OK, you schlubs, this sucker starts in 19 days, and these are the pairings and my opinions thereof:
Rumer Willis and Val Chmerkovsky-Yeah, this is Bruce Willis & Demi Moore's daughter, and she's in the acting racket like they are. I doubt anybody with that big a name is elimination fodder, but other than that I have no clue how good she might be.
Robert Herjavec and Kym Johnson-The "nice" shark on Shark Tank. I doubt they'd bring back one of their most loved pros just to stick her with a loser, but my gut says this guy's not gonna win.
Patti LaBelle and Artem Chigvintsev-Too old to win. Period.
Noah Galloway and Sharna Burgess-This guy is a motivational speaker, personal trainer, war hero and double amputee. They don't put guys like this on there as voteoff fodder, but having 2 amputations on the same side will be too much to overcome.
Chris Soules and Witney Carson-Not officially announced yet, but he's on there. Probably a midway elimination.
Suzanne Somers-In great shape for an old woman, but she's still an old woman. Too old to win.
Michael Sam and Peta Murgatroyd-The gay football player, paired with a pro who has won with a football player. He might win.
Redfoo and Emma Slater-This guy was a guest judge a few seasons back. My gut says that won't give him much of an advantage.
Riker Lynch and Allison Holker-Another guy from the singing and acting business who is a second cousin to the Houghs. He might be pretty good.
Willow Shields and Mark Ballas-She plays Primrose Everdeen in the Hunger Games movies. 14 years old, the youngest DWTS competitor ever. They do not give Mark Ballas partners that suck, and he knows how to handle young partners. Probable finalist.
Charlotte McKinney and Keo Motsepe-Actress best known for a Super Bowl commercial. They won't ax Keo first 2 seasons in a row, but I have no idea if this girl is any good.
Nastia Liukin and Derek Hough-They were fibbing to us, Derek IS back. She goes to NYU, so this was just too easy to put together with him working Broadway. She won a boatload of gold medals in gymnastics and is a beautiful girl. Hand it over, Tom. Derek gets number 6.