. Your Rachel may attempt other alterations on itself, generally when you're not looking.
4. Your Rachel requires regular maintenance. We recommend every quarter-hour on the quarter-hour, although more frequent attention will only improve the short-term performance of your Rachel. (Expect at least five seconds of bonus operating time for every three weeks of fine-tuning.)
5. Your Rachel works best while plugged into the Vegas charger. Do not remove under penalty of law.
6. You may notice heavy amounts of leakage around the optic units. This is not a bug. This is a feature. Do not attempt to plug the flow or your Rachel will be subject to additional stress, not to mention subjecting the user to additional stress.
7. Do not allow anyone to come between your Rachel and the operator.
7a. Seriously. Don't.